buntis ka ba?

i have always been slim since as far back as i can remember.
but recently, with lack of exercise and all techie work (sitting and pounding on the keyboards, hours of meetings sitting down) and a stimulated appetite influenced by my gf, i've grown fats.

yes, fats, as in flabs, centered on the tummy.
actually, i don't mind. my only concern is i tire easily. the farthest i walk (w/c can pass up as workout to me) is from one end of my ofc to the other.

ok, so i have some tummy flabs, no big deal to me. i've always wanted to be fuller in a way.
so while i'm celebrating my newfound fats, i didn't realize my mom's going berserk abt it!

monday:
mom: nagkakapuson ka na saka bilbil.
me: ainako! wala na kasi exercise.

tuesday:
mom: lumalaki yata tyan mo, saka puwet mo. hmmm ... baka buntis ka ha?
me: nyeh! lagi lang kasi ako nakaupo at nagcocomputer. sus!

wednesday:
mom: ang lakas mo na kumain ... tumatakaw ka ...
me: shempre, pagod e. pagkain na lang ang panlaban ko.

thursday:
mom: ang sikip na ng pantalon mo sau. baka may laman na yang tyan mo...
me: ma, kung gusto nyo magpacheckup tayo para matahimik na kau. pro kau magbayad ha, kasi kau naman tong nagdududa.

friday (at da mall):
sis: sabi ni mama, lumalaki daw tyan mo, baka buntis ka daw ... *hesitant, takot kasi sa kin to kasi mas matanda ako*
me: ainako, isa ka pa! masama ba tumaba? nakakainis naman sa bahay.

saturday:
*nagutom ako, kaya nagmidnight milo ako ska wheat bread.*

mom: gabi na, kakain ka pa. bakit anlakas mo na kumain?
me: *pissed* e kasi buntis ako. *nguya ng tinapay*
mom: sabi ko na nga ba! tapos ayaw mo pa aminin! *hysterics*
me: *wtf?!* nyeh! as in naniwala naman kayo?! sinabi ko lang yun kasi isang linggo nyo na kong sinasabihan tungkol sa buntis na yan. sabi nang nde, ayaw maniwala.
mom: araw-araw ba?
me: o cge, every other day.
*singit si sis*
sis: oo ma, lagi nyo na lang sya sinisita.
mom: *nde aamin shempre, biglang magkaka-amnesia* pAra tinatanong lang, masama na ba magtanong?
me: pero nde naman kayo naniniwala kahit ilang beses ko nang sinabi na nde. pero isang beses ko lang sinabi na oo, as a joke, naniwala naman agad kayo. what do you mean by that?
mom: wala. *tahimik na.*
me: *i rest my case, akyat na ng kwarto to text gf para mgsumbong*

... the next day, 4am...
my sister woke me up, mom was having hypertension attack. but the catch is, my mom specifically said to my sister that she wants me to be the one to bring her to the ER.

shempre, badtrip pa kaya ako nun, pero bilang butihing tomgrrl na anak, sinamahan ko sya. pro nde ako umiimik sa buong byahe.

timing naman sa ER, may nadead na lalaki so while i was waiting, mega atungal ang kanyang mga kaanak. hay sadness na creepy ng slight.

so after waiting for 2 hrs, da doc talked to me.

doc: i don't see anything wrong w/ your mom. ecg is normal, she seems ok, but her highblood pressure is still high. i think something is bothering her. she's havin' an anxiety attack.
me: ugh!

sheesh! neat huh? so how can i even argue with her abt anything? when i can always be defeated by her mom superiority and psychosomatic anxiety attacks?
if only circumstances were normal our conversation would simply be like:

monday:
mom: nagkakapuson ka na saka bilbil.
me: ainako! wala na kasi exercise.

tuesday:

mom: lumalaki yata tyan mo, saka puwet mo. hmmm ... baka buntis ka ha?
me: nyeh! pano naman ako mabubuntis ng gf ko? sus! kain na lang tayo. :D