Showing posts with label Women/Flirting/Dating. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Women/Flirting/Dating. Show all posts

5.06.2012

she is sunday


praying.
strolling.
movies.
coffee shop.
bookstore.
crepes.
fruits.
pancakes.
sunrise.
sunset.
reading.
smiling.
easy.
sunday.
you.



Sunday morning rain is falling
Steal some covers share some skin
Clouds are shrouding us in moments unforgettable
You twist to fit the mold that I am in
But things just get so crazy living life gets hard to do
And I would gladly hit the road get up and go if I knew
That someday it would lead me back to you
That someday it would lead me back to you

That may be all I need
In darkness she is all I see
Come and rest your bones with me
Driving slow on Sunday morning
And I never want to leave

Fingers trace your every outline
Paint a picture with my hands
Back and forth we sway like branches in a storm
Change the weather still together when it ends

That may be all I need
In darkness she is all I see
Come and rest your bones with me
Driving slow on Sunday morning
And I never want to leave

But things just get so crazy living life gets hard to do
Sunday morning rain is falling and I'm calling out to you
Singing someday it'll bring me back to you
Find a way to bring myself back home to you

And you may not know
That may be all I need
In darkness she is all I see
Come and rest your bones with me
Driving slow on Sunday morning

11.25.2011

Crush-ed

Merong girl who implied na crush nya ako. Well she used the term "gusto". Hindi ko ito pinansin masyado pero aminin ko naman na kinilig ako. :) so masaya lang kaming nagtampisaw sa possibilities without overthinking things. *translation we're friends with undertones*. Minsan, a friend openly said crush nya si girl. Ewanko, for someone who's not that interested, I suddenly felt territorial and pikon. "Hoy! Gusto na ko nyan kaya sorry ka na lang at please wag ka na umeksena. Hindi ka papasa sa kanya!" Affected much, naknampucha.

While am not vocal nor i equally reciprocate her attention and gestures, i appreciate all of them. Am just cautious, and know as psychics are sure, it's a long shot for us. Then sa gitna ng hindi inaasahan, sinabi nyang may crush sya, AT hindi ako itoh! Gumuho ang kastilyong binuo ko sa ulap. Aminin ko uli, may kurot akong naramdaman. Kung kurot ito sa puso or pride, hindi ko na masabi. But the feeling is not pleasant. Syempre, gusto ko syang sumbatan. Akala ko ba gusto mo ko?! Bakit may crush ka pa?! Andaya mo. :(

Napaisip ako, ano ba ang mas matimbang, crush or gusto? I dont feel special anymore from her kasi nakadistribute naman pala ang affection nya. In short, am not the center of her universe and it's not fun. Kasi honestly, selfish ako. Kaya pasensya na lang si kawawang ako. :(

Minsan gusto ko syang barahin, "Tigilan mo na nga ang kakakwento mo sa perpekto mong crush at ikaw lang ang natutuwa!"

Mahirap pala talagang maging masaya para sa iba kung hindi naman ikaw ang ikinasisiya nito. Hay.

Kumpara sa crush nyang perpekto, ako'y puro na gasgas. Kumbaga, damaged good na, pero mayaman naman sa character. Hah!

Kaya kung ano mang nurtured feeling meron ako for her, hindi na mahalaga. Kung panong may crush na sya, I crushed this small & promising feeling for her naman. Wala, tampo na. Hehe. Back to earth na uli. Dahil dyan, train crush mode muna. :)

11.24.2011

Payo-payong bukid 2

Ganun talaga. May umaalis, may dumadating, may naiiwan. Masanay ka na. Lahat ng bagay pahiram lang. Ang mga pangako ay totoo lang sa kasalukuyan. Lahat walang pinanghahawakan sa bukas. Kaya wag kang umasa sa pangako. Madisdisapppoint ka lang. Matuwa ka at magpasalamat sa kung ano ang binigay sa yo. One day at a time. Tomorrow is another life. Kaya relax ka lang and always make today your best. =)

Payo-payong bukid

Hayaan mo na sya. Wag ka kasing swapang! Kung gusto nyang makipaglandian sa iba pabayaan mo sya. May better pang dadating na kaya kang hintayin! Sigurado yan. Basta continue to amass fans/admirers/friends para malibang ka at hindi mo na maisip ang pokpok na yun. Minsan akala natin sila na pero after giving it the test of time, hindi pa pala. Kaya wag ka 'ding makati dyan. Dedmahin mo na. Hayaan mo syang lumapit sa yo kung gusto ka pa nya. Tandaan! Hindi lang sya ang babae sa mundo! Sangkatutak sila! For the meantime, magpa-yummy ka muna kapatid. :)

10.24.2011

L na L

Wag kayo masyado maexcite dyan! What i mean is, lunes at leggings. Hehehe.

Lunes na lunes pa lang para na kong laspag na basahan sa pagod. Hay. Buti na lang may vitamin S. Vitamin Sexy! Hehe. Nakakaalis ng pagod. Walang kabakat-bakat ng panty line. So either naka-G string sya or, ohmy *gasps* wala syang underwear! Hindi talaga ako pinapabayaan ni lord. Sa kahit anong pagod ko laging may katapat na seksi na binubuhay ang aking imahinasyon. Underwear or not, isang malaking thank you po! At kung gawin man akong leggings in my next life, malugod ko pong tatanggapin basta po bilang kapalit sa aking hindi matatawarang kabaitan ay seksi at mabangong babae ang magsusuot sa kin. Amen. =)


9.20.2011

kwentuhang adik




FRIEND 1: how are u?
FRIEND 2: ang puso ay naguguluhan ng slight. merong girl ako na gusto ng slight. kaso ang gusto nya ay mega commitment tapos asa ibayong dagat pa sya. so dinecline ko na. i learned na nage-entertain na ng iba ang potah. parang may sundot/kurot ng slight. otherwise am ok
FRIEND 1: Wehehehe. Wow! she moved on quickly
FRIEND 2: e sinunod lang nmn daw nya payo ko. Na magsocialize.
FRIEND 1: aba! masunurin
FRIEND 2: syet!
FRIEND 1: baka gustong gusto nya na tlaga magcommit
FRIEND 2: ndi pa ko ready e. gusto ko landian muna. hehe
FRIEND 1: tama. masaya eh.
FRIEND 2: enjoy ako. hawak ko oras ko
FRIEND 1: ohh the freedom
FRIEND 2: true! pag super gusto ka. mejo nakakairita. pag lumayo nmn, apektado ka. sana tamang cool lang. paparamdam pero ndi sobra sobra
FRIEND 1: ehehe. Ba’t apektado? nanghinayang ka lang sa attention. withdrawal symptom ba
FRIEND 2: ego din.: ginive up ka agad
FRIEND 1: ehehe. yun na yun! Lol! we are vain creatures
FRIEND 2: i know
FRIEND 1: vain and proud
FRIEND 2: and i dont care
FRIEND 1: yes
FRIEND 2: true!!!!
FRIEND 1: no apologies

******** 
FRIEND 1: ex keeps on liking my posts ng photos in fb. papanchin
FRIEND 2: ah. pampam
FRIEND 1: i hid her FB feeds so kyebs ako sa kanya
FRIEND 2: tamah!
FRIEND 1: i dont want to. pag lumapit lapit na naman yan, hihiritan ko cya. wag ka na nga! di mo naman ako kayang mahalin.
FRIEND 2: sunget!
FRIEND 1: wag ka lapit ng lapit. baka mainlab ka na naman
FRIEND 2: cocky. she's been warned
FRIEND 1: hay. we're so born in the wrong country
FRIEND 2: ahaha naiisip ko yan minsan

******** 
FRIEND 2: parang ang sarap mainlab uli. kakamiss
FRIEND 1: ahahah. inlab with the thought of being in love. i just miss having sex
FRIEND 2: lalo pag nakakarinig ako ng mga love songs
FRIEND 1: well yes
FRIEND 2: parang kahit sino kaya mong ikiss. hahaha
FRIEND 1: sex. booty call
FRIEND 2: no kiss for me
FRIEND 1: sex
FRIEND 2: gusto ko kiss. kasi andun ang romance. ang dinedenote ng kiss
FRIEND 1: such a girl. Lol. kiss is so intimate
FRIEND 2: i can only do it with someone na am in love with
FRIEND 1: kiss buys me a dream
FRIEND 2: so now, sex lang.
FRIEND 1: sex buys me a really deep sleep
FRIEND 2: i can do that on my own
FRIEND 1: it's not that... intense. i love all the rocking and the bending. switching places and stuff
FRIEND 2: yoga can give u that siguro
FRIEND 1: yeah i will try yoga sometime this year. I’ve been celibate for months now.
FRIEND 2: parang ang sarap mabaliw uli. do crazy stuff
FRIEND 1: hmmm. like?
FRIEND 2: crazy love stuff
FRIEND 1: it’s nice to lose one's balance
FRIEND 2: yeah
FRIEND 1: i just want crazy. no love involved muna
FRIEND 2: hayyy
FRIEND 1: bored?
FRIEND 2: pensive. am now sure. am in love with love
FRIEND 1: yes.

8.14.2011

to others and to some - updated

now that i've let it out of my system, i'm happy to share that the two friends whom i still care about already apologized. =) we aired our sides, said sorry. done. now moving on to a more interesting part, the supposed threesome invite. i'll just post it verbatim.


girl: hi fire! i'm a huge fan.. i was wondering if you could meet up with me and my friend sometime? hang out lang..

firewomyn: sure! basta treat nyo ko ha. hehe.

girl: haha bukas, pwede ka?

firewomyn: hindi naman kayo nagmamadali no? hehe. can't tom. next Sat works for me. at ndi mo pa kinoconfirm kung treat mo ko ha.

girl: can we get your contact number? 

firewomyn: no. we have to communicate thru mental telepathy. hehe, just email me. and am kinda dubious abt this "we"


**ym msg from someone i don't know received on my phone** 


bigboy: hi. this is ___, girl's friend. haha :)


firewomyn: you're a man? *was thinking could be a butch*

bigboy: yeah, last i checked. haha


firewomyn: i am lesbian. *i think this is the first time i said that line to anybody*

bigboy: err.. *pause* okay, i don't really know how to say this.. *pause* but girl and i were talking about getting another girl to join us, and she said her local celeb crush was you. *msg cut*



**twas late night and was tired, so didn't reply anymore. the next day - **



firewomyn: your msg was cut. join you on what?

bigboy: uh join us for a ... tryst. but i realize now medyo offensive so i'm super sorry. forget we said anything.






#######
i know i've been mentioning it here that my ultimate fantasy is a threesome. i thought the specifics were obvious, so i should have provided that very minor detail that my fantasy is a threesome with two other women. no penis involved please.


the proposal was at first interesting *because it was the girl who asked first*, then shocking *because the boy got in the picture. i mean what part of the word lesbian in my blog header is unclear?*, then interesting again *haha. the shock wore off*, then bitin *they didn't even wait for my answer!*, and then funny *hey, it's not everyday you get to be invited for a "tryst with what seems to be a hetero couple*. and of course i won't let it slip that the girl (whom i am imagining is hot) categorized me as a "local celeb". naksnaman! hay, ansaya ng buhay. may drama, may erotica, may comedy. okay na yan, wag na pong dagdagan ng horror pls. hehe =)



7.06.2011

eustress

pampa-tanggal stress... tamang kilig lang courtesy of one of my fave couples :) hayyz.
thank god for youtube! err, thank you google pala! :)


6.19.2011

pain, pain go away2



*because it's been raining like crazy again*


no amount of anticipation and preparation matched the pain when it finally happened. i have lost you.

i know you will eventually give up and yet i secretly, naive foolishly wished you're different and would actually prove me wrong. this is one time i would badly want to be proven eat-my-word wrong. oh, but how it sucks to be right.

i am wearing my best black to mourn of this loss. i need to do this to bury the slow and steady pain that's draining the life out of my once hopeful self.

what is the use of this heart if it doesn't have you as cause to beat? what is the sense of loving if you won't take this love i have nurtured for only you? why does it hurt so much that i can't cry?

breathe. that's the only involuntary thing my body can do now. breathe. i feel so empty that air has a lot of room to explore in my cavernous shell of a self. breathe. let the air pass through and carry with it when it leaves the imprint of you. breathe. seconds, minutes, hours, days, months, years. allow time to take over. breathe. expand. collapse. take it all in, then let it all out. and then live.

4.16.2011

hanging out

so funny because it is very true. :) do read and share us what you think.

 ----------------------------

source: thought catalog

Dear Gay Dude: Do Gay Guys and Lesbians Hang Out?

Apr. 14, 2011 By Ryan O'Connell


Dear Gay Dude,
I’ve always wondered something. Do gay guys and lesbians get along with each other? I know this might be a silly question, but I’ve never really seen an overlap. Gay men seem to have a separate distinct culture from lesbians and I was curious to see if that’s actually true.
-Friends 4Ever?

Dear Friends 4Ever?,
Short answer: Of course gays and lesbians are friends! Are you kidding? As homosexuals, we’ve all dealt with the same bullshit discrimination. We’re allies and support one another as brothers and sisters in the queer struggle!

Long answer: Um, I think so….
This is a tricky question to answer and it may involve a lot of sweeping generalizations so I’ll try to type carefully. I can only speak from my own experiences here, okay?!

Gays and lesbians are friends obviously. But it can vary from person to person. I know gay men who hang out exclusively with lesbians and I also know gay men who have never had a lesbian friend. We can sometimes exist in different worlds, which makes sense because we live on opposite ends of the sexual universe. Gay men reside at Anal Avenue and Two Penises Lane while lesbians are holding it down on Vagina Vagina Court and Ani Difranco Street. You can’t get more “opposite sides of town’” than that.

Are you ready to hear some of the stereotypes that can make gays and lesbians polar opposites? Certain ones are more true than others, but here are the basics. Lesbians tend to be more driven by their emotions (I guess} and drawn to monogamous long-term relationships than gay men are. They also find themselves frequently entangled in what is commonly referred to as “dike drama.” Look, I know what I just said is kind of icky, but if anything is real, it’s dike drama. That shit is not a lie. It’s here, it’s queer, and lesbians deal with it. In the few friendships I’ve had with lesbians, I have been STUNNED by their relationship drama. It can be a damn soap opera. Like gay men, lesbians can be an incestuous bunch. The difference though lies in the seriousness of the romantic relationships. Some gay men can do sexual double dips and call it a day. But with the lesbian friends I’ve had, it gets more complicated than that. There is no “Wham, bam, thank you m’am!” Instead, it’s “Wham, let’s cuddle, and who are you talking to? Your ex-girlfriend? Fuck you!” Relationships appear to get serious very fast. Nesting can occur in a second, and before you know it, you’re just together. It doesn’t always last forever though. Things can end just as quickly as they started. And then before you know it, someone is having sex with someone else’s girlfriend and then all hell breaks loose. Wait, this is starting to sound eerily similar to the love lives of gay men…

My best friend in high school was actually a lesbian. We saw eye to eye on practically everything, and when our two queer sensibilities would converge, it would create a beautiful double rainbow. The only thing I couldn’t relate to is how she dealt with her girlfriends. Even though we were both emotional intuitive people with similar thought processes, her girl problems would just have different outcomes than the issues I had with boys. One day she’d hate this one particular girl passionately, and the next day, they would record a voicemail together that would be like, “Hi. You’ve reached Cynthia’s phone. She’s not here right now because she’s cuddling with ME.”

I think all of these differences have the ability to sometimes create a tension. Gay men can view lesbians as being too much drama and lesbians can see gay men as superficial narcissists. But at the end of the day, people are people. As a gay man, I don’t need a translator to speak lesbian. I get it. I get them. I love them. In fact, I think it’s bullshit that in this new queer media, lesbians’ voices often get buried. I don’t see them being represented nearly as much as gay men are and it’s totally unfair. They still seem to be majorly marginalized. At gay clubs, they have “girls night” instead of sharing a queer space or heck, having their own. Of course there are lesbian bars, but gay bars seem to outnumber them.

So here’s the short answer and long answer combined: Yes, we hang out. Yes, we love each other. Yes, we are different. Yes, we can exist in different social worlds. In the end though, it’s up to us. We can be as separate or together as we want to be.

Love,
Gay Dude

------------

4.08.2011

friends?



when someone says "i love you" to you, it only means two things, "do you love me too?" or "please love me too". and so you must realize that you are bound to hurt her the moment you can't reciprocate her love. even though you've been clear that you can only be a friend, you cannot stop the other from hoping that the friendship will blossom to something more. the burden then lies on you. to re-clarify, put boundaries, and make clear what the friendship entails. for any positive action on your end though done in the goodwill of friendship, can mean differently to the one in love. we've all been there. we love with optimism and strong hope/resolve of being loved back, super magnifying every littlest of nice gesture. meanings are in people not in words or actions. so don't ever believe that just because you can't love the other person back means the other will stop loving you. it may not be your fault, but you can lessen massive internal hemorrhage and unbelievable pain to others if you set the boundaries of the friendship you can only offer, instead of leaving it simply as, "let's just be friends.".

3.26.2011

tale of the toe


fact:  a person's toes curl when s/he is sexually aroused

3.22.2011

if these legs can talk 1

if walls can talk, why can't legs? :D here are train snapshots with a story to tell.

legend: B is for butch, F is for femme


3.03.2011

pierced

 

Lights On
By The Pierces
-----

Ohhh Ohhh Ohhh
Ohhh Ohhh Ohhh

Some people say that I want you for your money
But I really want you for your body
Pleased to meet you baby, 
I want to be your honey
So let's go tell your daddy and mommy

This won't get any easier now
That your heart is beating in my hand
And I've tried not to destroy you baby
Even though we both know I can
Ohh you know I can

Make love with the lights on baby
Tell me what you see
Clear the bed to lie on darlin'
Make a mess of me

Here's my dress to try on baby
Let me be your man
I will call you pretty darlin'
Tell me what I am

Ohhh Ohhh Ohhh

Ca-Ca-Ca Can I have your number?
Can I have your baby?
Can we run away together?

I would walk on water
I would walk on fire
I would sell my soul to the devil

And this won't get any easier now
That your heart is beating in my hand
And I've tried not to destroy you baby
Even though we both know I can

Make love with the lights on baby
Tell me what you see
Clear the bed to lie on darlin'
Make a mess of me

Here's my dress to try on baby
Let me be your man
I will call you pretty darlin'
Tell me what I am

Make love with the lights on baby
Tell me what you see
Clear the bed to lie on darlin'
Make a mess of me

Here's my dress to try on baby
Let me be your man
I will call you pretty darlin'
Tell me what I am


my ultimate fantasy is simply a threesome.
now i want to be specific.
i want a threesome
with the pierce sisters
(catherine and allison).

learn more about the threesome, i mean the pierces here.


** thanks to hapi for giving me the song =) **

2.17.2011

share-worthy

tama na muna ang landian. magseryoso muna tayo. hehehe.

----------------------------------------
AFFIDAVIT OF LONGING


I, _________, Filipino, of legal age with legal residence at __________________, after having been witness to the maddening rush of singles out to find a date on Valentine’s Day, after heckling them as headless chickens with a silly priority, after having narrowly escaped a stoning by these same singles after uttering that aforementioned remark, after having been sworn, do hereby declare and depose that:

1. I am a steeled, calloused woman, a small player in a game the big boys play, but a player nonetheless.

2. As such, I scoff at the cutesy stuff and do not spend precious time engaging in trite discussions on the merits of such weightless matters as where I can find a date, will he call or does he like me. To the best of my ability, I endeavor to rid my mind of such folly. Desperately.

3. I fully comprehend and wholly accept the crass commercialism of Valentine’s Day. I realize that it is a concept exploited, abused and capitalized – in the complete sense of the word – by greeting card companies, restaurants, hotels and mattress makers.

4. Despite the above, I am still a fool for romance.

5. I am a pushover for moonlit talks, fresh flowers, impulsive gifts and tender, clever words of endearment. I dream of pony rides for two in a faraway place, of sheltering beneath a soft blanket against the cold night wind, of taking long walks on a beach at sunset and of a hand to hold.

6. I contend that these shallow thrills reveal a deeper emotion, a secret wish common to the vast majority of single twenty-somethings. As part of the aforementioned category, I further contend that this wish may be pared down to a longing for a hand to hold.

7. With this, I assert that longing is a state of the mind and heart, a somewhat wrenching proposition, but a condition that may be alleviated by diversions unique to the individual. It is a state that normally ends when a person has found someone to whom he can devote all of his time, passion and energy.

8. For the record, I am not in a state of longing. But having sifted through the serene albeit grudging wisdom of the dumped, the insightful and sometimes catty discussions of modern-day sages and my own eager experience, I discern and believe all I write to be true.

9. With the foregoing as guide, I do then gently advise that if by some favored chance, you meet the person with whom you can happily share a life, then by all means, do everything in your power and beyond to be a source of happiness to that person without sacrificing your sense of self.

10. Keep in mind though that the heart has its own cadence and voice and that its rhythms and reasons may never be unraveled. And though possession is nine-tenths ownership, in the realm of the senses and of the soul, the heart is free to leave when it desires.

11. This goes for you, too. For though you may have found someone, and even if that person be your soul mate, it is by no means a guarantee that you will cease to want.

12. Thus, in matters of the heart, teach yourself four things: to give of yourself, to rely on yourself, to temper expectations, and to simply accept.

13. What I have learned is timeless yet time-bound, acceding to your unique situation and circumstance. Like good wine, you can never have enough, it cannot possible quench all that you thirst for, and it can only be appreciated if you agree to taste.

14. This affidavit is executed to attest to the foregoing facts and for whatever purposes this may serve. On this day, and for the years to come, I wish you a hand to hold.

In witness whereof, I have hereunto set my hand this 14th day of February _______ in Manila, Philippines.



__________________
Affiant

--------------
Written by: Yvette Candice Gotianuy for her column "A Fine Mess",
Cebu Daily News, 16 February 1999.


source: babblingpoint

2.16.2011

it's in the mint


a cup of Peppermint tea, a successful job interview over lunch, ears plugged to good music, and time to close my eyes and feel real good. By the time I opened my eyes a beautiful woman was looking at me from afar. When the elevator doors opened, we both entered, I first, she second. Am at her back and I saw her reflection from the elevator doors. Mygolly, she's one hot, beautiful woman, kinda looks like a taller brunette jodie foster. Chewing gum and looking suplada. Can I have your gum so I can taste you? I stood closer to her back,  and wanted more, but dang! My stop's next. I just slightly brushed myself to her back as I left just to feel her. I was so turned on I had to pee and wash my face. Because all my blood rushed to my face like teens on pandemonium at the sight of bieber. The waiter must have put some aphrodisiac in my tea. Maybe it's the mint! I was palpitating and not because of caffeine. It is on moments like this when I am definite I am tomgirl.Can I have another mint? :D

----
Back in the ofc and with that mood, I get this email from a girl friend -

"Btw, I'm having a little dilemma. This girl is sending me mixed signals and just baffles me. Maybe I really suck with women. NO PUN INTENDED AT ALL. I meant it in the literal sense."

My reply:
"so the literal meaning is you suck women. there's no maybe in that. hehe. so what is the dilemma, to suck her or not?"

Friend's reply :
"suck as in not good. not suck as in,  creating a vacuum with your mouth over the surface of the skin. (see how dorky i am?)"

My reply:
"adorkable :)"

---
Wahaha! Yep, I say it's all because of the mint!

2.13.2011

holy fun


A priest and a Nun get into a cab. When the Nun sits down and crosses her legs, she reveals a leg through a slit in the gown. The priest gets excited and can't control himself. He stealthily slides his hand up her leg. The nun says, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"

The priest feels embarrassed and immediately removes his hand and tries to recollect Psalm 129.

After sometime, he again can't help himself and lets his hand slide up her leg. The nun once again says, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest apologises, "Sorry sister, the flesh is weak and gives in to temptations."

He drops her off at the convent. On his arrival at the church, the priest immediately rushes to look up Psalm 129. It said - "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."

1.26.2011

On dating

a good read on dating. this goes to all the people looking for dates and to my friends who are dating.



The Kinds of People You Can Date

Jan. 24, 2011
Ryan O’Connell is a 24 year-old writer based in the East Village, New York.
You can date someone in the summertime when it’s too hot to have rules. This person might not make sense in February when you’re wearing thick coats and eating too much, but they’ll fit in nicely at a Fourth of July barbecue or a pool party. Your bodies will stick together in the heat and sometimes having sex will be the grossest activity you can think of, but you’ll do it anyway. You’ll understand what it means to be in a “summer mood”, how you can spend three months taking a break from your real life to make out, wear provocative clothing and drink too many margaritas. Your skin will be sun kissed, sand will stick between your toes and you’ll feel kinda sexy. When you start wearing cardigans and throwing yourself back into your work, your summer lover will fade away and the romance will live on as some kind of lost weekend at the beach. That’s okay though. Those who can love you in the summer have a difficult time doing so any other time.

You can date someone who loves you more than you love them. They’ll look at you with complete adoration and hang their jaw in a droopy way that strikes you as charming. You’ll be more goal-driven, more structured and they’ll teach you how to let go and feel worshipped. The inequity in love will be immediately apparent, but you’ll convince yourself that you’re just falling in love with them very, very slowly. After a certain amount of time, you’ll realize it won’t be possible and this swirl of guilt, anger and sadness will develop inside of you. You’ll look at their smitten face and want to spit in it. You’ll act ugly and hate yourself for not knowing how to love them back. There are certain people who are meant to have their hearts broken and there are certain people who are meant to break hearts. You’re not sure which is worse.

You can date someone who will treat you like shit. They’ll be a Scorpio or a sociopath and have an intoxicating energy that’ll suck you in. After a few months, you’ll have completely lost yourself, making excuses for their awful behavior and telling your friends, “You just don’t know them like I do.” Even though you know it’s bullshit and hate yourself, those rare moments of tenderness will keep you involved and make it feel worth it. Hopefully, you’ll hit a wall with this person and tire of the emotional manipulation, abuse and misery. You’ll make a clean break and feel like you’ve woken up from a nightmare. Later, people will tell you that “everyone has that type of person in their life at some point. You know, the kind that abuses you and leaves you wanting the next kick.” Hearing this is supposed to make you feel better about everything. Or maybe it’s not. It’s hard to tell. What you do know is that you’ll never blame yourself for what happened. You’ll always blame them.

You can date someone who’s more attractive than you and marvel at their perfect body and porcelain skin. Their clavicle is just so exquisite, isn’t it? Love them most when they’re naked and they’ll love you most when you’re clothed. You might be smarter than them, have more warmth, empathy and intuition, but somehow you’ll end up feeling like the inadequate one. Everyone stares at you when you’re out together thinking, “What are they doing with that?” At least that’s what you’ll assume they’re thinking. Dating someone so beautiful has made you completely paranoid and insecure. Even though the beautiful person has reassured you of their love, it won’t be enough and you’ll stop dating them because you don’t want to feel like a gargoyle anymore. You’ll miss their clavicle most of all.

You can date someone who has never been in love before. They’ll remind you of teen love and it will be absolutely delightful. They’ll say weird intense things without knowing how weird and intense they are and make grand sweeping gestures of their love for you. They haven’t been ruined yet, haven’t discovered how cruel people can be and how much they can disappoint you. You’ll inevitably be that person for them though. Through some sort of love osmosis, they’ll inherit your bitterness and broken hearts when you start to show the slightest bit of disinterest. When they leave, you won’t ever be sure if dating them was worth it.

You can date someone who would be a good father or mother. Admire them for their nurturing capabilities and wonder if you’d be a good parent. Leave them when you stop wondering.
You can date someone who’s right for you. They’ll have a normal clavicle, make sense year-round, been in love before, take care of you when you’re sick, be occasionally passive-aggressive, want kids, sometimes disappoint you, love you, hate you, love you again. You won’t worry about who’s the cuter one or who loves the other one more. It just won’t cross your mind, which is when you know the love has longevity.

The people you date aren’t necessarily the people you end up loving and that’s okay. There will be different kinds of people who enter your life at certain times. You date someone who hates you when you hate yourself. Afterwards, you date someone who loves you too much to make it all better. The goal is to eventually have your shit sorted out so you can love someone just because they’re lovely and make you happy. That’s it. I love you; you love me. The end. *hayy, kileeg! :D*

source: here

12.27.2010

Crush(ed)

i can't sing to save my life. it's a crime to be tone deaf in the age of videoke and plugged nation. but i manage to survive thru other non-musical talents. hehe. so i guess i can't be blamed for easily falling/get attracted to girls who rock it.

once on an out of town work planning stint where we went to a bar after, i went gaga over a vocalist/guitarist. she sings gwen stefani songs, she's in mini UK plaid skirt with boots and clunky necklaces. i instantly became a freakin shriekin fan. and i was in cloud nine. but being out of town, didn't see her again. sigh.

months later at an exclusive party organized by my ex, i saw her again (yey!) with her bandmate (they're 2 cool chicks). omg. it pumped me high. but then i learned from the circle, that she and her mestiza bandmate are a couple. OUCH. still a freakin, shriekin fan though, i stared at her endlessly as she lifted me to rock and roll heaven with every girl angsty song. by second set, i noticed that she's drunk. at the restroom, she went knocking at every cube asking for ciggies. i was in one of the cubes, and goddammit, why didn't i ever smoke! i went out of my cube and she was still there. wasted! slumped. crying, snots and whatnot. there i was in front of my super duper rocker crush, in a vulnerable state, a golden opportunity really, and all i can do was just stare. before i could even muster a movement near her, other girls came in. rocker crush sluggishly stood up and asked them again for smoke. mental note: seriously consider social smoking. others have done more for love, smoking (with the risk of bad breath, yellow teeth, black lips, ohyeah, and lung cancer too) is such a small price/investment to win over the girl of your fantasy.

i went out, kicking my ass for the biggest stupid act of my life. back at my seat, i can only fume and drink. as the music became upbeat, people started dancing. rocker crush was in the dance floor dancing to herself, she then went hopping at each table, asking the girls to go dance. she was jumping with drink on one hand and smoke on the other. she was more wasted now. i have a suspicion she took in other stuff too. she kept hugging everyone in between jumps and puff. and i was transfixed at what i do best, stare at her endlessly.

i should be ecstatic to finally see again my rocker crush, but watching her crumble by whatever she took, be it alcohol, smoke, drugs, pain, i only felt sadness. her supposed gf was there, mingling with the other women. they appear cool, but rocker crush i sensed is in trouble. so much that she drowns it with all the numbing stuff available that night.


i didn't see her anymore after that night. that night when the crush i nurtured actually got crushed. i hope the same songs she sang that lifted me to various heights be the same songs that heal her heart.