unfaithful at an ungodly hour (3:23am)

warning: this is a randomly thought entry written early in da morning. i've been letting it jel in my head for some time now. anyway, here goes...


i have just recenly understood why people become unfaithful.
when one is taking for granted the other, that is when it starts. and then the other just let the issue coagulate inside him/her.

i always think that temptations are constantly around us. what makes it real is the moment we take notice of them and identify them as such. because by then, it means they got your attention and you are interested.

i don't classify a person as a temptation if i can resist them.
it's like this, kahit sangkatutak na babae ang maghubad sa harapan mo, pero walang tumindig na kahit isang nerve ending sa erogenous zone mo, then they are no temptation at all.

but if you meet someone whom you know you like w/o much ado, that ladies and gentlemen is a certified temptation in the offing, one in the league of eve serving you with a juicy apple you so badly want to taste and eat all the way!

so how do you cook unfaithfulness?
first, you must have a spoonful of dissatisfaction, marinate overnight, then sprinkle with temptation, then let it simmer for a few minutes, and voila! infidelity is ready to be served.

infidelity is a conscious thing. i don't buy the crap often used that it just happened.
infidelity is an action and more so a decision.
from the first moment you felt the excitement w/ this tempting person, you know what you are getting yourself into.
you can actually smell infidelity brewing.

to justify the act or dilute the guilt, you just don't label and not over-analyze what's happening. so instead of confronting your partner abt your issues, you keep it to yourself & let the other use guesswork. and you choose to be comforted by a 'friend' whom you'll pour your heart and gut out and disguise the whole dynamics as friendship.

if you have the courage to be unfaithful, have also the same guts to admit it for what it really is. that it is something you chose to do, a pathway you chose to take regardless of your partner's or the relationship's inadequacies.

is infidelity a sin?
for me it is not. lying is.
infidelity is just one of the many manifestations of lying.

the issue i think is that the infidels can't admit or face their predicament as it is, and thus results to lying.
the situation is simple. may nangangaliwa kasi may nde na masaya. may nagkulang. you've lost it, ergo, all the previous arragements/agreements (you started w/ da relationship) no longer hold true for the present.

when faced w/ temptation, it's either you give in or you resist.
i think if you're truly happy w/ ur partner, there is no need to resist bec you're simply not interested.
but the moment you are resisting, that means something.
it's like a fight, you are fightin your own self. if that is the case, then you are denying yourself of what it desires, w/c in this case, is to be free of your partner to sample the temptation.

you can only be faithful to others if you are first faithful to yourself. because by then, you know yourself, what you desire, what can make you happy.

being unfaithful to others is just being faithful to yourself and what your self desires. and you can never be completely faithful to anybody other than your own self.

pasko na, tangina!

note: dahil malapit na ang mismas, magkantahan muna tayo!
dis is dedicated to all my frends, fiends (yes, pati kau!) and fans :) wehehe.
napapraning na naman ako. pagpasenshahan nyo na.

pasko na, tangina!
by firewomyn

**to da tune of pasko na sinta ko**



pasko na, tangina!
wala pa ring sinta
bakit nagkaganto?
kyut naman ako :(

kung mababakante,
ang saklap, tangina!
pano ang paskong alang S-O... (Significant Other)

sayang tangina!
ang olats naman
kung walang kahawak-kamay...

nais ko nang sa chat maghanap
ng kakariring masarap! ;)

kung talagang wala na
makuhang sinta,
tangina, oks lang,
inuman na 'to!


**a gay mismas to everyone!!!**

starbucks @ midnight

what is the taste of loneliness?
it's the blandness of hot choco that got cold of waiting.
the unfinished banana bread that lost its appeal after just a few bites.

what is the look of loneliness?
it is the empty seat beside where you're seated from.

what is the sound of loneliness?
the deafening silence in your head that gets drowned by everybody's noisy chatter.

what is the feel of loneliness?
the hollow feeling of your heart when you give it a tug. And the need to poke at it just so you can feel it throb.
it is the muscle ache at your back whose caress will only come from your own hands.
the headache that will only be soothed by the clinical effect of advil.

what is the face of loneliness?
tears flowing freely, bec no one will dry them w/ soft kisses & whispers of assurance.
an upward twitch of the lips poorly imitating a smile that doesn't quite reach the eyes, much more touch thy soul.

it is me, staring back at the stranger from my own reflection.

a day in my lyf

andaming pdeng mangyari sa isang araw.
sa isang araw ng buhay ko,
mga ilang oras yata akong masaya at maghapong pissed off.

una kasi mejo mahaba ang tulog ko, so magaan pakiramdam ko.
then i look good today & for once, im in no rush or sumthin like that.
also during our mancom, maayos naman lahat.
meaning, nde ako nasermonan, nde ako ang sentro ng usapan at isyu, saling pusa lang.
ansaya naman :)

nakapagkwentuhan pa kme ng boss ko.
we shared our frustrations and we had empathy.
i accomplished a lot of little stuffs today (err, im not sure if they're counted, but what the heck! it still feels good to have finished something!)

this is starting to be an unusual day.
true to form, my day is not my day if it aint got the heat!
so come after lunch, one shit after another started flooding in.

first i got some crap from a guy who just feels not workin' today w/ a reason that he's finished his task the other day.
whattafuck kind of thinkin is that?!
first, sinong dyos ang nagsabi sa kanya na tapos na sya?!
e sino ba ang nagchecheckoff?! duh?!
and also, so what kung tapos ka na?! madaming projects ang naghihintay!
he has this artificial sense of what 'done' means.
typical developer mentality. give me a break!
e kung tapusin ko kaya ang buhay nya dito sa opisinang to?!
nde ko alam kung bobo sha or nagtatanga-tangahan lng sha.

and as if that wasn't enough, da guy had da gall (if it's not that then he is simply stupid!) to missend a text to me w/ a nasty reference to me. as in putangina!
pero after a few breaths and quick thinkin, sensibility took over sense.
im not bothered at all by that, afterall, it is not as if, we can't move on w/o him.
if he feels that way, well, i have news for him: No One Is Indispensable!
removing one rotten apple from the lot aint a bad idea afterall.

then another guy, just went crazy and threatened me bec of some error in his paycheck (w/c im entirely not involved in). what's happenin?! geez!
cant he just verify first if his accusations were valid? i mean, give me some slack here.
it's not as if he didnt have his share of errs and fuck-ups!
again, another primadonna!
this ofc has a whole bunch of them! primadonna guys who's so full of themselves but aint that good overall.

with guy 1, i decided to confront him tom instead. i treated him professionally and just dealt with the project concerns.
one battle at a time. i dont wana ruin my momentum and diffuse my focus when there's so much to deliver.

with guy 2, since it is no direct concern of mine, i just asked the acctng pipol and raised the issue to them.
ive got enough shit in my own backyard to be handling this. let them fix the mess they created.
and will you please getoutta my space!

i need professional distance from these nega peeps.
they're draining the life out of me!
and i have this pragmatic way of approaching these probs.
shape up or ship out.
either you're with me or you're not.
harsh but necessary.
brutal yes, but we have a fierce society anyway.
age-old saying modified: survival of the "toughest & the smartest".
it has to be the two. won't work with just one.
live it. deal with it.

andaming pdeng mangyari sa isang araw.
sa isang araw ng buhay ko, naranasan ko ang
magmahal, umunawa, mapagod, magutom, mabigo, saktan, umasa.
pero kaya lahat yan!
basta araw-araw patuloy akong lumalaban.
UP Fight! :P hehehe.

universal thoughts

note:
i wrote dis for someone. dis was out of a short conversation we had. so dis is in a sense 'hers and mine' kinda entry.


kuntento ka na ba sa buhay mo?
ako hinde!
bakit ba mahirap makuntento?
ano ba ang konsepto ko ng contentment?
ang maging masaya sa piling ng isang tao.
at ikasasaya ko kung ako ang nag-iisang taong makakapagpaligaya sa kanya.
in other words, i want exclusivity.

but then again, i think that is da very reason why contentment becomes elusive for me.
kasi, while i want exclusivity on my partner, i dont want that applied to me.
meaning? selfish ako! sowhat?! my life, my rules. deal with that.

i want to be da center of her universe, pero i want a taste of da galaxy too! tough huh? im sounding like a spoiled rich brat now.
*yaya! i want dat gurl (points to da chick walking outside), can u get her for me and just put her on da bed while i take my bath, make sure she's brushed her teeth ok.* hehehe.

masarap magexplore, to discover new stuff, new tastes, new feel.
and i dont believe u can experience all dat in one body.
who says it has to be just one anyway?
whoever invented dat rule?
i think it's arbitrary, in da sense dat it's based on ur morality.
on what you can tolerate and stomach.

masarap sa ego na kaya mong paluhurin ang isang tao and make 'em beg for you.
and dat person will be hapi w/ just you. or me for dat matter.

i think there are pipol like dat.
and ofcourse, there are pipol lyk me.

so it's about finding a match and transformations.

i'm worldly ryt now, enlivened by my senses.
but given da right time or da right person perhaps,
*quick question, do u believe it's da ryt person or da ryt timing? hmmm... dats up for another entry*

who knows, i can be da sun to ur universe and u to mine, orbiting in each other's universe, contented and hapi.

note:
i wrote dis for someone. dis was out of a short conversation we had. so dis is in a sense 'hers and mine' kinda entry.

conversations w/ a fan 2

background: dis person accidentally stumbled on my blog and has been readin da then outdated entries (2003). though blogspot is my first blog, i was actively bloggin on blog-city before, until blogspot updated their features and made me go back to my blog roots (just dis oct. 14, 2004). come to think of it, had i not known dat pipol still read my old blog, i wouldn't revisit blogspot. so in a way dis gurl is da one who made me activate my blogspot. i thank you! ;) cheers! :)


proud fan : u can say i'm a fan
proud fan : shet, kakahiya to ah!
proud fan : :D
firewomyn : y?
firewomyn : never been a fan b4?
proud fan : shempre oo no...pro to actually admit na fan ka, that's embarassing
proud fan : hahahaha
proud fan : ma-pride ako eh
proud fan : hehehhe
proud fan : joke!
firewomyn : ok
firewomyn : and admitting dat lessens ur pride?
proud fan : no, not exactly...
firewomyn : ok lng
firewomyn : narereplenish nmn ang pride e
proud fan : hahaha

conversations w/ a fan 1

background: dis person is a recent ex of an ex-ofcmate of mine. we never talked before. then out of da blue s/he made his/her presence felt. since im tamad in making verbal kwento, i just said, if u wana know what's new w/ me, just read my blog. and it seemed s/he took it to heart what i said. read on.

fan: ala bago sa blog mo..
me : tula lang
me : :D
fan: nabasa ko na..
me : demanding ha
me : :D
fan: konti lang..
me : busy e
fan: ok..
fan: nabasa ko na kc lahat dun..
me : wow!
fan: napasok ko din ibang blog..
fan: ala kwenta..
fan: sau lang ako nag-enjoy
me : :D
me : e cguro kc kilala mo ko
fan: no..
fan: hindi naman ikaw tinitingnan ko dun..
fan: kundi yung mga msgs.. mo..
me : sabimue ;)
me : i'll try to update later
fan: at kung hindi kita kilala.. tangna.. hahanapin ko talaga gumawa nun..
fan: grabe.. natumbok mo emotion ko tol..
fan: nakaka-inlove lahat..
me : wehehe.
me : totoo b yan
fan: oiist.. totoo yun..
me : bk kc malungkot k ngayon kaya mo nasasabi yan
fan: hindi.. masaya nga ako..
fan: sobrang saya..
me : buti nmn
me : :)
fan: kc ang dami ko ng friends..
fan: minsan naiisip ko pa rin sya..
fan: but ok na ako..
me : dami frends, produkto ng chat?
fan: hahaha.. tama ka..
fan: it helps a lot..
me : ganyan nmn e, pg ngbreak, ska lang nakikirekonek s mga frendship
me : pg may jowa, dedma
fan: hindi.. dati kc nung kami pa ala talaga akong friends..
me : pg wala n jowa ska takbo s frends
fan: no.. hindi yan totoo..
fan: gusto nya wag na akong makipag communicate sa iba..
fan: as in bahay.. work talaga..
fan: kaya nga ang sakit nung iniwan me..
fan: kc sobrang tino ako
me : higpit ng bantay ah
fan: ginawa ko rin yun.. for her..
me : hard fact: nde porke matino k, nde k n iiwan
fan: oo nga..

Dykes In The City: The Sour Milk Theory

12.14.04
By Shannon Ray



"Why is it that we don't always recognize the moment when love begins but we always know when it ends? " - LA Story

Love is funny thing. When you're there, you're there all the way. When it's gone, we miss what we once had. But what if we could go back, would we? Is it ever possible to recapture what once was? Or is the expression "they're an ex for a reason" always ring true?

Second chances, in my opinion, can be divided up by experience. Good, bad or indifferent, it all depends on how the milk soured. Sour milk you ask? Yes my readers, love the second time around can be compared to sour milk for the most part.

Let me explain: Suppose you go to your fridge and find that the milk is kind of sour. You'd throw it away, right? If you put it back in the fridge, then try it again in two weeks, is it going to be any better? No! As a matter of fact, it'll be worse. And in the end, you'll kick yourself for thinking of trying it again and not properly getting rid of it the first time.

And on a side note, why is it that we must always smell the sour milk once we know it's bad? And worse yet, why must we, after knowing the milk is past due, have others confirm its funk? Must we always need confirmation that something has gone bad?

Kind of simplistic, I know, but it demonstrates my point: If it didn't work the first time, how is it going to work the second time? It's still the same sour milk! And that sour milk is NASTY the second or third time around. So why do we keep going back time and time again? It's never going to be the same fresh wholesome milk it once was. The milk will never improve and most people never change.

Life experince has taught me that I should have listened to my first instinct about a person. I've given out to 2nd, 3rd, and 4th chances. But never again. I used think it depended on the person, the situation, the cycle of the moon, etc. Now I realize that when a person messes up the first time, there will be more to come. Giving chance after chance, only changes who YOU are. You are compromising yourself, and your needs. If they dont do it right the first time, boot them to the curb!

Case in point - my love life has graced not one but two possible second chances: Butch Charming and The Ex from Hell. Both were dashing, handsome, and broke my heart. One, The Ex from Hell, has curled beyond reconization. I hate to even admit that I dated her, let alone would have thought of giving her a second chance. Harsh, but her actions and reactions to my current life has taken it's toll. Seems it was sour from the start and just got worse with age. Her expiration date is way past overdue and she has left the frig. Butch Charming, on the other hand, is still as charming as ever. She still holds a special place in my heart, and always will. But past circumstances will always be in the way.

That's the problem with ex's, you remember both the good and the bad. We could remember our first kiss, our first date, as well as our first fight and the day we called the whole thing off. Not pleasant, but still the same sour milk. Still the same expiration date as before.

Relationships are difficult at best, they take a LOT of work from BOTH sides. My experiece has been that no one person is all to blame for anything. If a relationship has ended for a reason, especially a negative one, then going back into that relationship just seems like re-living it all over again. And I've done it and have the forty lashes to prove it. It's not a pretty sight and the welts leave a mark.

Many believe in "Strike one - you're out!" and "Done once will be done again" no matter what the circumstances. Others dish out chance after chance with side of swallowed pride. But for me, regardless of the advice given here, I firmly believe in true love at all cost and double checking expiration dates!

IT tactic

**these are the things i learned in our meetings today. context is software warfare. go figure.

"it's war out there. and it's brutal."

"rules are arbitrary. anybody can bend the rules."

"everything, everyone has weaknesses. use that to win."

"the only way to win a race (if ur disadvantaged) is to cheat."

"have a low tolerance to pain, that way u won't suffer longer"

"bad attitude can kill."

"be relentless, but not cruel"

"everything is about metrics. if u cant measure it, then it's not worth doing."

puno na ang salop

**apologies to fpj, rip :D



now is not the time to be weak and meek.
somehow, i have to find the strength to fight and defend my team.
i think they've crossed the line and are having a field day undermining us.
i won't take shit no more!
know thy enemy.
yes, they are the enemy!
i love my team.
it breaks my heart seeing that they are treated as second class citizens.
it is becoming a culture.
i hate them! and all their crap!
it's payback time!

gusto kong tumula 2

**da take 2**



dahil gusto kong tumula
wala sanang kokontra.

mga katagang walang kwenta
basta tunog ay tumugma.

e ano kung nde ako makata?!
ekspresyon ang mahalaga!

ung masarap sa bigkas ng dila
at swabe sa pandinig ng tenga.

gusto ko ring tumula
ng sa puso nagmumula.

bumigkas ng matatamis na salita
na aarok sa inyong pandama.

magkwento tungkol sa pag-asa
at magbahagi ng pang-unawa.

na ang buhay ay tunay na masaya
may laman man ang bulsa o wala.

gusto kong tumula,
nde ng mahabang mahaba.

gusto kong tumula,
kasi gusto kong lumaya :)

gusto kong tumula 1

**da praktis**



oohla-la!!!
tula
ng
tula

bula
ng
bula

hula
ng
hula

dula
ng
dula

nakakalula!!!

surviving mancoms (mgt committee mtgs)

tanginang buhay to.
san ka ba nakakita ng meeting na 6 n oras?!
kaya siguro ko nagka-scoliosis dahil sa kakaupo (ng walang sandalan) sa pagkahaba-habang mga meeting na yan e.
nde lng un, isa itong mini torture chamber.
walang kainan ito. wiwi lng pahinga.
etong ipamukha sau kung gano ka kainutil or kapalpak.
pipigain ka na aminin ang mali mo. or manuro sa mali ng iba.
pag wala nang maibato sau, babalikan ang nakaraan at huhukayin ang mga nakalibing at nananahimik nang mga isyu!
tama ba naman un?! potakte talaga!
duduguin ka talaga sa kakaisip ng ano nga ba nangyari at delayed kau at kakainggles habang kinakabahan at naiimbento ng dahilan para wag kang upakan sa galit ng boss mo.
ang pagkaka-alam ko sa sarili ko, magaling ako mg-inggles, pero sa araw araw na ginawa ng dyos kakausap sa boss kogn kano, na haluan pa ng nerbyos, kaya pautal-utal na rin ako, e andami ko na wrong grammar! nakakahiya talaga!
pag gusto mo magpaka-safe, patigasan na lang. ang key dito, wag ka titingin sa mata ng boss mo!
nde naman sa magiging bato ka pag nangyari un, pero pg nagtama ang mata nyo, nakow! wala ka nang lusot! dapat sumagot or mg-react ka sa kanya. expected na un. kung wala talagang lumalabas sa bibig mo, mejo kumunot ka ng noo *kunwari nag-iisip*, or tumango-tango ka *kunwari naiintindihan mo or agree ka*.
pero hanggat maaari, umiwas ka. yumuko ka, tumingin ka sa mga kasama mo, magsulat ka, ng tula, ng kwento, magdrawing ka, kahit ano, basta may ginagawa, wag lang mukhang tuod, kasi mashadong halata un!

sa mancom, lahat na ng emosyon lalabas.
etong may iiyak (na nde ako minsan makarelate!)
etong may sigawan! w/ matching habulan ha. da height ng drama di ba?!
etong may maghagisan ng papel.

sa mancom lng namin ikaw makakakita na ultimo ea (exec asst) pde umepal!
as in major react ha. oha! san ka pa!

masakit sa ulo, sa dibdib, sa sikmura, sa likod, sa mata, sa pantog!
pero i hav to survive. otherwise, baka matagal na kong napraning sa kakaattend ng mtgs.
makauwi na nga.

doldrums

dis is da day when everything chooses to be wrong.
when i just feel all messed up.
not just my hair, my clothes, but my life in general.
i wake up with a freakin headache and im late.
mrt had its fits and gave up running halfway d journey.
so im not just late for work, im now dead!

mind bubble:

scene1, the helpless slave:
*boss shoutin at me before i can even muster an excuse,*
you're fireeeed!!! *and throws my box to my face! gee, such drama*

scene2, the proud slave:
*hands on boss' table, demanding stance.*
can you do us both a favor and just fire me??

scene3, the creative slave:
*sneaks to the table so d boss won't notice and when d boss finally notices, fakes a faint or a tuberculosis cough then softly speaks:*
i'm really not feelin' well, *coughs again* but since there's loads of work to do, *another coughs again, voice becomes raspy* i just decided to go to work and do what i can. *w/ almost teary-eyed and slight shiver* is there something you want to ask me sir?

scene4, the bitchy slave:
*goes straight to the table, quickly puts on the headphones, blasts the music w/ deafening volume, and starts workin'. boss goes to d table and blabbers, w/ mouth frothing. i suddenly notices him and slowly removes the headphones and asks w/ an impatient look*
yes? can you be quick, im tryin' to work here.

bubble pops!
back to reality.
if i don't get to post anymore, that means my boss killed me already.

Mix Tape

by butch walker




You say hello, inside I'm screaming I love you
You say goodnight, in my mind
I'm sleeping next to you
You drive away from my car crash of a heart
And I don't know

But you gave me the best mixtape I have
And even all the bad songs ain't so bad
I just wish there was so much more than that
About me and you

You talk to him, and it burns me like the sun
You talk to her, and you say that you feel like he's the one
I talk to me, but you can't hear the pain I feel
You don't know

Cause you gave me the best mixtape I have
And even all the sad songs ain't so sad
I only wish there was more than that
About me and you

(Bridge)
Oh, don't turn around and say bye again
Yeah it crushes my head when you call me
Your friend and I'm not the same person
From back in the day in the back of the class
that you thought was gay
No I can't find the words cause I lost them
The minute they fell out of my mouth
And it's love and I'm in it, so give me your lips
And just let me kiss 'em
and let's get messed up and listen to possibly...

The best mixtape I have
And even all the bad songs ain't so bad
I just wish there was more than that
About me and you

poWer of a Womyn's Wink!

just saw the hottest chick at mrt ayala!
So tall, prolly around 5'8-5'10, a stunner, w/ that hip-grunge look.
she was wearin a cream scarf on her neck, then a very loose sleeveless v-neck brown tee paired w/ knee-length navy blue shorts and sneakers.
seems like a mix of caucasian and asian blood.
we were side by side buying breakfast meals at an OutBox stall. the service crews were ogling, including me! good thing i was also lookin hip that time.
she speaks in cute tagalog as she pays the drink from her pink hello kitty wallet. what a doll. hehe.
but before she left, she gave me this sexy wink!
Tangina! Gusto ko na shang habulin. But my food isn’t ready yet.
2 primal needs competing: hunger (for food) & hunger (for her).
Wat do I do?! I already paid for the food. Hunger and practicality won over. Dammit!
I hope to see her again.

Remember what are moms tell, us to eat breakfast before we leave the house? there's definite wisdom in that!

dis says it all

message from my high school girl friend:

... anyway, i hope everything is going well with you, taxi drivers aren't crappy, your boss doesn't give you shit, and the girls are all sweet...you get the idea. take care!

that is indeed my idea of okayness!
3 things to make my day.
3 things to shoot for.

bless her :)

crisp quips!

guyfrend : how is lyf?
firewomyn: juicy
firewomyn: *grins*
guyfrend : naks!
firewomyn: u?
guyfrend : spicy
firewomyn: astig!
guyfrend : how's love life?
firewomyn: rosy

my harsh realities on bosses

1. your boss won't give a damn on your welfare.
what they really care abt is how you can be of use to the company.
you're as good as your use.

2. your efforts can never match expectations.
it's a psyche they want to maintain so everyone's always on their toes.
you'll never measure up.

3. everything will work the way they want it only if they do it themselves.

4. bosses are omnipresent.

5. they have selective amnesia.
they only get to remember your errors.
but on merits or extra effort, it is something you have to highlight or point to them.

6. bosses are never wrong.
they just change their mind or they didn't mean it when they said it then.

canned thoughts

i have a hot date (supposedly).
we're gonna watch a for adults only musical, "cabaret".
the mere fact that it's "for adults only" convinced me already that this is something i shd not miss.
after days of anticipation, yoyong happened.
much to my dismay, nature decided to intervene w/ my shag opportunity.
just tryin to make it to the curtain call is a very difficult task already.
because all roads seem to lead home. traffic is terrible.
we called music museum if they're gonna cancel/resched the show.
hardheaded bitches, they won't. true to form, the show will go on.
darn! i have to think!
my creative mind started churnin'.
hmmm... okay so we can brave the rains and all, watch cabaret still, by the time it's done, typhoon is in its simulated state, we'll be soakin' wet (umbrellas are no match to the strong winds), wet clothes huggin' our wet bodies, stranded in the middle of somewhere (traffic, debris, the works) and simply can't go home.
hah! a window of opportunity suddenly opened!
since it will be next to impossible to go home, we will have no choice but to spend the time sumwer, uhh, as we wait for the storm to subside, uhh, where we can spend the night, uhh, sumwer warm, uhh, sumwer private, uhh, sumwer where we can remove our wet clothes, ofcourse to let them and our bodies dry lest we get sick or sumthin'. that sumwer is shhhh...

ahah! not all roads lead to home afterall! bwehehe.

bed weather indeed.

***humming, im singin' in da rain...

luv in da tym of calamity

firewomyn is inlababo :)

with all the mushiness she can muster.

with all the silliness of vulnerability.

with all the idealism of a forever after.

amid the failing economy,
the challenging technology shifts,
the increasing scare in meningo disease,
the upcoming gulf war,
the devastating typhoons,
i remain unfazed,
because korni as it sounds,
this womyn has found her home.

strike anywhere

last night, i learned arafat died a week ago.
i was also told by a colleague that there'll be a major public transport strike today.

so im late for work.
edsa seemed deserted w/ public vehicles this mornin'.
damn those car owners who won't let me hitch.
masiraan sana kayo!!!

and debate is in its 6th yr already (from d 'libre' paper i read from the man standing beside me while waiting for mrt).

geez! where have i been?
taga-earth pa ba ko?
im so out of the loop!

and this makes me feel ashamed as a pinoy.
where has activism in my blood gone?

has it been dried out by years of corporate brainwashing?
has it withered by the seemingly bigger, more urgent & direct needs of my family?
has it been diminished by the global orientation i've been fed with daily?

i'm proud to be pinay!
but i doubt if 'pinas is proud of her daughter gone astray.

apathy. ugh!

Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic

by Sting (acoustic)




Do I have to tell the story
Of a thousand rainy days since we first met
It's a big enough umbrella
But it's always me that ends up getting wet

Every little thing she does is magic
Everything she do just turns me on
Even though my life before was tragic
Now I know my love for her goes on and on

Though I've tried before to tell her
Of the feelings I have for her in my heart
Every time that I come near her
I just lose my nerve
As I've done from the start

Every little thing she does is magic
Everything she do just turns me on
Even though my life before was tragic
Now I know my love for her goes on and on

I resolve to call her up a thousand times a day
And ask her if she'll marry me in some old fashioned way
But my silent fears have gripped me
Long before I reach the phone
Long before my tongue has tripped me
Must I always be alone?

Every little thing she does is magic
Everything she do just turns me on
Even though my life before was tragic
Now I know my love for her goes on

Every little thing she does is magic
Everything she do just turns me on

goldfishes in action

Goldfishes in action ... read on.

backgrounder:
goldfishX is a girl i've dated with,
got intimate with somehow,
but surprisingly, we never became a couple,
for reasons that puzzles me up to now.
and we do like each other.
we've been swimmin for a year now.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

...
goldfishX : i tried and i failed
goldfishX : story of my life
firewomyn : hav u tried me?
goldfishX : i dont know did i?
firewomyn : prang der was an attempt pro nde mo tinuloy
firewomyn : *i may be wrong din ha*
goldfishX : ....
goldfishX : i actually dont know what transpired then
firewomyn : aku den e
firewomyn : *grins*
firewomyn : parang antagal n kc
goldfishX : there was something...perhaps
goldfishX : maybe we werent available
firewomyn : yeah, there was always this unfinished business that we tend to set aside.
firewomyn : but sumwhow, we try to reconnect nmn and start from step1 over again
goldfishX : again and again
goldfishX : hehehe
firewomyn : yeah
goldfishX : i think your life's ok...maybe i dont want to mess it up
firewomyn : "life's ok" is an illusion
firewomyn : we all have dysfunctionalities
goldfishX : my life on the other hand is complicated
firewomyn : and we tend to think our lyf is shittier than the other
firewomyn : i luv complications!
goldfishX : my family won't approve whatever may occur...
firewomyn : do u need their approval?
goldfishX : i am even bound to marry someone
firewomyn : a lot can happen
firewomyn : and change
goldfishX : yeah
firewomyn : between now and tom
goldfishX : i guess
....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

...
goldfishX : hi
firewomyn : elow
firewomyn : :)
goldfishX : kamusta k na?
firewomyn : ok nmn po
firewomyn : kaw?
goldfishX : still trying to live normally. kaw kwentouhan mo naman ako...
goldfishX : musta mga gimik mo?
goldfishX : dates?
firewomyn : ok nmn
firewomyn : more on watching muvis gimik ko
goldfishX : dates?
firewomyn : as in date today?
goldfishX : ngayun? may kadate ka ngayun?
goldfishX : i mean memya?
firewomyn : wala
firewomyn : kaw?
goldfishX : wala di naman ako masyadong lumalabas kaya more often wala kong date.
firewomyn : ah.
firewomyn : ano current emotional state mo now?
goldfishX : i dont know what i want anymore....i wanted just to be happy so i guess confused and lost
firewomyn : ah, ok lng yan, more than 50% ng tao s mundo ganyan feelin
goldfishX : buti ka pa hinde
firewomyn : sows
firewomyn : kala mo lng yun
firewomyn : lahat nmn ngkkproblem
goldfishX : youre strong, you can get whatever you want be with someone na gusto mo...
firewomyn : kung totoo yan, e di sana naging tau n noon.
firewomyn : ...
goldfishX : di ba may partner ka noon?
firewomyn : noong wala p kong partner
goldfishX : nyek...parang evrytime nagkikita tyo may partner ka
firewomyn : hehehe
firewomyn : ganun b?
goldfishX : e totoo naman
goldfishX : oo kaya
firewomyn : ohwell, u had ur chance then, u blew it!
firewomyn : wehehe
firewomyn : joke lng po
goldfishX : soory na lng ako no?
goldfishX : hehe
firewomyn : as if nmn gusto mo ko maging gf no
goldfishX : you're cool irresistable ka nga e i dont know why parati na lang almost....hehehe
firewomyn : lamo kung baket?
goldfishX : inde
firewomyn : kc nde kita sinagot! joke! joke! joke!
goldfishX : malamang.....nakalimutan ko kasing magtanong...hehehe
firewomyn : wehehe
firewomyn : mgtatanong p b? e nagkiss n nga tau e
firewomyn : *kamot ulo*
goldfishX : oo nga e
goldfishX : hindi ko na nga maulit....
firewomyn : ang alin?
goldfishX : kiss...
firewomyn : ah
firewomyn : gusto mo b ulitin?
goldfishX : ...
firewomyn : ...
...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

...
goldfishX : kwento ka naman
firewomyn : ano b ko, personal storyteller mo?
firewomyn : :D
goldfishX : oo my personal story teller
firewomyn : may bayad b ito?
firewomyn : may bayad b ito?
goldfishX : dapat ba melon ako bayad iyo?
goldfishX : akin luki negosyo
goldfishX : ako wala pela ngayun
firewomyn : kht nde pera
firewomyn : ano bang meron k n magugustuhan ko?
firewomyn : ;)
goldfishX : melon ba?
firewomyn : kaw, wat can u offer?
goldfishX : i dont have anything to offer all i have is me and a few pesos
goldfishX : hahaha
goldfishX : pampelikula no?
firewomyn : yeah
firewomyn : cheesy
firewomyn : cge n nga
firewomyn : kahit isang 10minute french kiss n lng
firewomyn : hmmm...
...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

goldfish memory

"... you know, gold fish has only 3 seconds of memory
that means if it takes 3 seconds to swim around the bowl,
everything is new.
each time two gold fish meet, it's like it's the first time..."


so if i can be that forgetful, then i can experience love (everything),
all over again and again, without carrying the past, minus the guilt,
everything crisp, everytime, a first time.

wow!

but then, that means i will never settle nor stay in one relationship
w/ the same womyn, long enough to know her and she to know me.

awww!

are you a goldfish?

tales from the closet 1

note: im a closet queen in my clan. my whole clan is homophobic.
they have this double standard, that it is okay to happen to other families, but totally unacceptable to our family. my struggle continues...

setting: sala of our house, me and my sister, while watching a tv ad.

sister:  ainako brent, bading ka!
me:      onga. di ba jowa nya si piolo?
sister:  yah, di ba, kaw may sabi sa min.
me:       bagay naman sila e. parehong gwapo.
sister:  daming ganyan ngayon e, dating lalaki, then later nagiging gay.
me:       oonga.
sister:  dami nga ko frends na ganyan.
me:       tingin ko naman, walang kaso yun, e sa nagkagustuhan sila.
sister:  oonga. malay mo, ikaw maging tibo ka din!
me:       *napatulala ng konti for a millisecond, then gave her da "duh" look*
sister:  YUCK!!!


hayy... just when i saw a glimpse of hope, that my sister is open to the idea,
she quickly returns to her old homophobic self.
had she not immediately followed it up with a disgustful "YUCK", i would have come out to her already.
i guess it's not yet time.
sadness...

bakit bawal magkasakit!

1. kasi nakakapangit sha! nde ka pa makakaligo, so nakakabaho din!
turnoff! waaaaah!

2. kasi nde pde makipaglips-to-lips, so dat means wala munang karir or chuva!

3. kasi mahihiga ka lang ng mahihiga hanggang sumakit likod mo at matutulog ka lang ng matutulog hanggang mamaga mata mo at sumakit ulo mo.

4. kasi papagalitan ka pa ng nanay/tatay mo kung bakit ka nagkasakit. at mauungkat na ang mga past gimiks mo (w/c are the very reason nga naman bat ka nagkasakit! walang lusot!)

5. kasi mahina ang stamina, so nde ka tatagal sa mga matitinding physical activities, like errr... exhibitions? wehehe!

6. kasi nde ka makakaporma mashado like sleeveless, backless at lahat na ng 'less'! pero kung pasaway ka, pde rin, gudluck sa pulmonya!

7. kasi baka nde ka makapasok sa work or school, bawas sahod na, bawas ganda points pa pag nde mo makita ang mga pinagpapakyutan mo or mga karir mo. tsk. tsk. wasted opportunity na naman.

8. kasi nde ka makakagimik, unless gusto mo maospital or matigok!

9. kasi malungkot. either dahil walang mag-aalaga sau or senti mode ka lang. cguro nga kasi mababa ang defenses mo pag may sakit ka, physiologically and emotionally. so sad...

10. kasi bawal maglakwatsa, uminom, magyosi, magpuyat, mag-toot!


in other words, lahat ng masarap, bawal pag maysakit! waaah! yoko na ng maysakit!!!

escape artist

naexperience nyo na ba ung sobrang pressured kau on work or studies and kahit anong pukpok mo sa ulo mo at lupasay to focus, nde mo nagawa?

wat usually happens with me when i reach this point is i enter a happy zone.
i listen to happy songs. bigla akong nagiging autistic.
at dedma to da world na muna.

oo na, escapist ako. oeanongayon?! kesa naman maloka ako kakaisip.
mas importante, magsurvive.

ito ang aking tinatawag na escape song.
patok sa kin ung rendition. pag pinapakinggan ko to,
parang naiimagine ko nasa hawaii ako at nasa tabing dagat,
nakapokpok shorts, bikini top, may fabulous tan, at nakaboso-shades.
habang nanyanyanching sa mga nakatopless or nakikipagflirt sa mga naghu-hula dance
at umiinom ng bottomless na fruit shake.
hayy..... whattalyf!!!



Somewhere Over The Rainbow

Somewhere over the rainbow
Way up high,
There's a land that I heard of
Once in a lullaby.
Somewhere over the rainbow
Skies are blue,
And the dreams that you dare to dream
Really do come true.

Someday I'll wish upon a star
And wake up where the clouds are far
Behind me.
Where troubles melt like lemon drops
Away above the chimney tops
That's where you'll find me.

Somewhere over the rainbow
Bluebirds fly.
Birds fly over the rainbow.
Why then, oh why can't I?

If happy little bluebirds fly
Beyond the rainbow
Why, oh why can't I?

It's not who you love. It's how.

----------------

"... I love you. And not in a friendly way, although I think we're great friends.
And not in a misplaced affection, puppy-dog way, although I'm sure that's
what you'll call it.

And it's not because you're unattainable. I love you.
Very simple, very truly.

You're the epitome of every attribute and quality I've ever looked for in another person. I know you think of me as just a friend, and crossing that line is the furthest thing from an option you'd ever consider. But I had to say it.

I can't take this anymore. I can't stand next to you without wanting to hold you. I can't look into your eyes without feeling that longing you only read about in trashy romance novels. I can't talk to you without wanting to express my love for everything you are.

I know this will probably queer our friendship -no pun intended- but I had to
say it, because I've never felt this before, and I like who I am because of it.

And if bringing it to light means we can't hang out anymore, then that hurts me. But I could'nt allow another day to go by without getting it out there, regardless of the outcome, which by the look on your face is to be the inevitable shoot-down. And I'll accept that. But I know some part of you is hesitating for a moment, and if there is a moment of hesitiation, that means you feel something too. All I ask is that you not dismiss that -at least for ten seconds- and try to dwell in it.

Alyssa, there isn’t another soul on this fucking planet who's ever made me half the person I am when I'm with you, and I would risk this friendship for the chance to take it to the next plateau. Because it's there between you and me. you can't deny that.

And even if we never speak again after tonight, please know that I'm forever
changed because of who you are and what you've meant to me, which -while I do appreciate it- I'd never need a painting of birds bought at a diner to remind me of."

- Holden, "Chasing Amy"

Notes:
Amy is a lesbian.
Holden is a guy.

wear art thou?

i'm not in my natural element today.
for someone who's been into shirts, jeans & sneakers day in day out,
coming up w/ a smart casual outfit for some academic tech talk is a toughie!
da tech talk is a breeze, but the outfit? ugh! do i really have to?!

apart from the fact that i lack corporate clothes, it's just that i'm never comfy with them.
i'm not as mobile when i'm in them bec sometimes certain outfits require care in movement.
and i can really be careless and carefree.
they're mostly not cotton material so you can imagine me melting like ice cream on noon time.
and i don't think that feels and smells good.

awful! awful!

so it's kinda limiting. and ohso uncool i tell you!

that's what's great abt my work.
power/position is not equated to clothing.
i can come in shorts, slippers or sando and i'd still be as efficient as i can be.
except of course for this special occasion that i have to do otherwise for image purposes.

here in 'pinas, people tend to base success on what people are wearin.
connotation goes: the more corporate, the higher is the position, ergo, higher salary too!

and i'm telling you now, that's a fallacy!
specially in the fields of IT and artsy-fartsy.

my mom (who's from old school, literally & figuratively! wehehe!)
always chides me on how i dress for work.
she goes, "ano ba yang suot mo?!
napagkakamalan ka nang factory worker ng mga kapitbahay!"

geez! as if i care!
as if they know what's in my payslip.
when they know nothin, except gossip. (pardon for the rhyme, can't help it at times :p)

so how did i fare in my smart casual quest?
i ended up w/ a semi-see through green polo paired w/ navy blue jeans and black boots.

i am smart. definitely casual.
and that suits me fine.



**on a side note, the tech talk at dlsu i dare say was successful :p

about time

i finally gave in. no more excuses.
if time is the problem, time is also the answer.
i have accepted the fact that i will never be less busy as i am now.
and the key is to simply give it time.

i bought a new pen and notebook.
i am writing again :)
the very idea gets me through a grueling day
like having a secret lover at your doorstep after a tiring day, i'm inlove.
like a secret identity under the office suit, i'm empowered.

i bought 2 books, 100 love poems (phil love poetry since 1905) and fast food fiction.
i am reading literature again :)
enough of the technical IT books i've been studying necessitated by work.
i want to enjoy reading again.
to read because i want to, not because i have to.
seeing different lives from other's eyes, i'm enriched.
learning various viewpoints, expression, i'm inspired.

it is time. to live. to love.

pen and paper

you are the ink,
i am the paper.

put color on my whiteness
give story to my blankness.

leave an imprint.
make me a history.

tattoo me all over,
in lines, in dots, in curves.
as if to say i am yours,
as if i will object.

you are the ink.
i am the paper.
touch me per layer.
turn me over and over.

i am the paper.
you are the ink.
stain me, and let it sink.
because with you, i need not think.

laro sa apoy

gusto kitang makita at makaniig.
damhin ang mainit na labi ng iyong pangako.
at mapaso sa dila ng iyong katapatan.

magpalamon sa lumalaking apoy ng kabaliwan
magpakalunod sa nagbabagang pagnanasa,
na ang langit ay nde na muling uulan ng luha.

halina't pag-usukin natin ang ating mga kaluluwang
sumasayaw sa liyab ng pag-ibig
na susunog sa lahat ng mga nakaraan.

pagka't ngayong gabi,
at sa susunod pang mga araw,
ikaw at ako ay magiging isa.

dead long ago

dead long ago - brainsalad

i said that i love you that wasnt a lie
but each time i say thesse words the harder i try
if only a compromise just to save this thing's soul
but if your words were a weapon i'd have been dead long ago

and i cant go on living this way.. no i cant go on living this way

i'm sick of complaining but i cant get things right
the forces keep coming and i'm losing the fight
with all this confession, another slap in the face
the relationship beckons and i'm on my way

ooh your sympathy god damnit..
ooh your sympathy god damnit..

i said that i love you it turned into a lie
and each time i say these words the harder i cry
if only a compromise just to save this thing's soul
but your words are you weapon and i was dead long ago

ohh your sympathy god damn you..
ooh your fuckin sympathy..

dead long ago. i was dead long ago.
dead long ago. i was dead long ago.

mortality check

Lately, my friends come in 3 categories, dying, dead and dead-wannabe (read: suicidal).

Examine these:

My ex is having suicidal fits and seems serious abt it last week.
She's only 20.

The brother of my female friend was diagnosed with bone cancer and is at a level w/ no cure end of last week.
He is in his early 20's

The brother of a high school friend died of leukemia last Sat.
He was only 30.

Me in the middle, I come unprepared.
I'm not the sickly type. But I live a very stressful life.
And suddenly, I'm concerned abt my own mortality.

I recently attended the funeral of my highsch friend's brother.
And because she's so tired and wrought with emotions,
I offered to make her a eulogy for kuya alvin.

I never had a kuya, because we are all gurrls in the family.
So this is extra effort to me.
I only know kuya alvin from our high school days and some college days.
We're not that close, but close enough to be envious of my friend who has a brother.

kuya alvin in his early life of 30 got hit by acute leukemia.
Was healed last year around Sept, but had a remission this April.
From then on, it was a struggle to live.

**For a dear friend, angel and our kuya alvin (almost a brother to me)**


EULOGY FOR BANONG
-to be read by angel-

i wil share a private family info.
in the big arlegui clan,
i have always been tagged as the female version of kuya alvin.
need i articulate the obvious? hehehe.
just make a hard look at me and you'll know. hehehe.

if kuya alvin is fondly called 'Banong', then
it is just rightful that i am teased as 'Banang' :)
hehehe.

from that genetic semblance and the fact the we were born just a year apart ensued a long history of asaran, kantyawan, away-bati and whathaveyous!

he is your typical kuya.
mahilig mangantyaw ska magpaiyak.
mahilig manakot saka mag-utos! hehe.

but he is also my number one defender lalo sa mga guys
na tingin nya nde bagay sa kin.
or sa mga taong inaaway ako.

and because he is my kuya, he can be brutally honest and conservative abt certain stuffs i consult him with like an appropriate outfit.

unlike typical kuyas though or men in general,
kuya alvin can be the most malambing brother you'll ever have or even as a bf then and now husband.
Ate Auwie can attest to that. *wife of kuya alvin*

he is one funny guy, not so tall, but undeniably charming!
i think it goes with our genes. hehehe.

for me, it all boils down to that, genes. blood. family.

the blood that ties us as a family and the love that binds us together will never be wounded by any disease, not even by the one that hit kuya alvin.

kuya alvin, you continue to live in here (touchin the heart) and you will continually be loved by us, your family.

------------

post-eulogy:
angel, my friend said that she cried as she read the eulogy.
she related that this is exactly what she wanted to tell about her kuya alvin and of their family.
and that i really know her and her family to be able to write this apt eulogy.

cheat-chat

Chicken Little
Which came first, the cheater or the egg?
10.12.04

By Shannon Ray

What do we consider cheating? Is it the actual physical act of having sex with someone other than your committed partner?

When you’re with someone in a committed relationship, does even thinking of someone else mean cheating? Or is the actual act only the confirmation, the exterior symbol, of the mindset which would allow it? In other words, which comes first, the cheater or the egg?

My views on cheating has changed throughout the years. Skins get thicker with time. I no longer want to meet the cheaters in a dark room with duck tape, a chair and a bat. I’ve grown-up in a sense. And in that growing up, certain situations have come into my life. I’ve been both the cheated and the cheater - and the in between. (This would be the one who the cheater cheated with.)

In all cases, it wasn’t a lack of love but a lack of commitment that was the problem. Some people just can’t be faithful; in mind or in body. Rarely have I ever met a couple that hasn’t had at least an affair of the mind - which, in some cases, is worse. Remember Ashley and Scarlet from Gone With the Wind? As Clark Gable said, “Mr. Wilkes is too honorable to unfaithful to his wife and to scared to not be.” Call me crazy, but if you’re going to cheat on me- then CHEAT on me. Don’t do it half way. If you’ve decided to go out on a limb and risk our relationship, then do all the way.

So when it comes to a 'mental' affair, perhaps the word infidelity is better suited. Cheating has a physical implication that does not truly represent its nature. Infidelity is more encompassing phrase. And it allows the insertion of a way of thinking into the milieu in which it is used. When you see the word cheating, think of infidelity instead.

The bond that holds a couple together, is strongest when there is a mental block to the idea of cheating. Once it’s been broken, it’s easier to break time and time again. A person is most dedicated to their honey when that bond is strongest - that is, the thought of another doesn’t even cross their minds. And in a perfect world, that would be great. But ours is not a utopia of great committed relationships. It is natural is it for a person who is faithful to be attracted to someone else now and then. But if the next thing you allow yourself to think is "I wonder what they are like in bed?" - then there's a problem.

Would you put a picture of a Gina Gershon or Angelia Jolie next to your lover's head while having sex? Why not? Because while you would be having sex with your partner, you would be thinking of someone else, which is universally wrong. Ever had someone call out the wrong name while in bed with you? Or have you been the one calling out for one while with another? How embarrassed were you? Why? Because it shows that you are thinking of someone other than your lover. And this is, although less egregious than the physical act, still cheating.

Sex is a state of mind as well as a state of body. It requires an active participation of the two people involved. First you mentally cheat before it happens physically. When have you had sex sober without wondering what the other person was like before performing the actual act? This progression from mental to physical is all part of sex in any form - oral, intercourse, anal, or cyber. It’s just the way our minds and bodies work.

So it is not the actual physical act of intercourse that denotes infidelity or 'cheating'; it is only the most clearly apparent sign. Cheating begins in the mind. Cheating can be entirely performed in the mind, though to a slightly lesser degree. It does not require any form of sex to be unfaithful.

If your partner is having cybersex with someone else, they are being unfaithful to you. The bond that you share will be weakened simply by the decision to share their most intimate thoughts and desires with a person other than you. And unwillingness or inability to stop only shows that they do not respect you enough to stay faithful to you. So is hooking up on the Internet for cybersex cheating? Completely!

But that’s just the way I see it. Like I said before, if you’re willing to risk your relationship to see just how green someone else’s grass is, then do it all the way. Don’t just clip their lawn. Plow the whole field, trim the hedges and clip the bushes. But above all else - don’t be a chicken little when it comes to cheating. If you're going to lay eggs, hatch them all the way.


© Shannon Ray 2004

who will daisy chain you in the summer

Daisy Chain
© Cynthia Alexander

must you seize my world by storm
have me dangle on a wind
weave a heady cloud on a
silent string of pearls

must you seize my world by storm
must you wring my heartsong dry
on a tender recklessness
to crown your moment

do you need somebody
do you need a someone
who will make your sunset last forever
who will daisy chain you in the summer

must you seize my world by storm
with a flawless cleave of hand
run your fingers through
the water of my hair

must you seize my world by storm
stake your claim upon the heavens
cast a mercy smile for this
daisy on a chain

Love between strangers

excerpt from youngblood:
Love between strangers is uncomplicatedly romantic.
It is the gentle unfolding of a poem.
Love between friends blooms subtly.
When it chooses to surface,
it is with the abruptness,
the violence,
the urgency of a car accident.
And it consumes a person.

------------------------------

to feel is inspiring.
to think ruins the feel.
the battle continues.
i hope they achieve a truce.

what changes a person? is it another person or the emotion?
can a person really transform bec of the feeling for another person?
or the person becomes different bec of that another human being?

...to be continued...

da other womyn

may gusto akong babae.
nuknukan ng lambing.
eloquent pa.
ewan ko kung alam nya, pero abot tenga ang ngiti ko pg naiisip ko sya.
halos sumakit na nga panga ko.
alam ko may chuva rin sha sa ken.
pero tamang tama ang atake nya na mapapaisip ka,
baka assuming lng ako.
mahusay!
kainis!
pg nag-uusap nga kme, nde nya lang alam,
kung saan saan na lumilipad isip ko.
alam mo ung out of body experience na,
pakiramdam ko, katawan ko lang ang nakikinig
pero ung kaluluwa ko niroromansa na sha!
ilang beses ko nang nareplay sa isip ko un.
pero lagi na lang akong umaasam.
dahil kung gano ko sha gusto gahasain, hawakan, at angkinin,
ganun naman sha kadistansya na para bang no-touch.
ni nde nya hinahawakan kamay ko.
nung minsang niyakap ko *in da guise of frendship*
mejo nanigas e.
badtrip! turnoff yata sa ken!
maling diskarte!
lagi lang sha anjan.
nde ko alam kung saan patungo.
ayoko naman pangunahan kasi timpla ko sa kanya
ayaw nya ng ganun sa babae.
minsan panakaw ko syang tinititigan.
naks! ito, ito ang magiging girlfrend ko! sabi ko sa isip ko.
sabay tawa sa loob ko!
hay, nakakapraning.
feelin ko ako lang nakakaramdam ng tension.
basta, pag tama na ang pagkakataon,
liligawan ko talaga sha.
nde ko masabing mahal ko sya,
pero gusto ko talaga sha.
at alam kong mapapamura ako pag napunta sha sa iba.
tangina! isipin ko pa lang ang sakit na.

kunwari magtatapat na ko sa kanya:
alam mo bang unang kita ko pa lang sau,
kinabahan na ko?
nde dahil nerbryosa ako.
pero kinabahan ako kasi sobrang saya ko nung magkasama tayo.
parang nde tama.
kasi may gf ako non.
ilang beses ko namang pinagbawalan sarili ko na
oops! preno! preno! bawal yang ginagawa mo!
mali yan!
kasi nun pa lang nanghinayang na ako.
sana una kitang nakilala.
sana malaya ako.
pra lubusan kong naenjoy ung moment natin.
naramdaman mo ba un?
ung kabog ng dibdib ko?
ung init ng balat ko?
nde dahil sa alak ha.
kasi may sumisingaw na damdamin sa kin nun.
nde ko mapigilan.
kulang na lang mag-apoy ako nun.
parang lalagnatin.

*end of pagtatapat*

dimonyo ka!
nabulabog ang mundo ko.
nakwestyon ang laman ng puso ko.
pati ang mga tinuturing kong malapit sa puso ko.
pinamukha mo sa 'king, i aint seen da best yet.
pakshet!

pero iba ka talaga.
kasi lagi mo ko napapatawa.
nde ko kailangang magsabi, alam mo kung kailan ko kailangan ng kasama, kausap.
u put me at ease lalo pag problemado ako.
ewan ko kung okay pa eardrums mo, sa dami ng rants ko sa buhay.
pati bulsa mo, baka butas na, kasi lagi ka nanlilibre.
we always have the grandest and most fun tym together.

minsan naiisip ko, baka ganun ka talaga sa lahat.
baka nde naman special ang ginagawa mo sa kin, kc
ordinary na sau un.

nahihiwagaan ako sau.
pero patuloy pa ring naaakit sau.

fuck off!

putangina talaga.
nakakapikon.
nagpapakatanga na naman ako.
papaapekto sa buhay ng iba.
e samantalang sarili kong buhay, daig pa ang pubic hair sa gulo e
*pasensha ang mga sensitive jan, pero ayokong mgpapreno ngaun)
ewanko, tangina.
nde na ko matutotuto.
papauto naman ako.
pucha! extremes pa naman ako.
it's either i'm too soft or too cynical.
pero cynicism is my key to self preservation.
and trying to go against my fuckin' nature is so damn hard.
gusto kong maging kupal, para makasabay sa kagaspangan ng buhay.
pero sa isip ko lang nagagawa.
pag anjan na ang sitwasyon, napapangibabawan ako ng rason at kabutihang lagi naman akong pinapahamak.
gusto kong murahin ang kausap ko o kaya insultuhin sha, kasi sha naman nauna.
pero lagi na lang mas pinipili kong maging 'safe' at manahimik na lang.
tama ang komento ng iba kong kaibigan.
habang pinapayagan ko na inaaapi ako,
lalo ko lang sila pinapalakas.
dumating na ang panahon (sabi nga ni kapatid na aiza).
panahon na para umaklas.
basagin ang punyetang imaheng pinoprotektahan ko.
baguhin ang mentalidad na pang-alipin.
at resbakan ang mga mapang-abuso.
tangina! rambol na to!
bahala na kau sa buhay nyo.
bahala ako sa buhay ko.
wala nang pakialamanan.
putangina.
tigilan na ang 'pleasantries' at pagiging 'nice'.
magpakatotoo na lang at magtapatan.
no bullshit!
parepareho lang tayo naglolokohan.
tigilan na ang pagsasayang ng oras at emosyong walang kwenta.
survival of the toughest and the smartest na.
nakadepende sa pecking order ang sequence ng bagay bagay.
walang permanente. lahat fleeting.
so para saan pa ang kalokohang loyalty?
i will only be loyal to myself.
i will be selfish and care for myself first.
i will be a madwoman and unlease what's inside me, regardless of who gets hurt.
enough of the suppressed emotions and guilt feelings that's been hurdling me from empowering myself.
from now on, i reclaim my right to my life and to everything i'm entitled to, w/c is da world!

whew! pakiramdam ko bumubuga na ako ng apoy!
tangina! ang init!

fluidity in love

When You Love Someone
by Anne Morrow Lindberg

When you love someone you do not love them all the time, in exactly the same way, from moment to moment.

It is an impossibility. It is even a lie to pretend to.
And yet, this is exactly what most of us demand.

We have so little faith in the ebb and flow of life, of love, of relationships. We leap out at the flow of the tide and resist in terror its ebb. We are afraid it will never return.

We insist on permanency, on duration, on continuity; when the only continuity possible, in life as in love, is in growth, in fluidity -- in freedom, in the sense that the dancers are free, barely touching as they pass, but partners in the same pattern.

The only real security is not in owning or possessing, not in demanding or expecting, not in hoping even.

Security in a relationship lies neither in looking back to what it was in nostalgia, nor forward to what it might be in dread and anticipation, but living in the present relationship and accepting it as it is now.

simple lang ang pangarap ko sa buhay

simple lang ang pangarap ko sa buhay.
makapasok ng maaga, makakain sa oras, at makauwi ng maaga.
pg sinwerte, makanood ng sine at makipagkwentuhan sa mga kaibigan.
pg talagang pinagpapala, makapagbadminton man lang.

simple lang ang pangarap ko sa buhay.
pero mahirap abutin.
maaga ako nakapasok. ako nga ang pinakamaagang dumating! *yabang*
pero sa lahat ng simpleng pangarap ko,
yan lang ang natupad.

12:30 na ko nakakain ng tanghalian.
nde maaga, umaga na ko nakauwi.
ni tv nde ako makapanood, sine pa kaya?!
ang mga kaibigan ko, binoykot na ko kasi nde ako lagi umaabot sa usapan.
dahil sadyang pangontra ang trabaho ko.
badminton?! ako na lang yata ang tao sa earth ang nde pa nagbabadminton!

simple lang ang pangarap ko sa buhay.
kung simple sha bakit nde maisakatuparan?

idissect natin ha.
1. dahil ba nde naman talaga sha simple? tangina naman o, kung nde sha simple, e di ung bigger wishes, unreachable na lalo?!

2. dahil ba nde ito matatawag na pangarap? kung nde, ano sha? ilusyon? ohno!!!

3. dahil ba wala akong matatawag na buhay? kaya wala akong karapatang mangarap? naknampucha! ang saklap nun ha!

simple lang ang pangarap ko sa buhay.
pero ang totoo, tanggapin ko man o hindi, ang buhay ay nde simple.
ang mangarap ay maaaring madali.
ang kumplikasyon ay ang mapatupad ito.

simple lang akong tao.
na may masalimuot na mundo at trabaho.
may simpleng puso.
umiibig, nasasaktan, pero lumalaban.
may simpleng disposisyon.
makipagkapwa-tao, maging patas at maging masaya.

simple lang ang pangarap ko sa buhay.
at patuloy akong mangangarap dahil ito ang bumubuhay sa akin araw-araw.

firewomyn is burnedout

just when i thought i have all the fire in me to give warmth to others, i am proven wrong.

today is a test of powers.

it started w/ a day made warm by first the weather, second by caring friends.
but then halfway, i was breathing and lashing fire with my boss and colleagues.
inside, it felt like sponatenous combustion that will consume me.
there's too much anger and frustration.
we are always in firefighting mode.
later though, due to exhaustion, amber of coal from what used to be a conflagration was all that was left of me.

i'm burned out.
so what fuelled me to endure this day?
a spark of hopefulness that things will turn out ok.

today is a test of powers.

and firewomyn is temporarily extinguished.

holy relationship trinity

Dykes In The City: In Their Appropriate Box
08.17.04

By Shannon Ray

During a night of drink and gossip with friends, no subject is ever too taboo. What’s your current bed status, shoe size, most embarrassing sexual moment? The answer is supplied while effortlessly flirting with the oh-so-cute bartender across the way. It’s the kind of dialogue that onlookers love to eavesdrop on.
On a night such as this, the tabletop of women queried my way. In this day and age of 'domestic partnerships', does our need for companionship out weighed our need to get some? Furthermore, can lesbians survive on companionship alone? And if so, are we doomed to dust off our dating reject box just to have someone around for major holidays? Have we settled down or just plain settled for friendships with benefits?

Once, not so long ago, I implemented criteria to discern the difference between a friend and a lover. If the thought of screaming out her name during sex elicited a spontaneous giggle instead of a sigh from me, then I put her into the 'friend' box.

True story: many years ago I met a tall, handsome, and quite witty butch. We hit it off immediately. Only to find -- horror of horrors – that she shared the same first name as my mother. The thought of my mother’s name coming up anytime during an intimate moment sent me running for the hills. Flash forward a year or so later: I found out that she commonly went by a nickname that bared no resemble to any member of my family. I learned a valuable lesson that day: research is key.

Along with my 'scream-her-name-out test', I developed 'the box theory'. Let me explain: picture three boxes – the romance box, the fling box, and the above mentioned friendship box. We all have them. But only some of us admit we have them. The friendship box is self-explanatory. Someone who you get along with well enough but are not attracted to. The fling box is the border line case of a friendship with an added bonus of a sexual adventure. And the romance box is reserved only for someone who makes your heart do a triple-loopy when she fills a doorway.

I once questioned my reliance on boxes. I looked in my friend box to see if maybe I had let a good one slip away. I rummaged through my list until the ideal candidate was found. 'Dependable' looked great on paper. All the critical elements were there: smart, funny, older, and gainfully employed. We dated for a few months, but the chemistry just wasn’t in place. The sex was mediocre at best. Yet she had potential in so many other areas. It was like adjusting to platforms when all you’ve ever worn in life was flats. There were no butterflies, no last minute outfit changes. What she saw is what she got. For a while I had even convinced myself that you didn’t need the triple-loopy loop to be happy in a relationship. But eventually it felt like I was scamming the both of us. I’ve sworn off friendship dates ever since.

It seems once a person is in the 'friendship box', she shouldn’t cross over into the 'dating box'. But recent trends within my circle run contrary. It seems that many have settled for what they can get, instead of what they want. Holding out for 'the one' isn’t on anyone’s 'to do list'. Sort of like: Why hold out for a Royal Flush, when four of a kind will do the job? But for me, it’s hard to even think about a relationship that is nearly sexless from the very beginning. There seems to be too many people that go from one person for a main meal and another for a desert and still a third for a nightcap. Since when did the fairy tale start going sounding like a progressive dinner?

There are those of us who believe in true love and great sex that last a lifetime.. At times I think we’re a dying breed: the hopeless romantics with a working libido. As for me, I like holding out for the Royal flushes in life. I firmly believe in the holy relationship trinity: companion, lover, and friend.

Friendship is key to any relationship, but not the only one. The 'friendship box' is there for a reason. There should be a difference between a causal friend and a soul mate. There has to be different criteria between the two. I want someone who oversteps my friendship box by a mile and goes straight for my heart. Someone who is capable of equally melting my heart, thighs, and soul with fierce intensity. In the infamous words of the late Marvin Gaye: “If you believe in love, let’s get it on.”

as lovers go

as lovers go
by dashboard confessional

she said "i've gotta be honest,
you're wasting your time if you're fishing round here."
and i said "you must be mistaken,
cause i'm not fooling...this feeling is real"
she said...she said "you gotta be crazy,
what do you take me for...some kind of easy mark?"
you've got wits...you've got looks,
you've got passion but i swear that you've got me all wrong.

all wrong.
all wrong.
but you got me...

i'll be true, i'll be useful...
i'll be cavalier...i'll be yours my dear.
and i'll belong to you...
if you'll just let me through.

this is easy as lovers go,
so don't complicate it by hesitating.
and this is wonderful as loving goes,
this is telling me 'whats the sense in waiting?'

and i said "i've gotta be honest
i've been waiting for you all my life."
for so long i thought i was a silent bound,
but just seeing you makes me think twice.
and being with you here makes me sane,
i fear i'll go crazy if you leave my side.

you've got wits...you've got looks,
you've got passion but are you brave enough to leave with me tonight?

tonight.
tonight.
but you've got me...

i'll be true, i'll be useful...
i'll be cavalier...i'll be yours my dear.
and i'll belong to you...
if you'll just let me through.

this is easy as lovers go,
so don't complicate it by hesitating.
and this is wonderful as loving goes,
this is telling me 'whats the sense in waiting?'
this is easy as lovers go,
so don't complicate it by hesitating.
and this is wonderful as loving goes,
this is telling me 'whats the sense in waiting?'

to my next grrrlfrend

I don’t know if I shd even be thinking abt u already, what after parting with one?!
But because it did not work with the previous one makes me more excited abt you!
Always in the hope that you might be the one after all. Sigh.
The reason why the other one has to end,
The blessing to all my failures,
The answer to my questions.
The one (ala matrix).
High expectations ba?
‘nde pa man tayo parang andami ko nang pressure sau.
But I know you will oblivious to my pressure.
I think you will be the type who won’t be affected by such standards.
And bec dededmahin mo lang ako abt it, da more dat I will be interested with you.
Weird ko no?

Is it the chase? The chaste? Im not sure also.
Basta for you, I will be just as I am, no apologies.
And I hope we will blend well like milk and strawberry.
Fave ko kasi ang strawberry milkshake

Will I know right away it’s you?
By pattern, I already know the one I want.
I can tell on first encounter. And most often, if I like u da first tym, most lykly un na un.
And if I lyk u dat much, baka ligawan kita agad. Hehe.
Pero pde rin ako magpakipot. Depende kung gano kaexplosive ang ating first encounter.
Pero as personal rule, kung gusto na kita agad, bakit ko pa patatagalin? Baka maunahan pa ko sau. Or mawala ang moment. Sayang din.

Sana nde ako busy by then.
Walang OT, walang meeting, walang hassle, walang issue, may pera, nde ako nakatsinelas or nakalousy tshurt, nakapaglotion, nakapagcologne at walang period. Wehehehe.

I’ve always been faithful, so I think nde magiging problem sa ‘tin ung infidelity.

Masunurin din ako kung kailangan. Nde naman submissive pero I can bend if it will make things better as long as it won’t hurt that much (kung kamasutra bending posn to, lalong game ako! Ahehehe).

Generous ako, nature ko na ang magbigay ng kung anikanik lalo sa taong mahal ko at mahalaga sa kin.

Mahilig ako sa outdoors, so cguro lagi tau magdedate, movie, party, out-of-town, bowling, malling, eat out, watch ng plays, stuff together. At shempre kung may pera ako, lagi kita ililibre.

Pag may ot naman ako sa work, bawi na lang ako sa weekend kahit magdamagan pa.
Or sana ok lang sau ang gabihin, kasi kahit may ot ako, at the end of da day, gusto ko makasama kita or makita man lang.
pang-alis pagod ba.
Kung okay lang sau, puntahan na lang kita sa bahay nyo.

Sna nde issue sau ang pda, kasi mejo showy ako, so sana wag ka mailang pag kiniss kita or hinug in public. Pro I can be discreet naman. Pro pg nanggigil ako sau, sana pagbigyan mo na lang ako ha.

Impt sa kin ang occasions, so kung nde ka into monthsaries, pabayaan mo na lang ako na icelebrate yun with you. Kasi it makes me happy and gusto ko mag-ipon ng memories w/ u.

Ipapakilala kita sa bestfrend ko saka sa iba kong frends, even sa ofcmates ko, wag lang sa family ko, kasi closet ako. Sana maintindihan mo yun.

Kung nde ka man gusto ng frends ko, ok lang sa akin, wag lang kayo mag-aaway. Nde kita iiwan kung ayaw man nila sau. Sana magustuhan rin ako ng frends mo.

Kung may marinig man akong negative abt u, nde ako basta nakikinig sa chuchu ng iba.
Kung ano sabihin mo, sau ako maniniwala.
Pero pag napatunayan ko naman na niloko mo ko,
sori na lang, pero kahit special ka sa kin,
malamang iwan kita kasi nde na kita kayang itrust.

Wag ka sanang pikon din, kasi malakas ako mang-asar.
Lambing ko lang un. Sna lagi taung magtawanan.

Nde ako confrontational, so try kong baguhin para maayos natin ang ating mga conflicts,
sana ganun ka din.

Matampuhin ako, nde ko rin alam, kasi parang conflict sa personality ko na mejo maangas.
Siguro sa mga taong mahal ko lang ako ganun.

Wag mo kong aawayin or pagagalitan in public kasi dadamdamin ko yon.
Mejo bastusan ang dating sa kin nun.
Magmurahan na tayo ng tayong dalawa lang pero wag naman sa harap ng ibang tao.
Kasi nde maganda sa ating dalawa yun.

Madali ako madisappoint, so wag kang mangangako ng nde mo kayang gawin,
kasi panghahawakan ko yun.

Minsan may pagkamanhid daw ako sabi ng kaibigan ko,
so wag kang mahihiyang sabihin sa kin ang gusto mong mangyari.
Kung ayaw mo kong umalis or sumama w/ a certain grp or person, just tell me agad,
nde ako magaling sa mga reverse psychology.
Straight forward na lang. sensha na ha, programmer mentality na ko e.

Sana mahalin mo ako ng tunay at tapat.
Based from experience nde ako nangiiwan sa ere hangga’t kaya ko.
At mahaba ang pasensha ko.

Sana makaya natin to.
Pero sana magkakilala muna tayo nang tayo’y makapagsimula na :)

and-end

and you asked me, "do you still love me?"
i answered sometimes i do, sometimes i don't even think of you.

but you said it has to be yes or no.
black or white.

how can i force myself to comply to your sense of order?

when i totally can't say i don't love you.
but by not being able to say that i don't love you, does that mean i still love you?

the truth of the matter is, i don't know.
call me unfair, call me indecisive, call me whatever you want to label me.

but my predicament remains.

lucky are those people who can easily draw the line between what is and what is not.
who can say yes or no without even thinking twice.

that makes me unlucky i guess.

when you've loved someone, i don't think
you can really unlove that someone.
the depth of love may lessen or take a different form, but it will never totally disappear.

in my now less emotional state
and a little sense of clarity,
you can ask me again.

do i still love you?

yes i still do.
i may not think of you as often as before, but that doesn't mean i don't love you anymore.

now let me ask you,
do you still love me?

in your black and white world,
you simply answered no.

the period to all my question marks, commas, ellipsis and hyphens.

the end.

fare thee well

Fare Thee Well
by Indigo Girls

fare thee well my bright star
i watched your taillights blaze into nothingness
but you were long gone before i ever got to you
before you blazed past this address

and now i think of having loved and having lost
but never know what it's like to never love
who can say what's better and my heart's become the cost
a mere token of a brighter jewel sent from above

fare thee well my bright star
the vanity of youth the color of your eyes
and maybe if i'd fanned the blazing fire of your day-to-day
or if i'd been older i'd been wise

too thick the heat of those long summer evenings
for a cool evening i began to yearn
but you could only feed upon the things which feed a fire
waiting to see if i would burn

fare thee well my bright star
it was a brief brilliant miracle dive
that which i looked up to and i clung to for dear life
had to burn itself up just to make itself alive

and i caught you then in your moment of glory
your last dramatic scene against a night sky stage
with a memory so clear that it's as if you're still before me
my once in a lifetime star of an age

so fare thee well my bright star
last night the tongues of fire circled me around
and this strange season of pain will come to pass
when the healing hands of autumn cool me down

when friends fail you

walang permanente
walang umaabante

iniiwan ako sa ere
dahil sa work ay lagare

is it my fault?
or theirs by default?

kasi they promised they would
but in the end, they never could

now i'm just so down
can't remove my frown

the tears just fell
damn! feels like hell

who do i tell?
what w/ an empty cell??

no someone to turn to
no shoulder to lean on to

guess now im-a go head my way
and live the life of one lonely gay.

tamang emote

madaming gustong gawin ang puso ko, ang katawan ko na kinokontra ng isip ko.

nais ko sanang malunod sa pag-ibig, magmahal ng malalim, pero ako'y natitigilan. nag-aalinlangan.
gusto kong maging makamundo, magwala pero mali.
ibig kong magpakasama, malulong sa bisyo, wag makialam, magpakasarap, pero bawal.

nde ako makapamuhay ng ayon sa nilalayaw ng hilig ko.

nde ako malaya.

natatali ako ng mga patakaran,
ginuguhitan ang kilos ng kultura, at kinakahon ng relihiyon.
pakiramdam ko, ngayon pa lang, unti-unti nang kinikitil ang aking buhay.
nahihirapan na kong huminga.
nilalason ang aking mga pinaniniwalaan.
pinapatay ang aking pagkatao.

pano ba ang lumaya, ang maging masaya, ang tunay na mabuhay?

a-MUSE me

i'm so distant.
i care but i don't love.
my heart is as cold as the typhoon wind,
as artificial as the aircon chill.
i work but i'm not inspired.
i'm sad, but i can't cry.
i laugh, but it sounds hollow.
i look but i don't really see.
i'm lost, but i'm not worried.
so this is what mere existence means.
i'm detached.
nothing affects me right now.
no imprint.
no impact.
everything fleeting.
i don't feel real anymore.
food has no taste.
people are just nameless faces.
pain has no feel.
suddenly, there is no meaning.
nothing makes sense.
i'm tired, burned out even.
but then who cares?
i don't.

i am musing without a muse.
a-muse me.

adam in eve

this is a very good article abt girl-to-girl and largely gays.
and this came from a straight!
beat that!
it takes a certain level of thinking to recognize lesbians
and depth in reasoning to accept us.

read and think!

---------------
Adam in Eve

By J.R. Eusebio
YOU contributor
http://you.inq7.net/youngblood/06042004/ybl1-1.htm


GAYS, gays, gays. Loud gays, crazy gays, pretty gays. We're used to seeing them all around. And we've come to appreciate them. After all, they make the colors of the world more vivid, the people more boisterous, and the language more exciting.

But one other citizenry is pushing its way onto mainstream. Lesbians. A few months ago, Rosie O'Donnell and her partner got married in the state of San Francisco, partly as an act of defiance against US President George Bush's intolerance for same-sex marriages. Locally, Asia Agcaoili of the Viva Hot Babes admitted to being bisexual. I don't know if it was just gimmickry to earn her more publicity, or if she really was trying to make a statement. Any which way, I guess she succeeded. One of her interviews even left me thinking. There she said that ultimately she believes gender should not hinder love, which really, when you come to think about it, makes so much sense.

Not long after that, footages of Desiree del Valle's wedding to a young girl in Las Vegas were exposed on primetime news. Then DJ Alvaro cut her hair short for her girlfriend Aleck Bovick.

Now what could be the reason behind this upsurge? Darwin's theory of natural selection? Adaptation? Someone told me in high school that there are about three women for every man in the world. Three is to one, imagine that! What could possibly happen to the other two women who don't make it to the altar? A life in the monastery, a life waiting for a man who can only love you secretly, a life taking care of a dozen stray cats, or -- here it goes -- a life with another living creature with the same body parts as yours?

There's another possible explanation, however, to all this: economics. Let's go back to the basics. If there's little supply, and high demand, you have to find some alternative way to satisfy the need. Say the need is love, and the supply for men, which is a vital ingredient in producing love, is really low. What to do then? Take that which is abundant: women, and exploit it to its highest potentials. Thus the rise, presumptuously speaking, of bisexuals and lesbians.

And it's not so bad in my opinion, what's happening. Machiavelli would say that a classless society is the ideal society. How about a sexless one? Feminists organize demonstrations to make the world understand women are not inferior to men. Since time immemorial activists have been working for equality of the sexes. But what better way to experience that equality than by having a world that doesn't care for gender?

No matter how silly same-sex relationships and marriages are to some people, it still is a screaming testimony to the fact that the world is reaching a kind of communism. Communism, because from a society of sexual discrimination, comes now a society without even a sexual preference, so to speak. Everybody's flirting with everybody. Everybody's doing everybody. Talk about globalization! We're doing free trade here!

The Department of Health should be smiling. Seems like the population's going to drop a few notches down. I doubt if the Church is going to be happy though, whether or not this fad would lessen the number of contraceptive users in our land. But what I'm sure of is that the MTRCB's blood pressure is boiling, especially with all the TV exposure lesbians and lesbian love affairs are getting.

Well, I don't really know, but shouldn't we just be positive and cool about all this? Lesbians exist. So do men. And women. And gays. I mean I can exhaust all possible theories about how they are growing in number and all -- and I could hit the bullseye or I can just be so over the board -- but lesbians are here, and it looks like they're going to stay. That's that and there's nothing much we can do about it.

After all, we're not the ones who are on the hot seat. We're not the ones who would take all the criticism and would have to defend our very nature every so often. We're not the ones who would have to choose between sticking with society and its peculiar righteousness, or accepting the stares that come as part of the package with loving unconventionally.

The way I see it, as mere onlookers, we only have two choices. We can either turn a blind eye to the plight of the third sex, or we could look at this issue straight in the eye, and start accepting people for who they really are. For all the centuries that have been spent by wise people analyzing human nature and philosophizing about life, wouldn't it be a shame if we showed that we haven't learned a single thing? We could certainly do away with scarlet letters and little drummer boys now.

I am making my choice right here and now.

This is for all my friends who know love without boundaries.