whatta predicament!

kerida-wannabe: firewomyn ... gusto talaga kita .. kahit kabit lang payag ako ...
firewomyn: seryoso ka?
kerida-wannabe: seryoso.
firewomyn: you deserve more.
kerida-wannabe: kaya nga, i deserve you.
firewomyn: what do you mean?
kerida-wannabe: sinabi ko na sayo di ba? i love you ... i just want to love you ... kahit yun na lang.
firewomyn: may gf na ko. i love her. i'm committed to her. i don't want a kerida. i don't want you to be a kerida. i care for you. but i can't give you what you want or need.
kerida-wannabe: i never asked naman on what i want or need di ba?
firewomyn: im gonna hurt you again..
kerida-wannabe: you won't hurt me.. this is my choice.
kerida-wannabe: i want you to stay ... mahal kita e.
firewomyn: stay as what?
kerida-wannabe: the special friendship, special feeling, basta yun.
firewomyn: ok. but accept the fact that i love my gf so much and i'm happy with her. and you are a special friend to me :)
kerida-wannabe: you love her so much?
firewomyn: yes.
kerida-wannabe: pasensha ka na makulit ako. ang kabaliwan ko umaandar na naman :) i'm happy for you. i'm happy that you're inlove with your gf ... she's really damn lucky to have you ...
firewomyn: thanks.
kerida-wannabe: i really want you to be my girl, pero nde na ata talaga pwede :(
firewomyn: friends?
kerida-wannabe: friendly love? mahirap ata yun. nurtured kasi emotions ko for you... i'm happy abt it.
firewomyn: thanks for the love. i consider it a gift :)
kerida-wannabe: oo, gift sha... wala na sanang bawian ng regalo. hehehe.. :)
firewomyn: why me?
kerida-wannabe: i can't find the reason why i feel this way about you ... and as i look for that reason, i find myself back to you ... i'm inlove with you..

**i feel humbled to be showered with such emotional depth and selflessness. i can't match that. but she will definitely be on queue if ever (a big IF) i end up being single again! she's so darn sweet and syrupy. i feel like butter melting on a hot toast. but since 'naipalaman' na ko sa ibang tinapay (wehehe), nde na pde. hay buhay... may 2 pairs nga ng lips e, sna ang puso dinalawa na din. lech! :p**

raining womyn

rainy season is bringing me loads of stuff to think about (read: temptations).

**context: we used to have this 'thing' going on between us, but then i got myself a gf, so the 'thing' stopped.

we've been good friends since then, minus the mush & uhh.. sexual undertones.

i thought all the boundaries are clear. then this:

context: we're gona go to a gimik, im gona pick her up, then meet our other frends.

...
gf-wannabe: would you go out with me?
firewomyn: err, susunduin na nga kita e.
gf-wannabe: that's not what i mean.
firewomyn: *scratches head* huh? then what do you mean?
gf-wannabe: would you make love to me?
firewomyn: *gulp! throws cold water on my face*
firewomyn: No.
gf-wannabe:: ok, forget i asked.
...

sheesh! it feels like my summer is just starting.
there's so much heat around me. and i feel the fire.
if i were only single i would have agreed or i might have even initiated! lol! :)
sigh. trying times.

da return of da first gf!

remember da 1st gf?
do you ever forget da first gf?
twas 2yrs ago since we fell (in and out of love).
prior to my gf now, sha ang pinakamahal ko sa lahat.
sa kanya rin ako dinugo sa sama ng loob.
actually, 1 yr after the terrible breakup e para na naman shang singaw na nagparamdam.
mejo emosyunal kme, so nagkaiyakan.
and i must admit nun ko lng sha naintindihan.
out of nowhere she tells you that she loves you still.
confusing times, kasi asa bakasyon nun ang gf ko.

and eto na naman sha.
telling me iloveyous again, and
asking me these q's:

1stgf: hey
1stgf: love you love you
firewomyn: ung love you ba na yan, frendly love lng
1stgf: bsta ilove you
1stgf: nun pa man love na kita
firewomyn: ok, frendly love. salamat po :)
1stgf: mahal na mhal mo na ba ang gf mo?
firewomyn: yes
1stgf: ready ka na sa tanong ko
firewomyn: ?
firewomyn: quiz contest b to?
firewomyn: :D
1stgf: haha
1stgf: halimbawa umuwi ako, tpos ala ka namang partner, consider mo kaya ako
firewomyn: tapos single k din?
1stgf: syempre and as in dyan na talga ako
firewomyn: for good?
1stgf: uhuh
1stgf: my mom wants me back
1stgf: gusto nya dyan na ko at ala daw mag-aalaga sa knya
firewomyn: so isa kang caregiver
1stgf: pinag-iisipan ko. kesa kung dito naman ako parang lang nngyayari skin. kuya ko gsto rin ako dyan
firewomyn: ang tanong -- gusto mo b dito?
1stgf: mahal ko ang mama ko
1stgf: mtagal ko nang gusto dyan
firewomyn: follow wer ur heart is
firewomyn: dats wer happiness is daw
1stgf: khit meron k na, gusto parin kitang mkita
1stgf: minsan naisip ko bulagain ka na lang sa trabaho mo
1stgf: gusto kong mlaman kung ano magiging reaction mo
1stgf: sapakin mo kaya ako
firewomyn: bat ko nmn sasapakin ang babaeng minahal ko ska nagpaiyak sa ken?
firewomyn: *laughs*
firewomyn: to answer ur Q kanina, yes. id consider it.
1stgf: ilalagay ko sa isip ko yan
firewomyn: sure
1stgf: 2 days ago binasa ko ilan sa mga usapan ntin sa net, yung emails mo at emails ko
firewomyn: wow!
firewomyn: almost 2yrs ago n un ah
1stgf: alam mo khit meron ka na hihingan pa rin kita na kahit sandaling oras lang pra mayakap at mkiss
firewomyn: pag-usapan natin pg andito ka na
1stgf: sana maabot kita
1stgf: sana kaya kong ilevel srili ko syo
firewomyn: 5'3 lng ako
firewomyn:: kayang kayang abutin!
1stgf: haha


**days after, she sent me a pic of her donned in bikinis. gulp! she looks hot! :p i think she's seducing me. heaven help me! :D *

womyn in my mind

i'm so tired and sleepy that i want to spend the remaining coherent awake thoughts (before i faint from exhaustion) to pleasant ones. so here goes.

to the womyn in my mind.

sure, there's an ocean of women out there and it is soo easy to just have a taste and philander.
i'm a sucker for sexy, kick-ass, smart, sporty womyn who has an artist in them.

my reality check is just this: i think of what will happen if i get caught and if my gf finds out and if i can bear it if she leaves me bec i fucked up big time.
and it becomes crystal clear to me,
who is the only one who can make me leave the ofc early,
whom i won't replace for anybody else for some existential kicks or momentary itch,
whom i would be begging to win back if ever (with tears and kneeling to boot),
who i really want to hangout with in any kind of gimik,
who makes me feel loved and grounded,
who makes everything better for me,
who brings me food at the ofc everytime i stay late, and
who patiently waits (for hours!) for me from work just so we go home together and spend some quality time even for just an hr,
who is crazy for me and i'm also crazy with.

and then, i'm not confused anymore :)
and i know i'm right where i want to be,
in the arms of my wonderwomyn :)

good night! :)

sleep of the tongue

enough of the professional angst!
after a long, long while, i had more than 6hrs sleep!

when i looked at myself in the mirror,
i think my skin rested well, they look relaxed :)
although my body's craving for a few more hours of deprived sleep!

when i checked my celphone, i had 7 unread messages!
most of which came from my bestfriend.
all forwarded messages!
bordering from the religious to the obscene. lol! :)
so unlikely of him.
he must miss his missable bestfriend already :D
he's been asking me for some lunch-cum-chikahan galore,
w/c i've been declining.
bec either im still at home catching up w/ sleep
or i have tons of urgent work to do (it's always urgent! dang!).

i think that is the role of bosses,
to give you loads of tasks, w/ unrealistic timelines/deadlines,
and to blame you for expectedly being delayed.
in short, bosses are here to make my life hell!

my mom has never adjusted to the advent of wonder bras.
everytime i wear one and she sees me, she always comments:
"parang lumaki ang boobs mo ..."

**i'm sure she's thinking of other sleazy reasons that involve men. give me a break!**

"ma, padding lang yan."

of course, she's not convinced.
mothers are mandated to doubt their children.
and they can smell lies 5 meters away.
geez! such enhanced sensory!
they shd hire moms in the fbi!

as a footnote (meaning last note. hehe.),
i was horrified to find out that my devil-in-disguise-pseudo boss
likes working with me a lot!
those were the pseudo boss' very words.
i cringed when i saw that line.
s/he's not bobo, so i dunno why the hell s/he said that to me (not verbally.
i think i won't be able to hide my disgust if it was ever face-to-face).
if that's an attempt to lure me to soften my stance,
beat it buster! in your rotten dreams!

impyernong buhay to!

sobrang galit ko now,
nde ko makuhang magwala.
pero ngrerebolusyon na sa dibdib ko.
pde pala ung ganun.
too much anger it paralyzes you.

imagine this.
mother's day, ur asked to report to work for 9pm.
then natapos nyo na ung primary problem, pero nakahostage pa rin kau.
5am ka na umuwi.
then may mtg daw ng 1pm.
2hrs away ka lang nmn sa ofc.
so pagdating ng ofc,
moved ang mtg to 3pm.
ang mtg ngstart ng 4pm.
natapos ng ... brace urself... 9pm!
and to think nag-ot na ko sa ofc ng sabado ha.
then dahil bangag pa ko, inisip ko nang umuwi ng 10:30pm.
kasi nakapagstatus check na ko sa team ko.
at ang gf ko kaninang 6pm pa ko inaantay.
kc today is our first year since we met. *magkaibigan pa lang kme nun*
mejo monumental importance.
kaso, before pa ko makalabas ng pintuan, nasunog ang pintuan kya nde na ko makalabas.
sinunog ng dimonyo kong ewan.
sabi nya, nde pa daw pde umuwi kasi may gagawin pa daw.
sha nga daw nde pa uuwi.
*e ano naman pakialam ko sa buhay mo?!*
sha ay sa makati lng naman nakatira.
may personal driver.
at walang lovelife!
ainako!
palibhasa walang jowa,
kaya ung may mga natitirang social life, dinadamay!
so habang ngumunguya ako ng bubblegum at naninigas na panga ko sa pagpipigil,
nakatitig lang ako sa mukha nya
habang sa isip ko sinapak ko na sha.
naramdaman ko na lang nanigas ang dibdib ko.
at lumakas kamao ko.
npadasal na lang ako bago pa ko makapatay...

"god, pls don't give me strength.
because if you do, i might kill my pseudo-boss!"

quote in the moment

"make-up sex is worth fighting for."

-the wedding date

self-destruction

im intentionally not doing things right.
im in a rebellious mode.
i want to prove a point.
you can get angry all you want.
that makes us even.
bec im angry too.
and i will keep doing this until you get the point.

labor day ex-perience

when do you know when your ex is already your friend?
i don't know.
all i know is that when i needed to obtain an elusive WindowsXP 64Bit installer,
ex was the one who rescued me.
after being bombarded with calls from the almighty bosses over the weekend,
and dispersing my team to do the hunt,
i suddenly remembered that ex once consulted me months ago abt the appropriate motherboard and processor for the WindowsXP 64Bit stuff.
Just one phone call and the search has ended.
The catch though is i have to pick it up from her home, in the suburbs.

Flashback: the first and last time i went to her house was leap year last year.
i made a surprise leap visit to her place to commemorate the feb29 event.


a year after, i still know how to go to her house.
we haven't seen each in a long while.
so there, seeing her that weekend afternoon, with the dusk wind blowing our hair and some fireworks on the sky, standing on the street.
same scent, same look. same thoughts. i missed her :)

my warrior womyn!

behold the encantadia princess warriors:

AMIHAN (cool!)



PIRENA (hot!)



ALENA (fluid!)



DANAYA (animalistic! - fave)



i like em all. i like her ^^ best :D

holiday

work sucks big time!
it's a goddamn holiday and we are required to work.
screw the double pay!
my gf's in an outing.
my bestfriend's still in bora.
my family's watching the premier episode of encantadia.
ayala is deserted.
watson's is closed.
whattafuck am i doin in this godforsaken dilapidated sorry-looking building called office?
grrrrr!!!!!

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