at home

when i was younger, having a dysfunctional family is ok.
it borders 'cool' zone.

but as you mature and all your friends seem to have progressed,
you develop impatience with your family.
and then tolerance grows thin.

ever got the feeling or thought that you're the only sane and normal member of your family?
i do.
and it is beating the life and optimism out of me,
knowing that i don't have the power to change them,
much more correct things for myself.

my depression roots from helplessness and self-pity.
i have recently been late from work bec of the early morning bickerings at home abt nonsensical stuff.
like who is better than the other.
i just want to bang their heads on the wall and knock some sense into them.
bec none of them is actually any good!
and yet they have the gall to compare against each other. pathetic.
superiority complex of the underachiever.
a congenital disease of our clan.
it pains me to hear the exchange of insults and the disrespect to an older sibling and to my mom.
bec all of them are self-righteous, no one admits defeat and passes the blame to everyone except the self.
self-righteousness seem to run in the blood, our second inheritance.
when do i escape this quagmire?
i fear that if is stay any longer with them, that i'll soon be like them.
of the same blood, of the same mold.
ultimate defeat.
oh god.
somebody rescue me.. :(