kadramahan

this is gonna be melodramatic so be warned!

i've been wandering. and i have been lost.
i got distracted by the seemingly important things in life like maintaining my office slave position (it's a rat race i tell you. you don't know how many aims for the slave stature), trying (and still failing) in becoming a responsible, independent adult (read: domesticated. as in house chores man!).

to successfully do that, i had to (or should i say, i chose to. that hurt! :( )give up some hobbies, like photography, writing and even reading books i like! (that are ofcourse nonwork-related). yeah, yeah. i practically sold my soul.

how do you buy back your soul?

can my hard-earned wage be enough?
**it's friday da sahod day today**

i settled for voyeurism.

but i realized there is no satisfaction much more happiness in that.

it's like watching but not really looking.

i've been too ashamed and yeah, complacent to go back and retrace my steps to you.

and so, it is with ache that i look at you now.
with distant familiarity. like i'm not worthy of your company.
that if i dare look you straight with my eyes, i'd see the piercing hatred and painful abandonment.
and that is why i have probably been avoiding to even scan on you.

it is with longing that i'd like to get to know you again.
to share my recent past, my pain and my soulless self.
i admit this is a cheap shot at making you understand why i left you.
but i pray that with that understanding will come forgiveness.

-- my open letter to firewomyn (my blog, my alter-ego) --


proof that i am trying to go back to my ways:
last pic i've taken:

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