my brutal truth

How do I begin when my career feels like ending?
Mistakes are hard to swallow, much more if other people points it out to me.
*goddamn pride*
With so many errors committed,
I don't know how to redeem myself.
"good to great" book says confront the brutal facts,
And have the optimism that things will still turn out ok.
Gulp!
I pray its gospel is true or applies to my predicament.
3 months from now will be m evaluation again.
I already know that it won't look good.
Just worrying abt it gives me nightmares and tension already.
I'm scared. Ashamed. And face flat on the floor down.
Sabi nila, when you're down, there's no way to go but up.
Sounds easy specially when you spit that quote to another person.
But when it's myself down there, I feel lost.
How can I move up when I feel paralyzed in this quagmire?
I'm trapped in a state of negativity which is causing my depression.
How I wish nagyoyosi ako or tumotoma, that way I can just smoke or drink away this suffering.
I'm scared. I'm ashamed. Down. And I need help..
I'm writing in my newly bought notebook.
It's a cheap shot for a restart.
I don't smoke nor drink (heavily).
But I write. Occasionally.
On moments of depression, desperation, inspiration.
2 out of 3.
That's why it has to be a new notebook. :)