kapag sinabi ko

recovered from my deleted poetry blog.

kapag sinabi kong

i miss u

it means gusto ko magkita tayo

kapag sinabi kong

i trust you

it means, i know kung niloloko mo ko

kapag sinabi kong

i hate u

it means, suyuin mo ko.

at kapag sinabi kong

i luv u

it means, sex na tyo!

mount her(a)

as i scan at the vista of your naked body

the sunlight glistens the landscape of your skin.

my eyes raced in hiking to your plains and slopes

trailblazing the path to your secrets,

discovering hidden caves and treasures.

for where my hands traversed on your smooth terrain

so did my lips traveled next.

each touch imprinting with passion

each taste burning with sensation

biyernes

dahil na-inspire ako kay Wil at Vivian of Saving Face. and simply because masarap magmahal ng malaya. napasulat ako kanina habang nasa jeep papasok sa trabahong hindi nakakakilig. hehe.

Biyernes

mahal kita.

walang bakit,

walang sukat,

buong tapat.
 

kung paano,

kung bakit ikaw,

kung hanggang kailan,

hindi ko alam.

basta sabi ng puso ko

masaya sya pag andyan ka.

payapang dumadaloy,

hindi rumaragasa,

hindi nagmamadali.

natural na sumasabay

sa aking paghinga,

ang alaala na nagpapangiti.

mahal kita.

kahit pa 
hindi mo 
ako mahalin.

a thing or two

i was looking for my credit card which i never used. didn't even have it activated. but now i badly need it. and so i did what i normally do end of the year, unclutter my drawers at the office. i wasn't successful in finding my credit card (i did a pretty good job of hiding it so i don't use it unnecessarily). but i found a piece of paper that dates early 2000. it contains scribbles of what seems to be poems i wrote then. here's two.

----------- 

Singular

I should have known.

From what was not seen nor

Done,

From what was not said nor

Heard,

From what was not.

There was not.

There is not.

We are not

Not even  a we.

------------------- 

Game

I’m back in the game.

Staking my vulnerability

Dangling my privacy.

So tell me

Are we playing?

Or am I losing?

Are we a game?

Or am I winning?

Do you have aces hidden?

Do I roll the dice?

Who wants to win anyway,

We just want to be happy.

So let me play again.

--------------------------

Ikaw 2

i like it when a poem is replied with another poem. :)
posting a poem by Kim as her comment to "Ikaw".

-------
Tititig na lang.

Umaasa.

Na sa iyong mukha ang sagot ay makita.

Ano bang meron at wala ka?

Sinasadya ko ba itong hindi makita?

Gusto ko ng ganito, gusto ko ng ganyan.

Ayaw ko nito, ayaw ko niyan.

Ikaw to.
Ikaw na ganyang di ko gusto.
Ikaw na itong ayaw ko.

Pero ayos lang.

Pwede nang hayaan.

Dahil mahal kita.

Oo, korni, pero mahal kitang talaga.

Balewala na lang kung anong meron at wala ka.

Patuloy sa pagtitig.

Wala na sanang ibang makita.

Ikaw

Hindi ka matangkad
Hindi ka sexy
Dati oo, pero tumaba ka na nung naging tayo
Hindi ka writer
Hindi ka mahilig sa arts
Hindi mo naeenjoy ang hiking
Hindi ka into parties
Hindi ka sensitive *gusto mo straightforward*
Hindi ka girly-girly *mahilig ka lang sa girls*
At hindi ka taga-UP.

So bakit ikaw?
Ang nagpapatawa sa akin
Ang bumubusog sa akin
Ang nagpapaworry sa akin
Ang nagpapasaya sa akin
Ang nagpapasigla sa akin
Ang nakakasakit sa akin *minsan*
Ang lagi kong kasama
Ang hinahanap ng katawan ko.

Hindi ikaw ang gusto ko
Pero ikaw ang mahal ko.


-----
note: you can re-use this piece if you like. just replace the 

1. first stanza / block with the things you don't really like with your partner or what your partner lacks
2. second stanza / block with the things you love about your partner (despite of #1)

:) enjoy!

Train of Thoughts

Thoughts that trailed off as I make "tunganga" during my afternoon train ride en route to somewhere.



The single-minded sunlight
crashing thru the window train,
unstoppable,
imprinting my skin.
No barrier hindered
the rays from meeting me.
It is as if its only mission
is to just see me
and touch me
and never leave me.
My pores, in open embrace,
they accepted it.
Never minding that
they've been waiting
long before the other realized
it needs to be here.

Senti 2

posting a rejoinder from Kim on my Senti post.This was originally a comment, but it's too good to be left hidden in the comments section. So posting for everyone to enjoy. :)

note: this is with Kim's permission




Napansin na kita noon.
Unang tanong sa sarili, may syota kaya siya?

Pagtingin sa status mo-
In a relationship with ____
Sad.

Asa pa 'kong mababakante ka.
Para ka lang UP Ikot na laging puno sa umaga.

Nakaraan pa ang ilang buwan,
nakita ka muli.
Tinignan ang iyong status-
Single.

Kunot noo.

Ako hindi. =(

Ilang fast forward pa ba ang kailangan
Para ang status nati'y maging magkatugma?

Senti

Napansin na kita noon pa.
Nagpacute ako sa yo, alam mo ba?
kaso hindi mo ko pinansin ha.

Sad.
Fast forward.

Ilang taon na ang nakaraan. 
mula sa kung saan,
bigla kang nagparamdam.

Chineck ko status mo,
ikaw ay may SO.

Hmm...

Syempre, kahit matagal na,
kinilig pa rin ako ng bahagya.
Kaya ayun, pinansin naman kita.

Haha. Hindi na nagpakipot!
Ambilis kong sumagot.

kaya muli akong nagsulat.
Pero hindi lang dahil sa yo ang lahat.
madaming dahilan, maraming pinag-ugatan.

pero isa ka na dun.
naexcite ako, alam mo ba yun?
Siguro naexcite ka din ng ganun.

kasi mula noon nagsulatan na tayo.
May pananabik sa kung anong bago.
Walang malisya to, maniwala kayo. :)

Kilig lang. 
Masaya lang.

Ang sulatan ay naging tawagan.
Nagsulputan ang mga langgam.
At nagsimula akong dagain.

Status ko ay muling sinilip.
In a relationship.
Tae. Badtrip.

Today is a good day to die

today is a good day to die.
have slept well,
kissed my partner sweet dreams
and said I love you to my family.

today is a good day to die.
have completed my work tasks.
submitted my reports
and said good night to my team.

today is a good day to die.
have buried the hatchet
kept memories for posterity
and said goodbye to my past.

today is a good day to die.
have made amends
dismissed my worries
and left everything to God.

today is saturday, my last.
i have enjoyed the wild ride
cried, laughed, cursed, loved.
thank you all for giving me a blast.

WANTed

chanced upon this website during one of my lunch breaks. what's unique with it is that it has has audio poems. and so i listen to well read poems as I enjoy my lunch. i found out that it's not just food for thought, but there are those food for the heart too... poetry. i'm inlove all over again. hay, mush. :)

here's one poem i lurv! read on and listen to it as well (click the link at the bottom).

What Do Women Want?
by Kim Addonizio




I want a red dress.
I want it flimsy and cheap,
I want it too tight, I want to wear it
until someone tears it off me.
I want it sleeveless and backless,
this dress, so no one has to guess
what's underneath. I want to walk down
the street past Thrifty's and the hardware store
with all those keys glittering in the window,
past Mr. and Mrs. Wong selling day-old
donuts in their café, past the Guerra brothers
slinging pigs from the truck and onto the dolly,
hoisting the slick snouts over their shoulders.
I want to walk like I'm the only
woman on earth and I can have my pick.
I want that red dress bad.
I want it to confirm
your worst fears about me,
to show you how little I care about you
or anything except what
I want. When I find it, I'll pull that garment
from its hanger like I'm choosing a body
to carry me into this world, through
the birth-cries and the love-cries too,
and I'll wear it like bones, like skin,
it'll be the goddamned
dress they bury me in.



listen to the audio version here and be enthralled like me :p

tell me, what do you want?

decaf

Checked my window.
No rain today.
Not a single drop
down my cheeks.

It look's foggy though,
as unclear as our state.

So tell me,
is forgetting you
as easy as taking decaf?

It's instant.
Taste's almost the same.
Less bitter,
But no jolt.

Maybe in time
I'll get used to decaf
And get by
Without you.

freudian

My life's a mess.
Yeah, messier than my pubes.
Convoluted as my guts

I am complex
I live in intrigue, danger, poverty
Where life is mostly dirrty, raw and only for the present

I am a peasant
Who's only wealth are my dreams woven from cigarette puffs
My ideals remain intact, unwashed as the jeans I've worn for weeks

I am wasted
I see life thru my drunken glazed eyes
Fragmented thoughts of pieced together memories

Dare enter my maze?
Each encounter is a surprise, no expectations
Just pure exploration in the dark.

florita, glenda

sunod sunod na bagyo.
mistula nang bugbog sarado.

kelan ba hihinto?
bakit laging ganito?

ilan ba ang dapat isakripisyo?
kaydami nang yumao.

kawawa na ang mga tao.
nanghihina sa pagkahapo.

umaasang magbabago.
at aalis ang dayo.

pero sa huli'y iiwan tayong talo.
basa, lubog, sugatan, wasak at ndi buo.

pasaway

may pasaway na rally.
kaya may pasaway na noypi.

kung ndi lang ako nakaputi,
sumampa rin ako ng alang paki.

dedma na kung mahuli.
e sa ako'y nagmamadali!

isa na lang ang masasabi.
pag bawal lalong sumisigi.

kasi makulit ang lahi!
pano, pinoy kasi!

:p

3 poems for da womyn in my mind

Haze
by Fran Ng (2003)

we collide on purpose
not our own
leaping
into orange.

then i am red
and you are yellow
circling
a solitary fever.

we make
rings of fire
in dim spaces
stroking time

where i am red
and you are yellow
and when we meet
we set ourselves on fire.

Hunger

by bino a. realuyo (2003)

this poem must be written now, on this hour,
this one sitting, the sudden rush of thought -- of you.

you again: my charcoal drawings in the air,
dance of limbs, not seen but smelled,

images forming from a verge of thought --
a scent of another sunday full of longing for food.

to eat breakfast, alone, and to know that i
have cooked for you once: eggs, pancakes, honey,

that i have eaten not only what i made but
also you; you, tasting better each time i swallowed.

your taste, a disappearing act, the fear of knowing
that you will be yesterday's dish, a name in a book

of the forgotten, the silent partner that ate off my plate,
the one who watched me cook, naked in hunger.

live poem

by anna bernaldo (2003)

"love is always a choice," my mother always says,
but this time her spatula did not point
pragmatically in my direction.
it stirred silence on the boiling broth,
ripples matching the excited rhythm
of the tv sports abchor's voice
in a basketball game my father is watching.

now that i'm older, i'm forced to reconsider
you and my fixation on the addams couple
as our role models forever.
one always hungry for the other.

i never listened to my mother,
but everyday i see her.
and i'm older and love must be domestic,
responsible, sensible as a haircut in summer.

is it possible for us to make something more
out of what we are about to have?
of course, you do not know.
even i do not know.
why did i even begin asking questions?

i just wanted to write you a love poem
but i can only live one for you.

gusto kong tumula 2

**da take 2**



dahil gusto kong tumula
wala sanang kokontra.

mga katagang walang kwenta
basta tunog ay tumugma.

e ano kung nde ako makata?!
ekspresyon ang mahalaga!

ung masarap sa bigkas ng dila
at swabe sa pandinig ng tenga.

gusto ko ring tumula
ng sa puso nagmumula.

bumigkas ng matatamis na salita
na aarok sa inyong pandama.

magkwento tungkol sa pag-asa
at magbahagi ng pang-unawa.

na ang buhay ay tunay na masaya
may laman man ang bulsa o wala.

gusto kong tumula,
nde ng mahabang mahaba.

gusto kong tumula,
kasi gusto kong lumaya :)

gusto kong tumula 1

**da praktis**



oohla-la!!!
tula
ng
tula

bula
ng
bula

hula
ng
hula

dula
ng
dula

nakakalula!!!

pen and paper

you are the ink,
i am the paper.

put color on my whiteness
give story to my blankness.

leave an imprint.
make me a history.

tattoo me all over,
in lines, in dots, in curves.
as if to say i am yours,
as if i will object.

you are the ink.
i am the paper.
touch me per layer.
turn me over and over.

i am the paper.
you are the ink.
stain me, and let it sink.
because with you, i need not think.

laro sa apoy

gusto kitang makita at makaniig.
damhin ang mainit na labi ng iyong pangako.
at mapaso sa dila ng iyong katapatan.

magpalamon sa lumalaking apoy ng kabaliwan
magpakalunod sa nagbabagang pagnanasa,
na ang langit ay nde na muling uulan ng luha.

halina't pag-usukin natin ang ating mga kaluluwang
sumasayaw sa liyab ng pag-ibig
na susunog sa lahat ng mga nakaraan.

pagka't ngayong gabi,
at sa susunod pang mga araw,
ikaw at ako ay magiging isa.