strike anywhere

last night, i learned arafat died a week ago.
i was also told by a colleague that there'll be a major public transport strike today.

so im late for work.
edsa seemed deserted w/ public vehicles this mornin'.
damn those car owners who won't let me hitch.
masiraan sana kayo!!!

and debate is in its 6th yr already (from d 'libre' paper i read from the man standing beside me while waiting for mrt).

geez! where have i been?
taga-earth pa ba ko?
im so out of the loop!

and this makes me feel ashamed as a pinoy.
where has activism in my blood gone?

has it been dried out by years of corporate brainwashing?
has it withered by the seemingly bigger, more urgent & direct needs of my family?
has it been diminished by the global orientation i've been fed with daily?

i'm proud to be pinay!
but i doubt if 'pinas is proud of her daughter gone astray.

apathy. ugh!

Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic

by Sting (acoustic)




Do I have to tell the story
Of a thousand rainy days since we first met
It's a big enough umbrella
But it's always me that ends up getting wet

Every little thing she does is magic
Everything she do just turns me on
Even though my life before was tragic
Now I know my love for her goes on and on

Though I've tried before to tell her
Of the feelings I have for her in my heart
Every time that I come near her
I just lose my nerve
As I've done from the start

Every little thing she does is magic
Everything she do just turns me on
Even though my life before was tragic
Now I know my love for her goes on and on

I resolve to call her up a thousand times a day
And ask her if she'll marry me in some old fashioned way
But my silent fears have gripped me
Long before I reach the phone
Long before my tongue has tripped me
Must I always be alone?

Every little thing she does is magic
Everything she do just turns me on
Even though my life before was tragic
Now I know my love for her goes on

Every little thing she does is magic
Everything she do just turns me on

goldfishes in action

Goldfishes in action ... read on.

backgrounder:
goldfishX is a girl i've dated with,
got intimate with somehow,
but surprisingly, we never became a couple,
for reasons that puzzles me up to now.
and we do like each other.
we've been swimmin for a year now.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

...
goldfishX : i tried and i failed
goldfishX : story of my life
firewomyn : hav u tried me?
goldfishX : i dont know did i?
firewomyn : prang der was an attempt pro nde mo tinuloy
firewomyn : *i may be wrong din ha*
goldfishX : ....
goldfishX : i actually dont know what transpired then
firewomyn : aku den e
firewomyn : *grins*
firewomyn : parang antagal n kc
goldfishX : there was something...perhaps
goldfishX : maybe we werent available
firewomyn : yeah, there was always this unfinished business that we tend to set aside.
firewomyn : but sumwhow, we try to reconnect nmn and start from step1 over again
goldfishX : again and again
goldfishX : hehehe
firewomyn : yeah
goldfishX : i think your life's ok...maybe i dont want to mess it up
firewomyn : "life's ok" is an illusion
firewomyn : we all have dysfunctionalities
goldfishX : my life on the other hand is complicated
firewomyn : and we tend to think our lyf is shittier than the other
firewomyn : i luv complications!
goldfishX : my family won't approve whatever may occur...
firewomyn : do u need their approval?
goldfishX : i am even bound to marry someone
firewomyn : a lot can happen
firewomyn : and change
goldfishX : yeah
firewomyn : between now and tom
goldfishX : i guess
....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

...
goldfishX : hi
firewomyn : elow
firewomyn : :)
goldfishX : kamusta k na?
firewomyn : ok nmn po
firewomyn : kaw?
goldfishX : still trying to live normally. kaw kwentouhan mo naman ako...
goldfishX : musta mga gimik mo?
goldfishX : dates?
firewomyn : ok nmn
firewomyn : more on watching muvis gimik ko
goldfishX : dates?
firewomyn : as in date today?
goldfishX : ngayun? may kadate ka ngayun?
goldfishX : i mean memya?
firewomyn : wala
firewomyn : kaw?
goldfishX : wala di naman ako masyadong lumalabas kaya more often wala kong date.
firewomyn : ah.
firewomyn : ano current emotional state mo now?
goldfishX : i dont know what i want anymore....i wanted just to be happy so i guess confused and lost
firewomyn : ah, ok lng yan, more than 50% ng tao s mundo ganyan feelin
goldfishX : buti ka pa hinde
firewomyn : sows
firewomyn : kala mo lng yun
firewomyn : lahat nmn ngkkproblem
goldfishX : youre strong, you can get whatever you want be with someone na gusto mo...
firewomyn : kung totoo yan, e di sana naging tau n noon.
firewomyn : ...
goldfishX : di ba may partner ka noon?
firewomyn : noong wala p kong partner
goldfishX : nyek...parang evrytime nagkikita tyo may partner ka
firewomyn : hehehe
firewomyn : ganun b?
goldfishX : e totoo naman
goldfishX : oo kaya
firewomyn : ohwell, u had ur chance then, u blew it!
firewomyn : wehehe
firewomyn : joke lng po
goldfishX : soory na lng ako no?
goldfishX : hehe
firewomyn : as if nmn gusto mo ko maging gf no
goldfishX : you're cool irresistable ka nga e i dont know why parati na lang almost....hehehe
firewomyn : lamo kung baket?
goldfishX : inde
firewomyn : kc nde kita sinagot! joke! joke! joke!
goldfishX : malamang.....nakalimutan ko kasing magtanong...hehehe
firewomyn : wehehe
firewomyn : mgtatanong p b? e nagkiss n nga tau e
firewomyn : *kamot ulo*
goldfishX : oo nga e
goldfishX : hindi ko na nga maulit....
firewomyn : ang alin?
goldfishX : kiss...
firewomyn : ah
firewomyn : gusto mo b ulitin?
goldfishX : ...
firewomyn : ...
...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

...
goldfishX : kwento ka naman
firewomyn : ano b ko, personal storyteller mo?
firewomyn : :D
goldfishX : oo my personal story teller
firewomyn : may bayad b ito?
firewomyn : may bayad b ito?
goldfishX : dapat ba melon ako bayad iyo?
goldfishX : akin luki negosyo
goldfishX : ako wala pela ngayun
firewomyn : kht nde pera
firewomyn : ano bang meron k n magugustuhan ko?
firewomyn : ;)
goldfishX : melon ba?
firewomyn : kaw, wat can u offer?
goldfishX : i dont have anything to offer all i have is me and a few pesos
goldfishX : hahaha
goldfishX : pampelikula no?
firewomyn : yeah
firewomyn : cheesy
firewomyn : cge n nga
firewomyn : kahit isang 10minute french kiss n lng
firewomyn : hmmm...
...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

goldfish memory

"... you know, gold fish has only 3 seconds of memory
that means if it takes 3 seconds to swim around the bowl,
everything is new.
each time two gold fish meet, it's like it's the first time..."


so if i can be that forgetful, then i can experience love (everything),
all over again and again, without carrying the past, minus the guilt,
everything crisp, everytime, a first time.

wow!

but then, that means i will never settle nor stay in one relationship
w/ the same womyn, long enough to know her and she to know me.

awww!

are you a goldfish?

tales from the closet 1

note: im a closet queen in my clan. my whole clan is homophobic.
they have this double standard, that it is okay to happen to other families, but totally unacceptable to our family. my struggle continues...

setting: sala of our house, me and my sister, while watching a tv ad.

sister:  ainako brent, bading ka!
me:      onga. di ba jowa nya si piolo?
sister:  yah, di ba, kaw may sabi sa min.
me:       bagay naman sila e. parehong gwapo.
sister:  daming ganyan ngayon e, dating lalaki, then later nagiging gay.
me:       oonga.
sister:  dami nga ko frends na ganyan.
me:       tingin ko naman, walang kaso yun, e sa nagkagustuhan sila.
sister:  oonga. malay mo, ikaw maging tibo ka din!
me:       *napatulala ng konti for a millisecond, then gave her da "duh" look*
sister:  YUCK!!!


hayy... just when i saw a glimpse of hope, that my sister is open to the idea,
she quickly returns to her old homophobic self.
had she not immediately followed it up with a disgustful "YUCK", i would have come out to her already.
i guess it's not yet time.
sadness...

bakit bawal magkasakit!

1. kasi nakakapangit sha! nde ka pa makakaligo, so nakakabaho din!
turnoff! waaaaah!

2. kasi nde pde makipaglips-to-lips, so dat means wala munang karir or chuva!

3. kasi mahihiga ka lang ng mahihiga hanggang sumakit likod mo at matutulog ka lang ng matutulog hanggang mamaga mata mo at sumakit ulo mo.

4. kasi papagalitan ka pa ng nanay/tatay mo kung bakit ka nagkasakit. at mauungkat na ang mga past gimiks mo (w/c are the very reason nga naman bat ka nagkasakit! walang lusot!)

5. kasi mahina ang stamina, so nde ka tatagal sa mga matitinding physical activities, like errr... exhibitions? wehehe!

6. kasi nde ka makakaporma mashado like sleeveless, backless at lahat na ng 'less'! pero kung pasaway ka, pde rin, gudluck sa pulmonya!

7. kasi baka nde ka makapasok sa work or school, bawas sahod na, bawas ganda points pa pag nde mo makita ang mga pinagpapakyutan mo or mga karir mo. tsk. tsk. wasted opportunity na naman.

8. kasi nde ka makakagimik, unless gusto mo maospital or matigok!

9. kasi malungkot. either dahil walang mag-aalaga sau or senti mode ka lang. cguro nga kasi mababa ang defenses mo pag may sakit ka, physiologically and emotionally. so sad...

10. kasi bawal maglakwatsa, uminom, magyosi, magpuyat, mag-toot!


in other words, lahat ng masarap, bawal pag maysakit! waaah! yoko na ng maysakit!!!

escape artist

naexperience nyo na ba ung sobrang pressured kau on work or studies and kahit anong pukpok mo sa ulo mo at lupasay to focus, nde mo nagawa?

wat usually happens with me when i reach this point is i enter a happy zone.
i listen to happy songs. bigla akong nagiging autistic.
at dedma to da world na muna.

oo na, escapist ako. oeanongayon?! kesa naman maloka ako kakaisip.
mas importante, magsurvive.

ito ang aking tinatawag na escape song.
patok sa kin ung rendition. pag pinapakinggan ko to,
parang naiimagine ko nasa hawaii ako at nasa tabing dagat,
nakapokpok shorts, bikini top, may fabulous tan, at nakaboso-shades.
habang nanyanyanching sa mga nakatopless or nakikipagflirt sa mga naghu-hula dance
at umiinom ng bottomless na fruit shake.
hayy..... whattalyf!!!



Somewhere Over The Rainbow

Somewhere over the rainbow
Way up high,
There's a land that I heard of
Once in a lullaby.
Somewhere over the rainbow
Skies are blue,
And the dreams that you dare to dream
Really do come true.

Someday I'll wish upon a star
And wake up where the clouds are far
Behind me.
Where troubles melt like lemon drops
Away above the chimney tops
That's where you'll find me.

Somewhere over the rainbow
Bluebirds fly.
Birds fly over the rainbow.
Why then, oh why can't I?

If happy little bluebirds fly
Beyond the rainbow
Why, oh why can't I?

It's not who you love. It's how.

----------------

"... I love you. And not in a friendly way, although I think we're great friends.
And not in a misplaced affection, puppy-dog way, although I'm sure that's
what you'll call it.

And it's not because you're unattainable. I love you.
Very simple, very truly.

You're the epitome of every attribute and quality I've ever looked for in another person. I know you think of me as just a friend, and crossing that line is the furthest thing from an option you'd ever consider. But I had to say it.

I can't take this anymore. I can't stand next to you without wanting to hold you. I can't look into your eyes without feeling that longing you only read about in trashy romance novels. I can't talk to you without wanting to express my love for everything you are.

I know this will probably queer our friendship -no pun intended- but I had to
say it, because I've never felt this before, and I like who I am because of it.

And if bringing it to light means we can't hang out anymore, then that hurts me. But I could'nt allow another day to go by without getting it out there, regardless of the outcome, which by the look on your face is to be the inevitable shoot-down. And I'll accept that. But I know some part of you is hesitating for a moment, and if there is a moment of hesitiation, that means you feel something too. All I ask is that you not dismiss that -at least for ten seconds- and try to dwell in it.

Alyssa, there isn’t another soul on this fucking planet who's ever made me half the person I am when I'm with you, and I would risk this friendship for the chance to take it to the next plateau. Because it's there between you and me. you can't deny that.

And even if we never speak again after tonight, please know that I'm forever
changed because of who you are and what you've meant to me, which -while I do appreciate it- I'd never need a painting of birds bought at a diner to remind me of."

- Holden, "Chasing Amy"

Notes:
Amy is a lesbian.
Holden is a guy.

wear art thou?

i'm not in my natural element today.
for someone who's been into shirts, jeans & sneakers day in day out,
coming up w/ a smart casual outfit for some academic tech talk is a toughie!
da tech talk is a breeze, but the outfit? ugh! do i really have to?!

apart from the fact that i lack corporate clothes, it's just that i'm never comfy with them.
i'm not as mobile when i'm in them bec sometimes certain outfits require care in movement.
and i can really be careless and carefree.
they're mostly not cotton material so you can imagine me melting like ice cream on noon time.
and i don't think that feels and smells good.

awful! awful!

so it's kinda limiting. and ohso uncool i tell you!

that's what's great abt my work.
power/position is not equated to clothing.
i can come in shorts, slippers or sando and i'd still be as efficient as i can be.
except of course for this special occasion that i have to do otherwise for image purposes.

here in 'pinas, people tend to base success on what people are wearin.
connotation goes: the more corporate, the higher is the position, ergo, higher salary too!

and i'm telling you now, that's a fallacy!
specially in the fields of IT and artsy-fartsy.

my mom (who's from old school, literally & figuratively! wehehe!)
always chides me on how i dress for work.
she goes, "ano ba yang suot mo?!
napagkakamalan ka nang factory worker ng mga kapitbahay!"

geez! as if i care!
as if they know what's in my payslip.
when they know nothin, except gossip. (pardon for the rhyme, can't help it at times :p)

so how did i fare in my smart casual quest?
i ended up w/ a semi-see through green polo paired w/ navy blue jeans and black boots.

i am smart. definitely casual.
and that suits me fine.



**on a side note, the tech talk at dlsu i dare say was successful :p

about time

i finally gave in. no more excuses.
if time is the problem, time is also the answer.
i have accepted the fact that i will never be less busy as i am now.
and the key is to simply give it time.

i bought a new pen and notebook.
i am writing again :)
the very idea gets me through a grueling day
like having a secret lover at your doorstep after a tiring day, i'm inlove.
like a secret identity under the office suit, i'm empowered.

i bought 2 books, 100 love poems (phil love poetry since 1905) and fast food fiction.
i am reading literature again :)
enough of the technical IT books i've been studying necessitated by work.
i want to enjoy reading again.
to read because i want to, not because i have to.
seeing different lives from other's eyes, i'm enriched.
learning various viewpoints, expression, i'm inspired.

it is time. to live. to love.

pen and paper

you are the ink,
i am the paper.

put color on my whiteness
give story to my blankness.

leave an imprint.
make me a history.

tattoo me all over,
in lines, in dots, in curves.
as if to say i am yours,
as if i will object.

you are the ink.
i am the paper.
touch me per layer.
turn me over and over.

i am the paper.
you are the ink.
stain me, and let it sink.
because with you, i need not think.

laro sa apoy

gusto kitang makita at makaniig.
damhin ang mainit na labi ng iyong pangako.
at mapaso sa dila ng iyong katapatan.

magpalamon sa lumalaking apoy ng kabaliwan
magpakalunod sa nagbabagang pagnanasa,
na ang langit ay nde na muling uulan ng luha.

halina't pag-usukin natin ang ating mga kaluluwang
sumasayaw sa liyab ng pag-ibig
na susunog sa lahat ng mga nakaraan.

pagka't ngayong gabi,
at sa susunod pang mga araw,
ikaw at ako ay magiging isa.