it's funny Saturday!

sharing my friend's entry at Thought Catalog. these cracked me up. so enjoy! :)

10 Lines Heard In Fits Of Public Rage 

It must be a by-product of dense city living, because I’ve never seen a person lose it in the suburbs. Whether it’s the stress of home and work demands, or a lack of personal space, it always amazes me how people can be so publicly on edge and ready to snap, even at seven in the morning. Here are the best lines I’ve heard over the years.

May. 19, 2011

By Shakira Andrea Sison  

1. You gotta problem? Imma blow you up. I’m gonna blow you up like 9/11! – Raging woman in front of a post office counter. There is a reason the windows are bullet proof.
2. Excuse me?! You want me to move? Suck my dick. Suck my dick till your mouth goes dry. – A man on a crowded train, in response to a woman’s request to pass. I didn’t know passing through had such a high price.
3. You bothered by me talking on my phone? Listen, our president is a black man. My people rule now. – A woman responding to sneers about her loud phone conversation.
4. Are you looking at me? I am a Native American Indian and I’m the only one who has a right to be here. – A black man on the train who thought I was looking at him.
5. Listen, if you think this is ghetto, this ain’t ghetto yet. Imma get ghetto on you real quick if you push me. This is NOT GHETTO! - A woman getting antsy waiting in the Ikea returns line. I did not wait for her to get ghetto.
6. Get the fuck off that seat! Who do you think you are laying there like that? I’ve got a job, I am gonna sit! – A man whacking a drunk man on the head with a newspaper because he was sleeping on an entire train row during rush hour. He got up.
7. Do you not know what ‘plain’ means? Plain means nothing on it! This is unacceptable and this should never, ever, happen again! Do you hear me? No, that’s not enough. I want you to say ‘Yes, I understand.’ Say it! – A lady about her bagel at a coffee shop. I wouldn’t want that replacement bagel.
8.  You sit there and do not fucking move. You are bothering this nice lady beside you. Do not fucking move or I will break your arms! – A woman yelling at her toddler son beside me. I did not fucking move.
9. If your bag even gets close to touching my face, you’re going to eat it, shit it out and I’m going to make you eat it again. A seated man on the subway threatening the guy standing in front of him.
10. Wash, wash, wash your vagina…wash, wash, wash… A man singing to his female companion on the train. I didn’t stick around to see the woman’s reaction, but I assume it was an instance of public rage. 

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my favorites are #8 and #9. i've never been to new york (but will someday), but i always have this impression that most people there are mean? brutally, devoid of emotion frank. except of course for Sex and the City's Charlotte York. hehe. a friend even shared me her one time experience in ny where she greeted a stranger good morning and got yelled at with it's none of your fucking business! whoa! oh-kaay, i guess i will next time keep good morning to myself. hehehe. but if am feeling new yorkish, i might shove my well meaning good morning up to the deep end of their  sorry fucking asses. haha.