I have a problem. I want to save the world. And I can't. I want to help people, but just don’t have the means to do so. As my good friend succinctly put it, "Unfortunately, your bank account is not as huge as your heart (for now)." am particularly affected by two people because these are very good/nice people.
Among all the people I gave money to/helped, they are one of the most deserving of support and second chance. One is a woman who was a childhood friend from a church group I belonged to then. I learned that she didn’t graduate college for lack of funds, got married early to a good-for-nothing guy, has 3 kids now, separated with the guy, re-united with a childhood sweetheart. after 2 yrs, the guy turned out to be married also! And had fed her with lies. So she's back to her parents' house, trying to make ends meet. I just saw her in the neighborhood while I was aimlessly walking at the market. I didn't recognize her. She just called my name and was surprised that it was her. Life had not been that kind to her. She proudly shared though that her eldest who studies in a public school (where I also studied in elementary, she went to a private school) was a chess champ. :) as I was walking home, I got this resolve to support her son's studies. Err, once I've raised the funds. I texted her that I want to talk to her about something, but didn’t get a reply.
I got a text though from my sister's ex-bf who had an accident years ago and has become paralyzed because of it. He greeted me good afternoon and I asked how he was. In so many words after several sms exchanges, he shyly asked for help because he and his brother and mom moved out to leave their abusive dad. They are currently living with an aunt and needs money for an apartment to rent. His ofw brother's remittance was delayed. He is a very good, responsible guy. Breadwinner in the family, cheerful. I treat him as family. The accident happened when his co-workers asked him to join an overnight swim in cavite. In the height of their fun, he thought of using the slide head first. his head hit the pool floor and was unconscious. They transported him to manila and we all rushed to the hospital. He's a very hardworking guy who started working young. I don’t blame him for trying to be a kid and have fun on that unfortunate moment.
Due to lack of money, he wasn’t able to continue with his therapy, thus he still can't walk nor sit up without aid. He remains cheerful though and full of fighting spirit. I told him, that I don’t have the funds, but will definitely save up for it. And just showered him with encouragement. He said that I should not worry, because he has no plan of giving up. My heart swelled with pride for this guy. And told him just that. He was very surprised and didn’t even believe me. He said, "wala naman akong nagawa." it was then my turn for disbelief. I honestly told him why I am proud of him. "Kasi responsible ka. Nagsikap, nagtrabaho ka para sa pamilya mo. mabait, masayahin, magaan kasama at kausap. Matapang at matatag kahit madaming problema. Hindi ba kaproud-proud ang mga katangian na yan? Nakakabilib kang tao."
I continue to question why bad things happen to good people, specially those who didn’t have had a chance to comfortable life yet. I often hear of good karma, but while I believe in it, it sure does take its sweet time in fulfilling its work. Thus my heart grieves.
I've recently heard from the news a woman killing her husband, a teen-age boy killing another boy and then himself. While others struggle to survive, some can just easily end lives. I wonder why in all the hardships I experienced I never once thought of killing myself. Sure, I did hurt myself at times, but not with an intent for death. Then I realized it's because I want to live to see the day that things will be fair and right, if not for me, at least for the people I care for. I want to meet good karma, introduce and share her to my friends, live with her and be with her till we're old and gray.
Masarap mabuhay hindi lang para sa sarili, kundi mas lalo para sa iba.