lasting impression

Friend 1:
Been together for around 2yrs.
Lived together for less than a year in a foreign country
Planned to get married end of this year.
I was actually helping them in their wedding preparation.
Declaration: madami na kaming pinag-daanan. wala nang makakapaghiwalay sa min.

Friend 2:
Been together for almost 3yrs.
Been living together for more than a year.
Both ditched their gf's of so many years (4yrs +) to pursue this newfound love.
Declaration: can't imagine my life being more perfect

Friend 3:
Been together for 7yrs.
Braved their religious family's wrath to fight for their love
Went to the same school.
Worked in the same industry
Took the same post-grad course.
Declaration: up to infinity and beyond!

Friends 1, 2 and 3 are now single. The shocking announcements happened this year, around one month apart.

It's a time for mourning.

It shattered others' strongly held hope of an ever after the same manner my friends' hearts were pulverized into smithereens. It's like becoming a widow, severed from one's ideals. Friends 1, 2 and 3 are in dark anguish of the sudden, painful twist of fate.

I'm nearing 3 yrs with my gf. And I'm inwardly apprehensive of this seeming foreboding.
I, who have been cynically spitting to my friends that I don’t believe in happy endings. That I live my relationship one day at a time.

The truth is, theories aside, that's a scared womyn daring the universe to prove her wrong. But as fate may have it, these recent turn of events in my social circle is challenging me instead to prove my self wrong. The universe simply won't spoon-feed realizations to a lazy (pretending) theorist. :D It's part of the learning, the experiencing.

Doesn't anything last anymore?
Seeing friends who's been in years of togetherness kinda gives me that glimmer of hope.
Maybe something lasts after all.
Then they break-up.
And I'm emphatically broken as well, including that small spark inside me called hope.

I am in my longest relationship to date (2mos being the shortest).
Maybe this is for keeps.

There are numerous uncertainties in life.
If I consider them all, yeah, most probably, we won't last like the others.
But there is one certainty I know.

I love her.

Beyond fats and flabs,
wrinkles and white hairs,
financial unpredictability,
allergy attacks,
and all other imperfections.

If I get to know more that will put that love in question, then it's time to pray to the universe.
Until such time, I'll sweat it out to make us last for as long as I humanly can.


uno said...

i wish you hope.

hope for those friends of yours.
hope for new beginnings.
hope for lasting liaisons.
hope for you always.

firewomyn said...

thanks for dropping a comment uno.

i think paulo coelho aptly captures it.

"Love is always new. Regardless of whether we love once, twice or a dozen times in our life, we always face a brand new situation. Love can consign us to hell or to a paradise, but it always takes us somewhere.."

uno said...


you haven't written anything in awhile now...
i hope you're just busy but well and doing great.

i miss your writing.

uno said...

is this what i typed yesterday?

i must've misspelled it yesterday...

oboids said...

Kinda weird, but I've been reading the same entries for the past few days..last entry I read with the same topic was that of Migs (The Manila Gay Guy). I am in a relationship right now, a very young relationship and just thinking about all those long relationship falling apart keeps me thinking what's in store for me and my partner - dark thoughts looming around...scary thoughts. wahhh!

Anonymous said...

Each relationship is unique. If it fails, it won't be because others failed, it'll be because you, her, or both of you, let it fail. But if you both decide to make it work, to slug it out NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS until you die, then it will happen.