1.26.2011

On dating

a good read on dating. this goes to all the people looking for dates and to my friends who are dating.



The Kinds of People You Can Date

Jan. 24, 2011
Ryan O’Connell is a 24 year-old writer based in the East Village, New York.
You can date someone in the summertime when it’s too hot to have rules. This person might not make sense in February when you’re wearing thick coats and eating too much, but they’ll fit in nicely at a Fourth of July barbecue or a pool party. Your bodies will stick together in the heat and sometimes having sex will be the grossest activity you can think of, but you’ll do it anyway. You’ll understand what it means to be in a “summer mood”, how you can spend three months taking a break from your real life to make out, wear provocative clothing and drink too many margaritas. Your skin will be sun kissed, sand will stick between your toes and you’ll feel kinda sexy. When you start wearing cardigans and throwing yourself back into your work, your summer lover will fade away and the romance will live on as some kind of lost weekend at the beach. That’s okay though. Those who can love you in the summer have a difficult time doing so any other time.

You can date someone who loves you more than you love them. They’ll look at you with complete adoration and hang their jaw in a droopy way that strikes you as charming. You’ll be more goal-driven, more structured and they’ll teach you how to let go and feel worshipped. The inequity in love will be immediately apparent, but you’ll convince yourself that you’re just falling in love with them very, very slowly. After a certain amount of time, you’ll realize it won’t be possible and this swirl of guilt, anger and sadness will develop inside of you. You’ll look at their smitten face and want to spit in it. You’ll act ugly and hate yourself for not knowing how to love them back. There are certain people who are meant to have their hearts broken and there are certain people who are meant to break hearts. You’re not sure which is worse.

You can date someone who will treat you like shit. They’ll be a Scorpio or a sociopath and have an intoxicating energy that’ll suck you in. After a few months, you’ll have completely lost yourself, making excuses for their awful behavior and telling your friends, “You just don’t know them like I do.” Even though you know it’s bullshit and hate yourself, those rare moments of tenderness will keep you involved and make it feel worth it. Hopefully, you’ll hit a wall with this person and tire of the emotional manipulation, abuse and misery. You’ll make a clean break and feel like you’ve woken up from a nightmare. Later, people will tell you that “everyone has that type of person in their life at some point. You know, the kind that abuses you and leaves you wanting the next kick.” Hearing this is supposed to make you feel better about everything. Or maybe it’s not. It’s hard to tell. What you do know is that you’ll never blame yourself for what happened. You’ll always blame them.

You can date someone who’s more attractive than you and marvel at their perfect body and porcelain skin. Their clavicle is just so exquisite, isn’t it? Love them most when they’re naked and they’ll love you most when you’re clothed. You might be smarter than them, have more warmth, empathy and intuition, but somehow you’ll end up feeling like the inadequate one. Everyone stares at you when you’re out together thinking, “What are they doing with that?” At least that’s what you’ll assume they’re thinking. Dating someone so beautiful has made you completely paranoid and insecure. Even though the beautiful person has reassured you of their love, it won’t be enough and you’ll stop dating them because you don’t want to feel like a gargoyle anymore. You’ll miss their clavicle most of all.

You can date someone who has never been in love before. They’ll remind you of teen love and it will be absolutely delightful. They’ll say weird intense things without knowing how weird and intense they are and make grand sweeping gestures of their love for you. They haven’t been ruined yet, haven’t discovered how cruel people can be and how much they can disappoint you. You’ll inevitably be that person for them though. Through some sort of love osmosis, they’ll inherit your bitterness and broken hearts when you start to show the slightest bit of disinterest. When they leave, you won’t ever be sure if dating them was worth it.

You can date someone who would be a good father or mother. Admire them for their nurturing capabilities and wonder if you’d be a good parent. Leave them when you stop wondering.
You can date someone who’s right for you. They’ll have a normal clavicle, make sense year-round, been in love before, take care of you when you’re sick, be occasionally passive-aggressive, want kids, sometimes disappoint you, love you, hate you, love you again. You won’t worry about who’s the cuter one or who loves the other one more. It just won’t cross your mind, which is when you know the love has longevity.

The people you date aren’t necessarily the people you end up loving and that’s okay. There will be different kinds of people who enter your life at certain times. You date someone who hates you when you hate yourself. Afterwards, you date someone who loves you too much to make it all better. The goal is to eventually have your shit sorted out so you can love someone just because they’re lovely and make you happy. That’s it. I love you; you love me. The end. *hayy, kileeg! :D*

source: here

11 comments:

scout said...

"The goal is to eventually have your shit sorted out so you can love someone just because they’re lovely and make you happy. That’s it. I love you; you love me. The end."

Agrees 100%. Let's hope I get my shit together sooner rather than later.

Anonymous said...

i'm not sure i agree with the scorpio thing... twistedhalo

Anonymous said...

ilang taon ba ang expiration ng love? love is way over-rated (cynic mode) - w1cked

firewomyn said...

@scout - am with you in your hope sister! :)

@twistedhalo - hehe. so you're a scorpion eh? ;)

@w1ked - sabi sa bible, love is eternal. so no expiration. :) maybe, relationships are overrated, but not love as there are various forms of it :)

Anonymous said...

i am referring to romantic love. so if love is eternal.. i guess those who think they are cynic enough to say love is overrated hasn't found true love. love that wanes isn't love at all. - w1cked

firewomyn said...

@w1cked - i think it is still love. it just so happened it ended already with that person. :)

borderlineunfriendly said...

bakit ang scorpio ay minen-tion in the same breath with psychos?????! i protest!

pero agree ako dun sa quote on sorting our shit.

borderlineunfriendly said...

and i will not comment about romantic love and love not waning and forever love.

(overrated lang yan. at cynical ako.)

:D

firewomyn said...

@borderlineunfriendly - hahaha! you're funny :) yeah, it seems a lot of things are overrated.

miko :) said...

I have to applaud you. Awesome attitude! Seems like youre in a good place with yourself..

But, looks like you had a crappy experience with a scorpio?? I do agree though that 'once they bite, they dont let go'.. I know, i know, NOT ALL are like that :) this is gunna sound a lil cocky (no pun intended) but I think I've actually dated every sign in the zodiac and the turning out to be a 'psycho' b!tch doesn't discriminate lol oh yes she comes in all forms, shapes, sizes!

heres more than my 2 cents. I'm new here, so be nice! :) that true love is when you are so secure and at peace with yourself, embraced who you are as a person, not hiding any secrets and being fully out, not having to play games and finding a partner to fix 'issues', and when/if things don't work out - then it's ok because we all meet each other for a reason, learn from one another and we can still be friends. It's all about respect and honesty. Don't get me wrong now, I mean if you wanna just 'play' then just say so and we can definitely 'play' - as long as everyones on the same page ;)

Keep it real y'all.

xoxo, miko

btw yes I'm a girl in case u got thrown off by my name

miko :) said...

Wait! let me back track and just scratch the 'being fully out' part. I understand it's diff back home than in the u.s.
Sorry for sounding like an insensitive umm libra lol ;)