Dykes In The City: The Sour Milk Theory

12.14.04
By Shannon Ray



"Why is it that we don't always recognize the moment when love begins but we always know when it ends? " - LA Story

Love is funny thing. When you're there, you're there all the way. When it's gone, we miss what we once had. But what if we could go back, would we? Is it ever possible to recapture what once was? Or is the expression "they're an ex for a reason" always ring true?

Second chances, in my opinion, can be divided up by experience. Good, bad or indifferent, it all depends on how the milk soured. Sour milk you ask? Yes my readers, love the second time around can be compared to sour milk for the most part.

Let me explain: Suppose you go to your fridge and find that the milk is kind of sour. You'd throw it away, right? If you put it back in the fridge, then try it again in two weeks, is it going to be any better? No! As a matter of fact, it'll be worse. And in the end, you'll kick yourself for thinking of trying it again and not properly getting rid of it the first time.

And on a side note, why is it that we must always smell the sour milk once we know it's bad? And worse yet, why must we, after knowing the milk is past due, have others confirm its funk? Must we always need confirmation that something has gone bad?

Kind of simplistic, I know, but it demonstrates my point: If it didn't work the first time, how is it going to work the second time? It's still the same sour milk! And that sour milk is NASTY the second or third time around. So why do we keep going back time and time again? It's never going to be the same fresh wholesome milk it once was. The milk will never improve and most people never change.

Life experince has taught me that I should have listened to my first instinct about a person. I've given out to 2nd, 3rd, and 4th chances. But never again. I used think it depended on the person, the situation, the cycle of the moon, etc. Now I realize that when a person messes up the first time, there will be more to come. Giving chance after chance, only changes who YOU are. You are compromising yourself, and your needs. If they dont do it right the first time, boot them to the curb!

Case in point - my love life has graced not one but two possible second chances: Butch Charming and The Ex from Hell. Both were dashing, handsome, and broke my heart. One, The Ex from Hell, has curled beyond reconization. I hate to even admit that I dated her, let alone would have thought of giving her a second chance. Harsh, but her actions and reactions to my current life has taken it's toll. Seems it was sour from the start and just got worse with age. Her expiration date is way past overdue and she has left the frig. Butch Charming, on the other hand, is still as charming as ever. She still holds a special place in my heart, and always will. But past circumstances will always be in the way.

That's the problem with ex's, you remember both the good and the bad. We could remember our first kiss, our first date, as well as our first fight and the day we called the whole thing off. Not pleasant, but still the same sour milk. Still the same expiration date as before.

Relationships are difficult at best, they take a LOT of work from BOTH sides. My experiece has been that no one person is all to blame for anything. If a relationship has ended for a reason, especially a negative one, then going back into that relationship just seems like re-living it all over again. And I've done it and have the forty lashes to prove it. It's not a pretty sight and the welts leave a mark.

Many believe in "Strike one - you're out!" and "Done once will be done again" no matter what the circumstances. Others dish out chance after chance with side of swallowed pride. But for me, regardless of the advice given here, I firmly believe in true love at all cost and double checking expiration dates!