pain, pain go away

i love my family. but i'm soo hating them now. is it too much to ask that they take care of some of my house chores/needs since i provide for everyone anyway?

then it hit me. am really so hard headed. i keep hoping that life is fair when truly, it never is. now i think the source of my frustration is that naivete of hoping for fairness. if i quash that diminutive of a faith left in me, then maybe i'd stop whining. because simply i wouldn't want to whine against myself would i? wala na nga ko maasahan kundi sarili ko, aawayin ko pa ba sarili ko? *schizo mode*

inhale-exhale a million times.

you know that feeling of over-frustration that you feel like crying already? you're so mad that you just cry? i honestly don't understand it before. but now, fresh from that state, i think involuntary crying is the physiological manifestation of helplessness. how self-defeating, but yes. it's that unofficial, temporary point/act of giving up. i say unofficial because it's not counted as an instance in my life that i actually gave up. but more like a pause to be human and vulnerable.

after minutes, hours of muffled sobs, i'll dust if off like some dirt/germs i don't want to be infected with. will have a few more sniff, then a deep breath, to refill my lungs with fresh strength. and then i'll stand, wiping away the pain and frustration from my face with the back of my hand. am back in fighter mode.

so there. catharsis does help.


_yle said...

Bawal lumayas? (I'm not serious. Although you must admit it's tempting... until you go through with it and miss your family.)

Kelangan mo mag-impose. Na-try mo na? (I can't give an example because every idea I have comes off as MEAN. :|)

firewomyn said...

@_yle - my family is a good lot. they are just disorganized thus unintentionally neglects me sometimes. we're in the middle of something now so I can't leave. but i have grand plans of moving out two years from now. thanks for empathizing with me. means a lot. *hugs* :)

Anonymous said...

just look forward to that 2 years in the making.. all will fall in its proper place at its proper time.. no use fighting it.. do the things you are doing without expecting anything in return, it will lessen the pain of disappointment. remember, hindi lahat ng tao pareho ng iyong pananaw..cheer up girl..lunes na bukas, anoder oopportunity to see cute girls.. while i'm still stuck in the same building where nobody as cute as your train/bus crushes traipse....twistedhalo

firewomyn said...

@twistedhalo - thanks girl! :) will do. if you need cheering up, and looking at yourself in the mirror won't suffice, we can go cute-watching in makati. =) *hugs too*

Anonymous said...

sama ako sa cute watching sa Makati hehe. - EP

firewomyn said...

@EP - surely! yey! tatlo na tayo. :) do holler when you'd like to meet up for this.