words with no wisdom

i dunno where wisdom is, bec if i have any ounce of it, i would have left my company now!
but then miracle of all miracles, i'm still working my ass off for this company.
and im hating each day that im here. moreso everytime i need to meet with bleep! bleep!
my only consolation if you can call it that is seeing the enthusiastic people who still has this thing called 'hope' in them.

i didnt realize that my patience and tolerance can be stretched this far.
frighteningly amazing!

i miss my old self. when i don't give a damn, and i spit my mind to whoever at anytime.
when i'm challenged yet motivated.
nowadays, im just tired. challenged, sure. motivated, na-ah :c

in my twisted mind, i just wish that i get fired, to make things easy.
sigh. why is leaving never easy?
why is giving up so hard to do?
i've been mercilessly kicked on all sides, in and out.
and yet i remain.
that's the reality of my professional shit.
i remain.
no movement up, no progress. no change.
but a continuing decadence that will soon kill the life out of me :(

in my own little way, i try to fight this nega feeling.
how? i dress up! :D

during my tan days, i showed a lot of skin. backless, sleeveless.
less is the theme! ;)

now that my tan has faded (or should i say, molting season has ended), im soon returning to my old skin.
**that doesnt sound right. i just shed off skin, so how can it be 'old' skin? new skin? hehe. nangungulit lang :p*

old skin, old ways.
i went back to statement shirts, jeans and sandals/slippers.
but since i've been feeling crappy, i decided to do, operation: beautify! :D hehe.
i'm sporting the biker chick look, donned in my fab red biker jacket w/ tanktops underneath ;)
i also accessorize more now like colorful beads, black leather wristbands, native necklaces, the works.

my waves of curls has grown so long, halfway on my back. i just let them be.
my nails are in royal blue for a week now :) while my ankle has 3 braided anklets from my out of town trips.
and i wear 3 different scents :)

once in a while, i wanna surprise myself.
on a rainy day like last friday, i ate ice cream! it's just me going nuts i guess :)

ok, i've digressed again. for a moment there, i've forgotten how shitty i'm feeling :)

so why is leaving never easy? why is giving up so hard?
**words with no wisdon ahead**
because you just don't want to.
you say you do, you feel like doing it.
but what you're feeling is not enough for you to materialize them into action.
meaning, you're just full of blah! and too coward or lazy to do what u want.
**my old self reprimanding my now self**

that's my take on that. not only on leaving but to all the rest of the verb words you wanna do, but can't/won't.