space

I sit here on my bed, half my skull about to crack open with non stop pounding, the other half wants to run away, dissociated to the other half's self destruction. The same way this iPad's screen is all bright and white, while the rest of the room is evil dark. My fingers typing forming this shadow seeming movements in conversation with the virtual keyboard. Fingers and letters talking, or are they dancing in the tempo of tap? How hopeful to have that connection of fingers to screen, of head in pain and head uncaring. To carve jagged open my skin in search for raw feelings buried numb by the unending rush on things. No time to feel, just think! And act. Fast! I sped by life so swiftly I left my soul behind. Poor soul. :( she must be alone, cold and hungry and scared and sad. While this shell of a body of mine go shallow and hollow. There is this sore in my chest alternating with the involuntary twitch of my eyelids. I know I am sad, but I can't force a tear to fall no matter how tight I twist myself dry in opposite direction. If I close my eyes, confusion drowns with the black blanket. And all appears in harmony. Bliss of nothingness. If I open my eyes, sensation of surrounding chaos that'll rip me apart in time. In this time of in between, I cleave the path for pause. I'll sit under the shade of indecision and look down. Not forward, not backward. I don't want to be distracted. I'll stay here until a shadow casts over my head. When that happens, it means my soul has found me. She'll tilt my chin, stare at her reflection in my eyes and brush her lips to mine and plant back my life with a kiss that'll ignite my passion and burn to ashes this emptiness. Until then.