G-ifts

I'm a very generous person.
I like giving to people.
I think I spend more on other people than on myself.
Specially true during Christmas.

Maybe it's the Santa Claus syndrome.
You want to make kids happy and the people you care for feel special.
These can be sweet little stuff that you can just throw up in the air, up for grabs to anyone who wants 'em. Read: meaningful, yet considerably or not pricey.

And then there's the Matrona syndrome.
This is lavishing someone with stuff s/he asks for or sometimes doesn’t ask from you but you think s/he needs or should have. The price oftentimes is incredulous and the only one who thinks it's ok is the matrona in the making.

Santa clause syndrome borders Matrona syndrome when the gift is unreasonable.
Yes my friends, relationships have a price tag.

Here's my relationship-price range:

a. Parents: 5-10k

b. Siblings: 1-2k (can go up as high as 4k depending on your closeness)

c. Jowa (meaning the feeling is mutual): 3-5k (if together for 2 yrs or more, can be as high as 6k)

d. Ex (na ikaw ang nagditch) - 500-1k (dahil may pinagsamahan naman kayo, but largely pampalubag loob for the heartache you gave him/her)

e. Ex (na ikaw ang iniwan for whatever reason) - 5-20 (pambili ng paputok para pasabugin nya mukha nya or pambili ng kape para tamaan naman sya ng kaba sa tuwing may lolokohin/iiwan sya)

f. Super friends (bestfriend level) - 1-2500k (ito yung kahit hindi kayo madalas magkita pero hindi nawawala ang depth of connection)

g. Frienditas (chika friends) - 400-600 (ito yung mga madalas mo makasama kasi madaling hatakin. In other words, mga kaladkarin)

h. Friendly friends (potential fling in the guise of friendship) - 300-500

i. Boss - 300-500 (dahil kailangang sumipsip paminsan-minsan)

j. Ofcmates - 100-200 (dahil kailangang may clout sa ofc kahit plastikan lang)


! Gulat factor: !
I got my first birthday greeting last night.
First kasi way ahead ang greeting nya.
Touched na sana ako, kaso the real deal is, she thought my bday was tomorrow! :D
Nonetheless.
I got my first birthday gift kanina.
First kasi malayo pa ang birthday ko!
Super touched ako kasi, she gave me what I wanted and more! :)

I got a bag-ful of tubaws,
a necklace na pinitas pa daw nya sa pusod ng dagat,
and the best of all that made me smile then laugh … a musical greeting card! --- priceless!!! ;)

ocular experience

Ang sakit ng kaliwang suso ko!
Yan ang gusto ko sabihin para magbiro.
Pero ang totoo, puso ko ang masakit.
Ang sakit sakit nya.
Parang pinipiga sa kamao at dumudugo sya.
Habang inuubos ang dugo nya. Sya ding agos ng luha ko.
Hindi ko mapigilan.
Kesyong nasa opisina ako at nasa sasakyan kanina.
Ang sakit sakit nya.
Pinasisikip nya ang dibdib ko.
Nahihirapan akong huminga.
Hindi ako kumain mula tanghali hanggang gabi.
Hindi dahil fasting ako kasi ash Wednesday.
Isa itong hunger strike.
Hmp.
Niyaya akong magsimba ni jowa kaso I don’t feel religious today.
Specially when I'm losing my faith.
Winarningan ko rin si jowa na I'll be a lousy companion today.
Kung sigurado syang gusto nya pa rin ako makita after nya magsimba.
At sigurado rin akong pinagdasal ako ni jowa para luminaw ang pag-iisip ko.
Hanggang dyan na lang ang pdeng luminaw.
Kasi ang mata ko, hangga't hindi napapalitan/naibabalik ang salamin kong (tangena!!!!) nawala, ndi na ito lilinaw pa.



Oh Fact!
a. 30 lang grado ng eye glasses ko, prescribed for astigmatism.

b. Guess ang tatak nya. Ang lens nya ay nag-iiba ng shade depende sa lighting condition. So shades/eye glasses sya.

c. Ang salamin na ito ay nakuha ko ng libre courtesy of office optical/medical benefit ko from last year.

d. 3rd choice ko lang sya sa mga nashortlist ko na eye glasses. Top choice ko ay oakley na black rimmed and isa na I can't remember the brand, pero violet rimmed sya. Both are priced at 12k++. Guess ang cheapest. Out of vengeance, I want as replacement, my second choice na violet-rimmed.

So bakit halos maglupasay ako sa pasay dahil sa pagkawala nito?
Meron kasi syang continental value.
Ito ang aking first ever eye glasses.
It took me and jowa 3days back and forth to the malls looking for the perfect eye glasses for me.
Halos tumaas na grado ng mata ko nun kakapili and kakasukat. Susme!
To undergo that same grueling process is something I'm not excited about.


Word of Mouth:

Astigmatism - meron ako nito. Hindi dahil astig ako. Kala ko noon astig ako. Pero nung nangyari 'tong trahedya na to sa buhay ko, isa pala akong marshmallow sa lembot.
Bakit kaya astig-matism tawag sa kanya? Hindi dahil astig ang meron nito. Pero astig sa tindi ang sakit na dulot nito! Masuka-suka ka na gusto mong mag-headbang sa nearest pader.

glass half empty

I am so stupid.
I lost my 2-month old eye glasses worth 9k.
I left it in the cab this morning, when I took it off to fix my hair and placed it on the seat.
It is so far the most expensive stuff I've lost.
I don’t know how to recover from this awful feeling.
Since I've worn that eye glasses, I haven't had headaches anymore.
I have astigmatism.
Now, I have to take advil everyday again.
I'm actually in tears.
And I thought I'm going to be lucky this year as what the chinese new year prophesized.
So much for luck.
It's been countless bad luck since january.
I hate myself.
I hate this life.

work out

i have finally liberated myself from office misery.
i have removed my backlog and sent 'em to my almighty boss, accepting whatever consequence may result.
and it's out there.
no more looking back, just living ahead.
the ball is in his court.

so far, nothing career changing effect has happened yet.
but if ever it does, i'll be okay.

my friend and gf have finally convinced me that it is normal and right to look for other opportunities even if you're still committed to your current work.
i have been battling with that decision for the longest time.
being part of management, i always thought that it is betrayal to seek greener pasture elsewhere when you're still connected with a current job.
that it is unethical.
and the only just way is to officially resign, leave the company, then (only then) hunt for the next job.

but as everyone i know pointed out, reality doesn't work that way.
you only leave once you have secured yourself with a new job.

is it just me or them?

i have staunchly tried to be firm about my beliefs.
but as i continue to be unhappy and restless, the prospect of a new beginning, a reset, is twisting my hard held notions on work ethics to bend with reality.

each day that i say my mantra, 'may mas okay pang iba', i get more convinced.

this ethical dilemma at work makes me wonder if the same applies in relationships.
i have always been the type who never gives up, until the other person gives up on me. i am this stubborn and dreamy and stupid a lot of times.

i always hoped that things will turn out ok in the end.
at least you can't blame me for not trying.
that's why when it ends, it truly is the end. no encore, no ellipsis.
it is with finality and no turning back.

thus, i can't apply the common rule that 'you must first have a fallback before leaving the present' in my relationships.
i'm into single-minded approach.
in other words, naka-helmet ako.

you can say, my values are the same when it comes to work and relationships.
i struggle and do my darn best to make things work, exhaust all options to save and stay.

and if after everything i still fail, i leave.
carrying no baggages, just memories and lessons learned.




parting shot: in organizing my messy life, i started with something doable and achievable. like my desk. my favorite school/ofc supplies, pens and pencils! :)
this is my first time to have a pen/cil holder. and i've ached between transparent plastic theme or aqua. color won over. so i'm planning to have aqua theme on my table :) in time for summer. hehe.

btw, in case you're interested, learned this in "how to simpify your life" by tiki kustenmacher.

para sa mga single

believe in love that is being stored up for you like an inheritance,
and have faith that in this love there is a strength
and a blessing so large that you can travel
as far as you wish without having to step out it.

-rainer maria rilke
letters to a young poet

law of love

Isa ako sa mga biniyayaan ng pag-ibig.
Punung puno ako ng pag-ibig.
Kung pde lang ito ipamahagi sa lahat ng babaeng nakilala ko, ginawa ko na.
Kaso contrary to the gospel, love is selfish.
It is territorial.
At dahil dyan, kahit gusto kong magshare ng aking puso, ndi pde.
Kasi may nagma-may-ari na nito.
Hay, napakaswerte nya!
Sana alam nya yun! :D
Never ko naisip na ako ay submissive type.
Pero sa aming dalawa, feeling ko sya ang batas.

case 1:
An hr before lunch
Gf: may lunch kme ng barkada ha.
Ako: (sa isip ko: !@#$%^&*!!!!) ok. *sabay tahimik na lang*
ang style, papaguilty. Kaso minsan, ndi umeepek. Waaapak!
Gf: naiinis ka ba?
Ako: hindi. Ok lang ako. *sabay haba ng ilong ko. Amplastik! Tangina.*
Gf: naiinis ka eh.
Ako: *natural!!! Pagpalit mo ba naman ako sa barkada mo eh. Amp!* ok nga lang sabi ko. *ngingiti ng pilit*
Verdict: sya ang batas

case 2:
Ako: maaga ako uuwi.
Gf: may gym ako e.
Ako: ok
Gf: maaantay mo ba ako?
Ako: try ko. Text text na lang
Gf: gusto mo ba antayin kita?
Ako: *ofcourse da corrs!* sana.
Gf: sige, ndi na ko magggym.
Ako: agahan mo na lang gym mo.
Gf: ung aero na gusto ko an hr after pa e.
Ako: magweights ka na lang muna
Gf: o sige na nga.
Verdict: ako ang batas. Hehe.

So sino ang batas sa min?
Pareho pala kme. Depende kung sino ang tinatamad maki-argue.
Sya kasi, ndi na nagtatanong.
Ako nagcoconsult pa.
Infairness naman, alam na nya kung ndi ako natutuwa sa sinabi nya. Pero tinatry pa rin nya just in case makalusot. Ako, may tendency na ipilit gusto ko.
Wala lang, minsan gusto mo lang mag-inarte at masunod minsan. Hehe.
I guess, love ang batas at kme ay law-love abiding citizens :)
So may justice pa rin in the law of love.
hay, ang korni ko.