2.11.2005

forgive my father for he has sinned



my current relationship w/ my tatay is limited to monosyllabic responses (answerable by yes or no is best) to his inquiries and him asking for money during sweldo.

when i was a child, we speak in terms of his belt on my skin or his palm on my face.
and my replies are in black and blue, in bruises, in muted pain and of nurtured hatred.

u kinda get used to it to a pt that it no longer hurts, physically and emotionally.

bec of this, he stopped 'disciplining' us.

i dont know if it is lack of education or simply his lord mentality that makes him think that he is still the head of the family and shd be followed at all times despite the fact that he has long ago stopped assuming that role.

dig this. he didn't buy any appliance/stuff in the house. yet he controls the them all.
kainis di ba? you can't choose the shows to watch from the tv w/c you bought, bec sya ang nasusunod.
*feeling ko, pag tinago ko ang remote control, maghuhuramentado un or babasagin na lng ang tv para walang makinabang!*

psycho.

last night, i just found out that my father has a mistress who's pregnant right now and wants to live with her.
*w/c in truth is fine w/ me really, so long as he doesn't come back*

the catch though is that he wants us to financially support 'them'.

the mistress by the way is just in her early twenties (younger than me), and accdng to rumors, is mentally challenged.

but the real deal is this, my tatay is saying that it is not his, but since naaawa sya, he will just take the baby as his.
awwww! so sweet of my tatay. so mabait di ba?
to sacrifice and leave his own family just so to save a dimwit damsel in distress.
gee. what more can i say.
gusto ko lang tumumbling.

it doesn't end there.
my sister and her bf will get married soon.
and mamamanhikan sa haws namin next week.
when tatay found out abt it, he told us, 'tamang-tama, ipapakilala ko na rin ang bago kong aasawahin'.
ugh. he said that w/o batting an eyelash. as if it's the most natural thing in the world.

i don't know if he's testing our threshold for sanity or he's lost his mind already.

if that's the case, then they deserve each other i guess :)

i hope the gurl cares for him, bec i (and the rest of the family) simply cant.

13 comments:

bullish1974 said...

this, my friend, shall pass. trite but true.

Summer Fire said...

mareh, inuman tayo? hay... mahirap magpalaki ng magulang. nainspire tuloy ako ituloy na ung artik ko abt my family. was thinking kc kung ilalagay ko pa sa blog ang katakot-takot na drama ng buhay ko. hay. kaya natin 'to... *hugsU*

OdinPatrick said...

You are hot, do you have some sort of gallery of all the model pictures?

Anti-Political Correctness Domain

bosley said...

basta, wala kang responsibilidad dun sa aasawahin ng tatay mo, period.

TemporaryMadness said...

wag masyadong mabait... tama na po yung father mo lang ang sinusuportahan mo...

firewomyn said...

bullish1974: yeah. i hope it'll be quick ;)

summer fire: yep! kaya talaga! :) cge, inuman tau. *hugs back*

odinpatrick: thanks. i don't have a gallery :) i just get images over the net.

the butch: basta, wala akong pakialam sa kanila!

temp madness: nde po talaga ako mabait. kaya malas nila.

lycel said...

welcome to the club. used to shell out for my dad's kid, pro nagising na ko.

Firewomyn said...

what a nutcase! i am...so..argh. awful! awful person! -Fire

riddler said...

wahehe.... the spunk is back (tama ba ispeling?) idol waheheh

indieescape said...

(blog-hopping)

"feeling ko, pag tinago ko ang remote control, maghuhuramentado un or babasagin na lng ang tv para walang makinabang!" - may pagka-ganito rin yung tatay ko. and it's not just the TV. mid-life crisis....

† nielz † said...

chuba ekek sya.. agawin mo na lang ung aasawahin nya.. hihi.. honestly tingin ko wala ka naman talagang magagawa kasi he's in control of his life. all u can do is to keep hidden grudges from your father's eyes so as not to make things worse. Ü

bels said...

mahirap talaga magpalaki ng magulang. i got numb to the point that i wish i could kill my dad myself but i love my limited freedom too much to get incarcerated.

if you like, inuman din tayo kaso pwede, wag na yung mga magulang ang pag-usapan natin kasi medyo sawa na ko. i'm just scared sometimes, that i'd be filled with so much anger that i'd be like my dad. you know.

"i don't wanna be bitter, i don't wanna get old before i have to, i don't want to get jaded, petrified and weighted, i don't wanna be bitter like you"

soul_seeker said...

Hay...mahirap talaga magpalaki ng magulang. In patriarchal Philippine society, especially, we children often find ourselves needing to "forgive our fathers for they have sinned," as you put it. Medyo ganyan rin tatay ko so I can relate. I was so bitter for the past several years after I witnessed my dad fooling around with a girl younger than me (one bound for Japan at that), but lately, I came to accept that I can't change people. I can only change myself. I trust that you WILL get through this. May sarili kang buhay so make the most out of it.