lost and found

stuff i found out (abt myself) on losing and getting lost...

some things are meant to be lost.
try as you might to keep them,
if it's not yours to keep or own,
then it's bound to be gone.

i hate losing!!!

but i just have to move on and learn the lesson that nothing really is for keeps.
therefore there is no use being attached to things,
only to be shattered after.

damn! i hate losing!!!

come to think of it, those who get left behind also end up being lost :(

there is this sinking feeling.
to grasp on that which is no longer there.
familiarity is a killer.
it will force you to long for that which you lost even though your mind knows that it is gone. and it is futile.

familiarity truly breeds contempt (okay, i'm twisting the meaning, but i don't fuckin' care!)
i hate familiarity!

it is this same familiarity that is essential so as not to be lost.
**which i already stated can't be controlled**

if you're so used to something and you know it in and out, then the chance of getting lost is slim.

atleast that's what others say.
w/c i don't necessarily have to believe on.

but i realized :
a. there's no shortcut to the right path. oftentimes, you really have to get lost in order to find the right way.
a.1. the road to enlightenment is under construction.

b. and only when you lose something do you find out that you can live without them.

my sob the stories:
1. the thing is, i lost my stylus (the second one) today :(
friday, i lost my first stylus, but found it also after a few hours. then saturday, i lost it again and didn't find it anymore. waaaah!
so i have a spare, but lost it after the 3rd day of use.

2. i'm furious that i got lost today by my dimwit cab driver who prolly did it intentionally to squeeze more money from me. he missed one turn which caused us to be sooo out of the way. you know how the one ways work in makati.

to the driver, i have 3 words for you:
go to hell!!!


an exclusive party

i am organizing an exclusive party for a balikbayan friend.

so here's my guideline on this exclusive party:

1. strictly all girls, anything that is biologically male is prohibited. i guess even transexuals too.

2. when you say party, this means, booze, or anything that has the same effect. read: alcoholic drinks.
the rise of the amats is directly proportional to the rise of the libido.

3. smoking ofcourse is optional (be it pot or otherwise). this an added excuse to do crazier stuff ;)

4. danceable, sexy, sing-able contemporary music. this is the foreplay.

5. this can be a meet our friends' friends or meet my ex-turned friend or meet my gf's ex-turned friend-turned my gf now. the lez links are so intertwined they'd resemble the pubes.

6. you should have the right mix of the beautiful/desirable, the aggressive, the entertainer, the intellectuals, the dumb/the newbies and the oc's.

7. have a few games that will involve everyone, preferrably with skin touching, like spin the bottle/truth or kiss (the opposing womyn on each end of the bottle shd kiss), body shots or strip poker (ok, that didn't have touching, but then what's next w/ the watching is up to how game you are)

8. you can rent a room depending on the size of the group or reserve a table in a bar. the more privacy, the better.

9. i hope everybody dresses up for this party. it can be themed or not.

10. if you bring couples in exclusive parties, they will create a subset of exclusivity, meaning they're exclusive to each other only. korni!!! this creates imbalance somehow. so partners are not encouraged.

that's all i've thought of so far for this sat's parteh :)

any other ideas??


words with no wisdom

i dunno where wisdom is, bec if i have any ounce of it, i would have left my company now!
but then miracle of all miracles, i'm still working my ass off for this company.
and im hating each day that im here. moreso everytime i need to meet with bleep! bleep!
my only consolation if you can call it that is seeing the enthusiastic people who still has this thing called 'hope' in them.

i didnt realize that my patience and tolerance can be stretched this far.
frighteningly amazing!

i miss my old self. when i don't give a damn, and i spit my mind to whoever at anytime.
when i'm challenged yet motivated.
nowadays, im just tired. challenged, sure. motivated, na-ah :c

in my twisted mind, i just wish that i get fired, to make things easy.
sigh. why is leaving never easy?
why is giving up so hard to do?
i've been mercilessly kicked on all sides, in and out.
and yet i remain.
that's the reality of my professional shit.
i remain.
no movement up, no progress. no change.
but a continuing decadence that will soon kill the life out of me :(

in my own little way, i try to fight this nega feeling.
how? i dress up! :D

during my tan days, i showed a lot of skin. backless, sleeveless.
less is the theme! ;)

now that my tan has faded (or should i say, molting season has ended), im soon returning to my old skin.
**that doesnt sound right. i just shed off skin, so how can it be 'old' skin? new skin? hehe. nangungulit lang :p*

old skin, old ways.
i went back to statement shirts, jeans and sandals/slippers.
but since i've been feeling crappy, i decided to do, operation: beautify! :D hehe.
i'm sporting the biker chick look, donned in my fab red biker jacket w/ tanktops underneath ;)
i also accessorize more now like colorful beads, black leather wristbands, native necklaces, the works.

my waves of curls has grown so long, halfway on my back. i just let them be.
my nails are in royal blue for a week now :) while my ankle has 3 braided anklets from my out of town trips.
and i wear 3 different scents :)

once in a while, i wanna surprise myself.
on a rainy day like last friday, i ate ice cream! it's just me going nuts i guess :)

ok, i've digressed again. for a moment there, i've forgotten how shitty i'm feeling :)

so why is leaving never easy? why is giving up so hard?
**words with no wisdon ahead**
because you just don't want to.
you say you do, you feel like doing it.
but what you're feeling is not enough for you to materialize them into action.
meaning, you're just full of blah! and too coward or lazy to do what u want.
**my old self reprimanding my now self**

that's my take on that. not only on leaving but to all the rest of the verb words you wanna do, but can't/won't.


dissecting DARNA!!!

Dahil ang tagal kong nawala, here's a socially relevant entry na i hope makakapagpalimot sa inyo sa malungkot na sinapit ni pope :)

**ano ang relate ni pope & darna?? note the semblance in pope's and darna's costume, same color scheme, may meaning yun!! lol! (deranged talaga ako)**

okay, i don't think i've ever been interested with local tv than when angel locsin became darna.
but then, who wouldn't??

D is for drama!
look at that face! okay, and body too (as if it can be helped).
don't you just want to hug her and console her and love her and protect her from the harshness of life?

D is for divine!
she flies, saves people's lives, she has a pure heart underneath her costume, what more can assure her of heavenly status? a real angel, sigh...

D is for delicious!
i mean, just look at that sight ^ hmmm... yummeeh!
kanin na lang ang kulang, busog ka na!
parang ang sarap nya halikan sa... buong katawan!

D is for dreams, of darna and me...in da dark doing bleep! bleep! stuff ;)


nakasabay ko na syang manood ng sine sa greenbelt, kahilera ko ng upuan.
pro nde ko maalala pinanood ko non, basta alam ko, nakaputing sexy outfit sha nun! wehehe.

nakita ko na rin sha ng malapitan sa mall (nung Click days pa nya). kasama nya alalay nya nun.

kapuso/n talaga ako! ;)