inTENSE!

kung lalaki siguro ako, umakyat na itlog ko sa leeg ko.
im dat tense right now.
on more controlled situations where there's still an atom of poise left in me, and i know there's a way out (read: lusot!),
i would have just spit, im not tense, im intense!
but, the reality is i've fucked up big time! and the damage is 60+ customers getting updated to the beta version of our soon to be released software (w/c i must add, is still under QA test).

i prayed hard for the earth to just swallow me whole, or i suddenly catch a contagious disease (in the hope that they'll pity me and won't find it in their hearts to be mad at me).

in my escapist mind, im believing that this is all a nightmare w/c i will soon wake up from.
or only a handful of people was affected, err, like 1 or 2? :D

i almost had a hear attack after running one query (to verify the damage) and saw the result of almost 300 customers affected by that fatal error. it's almost like 300 pairs of eyes glaring at me and questioning my capacity in this job. i imagined myself shrinking in their cold stare and getting buried alive from where i stand.

i did another query and it downsized to 69 (one of my favorite number, but not on this particular case). great! it's still a whole LOT of actual customers!

i would hav cried already but the fear crystallized the tears even before they come out of my eyes. cold fear.

if i don't get to update this blog anymore, that means i've been guillotined. but if i get lucky, i'll just lose my job. darn!

it never gets easy anymore. i want my mommy! sob. sob. :(