5.03.2010

Love in the time of election



Choosing a candidate is like choosing somebody to love. You read it right, it’s a "choice". I personally believe that love is a conscious effort. There must be something in that person that you like in the first place before you fell in love to him/her. That "like" has its standards, personal guidelines. Not random. Even if your standard is based on the desires of the society, adherence to it is still personal.

My love won't be specific about the party a person keeps. But if she doesn’t stand out from her party or if she and her party contradicts my standards/beliefs, then the love or like I have for her would not grow roots.

It's not really a big deal to me what she's accomplished in the past, but it would be an interesting conversation piece. I would want to know though her current thoughts, concerns, her plans and dreams. "Do you like me?" That kind of current thought. "Do you see a future with me?" That kind of plan/dream. =)

I won't need a survey to know if she's the one. I just need to count the beats per second of my heart at every sight or thought of her to confirm the clamor within me.

I'm an independent womyn and no amount of campaigning by whoever, not even by my closest friends or family would make me like/love her more than what I already do.

In the end, I don’t need a servant, either for a government post or for somebody to love. I need someone who will lead me to an honest, inspiring, fair, passionate and progressive relationship where I'll have an active participation in it.

I already made my choice. Have you? :)


= = = = = = =
I will vote for Ang Ladlad Partylist on May 10.

We've been rejected twice in Comelec and discriminated for the most part of our lives. May 10 is an opportunity for LGBT (lesbians, gays, bisexuals, transexuals/transgenders) to finally have legal representation in the government. Let's go OUT and VOTE for OUR partylist, "ANG LADLAD".

Today, columnist Manuel L. Quezon III featured in Philippine Daily Inquirer that "Ang Ladlad" Party-list is one of his choices in the coming election. Read it here: The daring dozen


Vote Ang Ladlad Party-List


SPREAD THE LOVE FOR "ANG LADLAD"!

Check the Ang Ladlad website for widgets/videos/jingles to share.

http://www.angladlad.com

4.25.2010

Mocha for breakfast



this will be real quick as i need to have breakfast already. chanced upon mocha uson's blog. remember her? the womyn with a girl group of the same name whose lip locking with her group mates hit the tabloids? the photos were during their private party but somehow went public. she denied they're lesbians. but later on adhered to the bisexual kind. however, i've never seen her linked to any men and her photoblog in Maxim (which is no longer in circulation sad to say) has various images of her kissing lotsa women! she also said she can kiss a woman anytime, but not as quick with guys.

Krista Ranillo, Jaycee Parker, Maui Taylor, Katya Santos, Precious Adona, Andrea del Rosario and Aiza Marquez. Can't this girl be any luckier???






sunday's usually dull and boring. now it's not if you get mocha early ;)

Mocha Uson's blog

for the ultimate blood rush! ofcourse, save the best for last. :D



ano ba ang pinagkakaguluhan nila dun sa baba ni mocha? wehehe. gusto ko rin makigulo at makisiksik! hahahaha

4.24.2010

consummatum est part2




where was i? oh, after shower. work robbed the time out of me, thus writing only now. well, moving on...

---
after our shower, we changed to new clothes and fresh perspective. we took on new clothes only to take them all off in seconds! haha. the moment we hit the bed and embraced, it was automatic.

we stared at each other's eyes. just seeing the love and passion, nothing else.

she cupped my face and kissed all my worries away. she took off the shirt of my sentiments. she pulled down the pants of my recent struggles. unclasped the bra of my defenses, until finally slowly tugging down the underwear of my tampo. removing the last shred of doubt.

for every exposed skin, she whispered her heated feelings, my skin steaming in reply. i arched to raise an issue and she thrust deeper to prove her point.

all the burning questions i had were answered with equal intensity in her nipping, sucking and humping.

we bent backwards, turned over, to discuss and expose all angles of our concerns.

we moaned in agreement and screamed on the major stuff.

she opened her mind real wide. my tongue probed farther just to understand her more.

she writhed with my inquisitions, while i drowned in her moist emotions.

we exchanged our ideas thru our fluids.

all nigh long. we talked. mind, body and spirit. all nigh long.

it was soo good, lumampas pa ko sa langit and went intergalactic. hehe.

4.18.2010

consummatum est



how long did it take?
4 blog posts,
12 tutut post comments
1 rain dance,
numerous dry days,
countless self-tutut.

consummatum est. naganap na! sa wakas! fuck! ang sawaaap! totoo! try nyo rin! wehehehe.

flashback:
she said early this week that she wanted to go to the beach. i was instantly expectant of course! this may be it! my velvet folds down there just clapped with glee. haha! but to avoid great disappointments from my great expectations, i didn't really count on it that much yet. days later, she followed it up with me. i have been puyat the whole week and as tutut wanting as i am, i was hoping for some weekend rest. told her we'll just discuss it on tutut eve, err i mean beach eve.syempre, magpakipot naman kahit konti lang. pampa-excite ba. hehe.

late night, we were tap dancing if tuloy or not ang outing. she graciously said okay lang wag na matuloy if am not feeling well. in panic i assured her that i'm feeling better na. haha. bigla talagang gumaling e. hihi. however, as we were further talking about it (shucks! mukhang tuloy na!) she was all along thinking of a day tour only, while i was fantasizing an overnight stay with overnight tutut! no shit! parang biglang magkakasakit ako uli sa sama ng loob. sigh. just told her na lang to have provision for overnight in case we have any change in plans, in case matuloy pa (back to pakipot mode).

i slept my great disappointment away. 10pm and am already out. the next day, i woke up early morning and texted gf good morning. around 6am, she asked me if tuloy. sleep gave me the strength and clarity. this is not the time para maging ambivalent. in short, tigilan na ang walang epektong pagpapakipot! i replied yes to her and instructed her to pack for overnight.

i asked my sister for instructions because they've been to that beach already. at the bus stop, we waited for several minutes but our bus never came. impatience took over and i asked the bangketa girl where's the bus we need. matagal na daw lumipat ng terminal. pucha naman o! fine, we took the bus to reach the "correct" terminal. finally found our bus and yey! off we go. this is it!!! all smiles.

the ride was long. long enough to discreetly make out. haha! summer na summer sa sobrang init! whew! malapit na sanang marating ang unang langit, kaso we were already wearing our swimsuits, so syet! hindi mabuksan ang pinto ng langit! haaayyy!

after hours of knocking at heaven's first door, we finally reached the beach!!! yahoo! we had to take a PhP300 trike ride to the not soo popular beach (as I was told by my sister). we took many shots of the sights while in transit, full with excitement.

shades and surf shorts, carrying our bags and our wide smiles, we're ready to greet the beach and the possibilities that lie ahead. one, two, three, yep, the possibilities ended in 3 seconds. the not so popular beach as it turned out was brimming with people and masa scene. guys showering outside in their underwear, women, old and young in sando, shorts, t-shirts, loosely gartered bathing suits, coin-based videoke bar, yucky looking men drinking red horse, tanduay, ugh, i can't take this anymore. this is as public as it can get.

the information booth was manned by a child in her panties, eating ice candy. is this some sick joke? we looked for the caretaker, demanding for an overnight stay room. the guy said out of stock or something like that. no freakin room available. naknampucha talaga! tutut na naging bato pa! grrrrr!

we were devastated, we tried bribery, threat, pleading, even seduction! still nada. the caretaker turned out to be gay! how defeating can it get huh?

we temporarily rented a cottage to rest. we were sandwiched between guys doing lousy videoke and another set of drunk, smelly guys. there's trash everywhere. out of shock, gf and i were silent and don't know what to do. bad mood totally. pissed is an understatement.

after a few minutes of pag-aalburuto/moping, i decided to do the most obvious recourse. i called my sister and blamed her to eternity! for not warning us about the beach, for the wrong travel instructions, for the candy she snatched from me when we were kids, for everything! somebody has to be blamed just to diffuse the fume. hayy.

we called our trike driver to pick us up again. yes, another PhP300 down the drain, but out of hell. we asked him for other beach suggestions because the adjoining resorts were unreasonably costly. the dependable driver after another almost an hour of touring the countryside, took us to a decent place with decent rates. by the time we reached that level of decency it's 7pm already! whole day almost wasted. we're just tired.

whattaloongday. we took our shower to wash off the day's frustration, issues and deception. and 8pm began the loong night of making up and a new level of indecency. haha.

to be continued...

4.15.2010

the color of tutut



was thinking of what to wear for a future job interview, when this entered my mind. certain outfit colors have varying effects. and some even profess that choosing the color to wear in a job interview is as important as answering the question, "why should we hire you?". so here are stuff i came up with, some colorful meanings or meaningful colors, oh whichever! =)

Black - is polarizing. People perceive it as either intensely good or intensely bad.
Red - is intensely passionate or intensely mad/angry.
Yellow - intensely pro-Noynoy or intensely pro-Kris. hehe.

And then there's Green, which isn't exactly my favorite color and haven't even thought of as anywhere near strategic. But then...

Green - is the color

> of money (fortune)
> of luck (remember the four-leaf clover?)
> of an on track project (we call it project health colors, yellow means at risk, red means delayed)
> and of course, it is the color of desire, thus the expression - green minded.

I'm surprising even myself, because I used to think it's red for desire. Anyhoo, if green is the color of horny, then its heroic embodiment must be Green Hornet! Haha. It's even redundant and hyperbolic - it's green and has horns for crying out loud! Green Hornet, the champion for lost libido! The hero to make you grin from bleep! bleep! thoughts. Hehe. I'm soo going nuts. Hmm... nuts...yum... I'll stop now.

Green in traffic means Go! To me that translates to "if you're horny, then GO forth and fornicate!" (since lezzies can't really biologically multiply).

What are you waiting for? GO!!! =)

4.14.2010

to tutut or not to tutut



somebody suggested that i just discuss this tutut concern with gf. that's the most logical thing to do. i could actually, but i won't. i want her to want this also, not because i sort of hinted or want it but because she wants it as much or as bad. there is pride and greater joy in being wanted without even lifting a finger (pun not intended).

i'm trying to be zen about this hullabaloo. mediation and well, yeah, masturbation keeps me sane these days. i pray that this won't be a crusade (gawd! i don't want to be celibate that long), but a short campaign that will be won over very, very soon.

thanks for all your support guys! =)

4.13.2010

if this tutut could talk2



i am truly experiencing the el niƱo phenomenon (popularly known as the lesbian bed death). so more tutut thoughts for release. hay, can't wait for rainy season. :)

###
you are undersexed if your version of the song I Kissed a Girl is,
"I Kissed a Twat and I (fuckin) like it".
altogether now.... :D

###
how does an undersexed angry lez curse to her gf?
"fuck me! fuck you!"

###
me to gf: can you buy me flowers tonight
gf: what for?
me: will set up a funeral
gf: what??
me: i think my sex life just died!

note: this idea came from a friend


###
what did the exasperated under-sexed lez tell her gf who doesn't give her any bang?
"i will just take matters into my own hands!"

###
one womyn kissing me down there
one womyn kissing my bosom
one womyn giving me the french.

ultimate funtasy: foursome!

###

4.10.2010

tutut talk



truly a dry season. here's some tutut thoughts my mind's trying to compensate with. enjoy! :)

###
I haven't had tutut in months with gf.
So long that I think we're now in a platonic relationship!

###

I haven't had tutut in months with gf.
So long that I'm feeling virginal already. Ouch!

###

I haven't had tutut in months with gf.
Dear God, I hope I'm not transforming to be straight. Yikes!
Or maybe she's the one who's now straight?! Double yikes!

###

Why is having a tutut partner better than a tutut toy?
Because you can have orgasm even while your hands are behind your neck!

###

What do you you do to the gf who's not giving you enough sex?

answer: remove the "S" in sex and make her your "Ex".

###


note: tutut means sex

4.06.2010

do you?

more than the revelation that anna paquin is bi, the issues raised in the avp struck a chord to me. it does hurt to not be out. let's support this campaign on twitter, facebook, blogs and website. see details at the bottom.

Equality. Get Informed. Get Involved. Give a Damn!

Short version #1



Short version #2



Join us at http://www.WEGIVEADAMN.org to learn more!

Follow on Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/wegiveadamn

Favorite on Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/wegiveadamn

Cyndi Lauper, Anna Paquin, Elton John, Jason Mraz, Cynthia Nixon, Judith Light, Kim Kardashian, Sharon Osbourne, Kelly Osbourne and Kevin Alejandro all give a damn about equality!

4.05.2010

Train Crush3 - to dyke for

i know holy week is over. but let me begin this week with my own man-dy dandy monday =)

what's different this time? i was prettily sitting inside the train when this interesting dyke stood near me. near enough for me to study her. my interest was not automatic though as i'm more into femme. so it was a battle of wills, i had to stare at her a longer time before finally deciding to give her a shot or shots for that matter. :)

instead of a celphone, she was holding a psp case. my mind 's torn as to what's inside that case. is it her masculine-looking vanity/kikay kit or it's her gadget kit? hehe.

i can only theoretically lurk on what's crossing behind that dark-rimmed glasses of hers. i think that's her magic so to speak, she is dark, mysterious, or maybe both. now that's doubly interesting. ;)













3.29.2010

equality is next to holiness

Two flicks to see this week. i know holy week is about abstinence. and watching the two on my end is far from sacrifice. but i feel the divine presence given the timing of the screening of these two lgbt flicks. because i can feel abstinence from prejudice from mass media this holy week. equality is next to holiness =)

1. Butch - GMA 7's SRO Cinema -
excellently played by sunshine dizon. this will be shown on thursday,around 9-10pm. the story i think is about a butch raising a child as her own, after the child was abandoned by the biological mother. years later, the bio mom will claim the child and the butch mom will fight for her right as mother to the child. this surely will be intense. sunshine won a best actress award for her portrayal here sometime 2008 or 2009 i think. i failed to watch it then. so i'm blessed to see its replay this week! =) let's support this one as lesbian films/tv shows in philippine cinema comes as rare as unicorn sightings.


this is her second time to play a butch role. first one was in the film Sabel, opposite judy ann santos, where sunshine played the role of butch doctor from baguio and who saves Sabel.

she is the only contemporary female actress i know who can effectively play the butch role. who is believable. i secretly wished she truly is gay, but alas! she just got married recently, to a guy. ohwell. hope she continues to be gay-friendly.




2. I Love You Phillip Morris - see link here in my old post of it for the film details. this is now showing in SM cinemas. will try to catch it tomorrow as i've been waiting for this since last year.

3.28.2010

Let Us



i continue to have doubts once in a while, the skeptic that i am. not the one to adhere to the notion of forever. the one who's impulsive, impatient, falls in easily and falls out as fast. highly analytical yet very temperamental. always with great expectations (if i may borrow from charles dickens). and so in spite of myself, you remain to be my biggest irony. come and ...


Let's Just Fall In Love Again
Let's pretend baby
That you've just met me
And I've never seen you before
I'll tell all my friends
That I think you're staring
And you say the same to yours

And oh, we'll dance around it all night
And then I'll follow you outside
And try to open up my mouth
And nothing comes out right

And I wanna fall in love with you again
I don't have to try
It's so easy
Who needs to pretend?
But because it's so funny
Let's just think about it, honey
Let's just fall in love again

I'll call you in three days
Not too soon, not too late
And I'll ask your roommate if you're home
You call me on Thursday
And we'll hang out all day
Then fall asleep on the phone

And oh, I'll hold your hand when we drive
And we'll lose track of all the time
And we'll tell everyone
That we ain't never felt so alive

And I wanna fall in love with you again
I don't have to try
It's so easy
Who needs to pretend?
But because it's so funny
Let's just think about it, honey
Let's just fall in love again

We'll fall disgustingly fast
And we'll stop hanging out with friends
And they'll be so offended

And I wanna fall in love with you again
I don't have to try
It's so easy
Who needs to pretend?
But because it's so funny
Let's just think about it, honey
Let's just fall in love again
Let's just fall in love again

3.23.2010

Constance McMillen - lesbian teen with a stance!



not sure if you've been abreast with how proms are done these days. well, not to my surprise, but largely to my dismay, not much has changed, until Constance took a stand.

she requested if she can wear a tuxedo and bring her gf as date. to which the school of Mississippi said NO. We say foul!

so American Civil Liberties Union was kind enough to sue the school (Itawamba County school) and required them to allow Constance her right.

the school not to be outsmart just like that, decided to cancel the prom altogether. Boo!

the teenagers partly blamed poor Constance of what happened.

the court proceeding is ongoing. see the update here: Judge hears lesbian teen's suit to force prom

---

"All I wanted was the same chance to enjoy my prom night like any other student," McMillen said in a statement last week. "But my school would rather hurt all the students than treat everyone fairly. This isn't just about me and my rights anymore - now I'm fighting for the right of all the students at my school to have our prom."

---

let's Support Constance, be a fan of her facebook page

celesbians are all out in their support too!

Wanda Sykes invited Constance and her girlfriend to attend the GLAAD awards.
Chef Cat Cora (herself a Mississippi native) issued a statement and offered to make an appearance at prom.
Ellen DeGeneres guested Constance on her show and donated $30k for her scholarship.

3.22.2010

boss from hell vs firewomyn



it's monday! how best to start the week but thru my regular dose of abuse from no other than boss from hell. :)

what was i thinking actually having a fantasy on big boss and her big boobs from my day one of work?? i mean seriously, how can i not see beyond that bosom. that the body to which those wonderful breasts are attached to is from the devil. nope, not the classy type who wears brands the likes of prada. it's the devil with cheap taste. ugh.

for today, i must have done something interesting because her voice was a notch higher when she directed to me her profanities and words meant to belittle me.

"you should change your title from project manager to project leader instead!" looking all mad and smug.

err was that a compliment laced with insult? or a downright insult? because she's boss from hell, it sure was meant to be an insult.

but since she's not as articulate as i am, and not a graduate of UP, she actually made the insult mean the opposite without her realizing it.

c'mon, aren't leaders socially/politically above managers? puh-lease. can't that particular boss from hell do better than that? hay, such a waste of my time.

i don't know what got into me today, but instead of my usual acquiescent self, i found the voice to rebut and fight her every argument tooth and nail. of course all delivered with calculated poise. the rest of the meeting attendees surely hate me now for dragging the meeting longer than necessary. but i won't let that boss from hell stomp on me like that.

after that heated debate (felt like that) in her office room, i'm twisted whether to report to my supervisor that i felt violated by her downward/far from constructive demeanor against me. no one that i know of actually went against the boss almighty.

if i report her, my supervisor might not even escalate and just tell me i'm being sensitive.

if i report her, my supervisor will tell big boss from hell, and i will get hell's fury most definitely!

if i report her, boss from hell will be forced to talk to me and i will be forced to fake listening to her. and we will be forced to fake a truce. the feeling of disgust is obviously mutual.

if i report her, i will from then on have a bull's eye target on my back for the next sack. one mistake and boom! i'm out!

gosh, can't she just die tomorrow so i won't need to report her? can't it be easy for me for once please?

i take comfort in the fact that we're of opposing teams and if she's from hell, then i must have heaven on my side. hah! beat that!

3.10.2010

experience extraordinaire

a week ago before my birthday, i had this epiphany. i would celebrate my birthday somewhere in between art and nature.

on tuesday, my birthday, after the train ride (from Train of Thoughts), it lead me to Harbour Square. A place in between CCP and Manila Bay. So what's in between art and nature? People. Can also be commercialism. =)

Donned in my black sleeveless shirt, worn out low-waist faded gray canvas pants (been with me for like 4-6yrs already) with rips to booth, purple nails and slippers, i settled at a resto with empty chairs and table outside.

this is what i want to have on my birthday, peace and quiet, alone to enjoy my fave book of the moment, with a taste of something sweet and what-not, with sunlight and subtle breeze and multi-cultural sight of people.

i felt alive, inspired. i felt totally happy birthday. cheers to my day! =)


Train of Thoughts


Thoughts that trailed off as I make "tunganga" during my afternoon train ride en route to somewhere.



The single-minded sunlight
crashing thru the window train,
unstoppable,
imprinting my skin.
No barrier hindered
the rays from meeting me.
It is as if its only mission
is to just see me
and touch me
and never leave me.
My pores, in open embrace,
they accepted it.
Never minding that
they've been waiting
long before the other realized
it needs to be here.

Gay Marriage now Legal in D.C.




D.C. Joins Five States in Legalizing Gay Marriage

by Mike Krumboltz

Gay marriage continues to be a hot-button issue for many Americans. Whenever it's legalized (or banned) anywhere in the world, searches immediately soar. In Washington, D.C., gay marriage was recently legalized, sparking tremendous Web interest.

A lesbian couple who had been together for 12 years became the first same-sex couple to be married in the nation's capital. With the couple's union, Washington, D.C. joined New Hampshire, Vermont, Iowa, Massachusetts, and Connecticut, as the only places in the United States that allow people of the same sex to legally marry.

Of course, gay marriage is a specific definition. When things are broadened to include domestic partnerships or civil unions, the list of states grows substantially. According to About.com, California, Hawaii, Maine, Washington state, Nevada, Oregon, and New Jersey allow same-sex couples to "obtain some legal recognition for their relationships."

Interestingly, according to NJ.com, the upcoming United States census will allow same-sex couples in New Jersey to "identify themselves as married." This is significant in that the census is an official government document. The census will allow "same-sex couples [to] label themselves as husband or wife even if their relationships are not recognized by law."

While laws regarding gay marriage vary by state in the United States, other countries have clearer definitions. For example, in Europe, several countries have clear legal-marriage laws. According to an article from the BBC, the Netherlands, Belgium, Spain, Norway, and Sweden all have legalized gay marriage. Additionally, Portugal, a primarily Catholic country, is expected to legalize gay marriage in the near future. Other countries that have done the same include Canada and South Africa.

As for where gay marriage is banned, the list is a bit longer, at least in the United States. The laws are complicated and can vary between statute bans and constitutional bans. States that have constitutional bans include, but are not limited to, Florida, Ohio, Texas, Utah, Michigan, Virginia, Mississippi, and Georgia. User-edited site Wikipedia offers up a complete list.

After Washington, D.C., legalized same-sex marriage, Web searches on "gay marriage states" and "where is gay marriage legal" both soared. Also gaining traction in the Search box: "differences between gay marriage and civil unions."

source: Y! Buzz

Related articles:
Same-sex couples in D.C. say 'I do'

D.C. same-sex marriage law takes effect this week

State By State: The Legal Battle Over Gay Marriage

Sweden allows same-sex marriage

Same-sex marriage law backed in Portugal's parliament

Same-sex marriage status in the United States by state

3.07.2010

disheartened



sabi nila, life is not to be taken too seriously. if you can't fix its entirety, find humor in it at least.

maybe if we sum up all the little joys they'd amount to happiness.

i'm never good in math, and patience (with visions, long term), so i won't worry about them that much and just savor each joyous moment as they hit me.

in between, sadness, disappointments will try to knock off the small joy prettily perched on my heart.

heart will try to hold on to the joy, but sometimes (or was it often?), fatigue will pull me down and make me loosen my grip to joy.

and she'll have no choice but to fly away leaving sadness & disappointment clawed to my heart, sometimes too deep that i would hurt and may even bleed.

nothing is permanent.

sadness & disappointment will get bored and shoo away in search probably of their next victim.

joy that had to fly away is just hovering above and i was just not looking up because i'm feeling way down and heavy.

joy will fly back and visit me again, specially when heart is empty.

she'll tentatively hop on my heart and ask me "how are you?"

heart would tighten with pain and then cry, howl, letting it out, all to mean that nothing is okay.

joy will face me, cup my heart and hug it.

will whisper "hush now baby, i'm here".

and i will be alright. :)

3.03.2010

Train Crush2

there's beauty in the train madness this morning. :)

she stood out literally because she's very tall. and how can anyone miss that pretty snobbish (very well entitled to it) womyn? she's beautiful, what more if she smiled right? :)

hay, another sweet ride, even though i just stood the whole time.





3.01.2010

the tale of going home early



maaga ako pumasok sa office. syempre, gusto ko maaga din umuwi. i came in 45min earlier, cut short my lunch break by 30min, took dynamo vits to pump me for a grueling monday. ate my breakfast while working, as in rice and ulam ha. hehe. soo construction worker of me. i did my pareto list (Pareto principle: focusng on the top 20% of the causes will fix 80% of the problems) so that i expend effort on where it's most needed. needless to say, i'm all geared up to go home early. target: 5:30pm.

i can stand tons of work except for two things: long meetings (anything beyond 30min) and menial/manual work.

for the most part i feel meetings beyond 30min is a waste of my valuable time. so i always bring my planner/notebook, fake attention and do work while in a meeting. before, i bring my laptop but others get bothered by it or was i too obvious in doing something else then? anyhoo, notebook/planner is more discreet. i attempted in the past to put order in the meeting i attend by asking for an agenda and butting in if people digress. but that show of aggression/assertion earned me the ire of the almighty bosses. so i kept it to myself. later they brought it up to me that i don't speak that much in meetings anymore. so i said, there is nothing to say, there's no agenda, many topics don't concern me. my boss said, if i want order in meetings, i can gather the topics and come up with the agenda. yeah right! your idea, your work! that's how it freakin operates. i did that but people always say they don't have anything new to raise, come meetings, topics just mushroomed as if somebody peed on the carpet. fast forward, i stopped caring. i'm in it for the money and i make sure my ass is covered.

menial work. coming from a web development background, i was appalled to learn that people in the office live by thru excel formulas and macros. wtf?! is this the roaring 90s? geez. i mean, there are far more sophisticated ways to do things. the other side of it is that i know no excel macros. never found the need to do so when i have the web server and visual studio at my fingertips. but as devolution goes, i had to retro-adapt. those excel spreadsheets are connected to another manual hell, portal with excel-looking tables (sharepoint sites) that crawls the pace of snail.

i get bitch fits every time network is slow, because i get suffocated with slow connection. i think i can really have hypertension attack caused not by slow oxygen flow in the brain, but due to slow network bandwidth to my laptop.

we have this tool in the office. it would have been grand if it automated atleast 50% of the work, but it only did 20% i think. so at the end of the day, my fingers crackle due to too much typing/clicks out of agonizing labor.

those two things weaken me. so i would avoid them if i can. for today though, no escape. i had two meetings that started late. grrr! while i plan my day carefully, others don't. not only were they late, meetings went overtime. the big boss doing her usual rants and usual monologue of woes. as if i care or even listening.

no use bitching about the things i can't control so i just let my pareto list lead my day. salvation. :)

brownout happened around 4pm, not perturbed was almost done by then. and was just waiting for updates from other people for my status reports. however dependencies limit my actions and 5:30 became 6pm. not bad still.

i went out of the building with the sun still out. it felt like eye-squinting brightness. i imagine my skin would burn ala-vamp. everything felt surreal. surreal, but happy. honest day's work completed as planned.

hey, i can get used to this. :)

2.28.2010

G2G Speed Dating

finally, another speed dating event. yipee! :) fun fun!

i was able to watch a speed dating already, i think last year at QC, organized by sms30event. when i say watch, it's because i was just part of the audience having free cocktails and not a participant in the speed dating.

what's interesting there was that it's a multicultural, multi-industry mix. there's gaby dela merced(F3 racecar driver), chef ginny villar with partner beth angsioco (women's rights activist), female foreigners from the govt embassy as one of the organizers/friends of the organizers i think. venue was in the beautiful Adarna resto along Kalayaan.

most of the speed dating participants then were butch. this time i hope it will be more diverse. a friend of mine is joining. i want to also! not that i'm single, but just to meet & know new people. if not, hope they allow just onlookers. :) see you there! :)


2.27.2010

shooting spree

been feeling this way for days. dreary & empty. if i didn't have to go to work, i would have sat beside him and placed my arm on his. misery loves company.

chanced upon this guy on my way to the train.



but then saw this at the Makati underpass en route to my office. that part of the phrase just stared at me and i had to stop.

which is the universal panacea to life - reason or love?

2.21.2010

Love Pole - an artistic experience

For those who missed the Love Pole show, I'm sharing the videos I took. Twas one great artistic experience, truly impressive and a first for me.

While I admit that it also inspired a gush of sexual emotions, their version of pole dancing is an elevated form for me based from the mediocre pole shows I've seen. Kudos to PoleCats! :)

Pardon the slightly blurred recording as my phone was lowbatt already when I started recording the show. Enjoy!

My top 3 performances:

1. PoleCats students


2. solo performance by Margaret - most lean (with ripped legs and abs to boot) performer. She's a star!


3. Girl vs Girl (GVG) - bravo!



The rest of the artistic pole dances:










Can't get enough of them?
Catch GirlVSGirl on www.facebook.com/girlvsgirl and www.facebook.com/polecatsmanila. Contact 0917-5356237 or call the Movement Dance Studio (Ortigas 9448075/4744283, and Makati 3926220) for details. They offer dance classes. I'm seriously considering it, maybe after I've toned down a bit. :)

2.18.2010

food for thought

fruits are not just juicy, thought provoking too! :) enjoy! :D




2.16.2010

Train Crush

I overslept this morning and was rushing to the train. Had to squeeze myself in and just stood the whole time of the ride. And from this, I discovered the joy of the train ride thru this pretty cool grrrl. :)

i'm soo digging the hair, the face with her beautiful profile and svelte figure. sigh. if only the ride would go on. from where she alighted, i figured she's a college student.

to pretty, cool grrl - please don't think i'm stalking you. you just stood out from the crowd and i wasn't able to help myself from staring (thru my phone) and had to capture that whimsical moment.


*click the pic for the full image*


Womyn on pole ;)

we've always been fascinated with womyn and seeing them romance the pole is one imagery sure to ignite us. so for more fire, here's something exciting, something with womyn, and something FREE!!! see you!




------------------
Girl on girl action-on a pole
By Bianca Consunji

Philippine Daily Inquirer
DateFirst Posted 22:05:00 02/16/2010





This unique tandem is getting more people interested in the dance-exercise


ON A DARK, SILENT STAGE, TWO women walk to a silver pole. Faint strains of piped-in music play, and a spotlight snaps on to reveal both of them on the pole—blindfolded.

The audience, initially stunned, breaks into applause and scattered hoots of support.

The music goes on, and Christina Dy and Mirell Macalinao—the faces behind the otherwise tantalizing stage team name of GirlVSGirl (GVG), arguably one of Manila’s most popular pole acts—begin a series of surprising acts on a pole. They clamber up the pole, spin around it, balance on each other, turn upside down: It seems there is nothing they can’t do on that unyielding piece of metal.

But make no mistake; this is no sleazy bar act. In fact, by day, Dy and Macalinao aren’t even professional dancers.

The 33-year-old Dy is an acclaimed visual artist whose charcoal sketches regularly grace the walls of the Silverlens Lab (she is also one of CCP’s 2009 Thirteen Artists awardees). Macalinao, 29, meanwhile, is a bank employee.

But to other people, they’re pole dance rock stars whose performances are a staple at places such as Mag:Net, Saguijo and fitness/beauty events.


Unremarkable start

However, they didn’t grow up dancing on every available pole they saw. In fact, Dy insists her first few sessions as a student were unremarkable.

“Mich Dulce brought me, and I was hooked!” she recalls. “I was the worst student but I was challenged. Pole dancing had a lot of possibilities.”

Dy and Macalinao met at Movement Dance Studio, where they took lessons under Ed Aniel, who is credited with popularizing pole dancing in the Philippines (he currently runs the Pole Dance Academy at the Clara Ramona Studio).

“CD and I became friends because we both enjoyed practicing long hours together at the studio, even beyond class hours,” Macalinao says. “Later on, as I learned more and more new stuff from CD, this inspired me to continue on practicing to improve and keep up. All those hours together led to GVG.”

Dy adds, “Eventually our class got dissolved, so I asked Mirell, ‘OK, what can we do with just the two of us?’”

While they learned the basics from Aniel, they eventually started looking online for more sources of inspiration.

“We learned 99 percent of our tricks from YouTube,” Dy says. “Yes, really!” (So don’t be put off by those videos of people falling from the top of the pole—with practice and supervision, it can be prevented).

Right name

And of course, there was a matter of finding the right name for their new tandem. Dy credits the name to her friend Mihk Vergara, who also came up with the name of the pole group she founded, the Polecats.

“I love the name,” she says. “We were chatting, and I said I wanted a cool name that’s easy to remember. And, voila!”

It goes without saying that two barely dressed, hot women who can perform gymnastic feats on a pole (occasionally blindfolded) get a lot of attention, sometimes unwanted.

“Most people’s reactions are very encouraging. They clap and ‘ooh’ and ‘aah’ at the right moments,” Dy shares. “I’ve gotten a lot of students—and a lot of free drinks!—after they’ve seen us perform.”

But “there are some who are quite rude; some shout ‘MOMOL [make out make out] na lang! Laplapan na lang!’ It’s annoying, but, well, not everyone’s educated enough to appreciate the artistry of it all. We don’t let those stop us from performing.”

Macalinao says, “Some express amazement at the tricks. I let them know that this stuff can be learned by anyone willing to work hard.”

Imperfect moments

Like any co-workers, the two also have their less-than-perfect moments, but make it a point to not let it affect their performance onstage. (It’s difficult to not trust the person with you if you’re holding on to that other person for dear life while clinging to a pole.)

Dy shares, “Usually, Mirell and I talk to each other while performing. I usually say what trick we’re going to do next. Once, Mirell said no. And we were arguing and fighting while performing! Hindi naman halata from the video, thank goodness.”

Of course, the question many potential pole dancers want answered is: Have they suffered from any serious injuries?

“In one trick, with CD balanced on my legs and me holding on to the pole carrying both our weights, I was supposed to slide slowly down,” Macalinao said. “But my hands were so sticky, they wouldn’t budge at all! It was so heavy and I wanted to let go so badly, but I couldn’t because we’d both crash to the floor. I panicked and shouted for CD to get off. Before that time, my fear had always been that my grip would slip and we’d crash. It never occurred to me to worry about getting my grip ‘stuck’ on the pole.”

But other than that, the two agree the risks in pole dancing are exaggerated by YouTube videos of falling dancers.

“We’re still both in one piece!” Dy declares. “We’ve both fallen during performances, but we’re still alive and dancing.”

Even a sprained wrist or two won’t stop the women of GirlVSGirl from dancing.

“Pole dancing makes me strong, it helps me lead a healthy lifestyle,” Dy says. “It allows me to express myself in an altogether different way from drawing. And since I started teaching, it has been a venue to help other women [and men] feel that extraordinary sense of self as well.”

Macalinao adds, “Pole dancing is a challenge. I enjoy working on pole tricks and I love the feeling of finally getting a beautiful pose right. Also, it reassures me to know, from experience, that every day, every hour and every minute of practice always leads to some progress.”

Catch GirlVSGirl on www.facebook.com/girlvsgirl and www.facebook.com/polecatsmanila. Contact 0917-5356237 or call the Movement Dance Studio (Ortigas 9448075/4744283, and Makati 3926220) for details.

E-mail the author at biancaconsunji@yahoo.com.

source: inquirer.net

2.14.2010

Beyond VDay



The article below was sent to me by a friend. It tries to explain the science why relationships plateau in time. While it is true that dynamics shift from fucking like rabbits to sometimes nothing, it just underscores that relationship make up is not just love, attraction, sex. We can all have relationships with just one of those three things. I know I dive head on in relationships not even examining if it's love. But to me, relationship is not about any of those three, it is about commitment. Having the three would surely help keep the commitment, but they are not the holy trinity of relationships. This entry may be anti-Vday to some, that's why I'm posting it almost end of VDay so that we can re-assess after all the sweat, fluids, screams, words, emotions, and yes, money (and what have yous) have been released on this specific day.

------------------------------

Sex chemistry 'lasts two years'

Couples should not worry when the first flush of passion dims - scientists have identified the hormone changes which cause the switch from lust to cuddles.

A team from the University of Pisa in Italy found the bodily chemistry which makes people sexually attractive to new partners lasts, at most, two years.

When couples move into a "stable relationship" phase, other hormones take over, Chemistry World reports.

But one psychologist warned the hormone shift is wrongly seen as negative.

Dr Petra Boynton, of the British Psychological Society, said there was a danger people might feel they should take hormone supplements to make them feel the initial rush of lust once more.

'Not ever-lasting'

The Italian researchers tested the levels of the hormones called neutrophins in the blood of volunteers who were rated on a passionate love scale.


It is suggesting that what happens first is the best bit - and that isn't true
Dr Petra Boynton, British Psychological Society

Levels of these chemical messengers were much higher in those who were in the early stages of romance.

Testosterone was also found to increase in love-struck women, but to reduce in men when they are in love.

But in people who had been with their partners for between one and two years these so-called "love molecules" had gone, even though the relationship had survived.

The scientists found that the lust molecule was replaced by the so-called "cuddle hormone" - oxytocin - in couples who had been together for several years.

Oxytocin, is a chemical that induces labour and milk-production in new and pregnant mothers.

Donatella Marazziti, who led the research team, said: "If lovers swear their feelings to be ever-lasting, the hormones tell a different story."

Similar research conducted by Enzo Emanuele at the University of Pavia found that levels of a chemical messenger called nerve growth factor (NGF) increased with romantic intensity.

After one to two years, NGF levels had reduced to normal.

'Real Cupid's arrows'


The researchers said: "Whether more nerve growth is needed in the early stage of romance because of all the new experiences that are engraved into the brain, or whether it has a second, as yet unknown function in the chemistry of love, remains to be explored."

Michael Gross, a bio-chemist and science writer who has studied the latest findings, said: "It shows that different hormones are present in the blood when people are acutely in love while there is no evidence of the same hormones in people who have been in a stable relationship for many years.

"In fact the love molecules can disappear as early as 12 months after a relationship has started to be replaced by another chemical glue that keeps couples together."

He added: "To any romantically inclined chemist, it should be deeply satisfying to be able to prove that chemical messengers communicate romantic feeling between humans."

"It may be the only thing that science can offer as a real-world analogy to Cupid's arrows."

But Dr Boynton said: "This feeds into a 1970s view that when you meet it's all sparky, and then it's a downward trajectory to cuddles - which is seen as a negative.

"It is suggesting that what happens first is the best bit - and that isn't true."

She added: "I'm concerned that, having identified these hormones, there will be some move to suggest replacements to recreate the early passion."

------
Source : BBC news

2.10.2010

In sickness and in health




I got sick last week. Had fears. Worried sick (redundant. Haha). Totally unnecessary, not helpful. Was exhausted and weak all over. Okay, it's just a freaking flu, but senseless worry and exaggerated drama made it feel carcinogenic. Overacting aside, supportive social system managed to take me out of that malady-rama.

Doctors have the power to hurt us and break our spirits. But we also have the innate weapon to counter that sans a medical degree. I dare call it faith. That mindset that things will be all right no matter how bad this doctor makes it sound or how awful our mind can magnify it as we grapple for our mortality.

I wonder why when we get sick, though physiological, the first thing it hits is our emotion. Our chests run amuck with anguish and negativity on the whys and how unfair life is of which no drug can ease.

Suddenly, the work we've been prioritizing for years where we mindlessly waste our bodies for doesn't seem that urgent or more important anymore. Wakeup call? More like waking from a bad case of hangover that will stick until ill. Ugh. Not good.

The best doctors I had last week were not in white coats but with true blue affection for me - my family, SO and my select friends. They didn't tire slapping me to logic and out of my over-top feeling of self-pity. Good thing was really week then thus didn't have the energy to slap back. Hehe. My turn will come when they too get sick. Huh! :D

Seriously though, I'm soo happy to finally be well. Well enough to at least write a few stuff. Tee hee. Thanks for all who wished me well. :)

Mor(t)al lessons:

1. Don't get sick when you have no one to pour your nonsense to.
2. Sickness starts with the mind, then the rest will follow.
3. To be weak is normal, to be sick - that's our fault

1.27.2010

Let's Drive!

While we're at the lez music topic these days and because V Day is just a few weeks away, let's raise the temperature higher. let's sizzle baby! hehe.

here's a sample of what a lesbian song is - no hesitation, no undertones. it's raw, it's intense!

introducing, gay singer/songriter Melissa Ferrick, with her song Drive.



Video:



**yep, it's kate moss on pole. yeah, ohmyfuckingosh! :D


-----------
DRIVE
by melissa ferrick


If you want this
if you want this
if you want this, you’re gonna have to ask
nicely please
yeah if you want this
you’re gonna have to ask me
you’re gonna have to ask me

Whatever you want
I’ll give it to you
I’ll give it to you slowly
‘till you’re just begging me to hold you
ya whatever you want
whatever you want
but you’re gonna have to ask me

Your mouth waters
stretched out on my bed
your fingers are trembling
and your heart is heavy and red
and your head is bent back
and your back is arched
my hand is under there
holding you up

I’ll hold you up
and drive you all night
I’ll hold you up
and drive you baby ‘till you feel the daylight
I’ll hold you up
and drive you all night
I’ll hold you up
and drive you ‘till you feel the daylight
that’s right
that’s right

In the kitchen
in the shower
and in the back seat of my car
I’ll hold you up
in your office
preferably during business hours
‘cause you know how I like it when there’s people around
and I know how you like it
yeah I know how you like it
I know how you like it when I tease you for hours

Your mouth waters
stretched out on my bed
your fingers are trembling
and your heart is heavy and red
and your head is bent back
and your back is arched
and my hand is under there
holding you up

I’ll hold you up
and drive you all night
I’ll hold you up
and drive you baby ‘till you feel the daylight
I’ll hold you up
and drive you all night
I’ll hold you up
and drive you ‘till you feel the daylight
oh and this has just begun

Yeah this has just begun
because we haven’t even gotten started yet
I haven’t even
I haven’t even tied you up
I haven’t even turned you over
this is where I want to live
right here between your hips
where all the love you hold and hide
it’s where it lives
right here between your hips
this is where I want to live
it’s where all the love you give exists

Your mouth waters
stretched out on my bed
your fingers are trembling
and your heart is heavy and red
your head is bent back
your back is arched
my hand is under there
holding you up

I’ll hold you up
and drive you all night
I’ll hold you up
and drive you baby ‘till you feel the daylight
I’ll hold you up
and drive you all night
I’ll hold you up
and drive you baby ‘’till you feel the daylight
that’s right
yeah
that’s right
that’s right
that’s right
I’ll hold you up
that’s right
that’s right
I’ll drive you all night

1.26.2010

I Kissed a Girl - lez version

i keep hearing this song and admittedly likes the catchy tune. however, if we listen to it very carefully, we know that the song is for faux-lesbians. it actually pisses me hear some of its lines (ex. "experimental game") because it downplays the girl-to-girl theme. so 'thought of coming up with the same song and tune with lez customized lyrics. hehe. enjoy!

best to sing with accompaniment (right click here)

----------------------------------------
I Kissed a Girl - lez version

This was always the way I planned
Yeah, my intention
I got so brave, drink in hand
Ditched my discretion
It's sure what, I'm used to
Just want to try you on
I'm curious for you
Caught my attention

I kissed a girl and I like it
The taste of her cherry lipstick
I kissed a girl 'cause I want it
I hope my girlfriend don't mind it
It felt so strong
It felt so right
Don't mean I'm in love tonight
I kissed a girl and I like it.
I love it.

No, I don't even know your name
It doesn't matter.
You're my sentimental flame
Just human nature,
It's not what,
straight girls do
Not how they should behave
My heart gets so obvious
Hard to disobey

I kissed a girl and I like it
The taste of her cherry wet lick
I kissed a girl, want to try it
I hope my girlfriend don't mind it
It felt so strong
It felt so right
Don't mean I'm in love tonight
I kissed a girl and I like it
I love it.

Us girls we are so magical
Soft skin, red lips, so kissable
Hard to resist so touchable
Too good to deny it
Ain't it so real, not innocent

I kissed a girl and I like it
The taste of her naughty wet lick
I kissed a girl, want to try it
I hope my girlfriend don't mind it
It felt so strong
It felt so right
Don't mean I'm in love tonight
I kissed a girl and I like it
I love it.

1.20.2010

The good stuff in Golden Globe Awards!

I bet you've never thought this could happen huh? :D Relish!

These actually happened in the recent Golden Globe Awards 2010 when Sandra Bullock bagged the Best Actress for a Drama film. She was so shocked/happy that she suddenly kissed presenter Meryl Streep, to which Meryl gamely obliged.

Haven't seen the film, but I think the pix below are more dramatic! Hehe. :D







See it in action here: Meryl Streep & Sandra Bullock kiss

---
It seems to be a trend now for two hot women to kiss, or insinuate that they can be gay. Either to shock the straights, to check how it feels like, to be cool or to just join the gay fame.

I dunno, by reflex I wouldn't want it, because it's like using gays to show off. But then again it makes being gay common which will make people comfortable with gays in public.

It also helps to educate people that gays are not limited to the obvious kind (ex. butch).

In the age of Lady Gaga, user-friendly and shock value are the hit mix! If they use us, might as well use them too. Huh! Freaking fair deal. So go kiss the next hot womyn you see, just make sure you're as hot to be kissed back. *wink wink*

--
WORD/s OF MOUTH

fyke
When a girl acts like she's lesbian with her friends in a joking way but she's really not lesbian. Also, when a girl makes out with another girl strictly to turn guys on.

fesbian
someone who pretends to be a lesbian to gain attention from guys, or because being a lesbian is the "cool thing to do"

sapphosexual, faux lesbian
a straight woman who indulges in the lesbian lifestyle just because it's trendy

SOURCE: Urban Dictionary

1.17.2010

Ang Ladlad - finally good news!



After rejection in the last two elections, and unjust immorality charges, gay group "Ang Ladlad" is now finally accredited as a party list in the Philippines by the Commission on Elections (Comelec) to join the national elections in May 10, 2010. Yey!

The journey my friends has been long and rough, rejection on all fronts, but good things can come to those who fight!

The fight continues as we battle it out in the elections this May. For those one with us, we ask for your support in any way. :)

----
full article here

learn more about Ang Ladlad here

immorality grounds hurled last time here

1.13.2010

are you ready for The Runaways?

Behold... Joan Jett (Kristen Stewart) and Cherie Currie (Dakota Fanning) of the renowned The Runaways.

I personally didn't watch the Twilight movies. I think they're overrated. But seeing Kristen here, playing this uber cool rocker lesbian chick Joan, OMG, I'm suddenly a convert and panting like a dog. And imagining Dakota and Kristen's anticipated lip-lock is enough to ignite me on my seat. I love Joan, I love Kristen (now). I can't believe she can be this cool, sexy and gay! The eyeliner is enough for me to love her for all her angst. This is spontaneous babbling. I'll try to write a more coherent review/post once I've recovered from seeing her open her legs this wide (actually, i want it wider. haha).



official trailer:



let's watch this once it's shown in Manila. :)