hapi thots

so now i have a gf.
everybody expects me to be 'happy' because of it.
well, i am enjoying our time together.
happy is such a big word.
it denotes longevity.
pang longterm.
so it's kinda scary to say i am happy.
baka words spoken too soon.
i guess this is just me being realistic.
ok, i admit, this is me, being cynical.

nde ba pdeng maging hapi on your own?

like, bakit when you have good friends, walang naggigreet sa yo na,
"hapines ka na siguro!". others will just comment,"okay friends mo ha."

or if you have a promising job, all they can say is, "successful ka na ate."

or nagtop ka sa exam or deans lister ka, remarks nila ay, "ang galing galing mo naman!"

"successful", "okay", "galing", words that pale when compared to the almighty "hapi" or "hapines".

in reality, i feel and am hapi.
hapi in a sense that i am not easily fazed by life's harshness lately.
my work is still stressful.
i still run out of money kahit kakasweldo lang.
i still get pissed off by injustices, our failing economy, kupal peeps.
i still get depressed when there is occasional family conflicts.
i get affected by the problems of my friends, more so ng gf ko.

but the thing is, keri lang!
meaning, i realized na constant companion na ng yuppy life ang stress at shit.
accepting this, the only thing to make my life better is to change my point of view about it.

now how did having a gf whom i love helps?
nde ko rin explicitly alam.
basta love in my heart outweighs hatred and depression.
the emphasis is centered :

on proactivity.
on problem solving not on problemizing the problem.

on understanding.
not only how it affects me but also the other people involved.

mind you, i'm not always my rational self,
i get unreasonable too, specially when the right buttons are pressed.
but i try. i fight.
sometimes i succeed. sometimes i fail.

is momentary happiness = joy = enjoyment ?
i don't mind, as long as my life each day makes me
progressively better and happier,
with or without my gf.

No comments: