Wanted: All!

I want to watch (500) days of summer, but gf can't yet because she has to baby sit with her older sister.

I'm not apologetic for the fact that I don't dig this. Why a kid and two college students need two adult baby sitters is beyond me. I've always been independent and my family's mostly independent except for money.

Another concern is why am I upset? If I want to watch a movie so bad, why can't I just watch it alone? I used to do things single-handed, but the couple status made it convenient to do things together. And had to consider the other on things, ideally because you'd want to share things with the other.

Which presupposes the other, the want to watch the movie or the want to share the watching of the movie?

I'm not really idealistic, so I'd say the personal want came first and because you know it will be personally good, then you'd want to share it with your gf. The couple thing blurs the line between the self and the couple.

Or maybe, it is not watching the movie that is what I really want but to be with gf which predisposes the desire to watch the movie.

Now I think I'm upset because I want it all - watch a movie I like with the person I like. Never mind which is the primary want, I just want it to happen as complete as I want it.

And don’t give me that crap that we can't have it all. Whoever said we can't have it all? I think we all deserve the best, the perfect things. And so what if we're imperfect? I still want the best, everything. We all deserve that. The one who said we can’t have it all probably didn’t get what s/he wants that's why s/he's limiting everybody else on what we can have or be. Well, not me.

helloween!

I'm sneaking up some personal time (to blog) amid the flurry of family activities for the all souls day.

This is the second day where I slept more than seven hours. I usually sleep 6-7hrs only on weekdays because I have long commuting hours. Yesterday, I woke up very late in the hope to catch up on sleep. However, by the time I woke up, I have this pounding headache. All the things I would love to do with my free time, like finishing up on The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand, going online, watching 500 Days of Summer, window shopping, I couldn’t do, not without strain. My head hurts more when I do a lot of physical movement or when I strain my eyes. So I just did something out of character and had a chit chat with the family. It was mild and not as painful as I imagined so long as we stick to the trivial stuff like showbiz, neighborhood gossip and what to cook for dinner.

Late afternoon, gf called to ask me out. We were supposed to catch a movie and try some gastronomic adventure but then we saw in a tv ad that our good friend Professional Heckler is a contestant on that night's Who Wants to be a Millionaire show. Wow! We won't miss that for the world even if Professional Heckler told us not to watch. Hehe.

We already know the outcome because he shared to us his experience of it weeks ago, but nothing beats seeing it live. :-) Unfortunately, his exposure was just 30min (with commercials), which means, we can still go out. Yey! We ditched the movie and just bought shoes and ate at Café Bola in Araneta Center. Gf had a surprise for me and handed me this enchanting gift.



I kissed her right there and then :-) We had it turned on while we eat our very healthy dinner of salad, pasta and fruit drinks.








It was a mellow date. Light, easy, sweet and right. The only thing to make it perfect was going home together. But we had to part ways as we go to each other's homes. We just texted each other to sleep. :-)

sizzling!

ugh!

I just realized i shouldn't be contented.
Because it can lead to complacency and stagnation.
When you've been so used to seeing, eating crap,
crap becomes acceptable, tolerable.
The years will just speed by.
And when we're too old to change things, we ponder,
how did we end up being exactly where we were years ago?
Fat, old, good for nothing.
The startling realization will make you puke,
because it was by eating the same crap
one day at a time.

exsqueeze me

found a few of my old drafts -

After our major fight, when I learned to take after myself, I started going out with friends, and making new friends. This is good, I said to my self. I'm seeing other people other than her. I'm establishing relationships again. And I am actually having fun with friends, and my self. :) it's been a long while since I felt this… this feeling of community.

I get to hear other people's stories.

I used to be a people person. I forgot when I stopped being one. Last I checked, I'm a work person, who's good at delivering results and completing projects. The long and short of it, I'm a workaholic. I've been yakking abt how unhappy I am with my work and that it severed my social life. But the truth is, I thrive at work. And I often choose work over people. I got bored with people. They don't excite me. I don't blend with them. They are complicated. I don't dig them or I don't want to … get involved.

But then suddenly your world crushes. And the only 'people' in your world don’t want to see you anymore and don’t want to be with you.

And then you look for people. Because dammit, misery loves company.

And I don’t have people.

Because I'm not a people person anymore :( I've turned workaholic.

But my misery doesn’t want work as company (pun not intended).

It wants people as company.

Misery wants or needs the complex stuff.

And being broken, shattered and devastated me, I looked for people.

I need company. Not the work company which I thought was all I'll need, but the company that bores me, that doesn’t excite me, company that's complicated.

I think non-workaholic (normal) people call it friends.

talking tongues

if it won't rain tonight, i'll go to this par-teh! :)

Today is a good day to die

today is a good day to die.
have slept well,
kissed my partner sweet dreams
and said I love you to my family.

today is a good day to die.
have completed my work tasks.
submitted my reports
and said good night to my team.

today is a good day to die.
have buried the hatchet
kept memories for posterity
and said goodbye to my past.

today is a good day to die.
have made amends
dismissed my worries
and left everything to God.

today is saturday, my last.
i have enjoyed the wild ride
cried, laughed, cursed, loved.
thank you all for giving me a blast.

loving and counting

Stop talking about love.
Every asshole in the world says he loves somebody.
It means nothing.
It still doesn't mean anything.
What you feel only matters to you.
It's what you do to the people you say you love, that's what matters.
It's the only thing that counts.


--------------------------------

got the above as an early morning text from my friend's gf. :)

"i love you" these days is an overused commodity that one should not be quick to believe in to, specially to its deeper, supposed to be lasting connotation of forever. it's not that the person who said it is insincere, it's just that many of us can be fickle minded. one minute i love you, the next, i love another, in the same breath as i did the prior. OR it can be that we don't bother with distinctions, the varying depths of love. it's the familiar throb of love that matters. because too many things happening (or with too many choices), we easily give in to first impressions and are enslaved with sensations. only to probably realize when we're older, wiser, and have professed love to god knows how many, that we have loved person #1 the most, the deepest. but s/he's now with another.

---------
trivia: the womyn embracing Zach in the poster is Jacinda Barrett, the same womyn (Rebecca) who kissed Bridget in the film "Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason".

the g2g encounter (bridget and rebecca)


jacinda barrett (aka rebecca)

brace yourself

[just click the image so you can read what's written on the bracelet]

an interesting find while malling with gf. gf bought a necklace with a sun design inscribed with "seize the day". will post it next time.

Free Exclusive Par-teh! :)

Feeling Cheeky this Saturday?... if so, head down to the most awaited Party filled with Sexy House and Cheeky Tunes

August 22, 2009 (Sat.), 9pm @

CENTRO de REPUBLICA, Timog Avenue, Q.C. ( infront of City Lifestyle)

This Party is EXCLUSIVELY for WOMEN!!!!

Hosted by: FEMMELITE, GIRLS NYT OUT, SALT and PLANET OUT!



NO COVER CHARGE

...AND MORE FREEBIES!


With Guest bands: FATT and TETAS

Brought to you by: JOSE CUERVO TEQUILA, COORS LIGHT BEER, GILBEY'S PREMIUM and JAGERMEISTER.

For more info/sms: 09165925971, 09228761010, 09188984253 & 09175357045

for all the lezzies and others

i was supposed to post a different melodramatic angsty entry, BUT be thankful that i won't do that anymore. instead, i'll open your eyes to the wonderful world of the funniest lesbian i've known *thunderous drumroll please* -

meet Lizzy the Lezzy!




for those womyn falling in love with her already, sorry to disappoint you ladies, but Lizzy the Lezzy is a stand-up comedienne video animation only. how we wish she's real right? who can speak the tongue of the lesbians in a tune that's unapologetic (read: proud) and entertaining.

if only lgbt rallies are as light and fun like those narrated/sang by Lizzy. there's always this popular notion that lesbians are angstsy (don't bother checking the word, i made it up) and such drama queens. maybe it's because of all the prejudice and centuries of repression. thank lizzy i didn't pose my planned entry anymore. hehe. well, we're gay right? so let's all be happy and gay! :)

more videos at youtube and at lizzy the lezzy website.

like it or not

It used to be that my longest relationship would only be in months. It's not that there is no sincerity nor there is no love, it just didn't last longer. We're lucky in a way to know early that we're not compatible, before we even messed up further. Maybe some would argue that we didn't try harder or we didn't give it chance to mature. My belief then was that mutual love should not be hard, but should be effortless. Love flows easily that you don't need to try, you just follow your heart and the rest will be roses minus the thorns.

Okay your turn now to shoot me for being that idealistic. The critics are right, I didn't try harder. First sign of flaw or incompatibility and I'm out the door. This is ironically funny because the very reason my past gfs and I became couples is because we like each other, at least for the initial part. Notice the polyseme (a linguistic term for a word's capacity to carry two or more distinct meanings). Like as in with favored feelings and like as in sameness. Naturally, anything different or unlikeable with my then gf is a trigger for me that we're not meant to be for the long haul. The trepidation of the unknown/other's secret is gone, replaced with knowing familiarity. Of course, this is after the first intimate night together. It's a milestone really which will determine if there'll be more nights or it ends there.

And because I'm impatient, I do things in a hurried fashion. I like you, you like me, let's go! At that moment, you caught my interest and I want to go on. As we go on, the Oops happen. Oops, she just spoke her first unforgivable grammar error. Oops, smart sure, but a little overweight. Did she just say split the bill? Oops, financially unstable! And so on, a string of short lived involvements.

WANTed

chanced upon this website during one of my lunch breaks. what's unique with it is that it has has audio poems. and so i listen to well read poems as I enjoy my lunch. i found out that it's not just food for thought, but there are those food for the heart too... poetry. i'm inlove all over again. hay, mush. :)

here's one poem i lurv! read on and listen to it as well (click the link at the bottom).

What Do Women Want?
by Kim Addonizio




I want a red dress.
I want it flimsy and cheap,
I want it too tight, I want to wear it
until someone tears it off me.
I want it sleeveless and backless,
this dress, so no one has to guess
what's underneath. I want to walk down
the street past Thrifty's and the hardware store
with all those keys glittering in the window,
past Mr. and Mrs. Wong selling day-old
donuts in their café, past the Guerra brothers
slinging pigs from the truck and onto the dolly,
hoisting the slick snouts over their shoulders.
I want to walk like I'm the only
woman on earth and I can have my pick.
I want that red dress bad.
I want it to confirm
your worst fears about me,
to show you how little I care about you
or anything except what
I want. When I find it, I'll pull that garment
from its hanger like I'm choosing a body
to carry me into this world, through
the birth-cries and the love-cries too,
and I'll wear it like bones, like skin,
it'll be the goddamned
dress they bury me in.



listen to the audio version here and be enthralled like me :p

tell me, what do you want?

Spending the night?

Not many of us are lucky enough to be out, have our own places or can easily bring womyn at home. For the rest who needs a private place to go to, I recommend a few practical choices below.

Interesting enough that there are motels who don't allow gays in their establishments. Whatever the rationale behind it I'm definite it's rooted on prejudice. Motels in other countries are motorist hotels Philippine motels are famous as the destination for trysts. And we all know couples don't go there to pray. So what's the issue with gays entering motels? It's not like they're sacred or holy. At the end of the day, it's a business, so who are they fooling? *just had to let that out*


StoneHouse Apartelle
The place is decent, discrete, accessible (in Quezon City and Edsa), and cheap!
They offer rates as low as P600 for a 12hr stay! There's no reservation for the 12hr stay, so it is a first come first serve basis.

Complete list of rates and the facilities in this link:
http://stonehouse.bravehost.com/

You can check pictures of the rooms here:
http://www.stonehouse.ph


Tri-Place Hotel
The rooms are newer than StoneHouse, spacious, clean, and affordable.
What's interesting here is that they offer rooms with communal rest rooms which gives people more affordable option. An overnight stay for rooms with communal rest room is pegged at P1,100, while it's only P617 for a six hour stay. Standard rooms (Apollo) for a 12hr stay is at P1,050. I think you can do advance booking here. Know more info about Tri-Place here:

http://www.triplacehotel.com/


Eurotel Hotels
The room is small, but comfortable. The 12hr rates vary per location, but it usually is around P960. Cubao location offers six hour rate at something like P450-500, but be prepared to be exposed because of the long line! Yep, there's actual waiting area as you wait for couples to leave so you can get in.

More info on Eurotel

Firewomyn's Tips:
It really depends on your need.
1. If you have a tight budget and you want it discrdete, it's StoneHouse.

2. If you have enough money to shell out, and cool about communal rest rooms, then it's Tri-Place.

3. If you're horny and desperate, it's Eurotel.

At the end, you can always opt to carefully plan and save for an overnight date with your special womyn and go for well respected hotels. It's around 2k up.

An Adoptation

My friend gave me free advance screening tickets to "Orphan" film (see synopsis at the bottom of the post). I am not really a fan of suspense-horror genre so I made a mental list of excuses not to see the film. One of the reasons is my gf can't watch with me because she has a badminton game with her officemates. However, when my sisters found out about the freebies, they dragged me to watch it. With recession and all, anything that's free will convince most. :)

So there I was seated, skeptic, eyebrows raised, preparing to be dismayed. First five minutes of the film rolling and I was ripping my sister's arm as I nearly suffer a stroke with suspense! OMG! This film made a convert of me and had me full, eating all the bad presumptions I have of "Orphan".

Each sudden stare of Esther (lead role of the film, no other than the orphan herself), her deliberate moves, every iron lie and all her criminal thoughts had me holding my breath, squeezing myself closer to my poor battered sister. I gave in to all my senses and just let it all out! I screamed like a banshee with everyone else in the theater. The entire crowd applauded when her adoptive mommy slapped Esther real hard that she almost did a pirouette! Mommy's finally figured out what's wrong (such a weak word,not befitting of an imp!) with Esther while we cheer for mommy. Hooray!

Guaranteed shrill and thrill up to the very last minute! We all enjoyed it, except probably for my sister who's sworn never to go with me in suspense-horror-thriller flicks. Haha. I was impressed by "Orphan". I won't divulge the full plot because I'd like you all to experience Esther for yourself. :)

After the topsy turvy of emotions, "Orphan" had me thinking. Lesbians often adopt because we can't have kids with our partners. Adopting is a serious decision to begin with, but the real challenge is living up to that decision because adopting is making another human being part of your lives.

I know of a couple who adopted a newborn, the other even filed for maternity leave when they took the baby home. Yep, something fair for the lesbian world. One can actually file for maternity leave benefit even if you did not conceive at all. All of us was surprised of her sudden maternity leave because sure she's been pregnant with loads of work ideas, but not with a baby! And second biggie is, we didn't know she's a lesbian! Haha. After those two revelations I felt closer to her due to affinity. :) And have been following her updates in facebook. They're happy. I hope they don't watch "Orphan". Yeah, after I've sweet talked all my friends to watch it. :s

Bottomline is adopting is as critical as deciding to be pregnant. As unpredictable as watching a well crafted suspense thriller film.

-----------
Orphan synopsis:

The tragic loss of their unborn child has devastated Kate and John, taking a toll on both their marriage and Kate's fragile psyche as she is plagued by nightmares and haunted by demons from her past. Struggling to regain some semblance of normalcy in their lives, the couple decides to adopt a child. At the local orphanage, both John and Kate find themselves strangely drawn to a young girl named Esther. Almost as soon as they welcome Esther into their home, however, an alarming series of events begins to unfold, leading Kate to believe that there's something wrong with Esther--this seemingly angelic little girl is not what she appears to be. Concerned for the safety of her family, Kate tries to get John and others to see past Esther's sweet facade. But her warnings go unheeded until it may be too late-for everyone.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1148204/synopsis

Sexuality of blood

Chanced upon this article that literally made my blood boil! I never thought gay blood to be any different with the others. And what made them think that homos change partners more than heteros? The discrimination is too much, basing it on assumptions and pure prejudice. Aaarghh!

--------

Chinese lesbians petition for right to donate blood
Agence France-Presse - 7/28/2009 4:05 PM GMT



Chinese people gather to donate blood at a mobile blood bank in Beijing in 2008. Chinese lesbians are signing onto an online petition asking for the right to donate blood, which is denied them by a society worried about AIDS, state media said Tuesday.

Chinese lesbians are signing onto an online petition asking for the right to donate blood, which is denied them by a society worried about AIDS, state media said Tuesday.

At least 540 lesbians nationwide have added their signature to the petition, and organisers hope to reach the number of 1,000 before handing it over to the government, the China Daily reported.

"We just hope the authorities respect our kind intention to donate blood and remove the discrimination," said one of the organisers, who was not identified by her real name.

China has an estimated 30 million homosexuals, including 10 million lesbians, the paper said, citing the ministry of health.

Although the legal system no longer discriminates against them, they remain stigmatised in large parts of society, and homosexuality only disappeared from an official list of mental diseases early this decade.

The paper quoted Shi Weiwei, deputy director of the Beijing Red Cross Blood Centre, as saying homosexuals were barred from donating blood simply out of safety concerns.

"As we all know, the incidence of sexually transmitted diseases including the deadly HIV/AIDS is much higher among groups such as drug users and homosexuals, particularly gay men, who tend to have multiple sex partners," she said.

China is particularly worried about the risk of tainted blood after a large number of poor farmers contracted HIV in the 1990s from selling blood under highly unhygienic conditions.

decaf

Checked my window.
No rain today.
Not a single drop
down my cheeks.

It look's foggy though,
as unclear as our state.

So tell me,
is forgetting you
as easy as taking decaf?

It's instant.
Taste's almost the same.
Less bitter,
But no jolt.

Maybe in time
I'll get used to decaf
And get by
Without you.

Rainy thoughts

As I wait in FX line, rain started to pound, sounding like a drumbeat. I lifted my trembling umbrella to a sight of gray, non-stop slash of rain, looking like a thousand arrows shot from a neighboring kingdom. And I am transformed into a lowly peasant scavenging for bread from passersby hoping to have the strength to jump into a moving carriage that will take me from this wet misery to a summer refuge.

fifth commandment

pic taken in a a market in Palawan.


"Fifth Commandment:
Honor thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee."

-- Exodus 20:12

happy father's day to all dads out there! :)

freudian

My life's a mess.
Yeah, messier than my pubes.
Convoluted as my guts

I am complex
I live in intrigue, danger, poverty
Where life is mostly dirrty, raw and only for the present

I am a peasant
Who's only wealth are my dreams woven from cigarette puffs
My ideals remain intact, unwashed as the jeans I've worn for weeks

I am wasted
I see life thru my drunken glazed eyes
Fragmented thoughts of pieced together memories

Dare enter my maze?
Each encounter is a surprise, no expectations
Just pure exploration in the dark.