1.02.2010

friendly friends



It's hard being gay, much more not being out.
But what's worse than that?
Your closest friends leaving to work overseas.
What's worse than that?
Reaching out for new friends, like starting over again
What's worse than that?
Getting rejected
What's worse than that?
Getting rejected because I intimidate them.

Ouch.
I realized I may not be for everyone. While some people enjoy reading my entries, it's an altogether different story about meeting me. I come with good intentions, but people have varying perceptions.

I had high hopes of what's out there, but that incident zapped me back to reality. Thanks for making me grounded and now, guarded.

To my future friends,
I can be intimidating without knowing it. But I can't mellow just to make you comfortable.
I'm not consciously sweet. I tell things as is, so you may get hurt. I won't apologize for that.
I may seem demanding because I ask questions point blank, but to answer is entirely your choice.
I love the outdoors and will often want to hang out with you, so please make time for me :-)
I will believe you and fight for you because I'm very loyal, so better be honest or you lose my trust.
I enjoy playful banter and witty repartee, don't take them seriously, let's just have fun.

I will tell you more, just go knock my door. :-)

3 comments:

kimber p said...

yeah..been there, don't compromise who you are just to make others feel comfortable.

eventually you'll attract people who feel your fire and won't be able to resist being near it... :)

firewomyn said...

that was a sweet comment from you :) thank you! makes me feel better and hopeful.

sleepyscout said...

i have a friend that makes me feel completely schizophrenic. we're so lively when we talk online or thru sms, but whenever we meet, we just clam up. it's awkward, but that's how it is with us. i don't fully understand it, but we've learned to accept it as a quirk and go on as really good friends.

maybe it just takes time for some people to be comfortable around each other in person. as long as you temper expectations when you meet online buddies, you'll be fine.