here it goes...

am happy =)
shocking i know! hahaha. maybe am saying this because i just had orgasm. hahaha again. seriously i did. and seriously i am happy. :)

amid the looming Taal volcano eruption, the panic, chaos it brings, i dare found some peace. so much that it sounds blasphemous to share am happy and at peace with suffering everywhere.

my feng shui for year of the rat warned of a not so lucky year ahead. the optimist in me is worried. tsk. yes, am still your same firewomyn full with conflict. hehe.

but it also said this is the time to meet people. seems awesome except for one tiny bit of a problem. i work from home. *scratches head* in between work i do house chores and never ending errands.because #adulting. am also not active in socmed, unless there's yet again a DDS relative I need to unfollow.

... but then one innocent looking, seemingly usual tuesday, i got a message from an ex-colleague inviting me to their masters class to be a panelist for their blockchain project (tech stuff). wow! am floored to be invited bec it's an intl school and i love the topic. after some pakipot questions (kunwari pinag-iisipan ko pa. :D), i agreed.

... and then another seemingly innocent, usual looking wednesday, a g2g friend from UP posted in our UP group (which I already muted long time ago). but on that fateful day of procrastination from hectic work, i checked messenger. she and her small group of gang are asking help/support for their Taal eruption victims relief operations.

this g2g UP friend is a very good friend of mine. but she's often overseas on her research projects as a sought after consultant (flex ko lang. hihi) so we usually hang once a year at best.

alam nyo naman ako, marupok ako sa mga nangangailangan. i have a hero mentality kyeme. so pm'd her immediately. got the details and did my own active plea for help to my network.

this relief ops is within the 14km danger zone. crazy yes. but after weighing in the pros and cons and after falling deaf to gf's warning and disapproving stance * sorry, am a bad gf =( * was still adamant to do it. * i love you gf! lookie, i made it back to you safe and sound =) *

by early morning of seeking donations, i was physically exhausted but soul's all fired up. in short, gising pa diwa ko. by this time it suddenly struck me that the delivery of goods to the evacuation site is same time and day as my panel duties at the intl school. *aghast!* fuck.

now here's a truly torn-between-2-lovers moment. i equally love both. both give me kilig to do. and both opportunities (sorry lack of a better term) don't happen often. you know you've just been working at home/living uneventfully for months and then this! come on universe! why tear me this way?!

up to the day before the events, i was bent on making both happen. am not the person to just settle or give up. am made for tight deadlines and delivering impossible projects! thought bubble: my relief ops group can go ahead then i will do the blockchain thing, right after will dash to the bus terminal and go to Batangas. 

and so i said to myself. but adulting of late has taught me of balance. at least aiming for it.

the same way no two objects cannot occupy the same space at the same time, i cannot defy the law of physics. i can attempt of course, but will surely fail at one.

opo. i matured. aging does that to you eventually. :) i carefully thought of it. became honest to myself and asked myself. which between the two, if i didn't do, i will regret for the rest of my life? *andrama!*

a masters class of 50 vs 500+ people of evacuees? the math is clear. and more importantly, my heart is crystal clear.

spoke to my ex-colleague. he understands. =)

at that point, spotify randomly played me this song.

"Suddenly I See"

thank you universe! i love you! *akap to all*

Suddenly I See (lyrics)

KT Tunstall

Her face is a map of the world
Is a map of the world
You can see she's a beautiful girl
She's a beautiful girl
And everything around her is a silver pool of light
The people who surround her feel the benefit of it
It makes you calm
She holds you captivated in her palm

Suddenly I see (suddenly I see)
This is what I wanna be
Suddenly I see (suddenly I see)
Why the hell it means so much to me
(Suddenly I see)
This is what I wanna be
Suddenly I see (suddenly I see)
Why the hell it means so much to me

I feel like walking the world
Like walking the world
You can hear she's a beautiful girl
She's a beautiful girl
She fills up every corner like she's born in black and white
Makes you feel warmer when you're trying to remember
What you heard
She likes to leave you hanging…