*because it's been raining like crazy again*
no amount of anticipation and preparation matched the pain when it finally happened. i have lost you.
i know you will eventually give up and yet i secretly, naive foolishly wished you're different and would actually prove me wrong. this is one time i would badly want to be proven eat-my-word wrong. oh, but how it sucks to be right.
i am wearing my best black to mourn of this loss. i need to do this to bury the slow and steady pain that's draining the life out of my once hopeful self.
what is the use of this heart if it doesn't have you as cause to beat? what is the sense of loving if you won't take this love i have nurtured for only you? why does it hurt so much that i can't cry?
breathe. that's the only involuntary thing my body can do now. breathe. i feel so empty that air has a lot of room to explore in my cavernous shell of a self. breathe. let the air pass through and carry with it when it leaves the imprint of you. breathe. seconds, minutes, hours, days, months, years. allow time to take over. breathe. expand. collapse. take it all in, then let it all out. and then live.