i learned earlier that a distant friend just got a car. gf was blabbering about it. and i instantly got pissed. honestly, i got upset. the sinking feeling of underachievement suddenly seized me. how come even though i'm way smarter than many and really hardworking, don't i get the big break? i mean why does it feel that i always have to struggle my way to get things? i've been working for years and i haven't really acquired really valuable possessions. and then i go look at my surroundings and my sinking feeling drags me to the pit. who am i kidding? i live in the slums, barely afloat in poverty. i work my butt off to support the family. i skimp at every opportunity. sometimes too much that i feel cheap.
i know it's wrong to be "inggitera" (envious), but i won't deny that i'm feeling wrong now. like everything is wrong in my life. if i have not been this "mahirap" (i won't be politically correct now and mince words), i would have long married my gf already and settled her in a nice home. but i have nothing to offer but my love. one that's not enough yet to build her a house for us that has a garage for our own car. i do however have built a home for us in my heart and in my dreams. for now that should do.
so this makes me materialistic i guess. i'm no different from the common many who value the good stuff. if you've slaved for money for years, you would also ache for comfort. for now, i only have a comfort room to be content with. at least i have something.
on a good note, i don't have any debt, not a single centavo of iou. if i live in america, that would be truly remarkable. hehe. but since i live in third world, that would be unbelievable. haha.
to survive this deadly sin of envy, i just take comfort in the thought that the car in issue must have been loaned or was acquired thru debt. one that has to be slaved for in years to be fully paid. that should make the playing field fair. hehe.