4.08.2011

friends?



when someone says "i love you" to you, it only means two things, "do you love me too?" or "please love me too". and so you must realize that you are bound to hurt her the moment you can't reciprocate her love. even though you've been clear that you can only be a friend, you cannot stop the other from hoping that the friendship will blossom to something more. the burden then lies on you. to re-clarify, put boundaries, and make clear what the friendship entails. for any positive action on your end though done in the goodwill of friendship, can mean differently to the one in love. we've all been there. we love with optimism and strong hope/resolve of being loved back, super magnifying every littlest of nice gesture. meanings are in people not in words or actions. so don't ever believe that just because you can't love the other person back means the other will stop loving you. it may not be your fault, but you can lessen massive internal hemorrhage and unbelievable pain to others if you set the boundaries of the friendship you can only offer, instead of leaving it simply as, "let's just be friends.".

9 comments:

Kim said...

This is why I believe that it's good not to have any expectations.

summerstar said...

i can totally relate. =)

borderlineunfriendly said...

Yeah, I agree about the expectations that go with saying "I love you." I have learned to be selective to whom I say that to. Like, I say that to my family and closest friends a lot - because I know I don't have to and when I do, they don't have to say it back to me. We already know the mutuality and reciprocality of affections.

It's different if love is declared with romantic motives:

I remember the last time I said "I love you" to P - and it fucking hurt when she didn't say it back to me. That's when I learned my lesson regarding I love you's.

firewomyn said...

@kim - good for you!

@summerstar - good to know am not alone in this :)

Anonymous said...

or it could be a statement of fact. without expectation of being loved back, which could be a bonus out of the exercise... twistedhalo

Anonymous said...

curious... =) ikaw na... ikaw na talaga ang hinahabol habol! hahaha

kim, sana nga ganun kadali, but you know it's really hard not to expect, esp if you've developed a strong feelings towards the person...

kasi naman, wag masyado patakam! hahaha

-nana

Anonymous said...

http://lovequotesrus.tumblr.com/post/3599315859/photo-courtesy-monsterrrloverrr

...and so i thot this will says it all. =)

-nana

Anonymous said...

what a week it was.. can totally relate to this.. yes, the boundaries have been set but feeling the hopefulness of the one in love can leave the other bothered and restless especially because of the word "friends"..

-ally :)

firewomyn said...

@twistedhalo - that is what i like, just pure expression. i hope many are like that sana. saves us all the mess.

@nana - e pano kung effortless ang pagiging matakam di ba? :D

@ally - human interactions are really complex largely bec of (failed) expecations.