in the heart of mecca

i realized that i've been trying to save the world. i thought i can do it all - save my family without losing my sanity. the scary part is, i'm failing at both. now here i am, barely at my wits' end to make them happy. i have done a lot for them. but they want so much more, beyond from what i can give.

last night, despite the exhaustion, i had difficulty sleeping. i woke up drained, empty, sleep deprived. i just went through the motion of things and prepared for work in auto-pilot mode.

in the mecca of commuters (lrt of course. hehe), crushed by all the people desperate to get in the train, i had an epiphany. i can't guarantee to fit everyone inside the train, only myself. the same manner i can't save my family, only myself.

thus, my quest to save the world is an epic failure to begin with. more so because i almost lost myself in the process. at the end, being saved is a personal decision. one must want to be saved first.  so i will stop my audacity or should i say foolish notion of satisfying all their needs. i will instead accept that i'm human with no full control of others, only myself. i will save myself first, because i badly need saving  now.

i will help people within my full capacity (nothing beyond that). and i will be happy with myself at whatever i'm able to achieve. if ever my family would demand more from me, i would simply go to my closet and reaffirm to myself that i own no superhero outfit, much more possess superpower.

in the heart of my very own mecca, i finally found my peace. =)

*thanks to the support of my friends here, the anonymous unlimited, my other friends & my gf *

Iceland PM ties knot as gay marriage legalized

Some good news! :)

Iceland PM ties knot as gay marriage legalized

Agence France-Presse First Posted 10:02:00 06/28/2010

REYKJAVIK, Iceland—Prime Minister Johanna Sigurdardottir married her long-time partner on Sunday as a new law legalizing homosexual marriages came into force.

Sigurdardottir, in her late 60s, formally married writer Jonina Leosdottir after the couple submitted a demand for their civil union to be transformed into a marriage, the RUV broadcaster said.

Iceland's parliament on June 12 unanimously adopted legislation allowing gay marriage, in a law that came into force on Sunday.

Homosexual couples could previously enter into a civil partnership and benefit from the same rights as heterosexual couples, but this had not been considered a formal marriage.

 Sigurdardottir, born in 1942, took power in February 2009. She has lived with Ledsdottir, who is in her fifties, for several years and the couple entered a civil union in 2002.

She is the country's first openly gay head of government.

Prime Minister Johanna Sigurdardottir

Jonina Leosdottir

Source: inquirer.net


isang araw sa balang araw

madami akong gusto ikwento, kaso puro tungkol sa paghihinagpis ko, kaya hindi ko na muna isusulat ng buong buo. umabot na ang sitwasyon ko sa puntong ayoko munang kumausap ng ibang tao (verbally, personally). pati si gf parang gusto ko na iwasan. sa bahay, hindi na ko nagsasalita masyado. there's too much talking already (or should i say shouting at home). kumikilos na lang ako. buong araw lang akong naglinis ng bahay kasi hindi ko kaya ang gulo. squatter na nga kami nakatira, kailangan pa bang mukhang basurahan ang bahay? sila kasi sanay na sa ganun. pag nasanay ka na sa isang bagay, nagiging acceptable na pag tagal. umulan ng malakas ng hapon kaya maghapon naman akong naglimas ng tubig kasi madaming tulo kaya binaha sa loob. naglaba nga ang kapatid ko nung isang linggo, kaso isang linggo lang nakatambak ang natuyong damit at hindi tinupi. kaya tinupi at sinort ko na lahat. kinagabihan, pagkakain, hinugasan ko lahat ng pinagkainan nila. kasi tulog na yung iba, yung iba naman busy sa panonood ng tv. sabi ng isa kong kapatid, sya na daw gagawa. kaso sila kasi, madaling araw na or minsan umaga na maghugas ng pinagkainan, kaya nilinis muna ng masisipag na daga ang mga plato bago pa mahugasan. may lakas pa naman akong natitira kaya ginawa ko na. nagpaka-busy na lang ako kasi tuwing napapahinto ako sandali at napapaisip, umaagos na lang ang luha ko. habang naglalaba ako ng damit ko kanina, naisip ko na ansarap sanang kunin ang puso para pigain at pagpagin na lang para lumabas na ang lahat ng nagpapahirap dito. sana may nabibiling murang sabon na kayang alisin ang problema sa isip at puso ko. na ang mga suliranin ay madali sanang nahuhugasan ng simpleng tubig sa gripo. aaminin ko, pinanghihinaan na ko ng loob. pero pilit ko itong pinaglalabanan kasi gusto kong maniwala na pag may hirap, may ginhawa. at dahil super hirap ang dinadanas ko, super ginhawa din ang matatamasa ko balang araw.


TGII (thank god i'm inlove)

hayyy…. Am inlove. *blush*

The thought of her makes me smile. She gives me hope that things will in the end be alright. She's the only woman who can make me mushy. Mygosh! I used to be astig, but now am all gooey jello because of her. I love her. Really. Deeply. I often pinch her cheeks because she's just the cutest for me. I love squeezing the air out of her from my hug until the tight emotion in me loosens up. I love her so much. So much that it leaves me perplexed of my new found capacity to care for someone. All the happy love songs are for her. She is the embodiment of my non-type. And yet, love grew without my conscious knowing and I've fallen before I can even interrogate the conflict in me. She is my exception. Am enamored by her smile and her unassuming ways. She's like hair and nails. Keeps growing on me even if I cut 'em numerous times. I guess that's resilience. And if I did have countless doubts before, the test of time has in the same breath proven that she is the only one I love the most.

by Cynthia Alexander

me & you
whispering of ripplewind
& faerie wing

me & you
undaunted by
our joyful scarring

me & you
of twisting fates
in corridors of time

silence is the fire
that speaks to us in tongues

what is tomorrow
it may never come

what is yesterday
is now done

we always were
we always will
we always are
we always intertwine

me & you
beholden grace

in our eyes
in our hands
unfolding space


Got Pride?

Dang! It's Gay Pride month! I confused it with the December celebration in the Philippines. Anyhow, we can still catch up with the festivities. I posted two broke-friendly gay fun stuff below! hope to see you gays there! =)

Here's some history:
LGBT pride or gay pride is the concept that lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender (LGBT) people should be proud of their sexual orientation and gender identity.

The movement has three main premises:

1. that people should be proud of their sexual orientation and gender identity,

2. that diversity is a gift, and

3. that sexual orientation and gender identity are inherent and cannot be intentionally altered.

The use of the abbreviated gay pride and pride have since become mainstream and shorthand expressions inclusive of all individuals in various LGBT communities.

The word pride is used in this case as an antonym for shame, which has been used to control and oppress LGBT persons throughout history. Pride in this sense is an affirmation of ones self and the community as a whole. The modern "pride" movement began after the "Stonewall riots" in 1969. Instead of backing down to unconstitutional raids by New York Police, gay people in local bars fought back. While it was a violent situation it also gave the underground community the first sense of communal pride in a very well publicized incident. From the yearly parade that commemorated the anniversary of the Stonewall riots began a national grassroots movement. Today many countries around the world celebrate LGBT pride. The pride movement has furthered the cause of gay rights by lobbying politicians, registering voters and increasing visibility to educate on issues important to LGBT communities. LGBT pride advocates work for equal "rights and benefits" for LGBT people.

Symbols of LGBT pride include the LGBT rainbow flag, butterfly, the Greek lambda symbol, and the pink as well as black triangles reclaimed from their past use.

source: wikipedia

The Northern Pride! =)

Baguio Pride March!
Akalain mo! Andaming LGBT group sa Baguio! Super Saya! :)

"IllumiDANCE: The Lunar White Party"

Another FREE event on Saturday! =)

Task Force Pride Philippines brings you

"IllumiDANCE: The Lunar White Party"

Manila's 9th Annual White Party on Maria Orosa strip!

10pm Saturday, June 26, 2010

Celebrate LGBT PRIDE under the brilliant full moon!
Come in your fiercest and most luminous white costumes and
celebrate love, laughter and life in this annual and global celebration of PRIDE!

Donate and support Task Force Pride Philippines in making this year's Manila PRIDE in December the biggest, the bestest and the gayest PRIDE march ever!

Presented by:
eZ Lubricating Jelly
Frenzy Condoms

In Partnership with:
BED, Che'lu, Home, Lookal, O Bar, Silya , Smart Venue

Marketing Design by Mentorque Productions

For more info, visit http://www.taskforcepride.blogspot.com/
Look for TFP on Facebook: Task Force Pride Philippines

Follow us on Twitter: TFPManila

"Delirious in Pink"

Some good things in life are still FREE!!! :)

Here's for the broke! Hehehe
A free film screening of three gay films this Saturday with discussion after.
I know they also have free snacks. What more can I ask? :)

Detailed instructions on how to go to Titus Brandsma is at the bottom
pelikula@titusbrandsma is a free monthly film screening with dialogue that features fine samples of world cinema. It is an offering of the Titus Brandsma Center (TBC) Media Program under the auspices of the Carmelites in the Philippines. This monthly event is aimed at giving a meaningful experience for film enthusiasts.See Pelikula Titus Website

Showing This Month: "Delirious in Pink"

June 26, Saturday, 1pm onwards (Free Admission)



A Jihad for Love (2007)

Directed by Parvez Sharma
Produced by Sandi Simcha DuBowski and Parvez Sharma
Distributed by First Run Features (U.S.)
Running time 81 min
Language English, Arabic, Persian, Urdu, Hindi, French, Turkish, etc.

Parvez Sharma's A Jihad for Love marks one of the very first documentaries to examine the occasional overlaps between Islam and homosexuality. Evincing great sensitivity to both the subject matter and the interviewees, Sharma hones in on a transcontinental group of homosexual individuals who attempt to reconcile their faith in the Koran (where, according to many interpretations, same-sex relations are condemned) with their non-heterosexual identities. Hailing from countries as diverse as France, South Africa, Turkey, and India, these individuals typically find themselves in a delicate position; forced to hide their private lives in their native Muslim communities under fear of death, the next best option that exists involves immigrating out of the Middle East and thus abandoning their home cultures. At the core of her film, Sharma suggests that the answer may lie in an unusual source of hope: the devout individuals who, in lieu of relinquishing Islam, make the difficult and commendable decision to try to reconcile their sexual and romantic proclivities with their Islamic faith.

Controversy and Problems

Sharma's making of the film has not been without criticism.
" About every two weeks I get an e-mail that berates me, condemns me to hell and, if they are nice, asks me to still seek forgiveness while there is still time. "

The film was banned from screening at the 2008 Singapore International Film Festival "in view of the sensitive nature of the subject that features Muslim homosexuals in various countries and their struggle to reconcile religion and their lifestyle," Amy Chua, Singapore Board of Film Censors chairwoman was quoted as saying by The Straits Times.

Awards: 2009 Outstanding Documentary, GLAAD Media Awards; 2008 Best Documentary (Special Mention - Sharvez Parma), Milan International Lesbian and Gay Film Festival; 2008 Best Documentary Film (Sharvez Parma), Torino International Gay & Lesbian Film Festival

Tropical Malady (Sud Pralad)

(Thailand, 2004)

Written and Directed by Apichatpong Weerasethakul
Produced by Charles de Meaux and Axel Moebius
Starring Sakda Kaewbuadee as Tong, Banlop Lomnoi as Keng, Sirivech
Jareonchon, Udom Promma and Huai Deesom
Distributed by TIFA, Kick the Machine, Anna Sanders Films
Running time 125 minutes
Language Thai

One of Thailand's leading experimental filmmakers, Apichatpong Weerasethakul directed this ambitious examination of fear and desire. Keng (Banlop Lomnoi) is a soldier who has been assigned duty as a forest ranger in the woodlands of the country. While on duty, he meets a young man named Tong (Sakda Kaewbuadee); Keng becomes deeply infatuated with Tong, but while Tong is friendly with Keng, he is obviously unwilling to respond to his romantic overtures. As Keng deals with his disappointment, he learns that a number of animals and villagers have fallen victim to a vicious predator who may be a tiger or a shape-shifting shaman. Keng gathers his courage and begins tracking the beast lurking deep within the jungle shadows. Sud Pralad ( aka Tropical Malady) was screened in competition at the 2004 Cannes Film Festival.

"A movie that really consume the inside, like a terminal disease. Every senses of your body will be over-excited, there is a TERRIFIC use of sound effects, that will render the tropical forest a living entity, intelligent, thinking, speaking. The contrast between the horrors and anguishes of modern time and the most charming folk legends , that awaken the most genuine human side from the bottom of our hearts is something quite unique and unforgettable..."

2004 Cannes Film Festival - Jury Prize
2004 São Paulo International Film Festival - Critics Award
2005 Indianapolis International Film Festival - Special Jury Prize for Directing

It was ranked 49th on They Shoot Pictures, Don't They's list of the 250 best films of the 21st century and was rated the third best film of 2005 by Slant Magazine's Ed Gonzalez.

A Single Man (2009)

Directed and Produced by Tom Ford
Written by Tom Ford and David Scearce based on Christopher Isherwood's novel
Starring Colin Firth, Julianne Moore, Matthew Goode, Ginnifer Goodwin, Nicholas Hoult and Jon Kartajarena
Distributed by The Weinstein Company
Running time 99 minutes

Fashion designer Tom Ford makes his directorial debut adapted the story from a book by Christopher Isherwood, which tells the tragic tale of a professor's loss of his longtime partner.

It's November 30, 1962. Native Brit George Falconer, an English professor at a Los Angeles area college, is finding it difficult to cope with life. Jim, his personal partner of sixteen years, died in a car accident eight months earlier when he was visiting with family. Jim's family were not going to tell George of the death or accident let alone allow him to attend the funeral. This day, George has decided to get his affairs in order before he will commit suicide that evening. As he routinely and fastidiously prepares for the suicide and post suicide, George reminisces about his life with Jim. But George spends this day with various people, who see a man sadder than usual and who affect his own thoughts about what he is going to do. Those people include Carlos, a Spanish immigrant/aspiring actor/gigolo recently arrived in Los Angeles; Charley, his best friend who he knew from England, she who is a drama queen of a woman who romantically desires her best friend despite his sexual orientation; and Kenny Potter, one of his students, who seems to be curious about his professor beyond English class.

The film was nominated for the Golden Lion at the 66th Venice International Film Festival and Colin Firth was awarded the Coppa Volpi for Best Actor at the film festival for his performance in the film. He has also received a BAFTA for best actor. Firth has also received a Golden Globe Award for Best Actor in a Motion Picture Drama nomination, a Screen Actors Guild Award for Outstanding Performance by a Male Actor in a Leading Role nomination, as well as an Academy Award for Best Actor nomination. For her performance, Julianne Moore was nominated for a Golden Globe Award for Best Supporting Actress in Motion Picture. Abel Korzeniowski was also nominated for a Golden Globe Award for Best Original Score.

On January 14, 2010, the film was nominated for Outstanding Film - Wide Release at the 21st GLAAD Media Awards.

sources: wikipedia.org, imdb.com, allmovie.com

Where to find us:
The Titus Brandsma Center is located at St. Elijah Hall, 26 Acacia St. Brgy. Mariana, New Manila, Quezon City.

For inquiries and confirmation, please call Titus Brandsma Media Center at 723-0449 or 09184048502 (look for Joy)

Email: pelikula_titusbrandsma-own
er@yahoogroups.com, tbcmedia@yahoo. com or pelikula.tbc@ gmail.com


E.Rodriguez Avenue Route:
(from España, Manila)

>E.Rodriguez - Right to New York St. - Right to Lantana St. - Left to Rosario Drive - Right to Acacia st. (see map below)
Landmarks: Immaculate Conception Church (Lantana), Boston Gallery (going to Rosario Drive)

Aurora Boulevard Route:
(from Cubao to Manila-Legarda side)

>Aurora Blvd./Cubao - Betty Go Belmonte St. (Valley Road) - Rosario Drive - Acacia St.
Landmarks: X'tian Academy School, Caltex & Landbank (Betty Go), Teresa of Avila Bldg. (corner Rosario & Acacia)

*Take Stop & Shop, Divisoria jeepney
Note: Tricycle stations are found both in Lantana and Betty Go Belmonte Sts.


For any comments and suggestions or should you have any film suggestions in the future, email us at:


sintimyento ni neneng bato

Sa totoo lang, ilang araw na kong umiiyak. Parang bukal ng sama ng loob ang mata ko, na malayang pinapadaloy ang sakit na nagpapahina sa pagkatao ko. Daig pa nito ang oil spill sa Gulf Mexico sa dami ng inilabas na nagbabagang luha. Sabi nila, humans are 60% water. Ako yata 90% tears.

Sa maraming taon kong pakikipagsapalaran sa hindi patas na pamantayan ng buhay, natutunan ko na walang puwang ang sintimyento at tinatapakan ang mahina. Kaya ginawa kong matapang ang sarili ko. Ang mantra ko, "self preservation is the key to survival." Kasabay nito, ang pagtigas ng puso ko. Mistula kong kinubli ang puso ko sa freezer sa paga-akalang ito ang nagpapahina sa akin.

Madalas akong magbiro noon, "basta kaming mga piscean hindi naniniwala sa horoscope!". Hehe. Likas kasi sa akin ang pagiging madamdamin (typical of pisceans so they say). Kaya pilit kong sinanay ang sarili na alisin ito. Bahagi nito ang panonood ko ng mga action na palabas at tahasang pag-iwas sa mga bagay na maemosyon. Ninais kong masanay sa karahasan para hindi na ko tablan nito (read: desensitized).

Sa pantaha ko, tagumpay ko itong nagawa na parang isang proyekto. Siguro ako na ang babaeng totoy bato, matapang, matigas, hindi lang palaban, war freak pa.

Sa kabila ng lahat ng lakas natagpuan mula sa pagiging matigas, bakit hindi ako masaya? Wala nang nakaka-api sa akin basta basta, hindi na rin ako naapektuhan ng mga bagay bagay. Pero hindi ko makapa ang saya sa buhay ko. Parang laging masikip ang dibdib ko na bumabara sa aking paghinga.

Magkahiwalay pala ang tapang at saya. Hindi sya parang cause and effect. Sa takot kong magkasakit sa puso dahil sa mga kimkim na sama ng loob na pwedeng maging fat deposits sa arteries ko, nilabas ko ang puso ko sa freezer. Sa tulong ng init ng awa, marubdob na pagmamahal, at naga-apoy na prinsipyo, muling lumambot ang puso ko. At ako'y naging bading! Hehe. Biro lang. Mas normal ang pakiramdam ko ngayon. Nasasaktan pa rin ng madalas, pero nakakadama naman ng pag-ibig, pang-unawa at aliw sa buhay.

Kaya iyak kung iyak, mauubos din yan. Mabuti nang ilabas na lahat para mas mabilis makapag-move on. Suswertehin din, makakakita ng train crush at ayun! Muling ngingiti at mapapa-blog. Good night!

open letter to M

i sorely miss you.
i can't do anything without you.
you're always on my mind.
i need you.
please love me.
come back to me,
tenfold dear Money.

money matters

Yesterday, I got swindled by P15 because some schmuck jeepney driver lied to me and didn’t drop me off on my stop as he said he would. So I had to pay extra for my tricycle ride. I actually got so upset about it, compounded by loads of family issues, I cried, heavily. Today however is a new day. I was generous enough to give away P500 to some anonymous person whom I pray is more in need than I. In short, I lost P500 while walking to meet my gf for lunch. Ouch!

With last night's bitter experience, am supposed to go ballistic already.  Imagine, from P15 to P500 freaking pesos?! I inwardly screamed foul! I think I've surpassed my quota of bad luck in my lifetime. Can't fate ohplease pick on someone else? Geez! Give me a break will you??  Anyhoo, my eyes are puffy and painful from last night's heavy drama. So cry as I have to on my quagmire, I can't. Because I just  reached emotional bankruptcy.

What did I learn from this awful experience?

Ang pera pag hinigpitan, lalong nawawala!

a father and the pader in between

My father and I are not close. Notice that I didn't post any father's day entry. A friend, when I texted happy father's day to her dad replied with "hug your dad for me". Sorry dude, but I don't think you'd want to go near mine if you experienced the kind of non-father that he is.

Days after that, I chanced upon a father's day treat on TV. I just got out from the restroom and saw the show on my parent's room (their room doesn't have a door, just a curtain as some form of divider). Tatay was watching the show. Am not sure if he is aware that am also watching. Divided by a wall and a slightly parted curtain, we sort of watched the father's day treat together. I got emotional and cried involuntarily as I witness the closeness of a son and his dad. My tatay is such a cry baby on tearjerker shows and I am sure as I am gay that he was also crying while watching the scene. This is one of those rare "bonding" moments  for us, both feeling the same, though divided by a wall, a curtain and years of disconnect.

I was thinking, why I am so affected when all I feel for my tatay is far from fatherly. Then I remembered.

There was a space and time in my childhood when I loved my father and really looked up to him. When I was very young, I often ask his help on a lot of things. I particularly remember an art project whom I had difficulty with and wasn't able to finish because I fell asleep on the table already. I suddenly woke up in the morning alarmed, because I know for sure I don't have a project to submit. Just when I was about to panic, after squinting my eyes, there on my table, was the completed project!

My eyes lit up with glee and gratitude as I picture in my head my tatay toiling with my project till early morning just to finish his firstborn's school project. And I felt loved by my tatay then. That moment was so sacred that the love I felt then is surprisingly still accessible up to now.

As I untangle the mess of an emotional wreck that I am, a radical thought occurred. Maybe I don't hate my father that much after all. Maybe at the very bottom of all the scars of violence, of the high pile of disappointments, of the deep seated anger is a pea of a love that survived and remained uncrushed.

We don't celebrate or do father's day. We're not hypocrite enough to even greet him happy father's day. The day just comes and goes like any other day.

But maybe it's time. A belated father's day something for tatay doesn't seem to be a very bad idea.

priceless father and child scene in the train.
he was on the all female cabin of the train so i know how he loves his child for ignoring the discomfort and uneasiness of the surprised women. cheers to you!!!


This man's life

Wrote this hurriedly while I was in the bus this morning. I learned of the news as I was about to leave the house to go to work. I can't make sense of what am feeling and so I had to write.

A neighbor whom am not close with was shot pointblank at the nape last week while walking drunk outside their house (which is two houses away from ours). Rumors said he died instantly, others said he's 50/50. Some say he deserves it for killing innocent people too, I say give him a chance.

 I often see him weekends drinking with the other tambays in our neighborhood. He's a little bit boisterous, maangas if you may, but not in an offensive way, at least to me.

I once overheard him coyly reveal that he's a hitman. Another inuman he was taking pride on how good a factory worker he Is where he dared challenge the approach of the foreman & that he's one of the best (jeans ironer, dunno what it's called) in the factory.

 He's   been in jail before for some crime which i remember he's guilty of. There's also a time when he and another neighbor harrassed a chicken delivery boy, asking for free chicken. The boy asked them to wait until he's done with the delivery, but the two won't, and  stabbed the boy. I heard the boy died. The neighbor who killed him ran away, while the innocent neighbor got jailed.

He's 25, has a wife and three very young kids. He is now dead. I wish I can say that these are all fiction and just a by-product of my usual far fetched imagination, but I can't. It's as cold blooded as true. And what's fact is my heart hurting.


Train Crush8

the throng of people making their way to the train has more than doubled. the time it takes to the office is now longer. and the amount of sweat i generated increased by a bucket. it's official, classes has started. yikes!

i cussed every time my foot got stepped on. i got assaulted on all sides that i felt close to violated. people are not just skin to skin, we are sweat to sweat close with each other. ewww! not the kind of intimacy i dreamed!

so while i was getting tossed here and there, mind almost exploding with the incredulity of it all (pure madness this is), a beautiful punk saved my day!

how can i be fuming when the epitome of coolness just arrived? how can i be fussing about the mundane of train stampede when the coolest and the hottest (did i mention cutest?) chick is in sight?

there's simply no excuse, i had to focus on the only one thing that's good at that train ride, on that instance.

what is not to lurv about her? the patched mao cap that hides her long hair, the flawless fair skin that illuminates with her white gold necklace & bracelet, the sexy pink shirt, and ohmygawd,  the assymetric fringe that veils her mystery. it's official, i soo lurv her. and i would willingly go back to school for her. =)



i loove books! :) and i looove good finds on sale! nevermind if they're second/third/nth hand. hehe. it's the readability that matters to me. and i rarely go back to a book after i've read it (unless of course it's a reference material, naturally). same with films. i don't remember watching a film more than once. now i digressed.

so while am at the ubiquitous BookSale scavenging, I chanced upon this blog-worthy shelf. this special shelf generated a lot of thoughts and smile from me which am sharing to you now. =)

booksale is online! check out http://www.booksale.com.ph


kung ako si ako

my thoughts on this shot:

1. mag-on ba sila? hehehe.

2. kung hindi sila mag-on, magkakilala ba sila? hmmm...

3. kung hindi sila magkakilala, sino ang tumabi kanino?

4. kung ako ang butch, aba syempre tatabihan ko rin!

5. at kung ako ang katabing butch ni brown-haired-mini skirt girl, mas sisiksik pa ko. wehehehe.

6. at kung ako ang nakasiksik na katabing butch ni brown-haired-mini skirt girl, wish ko lang nakashorts ako, para magdikit ang skin namin. nyaaaah! saya!

7.at kung ako ang nakasiksik na naka-shorts na katabing butch ni brown-haired-mini skirt girl, isaside ko ang face ko sa kanya. para maamoy ko ang shampoo nya. sigurado ako langhap sarap sya. itsurang mabango e.

8. at kung ako ang nakasiksik na naka-shorts na katabing butch ni brown-haired-mini skirt girl na umamoy ng mabangong buhok nya, malamang biglang malalaglag sa floor ang panyo ko or celphone. kaya yuyuko ako para damputin ang hita nya, este yung panyo/celphone ko at syempre, ang lahat ng ito ay mangyayari in slow motion. dahan dahan kong iaaangat ang ulo ko mula sa level ng hita nya at papasok sa ilong ko ang flowery smell ng lotion nya at ako'y mapapangiti dahil, hay, angswerteng butch ko naman!

9. at kung ako ang swerteng butch na naka-shorts, na nalaglagan ng panyo/celphone, na nakaamoy sa buhok at hita ni brown-haired-mini skirt girl habang nakasiksik sa kanya, malamang ambilis na ng kabog ng dibdib ko saka manunuyo lalamunan ko sa excitement at tension. susme! wag naman sana ako atakihin sa puso, kasi hindi ko pa alam pangalan nya.

10. at kung ako ang swerteng butch na naka-shorts, na nalaglagan ng panyo/celphone, na nakaamoy sa buhok at hita ni brown-haired-mini skirt girl habang nakasiksik sa kanya, na kumalma na rin sa wakas ang daga sa dibdib (na syet! bakit parang ang laki naman ng boobs ko dito), mapapansin ko na parang nakasimangot si brown-haired-mini skirt girl ko.

11. at kung ako ang swerteng butch na naka-shorts, na nalaglagan ng panyo/celphone, na nakaamoy sa buhok at hita ni brown-haired-mini skirt girl habang nakasiksik sa kanya, na kalmado na (pero syet! sobrang laki pa rin ng boobs ko) na worried at nakasimangot si brown-haired-mini skirt girl ko, makikita kong masama ang tingin nya sa kung saan. susundan ko ng tingin kung saan sya nakatingin --- bakit nya tinititigan ang cute na femme na yun na may iphone??

12. nyaaaahhhh! ako ang tinitingnan ng masama ni brown-haired-mini skirt girl! teka, ako din ang swerteng manyakis na butch sa kwento ko ah. wow! doppelganger! astig!

hay, tama na ang kabaliwan. pagod, gutom at boredom lang to. hehe. good night! =)


Study: Children of Lesbians May Do Better Than Their Peers

by ALICE PARK Monday, Jun. 07, 2010

The teen years are never the easiest for any family to navigate. But could they be even more challenging for children and parents in households headed by gay parents?

That is the question researchers explored in the first study ever to track children raised by lesbian parents, from birth to adolescence. Although previous studies have indicated that children with same-sex parents show no significant differences compared with children in heterosexual homes when it comes to social development and adjustment, many of those investigations involved children who were born to women in heterosexual marriages, who later divorced and came out as lesbians.(See a photographic history of gay rights, from Stonewall to Prop 8.)

For their new study, published on Monday in the journal Pediatrics, researchers Nanette Gartrell, a professor of psychiatry at the University of California at San Francisco (and a law professor at the University of California, Los Angeles), and Henry Bos, a behavioral scientist at the University of Amsterdam, focused on what they call planned lesbian families — households in which the mothers identified themselves as lesbian at the time of artificial insemination.

Data on such families are sparse, but they are important for establishing whether a child's environment in a home with same-sex parents would be any more or less nurturing than one with a heterosexual couple.(See a gay-rights timeline.)

The authors found that children raised by lesbian mothers — whether the mother was partnered or single — scored very similarly to children raised by heterosexual parents on measures of development and social behavior. These findings were expected, the authors said; however, they were surprised to discover that children in lesbian homes scored higher than kids in straight families on some psychological measures of self-esteem and confidence, did better academically and were less likely to have behavioral problems, such as rule-breaking and aggression. (Comment on this story.)

"We simply expected to find no difference in psychological adjustment between adolescents reared in lesbian families and the normative sample of age-matched controls," says Gartrell. "I was surprised to find that on some measures we found higher levels of [psychological] competency and lower levels of behavioral problems. It wasn't something I anticipated."

In addition, children in same-sex-parent families whose mothers ended up separating did as well as children in lesbian families in which the moms stayed together.

The data that Gartrell and Bos analyzed came from the U.S. National Longitudinal Lesbian Family Study (NLLFS), begun in 1986. The authors included 154 women in 84 families who underwent artificial insemination to start a family; the parents agreed to answer questions about their children's social skills, academic performance and behavior at five follow-up times over the 17-year study period. Children in the families were interviewed by researchers at age 10 and were then asked at age 17 to complete an online questionnaire, which included queries about the teens' activities, social lives, feelings of anxiety or depression, and behavior.

Not surprisingly, the researchers found that 41% of children reported having endured some teasing, ostracism or discrimination related to their being raised by same-sex parents. But Gartrell and Bos could find no differences on psychological adjustment tests between the children and those in a group of matched controls. At age 10, children reporting discrimination did exhibit more signs of psychological stress than their peers, but by age 17, the feelings had dissipated. "Obviously there are some factors that may include family support and changes in education about appreciation for diversity that may be helping young people to come to a better place despite these experiences," says Gartrell.

It's not clear exactly why children of lesbian mothers tend to do better than those in heterosexual families on certain measures. But after studying gay and lesbian families for 24 years, Gartrell has some theories. "They are very involved in their children's lives," she says of the lesbian parents. "And that is a great recipe for healthy outcomes for children. Being present, having good communication, being there in their schools, finding out what is going on in their schools and various aspects of the children's lives is very, very important."

Although active involvement isn't unique to lesbian households, Gartrell notes that same-sex mothers tend to make that kind of parenting more of a priority. Because their children are more likely to experience discrimination and stigmatization as a result of their family circumstances, these mothers can be more likely to broach complicated topics, such as sexuality and diversity and tolerance, with their children early on. Having such a foundation may help to give these children more confidence and maturity in dealing with social differences and prejudices as they get older.

Because the research is ongoing, Gartrell hopes to test some of these theories with additional studies. She is also hoping to collect more data on gay-father households; gay fatherhood is less common than lesbian motherhood because of the high costs of surrogacy or adoption that gay couples face in order to start a family.

Read more: Time.com


Kiss - take 2!

and i thought i've seen the last of it. but God must be a woman and She is won-der-ful! =)

sandra bullock kissed scarlett johansson on MTV Movie Awards (held yesterday) when she accepted her MTV Generation Award. see the full clip below.

i actually like this kiss more than the last because they're hotter and it's sweet (with all due respect & equal love to meryl streep). am eating the whole scripted kiss scene and am enjoying it with relish. hehe. a kiss is still a kiss even if it's scripted because it was executed beautifully. =)

i adore sandra and i support her all the way. you simply can't put a strong woman down. cheers to you!!! *lotsa kiss & hug* and thank you for making two women kissing mainstream. we owe you a lot. =)

Watch the 2010 MTV Movie Awards at MTV.com!


divain intervention

still about rain -

been looking for rainy days shoes since i commute for hours. my criteria were: 1) closed shoes - to keep my feet dry, 2) elevated/heeled - to brave the floods, 3) black - so that dirt/mud won't be that noticeable, 4) comfortable - because i have a grueling commute/walk combo to work, twice a day, five days a week.

since i have limited budget (as usual), i scrounged the malls, for weeks. after many hours of walking, leg cramps, and feet torture (was wondering if my feet would still be alive by the time i buy the coveted shoes), i came up with these three choices.

1. Merrell - fits the top3 criteria, but the last available size is too small for me thus i wasn't able to determine if it's comfy enough. so you may be thinking i have shrekkish feet now haha. let's just say am no petite girl. the same style sad to say isn't available in the other malls i went to. sigh.

2. Keds - actually saw this from a girl while i was on my way to the dentist, but in gray color. i mistook the "K" as Kickers and painstakingly searched for it unsuccessfully, until I chanced upon the Keds version. So maybe it was really Keds and not Kickers. hehe. Anyhoo, I like it already, but noticed that the material is chapped leather. that bothered me even though it's on sale. the rest of the leather pieces may fall off each month i wear it. not a good investment.

3. NafNaf - last day before office day again, tried my luck one last time and went malling. my feet's screaming at me and my veins clawing on my legs, cursing me for the pain i'm giving them with all these shoe searching. scanned the store and didn't fine one i need. as i was on my way out, saw one displayed on the side, not among the throng of shoes. i felt slight tightening in my gut. it fits the bill, 3/4 of my criteria. tried it, looks nice, but too big. asked the unattentive saleslady for a smaller size. she left with a frown, returned with a frown and bad news. it's the smallest size. gf was convincing me to try the brown. i know i don't want brown, but gave it the benefit of the doubt. after seconds in it, my conviction's confirmed, i still don't like brown. i gave it back to the lady. with a heavy heart, frown now on my face, and death threat from my feet, i motioned to leave, feeling too defeated, until... "divain" intervention happened.

the sales lady reappeared, rushing, carrying closed, elevated, black shoes, same style -- in my size! woohoo! she recounted that the shoebox labeled with a bigger size actually had a smaller size in it. wow! ain't that surreal right?! and it's on sale too! am overjoyed. =)

feeling like cinderella, i slipped my weary feet in it, and wiggled my toes a little bit. fits nice. walked on it and it's not painful. walked some more and i know it's not the aerosole type i sorta wanted, but i think thick socks would do it. =) i can also buy silicon type of insole if i still need additional cushion.

so now, me and my feet are friends again! yey! i had pedicure earlier and i plan to make it up to my feet by having a foot massage next week. now i think my toes are clapping. haha! good night friends! =)




making rain

rain is love. a time for cooing while locked in the room, lazing on bed, under the sheets with someone (bodily or mentally only), with a view of the pouring rain from the window. the wind romancing the leaves and the rain leading the beat, while we, in the room drink in the spectacle and mimic the age-old rhythm of making rain, making love.

here's a subtle, moving song that was beautifully sang for a lesbian couple, specifically for Shamim.

after swaying to the song, today, Leonie is my New York. who's yours?

Shamim Sarif (September 24, 1969) is a novelist and filmmaker of South Asian and South African heritage. Her roots inspired her to write her award-winning debut novel, The World Unseen, which explores issues of race, gender and sexuality,[1] which she later adapted into a film starring Lisa Ray, shown at the London Film Festival in 2007.[2] She is the recipient of three Best Director awards for The World Unseen film - from the South African Film and Television Awards, The Phoenix Film Festival and the Clip (Tampa) Festival. The novel won the Pendleton May First Novel Award and a Betty Trask Award. She next wrote and directed "I can't think straight".

She lives in London with her partner Hanan and her two children.[1]

Leonie Casanova is a London-based singer-songwriter. She was born and raised in Zambia to an Italian father and Zambian mother, and schooled in Swaziland, England and the USA where she studied Economics and French Literature before working on Wall Street.

Leonie's colourful and almost "nomadic" background has deeply informed her approach to song-writing and what to her is the intrinsic and essential story-telling element of this process. She is a smart and sensitive lyricist and vocalist and manages to cross and fuse genres and musical "textures" fluidly.


pain, pain go away

i love my family. but i'm soo hating them now. is it too much to ask that they take care of some of my house chores/needs since i provide for everyone anyway?

then it hit me. am really so hard headed. i keep hoping that life is fair when truly, it never is. now i think the source of my frustration is that naivete of hoping for fairness. if i quash that diminutive of a faith left in me, then maybe i'd stop whining. because simply i wouldn't want to whine against myself would i? wala na nga ko maasahan kundi sarili ko, aawayin ko pa ba sarili ko? *schizo mode*

inhale-exhale a million times.

you know that feeling of over-frustration that you feel like crying already? you're so mad that you just cry? i honestly don't understand it before. but now, fresh from that state, i think involuntary crying is the physiological manifestation of helplessness. how self-defeating, but yes. it's that unofficial, temporary point/act of giving up. i say unofficial because it's not counted as an instance in my life that i actually gave up. but more like a pause to be human and vulnerable.

after minutes, hours of muffled sobs, i'll dust if off like some dirt/germs i don't want to be infected with. will have a few more sniff, then a deep breath, to refill my lungs with fresh strength. and then i'll stand, wiping away the pain and frustration from my face with the back of my hand. am back in fighter mode.

so there. catharsis does help.


Train Crush7

Pahinga muna sa drama, dahil malapit na mag-weekend, konting inspirasyon muna. hehe.

presenting... the morena version of Yasmien Kurdi. =)

the red sea of non-crushables parted and as fate would have it, revealed this brown beauty for me to feast on. mygosh, such luscious, yumyum lips! and of course the bodacious chest of a treasure. but alas! this happened one station away from my stop. noooooo!!!!! i lurv her so much that i got conflicted whether to miss my stop to have more moments with her or be whimsical enough to let fate bring her back to me. career won me over though as i don't want to break my 1yr record of being very early at work.

minutes later when the doors closed, the train sped by and i was left at the platform, still enchanted (suddenly forgetting the office record i was aiming for), i learned one valuable lesson - never settle. if ever i'll shoot for another record, it is not to settle for the things i believe in, love and desire.

to train crush7- i humbly apologize for not giving your beauty justice from my inadequate tool of a phonecam. with eyes as my witness, you hold the distinction of being my most beautiful train crush to date. *blush* there's no perfect match, only perfect timing. i was only given split second with you. and i'm one big stupid ass for wasting that opportunity. sigh.