Texas ban on same-sex marriage & segue way thoughts

Always nice waking up to good news. :) am not from Texas, but we have sisters and brothers there fighting out for our rights. Their success is our success too. As more states/countries legalize same-sex marriage, they are paving the way for us in this side of the world.

Conversation over lunch with a foreigner colleague/friend of his encounter with I think a European couple (if I remember it right) -- "the commitment to be together for many years already, even without legal contract, that is marriage."

What binds then together is not the legal benefits or contract but the commitment to be in this relationship.

That is admirable, and going back to the basic of why we are together as a couple to begin with.

However, let this not be confused with our right to marry if we decide to. That is basic human right which legions are fighting for in many parts of the globe.

Just some Thursday thoughts. Btw, I don't have personal laptop or computer. I only have ofc laptop which I don't bring home. So I blog via my phone only. It's not that easy, and limited features, that's why I don't blog regularly. The usual excuse in the menu is 'been busy. Which you've read/heard a gazillion time already. But that's the truth. My work for 1.5 yrs now is on an altogether different level of challenges which am surprised am able to cope up with still with fierce, rainbow colors. :) The things you do to survive and to give yourself & family a more comfortable life. Story of my life.

This also explains why I can't reply to comments. But I do read them. Lifts my heart :) so thank you :)

It's my bday soon. Hope to get a laptop as gift. Hehe. A girl is entitled to dream big! :)

Anyway, have to get moving. i just skipped my morning work out to blog. have to prep for work now. A girl has to work too you know :)

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By Bill Mears and Greg Botelho, CNN
updated 21:52 GMT 02.26.14

(CNN) - Texas on Wednesday became the latest state to have a federal judge strike down its ban on same-sex marriage, following a ruling that its current prohibition has no "rational relation to a legitimate government purpose."

The ruling, by San Antonio-based Judge Orlando Garcia, will not take effect immediately: It stays enforcement of his decision pending appeal, meaning same-sex couples in Texas for the time being cannot get married.

Still, gay rights supporters and activists believe the judgment -- because of what it says, how it follows similar rulings in other states and where it happened, in one of the most conservative states in the country -- has special significance.

Texas Democratic Party chairman Gilberto Hinojosa called Wednesday "a historic day for the LGBT community and the state of Texas," while the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force's head predicted the ruling "hastens the day when all loving couples who simply want the ability to share the benefits and responsibilities of marriage can."

"Everything is bigger in Texas and this ruling is an enormous leap forward for same-sex couples in the Lone Star State," said the latter group's executive director, Rea Carey. "Every time a judge strikes down a same-sex marriage ban, is yet another nail in the coffin of discrimination."

Those on the other side of the debate, meanwhile, are promising to keep fighting.

Texas Attorney General Greg Abbott said his office would challenge the ruling, which would be heard by a federal appeals court in New Orleans. The Republican is running for governor, with early primary voting now in full swing and the full primary election set for March 4.

"The U.S. Supreme Court has ruled over and over again that states have the authority to define and regulate marriage," said Abbott. "The Texas Constitution defines marriage as between one man and one woman."

Gov. Rick Perry, who is not running for re-election, offered even more forceful remarks, insisting that the 10th Amendment of the U.S. Constitution "guarantees Texas voters the freedom" to decide on the parameters for marriage.

"Texans spoke loud and clear by overwhelmingly voting to define marriage as a union between a man and a woman ..., and it is not the role of the federal government to overturn the will of our citizens," said Perry, an outspoken conservative who ran for president in 2012. "... This is yet another attempt to achieve via the courts what couldn't be achieved at the ballot box."

In November 2005, Texas became the 19th state to adopt a constitutional amendment banning gay marriage. Whether homosexual couples should be allowed to wed like heterosexual ones was a hot-button issue then and in subsequent years, with polls showing that most Americans favored restrictions.

But public opinion shifted over time. A CNN/ORC International survey last June found that a majority -- 55% -- of Americans back same-sex marriage, up 11 percentage points from 2008.

A total of 17 states now allow such legal unions, due to actions by voters, state courts or their legislatures. Federal courts have also helped move the needle on the issue, especially over the past year.

Source: http://cnn.it/1o6z5eZ

inside and out

Am not well. Am pissed. There's this growing restlessness in me that is shaping to be anger for something I can't resolve. Is it masked in helplessness? Or draped in fear? I can't tell yet, but it's slowly gnawing my insides beginning at the center of my chest. It's painful in a way that it's not really painful but constricts my breathing, the same way a lump in your throat blocks your gulp. Am too exhausted to punch someone now so I can only hit some keys on my phone with the goal to blabber until the sides of my iPhone 3GS froth and slip my eewy fingers. Yes, disgusting. But not as disgustingly twisted as how Uganda President is disgusted with homosexuals. He is sick. Obviously. Perverted even on his viewpoint of what is just. Am quick to rationalize that the Ugandan president is too insignificant for me as a gay person to be affected. *It finally made sense why the country hasn't progressed much. Because its very leader thinks backwards.*

But the impact to the Ugandan LGBTs and essentially Ugandan human rights is of course huge. We cannot stop people from thinking wrongly, even if there's a law prohibiting them. Our sense of self and worth must then not be based on what others think or say of us, but on what we think of ourselves. Only us can belittle ourselves. To hide or deny one's self is not just repression, but also oppression.

Which Ellen Page, my beloved Juno attested to in her coming out speech.

"And I am here today because I am gay. And because maybe I can make a difference to help others have an easier and more hopeful time. Regardless, for me, I feel a personal obligation and a social responsibility.

I also do it selfishly, because I’m tired of hiding. And I’m tired of lying by omission. I suffered for years because I was scared to be out. My spirit suffered, my mental health suffered, and my relationships suffered. And I’m standing here today, with all of you, on the other side of that pain.

And I am young, yes. But what I have learned is that love—the beauty of it, the joy of it, and yes, even the pain of it—is the most incredible gift to give and to receive as a human being."

I am not yet out. Not because of shame, but because of fear of hurting my parents by defying their expectations of me once again.

Like Ellen, I lie by omission. When a colleague asked if I am seeing anyone, I replied no. Simply because gf was overseas that time so technically, we're not seeing each other.

When I introduced her, I said 'friend'. Well, at the very minimum, your girlfriend is also your friend. The root word is friend.

Make no mistake, I love my girlfriend and proud of her. I just don't want explaining to other people, justifying or even defending myself. Hindi po ako artista na kailangang magpa-press con sa update sa buhay ko.

So I admit I am suffering too. And the painful, bitter truth is I cause this pain to myself. By not coming out still to my family. By denying myself of loving freely.

As Ellen Page powerfully put it, "... we deserve to experience love fully, equally, without shame, and without compromise."

The comfort is, there's no way to go, but out. Soon! :)

Color of wide awake dreams

After four hours of turning side to side, i stopped my failed attempt to sleep. What is wrong with my body? Was awake Sat 11pm till Sunday 8am finishing Suits season 2, slept 4hrs Sunday morning. Normalized sleep Sunday night. And now this!

Texted gf about this episode of zombie fit and kidded her - siguro iniisip mo ko no! Haha. She just replied I love you. Ah, sweet. But not enough to knock me to sleep.

Currently playing classical music. Read an article about how diplomats learn foreign language fast, scanned thru twitter feed, checked emails. This is me exhausting my eyes to force it to sleep. But my mighty eyes keeping its stance.

My body is tired, but mind refuses to give up with thoughts swimming in my brain cells. This is exhausting and I will pay for this dearly at work. Pray I won't be late.

I tried to write about Juno's coming out. *Ellen Page will always be Juno to me :) * at work lunch but blogger's blocked. Fuck these web filters.

So I just surfed for Cheryl Miles' photo, the Singaporean DJ, whose radio program I listen to every morn before going to work (via podcast). 'twas the radio station I listened to every time am in Singapore.

Shan & Cheryl are the cooler version of Chico and Delamar for me. To be better at conversational English, I decided to listen to English radio program. Plus theirs have no commercials/ads. And they're talented! They spoof songs by singing their own comic version.

So imagine. my shock when I discovered how boiling hot Cheryl is! Since I want her only for myself, I won't post a pic of her. Ha! Well, as if I can! Am typing now thru my already erratic behaving iPhone 3GS of four years! Another shocker yes, am 6 versions behind on iPhone models.

Poor, deprived me. *Hint! Hint!* Am accepting donations of iPhone 4 and up! :) it's 2014, 2 yrs after the world ended, wala nang oras para maging mahiyain! :)

Three hours ago, I started working out again, right after gf left from my apartment. Inspired by latest crush, Cheryl, I want to be deserving of her when we have mind blowing-leg breaking-bluer than Blue is the Warmest Color sex!

With that, I now replace Orange is the new Black with Blue is the new Orange. Sorry Alex Vause.

Continuing, *yep, still can't sleep* macho is the new gay and lesbians are simply fierce sexy. Kirsten Stewart is the next coming out *a womyn is entitled to dream* and Jennifer Lawrence is her new gf. *am capricious when I dream. Hehe.*

So I think I've collected enough fantasies to dream about to effectively convince my body to finally give in and let me start the mind blowing-leg breaking-bluer than Blue is the Warmest Color sex with Cheryl, Kirsten and Jennifer. :D

Great mornight ladies! Off to the wonderful world of Zzz.

Kwento ng pagkkwenta sa mga kwestyong about kwests

This is the first time I've been really career focused. As in I slaved for a promotion I haven't received yet. If I don't get it this year, will definitely look elsewhere.

Before, I get promoted just because am really good at work. I didn't exactly have a target to pressure myself internally. Sobrang reklamador ko sa hirap ng trabaho pero I thrive in crisis naman kasi so wagi naman ako lagi.

A guy ofcmate before described me as a weed. Kahit saan mo ilagay tumutubo. Napakaunglamorous na comparison pero totoo nga based on past experiences ko.

Not to glorify growing up poor pero I think harsh life toughened me a lot.

But last year, mas naging gutom ako sa ambisyon. As in am an ambitious bitch, tagged heartless behind my back. Siguro kasi suddenly andali kong nakuha ang ilan sa mga ginusto ko. Like the exact net salary I wanted, bahay, moving out, a coveted position as next in line to my boss. Parang suddenly abot kamay lahat.

To be fair to my myself, talaga namang binuhos ko lahat since last year. To a point na I gave up blogging and social life. Part of me regrets it pero bigger part of me thinks it's worth it.

I admit sa mga panahong naiiyak na ko sa pagod at napapatanong sa sarili if tama pa ba tong kabaliwan na to pinanghihinaan din ako ng loob.

Pero kumbaga sa bisyo lulong na. Masyado na kong maraming nainvest para pa umatras. Up to end of this year lang naman ang personal deadline ko. After that, adventure uli.

A few weeks ago inapproach ako ng isang intl non-profit organization sa email abt an opportunity. Catch is it's a 2yr contract position and needed in a month na. Man! International non-profit organization! Isa sa malaking item sa aking timba list. Dream ko sya college pa lang ako. Pero alam nyo naman dahil sa kahirapan sa buhay at dami ng binubuhay, inilibing ko muna ang pangarap na yan. Pero eto na sya ngayon! Bumangong muli!

Pera o bayong lang. Pangarap o promotion? Makatulong o Magpayaman? Naman! Wala pa nga kong kotse e. hay. Lagi na lang tough choices ang binibigay sa kin. At ang timing off talaga.

No need to panic naman kasi hindi pa ko napipili sa non profit org. Pero alam kong matatanggap ako kasi sabi sa feng shui ko sa planner na nabasa ko sa national bookstore, madami ako travels sa quarter two (Q2). Eto na yun e! 25% intl travel.

Pano ko ito ipagtatapat sa boss kong binuild-up na ako ng sobra sa mga matataas na bossing? Na ang kanang kamay nya ay nangangaliwa pala. Napakahirap. Napakahirap magdisappoint ng taong pinapahalagahan mo at pinagkatiwalaan ka ng sobra.

How do you break someone's heart without hurting them? You can't. Life in black and white.

Sa mga ganitong love or career, pera o bayong ang tema, isa lang ang next na maaari kong gawin bago pa mabiyak ang ulo ko kakaisip, pinagpasa-Diyos ko na. Sya na bahala kung saan ako best ilagay at dapat mapunta. I trust. I believe. I thank you.