buntis ka ba?

i have always been slim since as far back as i can remember.
but recently, with lack of exercise and all techie work (sitting and pounding on the keyboards, hours of meetings sitting down) and a stimulated appetite influenced by my gf, i've grown fats.

yes, fats, as in flabs, centered on the tummy.
actually, i don't mind. my only concern is i tire easily. the farthest i walk (w/c can pass up as workout to me) is from one end of my ofc to the other.

ok, so i have some tummy flabs, no big deal to me. i've always wanted to be fuller in a way.
so while i'm celebrating my newfound fats, i didn't realize my mom's going berserk abt it!

monday:
mom: nagkakapuson ka na saka bilbil.
me: ainako! wala na kasi exercise.

tuesday:
mom: lumalaki yata tyan mo, saka puwet mo. hmmm ... baka buntis ka ha?
me: nyeh! lagi lang kasi ako nakaupo at nagcocomputer. sus!

wednesday:
mom: ang lakas mo na kumain ... tumatakaw ka ...
me: shempre, pagod e. pagkain na lang ang panlaban ko.

thursday:
mom: ang sikip na ng pantalon mo sau. baka may laman na yang tyan mo...
me: ma, kung gusto nyo magpacheckup tayo para matahimik na kau. pro kau magbayad ha, kasi kau naman tong nagdududa.

friday (at da mall):
sis: sabi ni mama, lumalaki daw tyan mo, baka buntis ka daw ... *hesitant, takot kasi sa kin to kasi mas matanda ako*
me: ainako, isa ka pa! masama ba tumaba? nakakainis naman sa bahay.

saturday:
*nagutom ako, kaya nagmidnight milo ako ska wheat bread.*

mom: gabi na, kakain ka pa. bakit anlakas mo na kumain?
me: *pissed* e kasi buntis ako. *nguya ng tinapay*
mom: sabi ko na nga ba! tapos ayaw mo pa aminin! *hysterics*
me: *wtf?!* nyeh! as in naniwala naman kayo?! sinabi ko lang yun kasi isang linggo nyo na kong sinasabihan tungkol sa buntis na yan. sabi nang nde, ayaw maniwala.
mom: araw-araw ba?
me: o cge, every other day.
*singit si sis*
sis: oo ma, lagi nyo na lang sya sinisita.
mom: *nde aamin shempre, biglang magkaka-amnesia* pAra tinatanong lang, masama na ba magtanong?
me: pero nde naman kayo naniniwala kahit ilang beses ko nang sinabi na nde. pero isang beses ko lang sinabi na oo, as a joke, naniwala naman agad kayo. what do you mean by that?
mom: wala. *tahimik na.*
me: *i rest my case, akyat na ng kwarto to text gf para mgsumbong*

... the next day, 4am...
my sister woke me up, mom was having hypertension attack. but the catch is, my mom specifically said to my sister that she wants me to be the one to bring her to the ER.

shempre, badtrip pa kaya ako nun, pero bilang butihing tomgrrl na anak, sinamahan ko sya. pro nde ako umiimik sa buong byahe.

timing naman sa ER, may nadead na lalaki so while i was waiting, mega atungal ang kanyang mga kaanak. hay sadness na creepy ng slight.

so after waiting for 2 hrs, da doc talked to me.

doc: i don't see anything wrong w/ your mom. ecg is normal, she seems ok, but her highblood pressure is still high. i think something is bothering her. she's havin' an anxiety attack.
me: ugh!

sheesh! neat huh? so how can i even argue with her abt anything? when i can always be defeated by her mom superiority and psychosomatic anxiety attacks?
if only circumstances were normal our conversation would simply be like:

monday:
mom: nagkakapuson ka na saka bilbil.
me: ainako! wala na kasi exercise.

tuesday:

mom: lumalaki yata tyan mo, saka puwet mo. hmmm ... baka buntis ka ha?
me: nyeh! pano naman ako mabubuntis ng gf ko? sus! kain na lang tayo. :D

surprise! surprise!

my gf recently had her bday.
since i can't think of any gift to give her and she surprised me with a bouquet of flowers on my bday, i wanted to do the same, but not flowers.
**i don't know what it is with butches and flowers, they just don't mix! ;)

pressed for time, what i did is order yellow cab pizza to her ofc.
being a good gf as i am, i have no idea what floor she is in! i had to check the net then make phone calls abt it.

i collaborated with our admin people on how to go abt this, bec the plan is that they deliver the pizzas in my ofc first so i can pay for them, then they deliver it to her ofc.

i think it was pretty straight forward.
i went with my usual stuff. after hrs, i noticed that it's past 4pm already and their ofc ends 5pm! *panic mode!* whatever happened to the pizza?!

i called our admin officer abt it and she forgot abt it. we called yellow cab, and guess what -- they delivered it already!
wherethehell did they send it to, bec i sure hell didn't receive nor pay for anything yet!

as if on cue, my gf sent me a text msg, asking for the surname of our admin officer.
*you guessed it right!*
to my horror, it was delivered straight to their ofc!

omg! i'm having a heart attack!

i need not ask, she paid for the pizza i was to surprise her with!
i didn't have the guts to reply to her text.
instead, i called yellow cab and barked at them for their major screw up!
**i have to blame somebody, anybody! to make me feel less of a fool**
can't people follow simple instructions?!
i was furious! and soo embarrassed at the same time.
there's too many emotions in me but my voice is just one high pitch althroughout.
as a consolation, they sent me a free pizza.
syet! after naming magsigawan?! feeling ko may lason sya, so sa team ko sya pinakain. :D
**as of this writing, buhay pa naman sila.**

anyway, pagod na ko. sa galit and frustrations. so to cut the awful story short,
me and my gf had a field day laughing at my mistake :
and i of course can't help but be uber pissed abt the whole thing.
in between being pikon and laughing, I can't help but think how nuts i am with this gf of mine ;)

what's good abt messing up is you can make it up next time :
i personally like any phrase coined with "make".
kiss and make up, make do, make magic, and shempre, make love :p
ito ang tunay na hapi na, birthday pa! solbs! ;)

3 poems for da womyn in my mind

Haze
by Fran Ng (2003)

we collide on purpose
not our own
leaping
into orange.

then i am red
and you are yellow
circling
a solitary fever.

we make
rings of fire
in dim spaces
stroking time

where i am red
and you are yellow
and when we meet
we set ourselves on fire.

Hunger

by bino a. realuyo (2003)

this poem must be written now, on this hour,
this one sitting, the sudden rush of thought -- of you.

you again: my charcoal drawings in the air,
dance of limbs, not seen but smelled,

images forming from a verge of thought --
a scent of another sunday full of longing for food.

to eat breakfast, alone, and to know that i
have cooked for you once: eggs, pancakes, honey,

that i have eaten not only what i made but
also you; you, tasting better each time i swallowed.

your taste, a disappearing act, the fear of knowing
that you will be yesterday's dish, a name in a book

of the forgotten, the silent partner that ate off my plate,
the one who watched me cook, naked in hunger.

live poem

by anna bernaldo (2003)

"love is always a choice," my mother always says,
but this time her spatula did not point
pragmatically in my direction.
it stirred silence on the boiling broth,
ripples matching the excited rhythm
of the tv sports abchor's voice
in a basketball game my father is watching.

now that i'm older, i'm forced to reconsider
you and my fixation on the addams couple
as our role models forever.
one always hungry for the other.

i never listened to my mother,
but everyday i see her.
and i'm older and love must be domestic,
responsible, sensible as a haircut in summer.

is it possible for us to make something more
out of what we are about to have?
of course, you do not know.
even i do not know.
why did i even begin asking questions?

i just wanted to write you a love poem
but i can only live one for you.