odd chance

i just attended a funeral with my family to a neighbor. i haven't gone to  funeral in a loong while. last time i saw this guy was in a christening two years ago where we were both godparents so he's my kumpare.  last time he talked to me was when he asked for my phone number at the reception then (which i didn't give). he's married. and i'm already gay then.

he's been dead days ago. whenever i go home and pass by their house, it feels odd to see the big tarp bearing the same face i last saw couple of  years ago. i learned from his mom that he was diagnosed with cancer two years ago. gulp. he's been treated with chemo, herbal stuff, surgery and managed to stretch his six months to two years more of life. his cancer also managed to transport from the lungs to his brain. pneumonia ultimately killed him.

it's odd to me that he got lung cancer at stage three when he's an occasional smoker only (at least that's what the mom told us). maybe due to passive smoking?

it's odd that i feel some kind of loss when i avoided him for years. i guess knowing there's no more chance left to see him made me miss him?

with all of these odd stuff happening, a crazy thought managed to pop from my head. what if we treat living as our second one already? like we were dead to begin with and just had our second chance to life. would we live fuller with less regret, taking nothing and no one for granted?


_yle said...

No. Well, yes, but only at the beginning. Once the euphoria of a second chance wears off --- we go back to our old ways.

firewomyn said...

@_yle - how sad. maybe not all.

Anonymous said...

ako naman, maglalamay sa isang tao na nde ko pa na meet...mamya yata first meeting namen. haiz, i hate social obligations...

ot: ironic, he died because of a complication and not because of the tumor.

lesson learned: stay away from nicotine. (sorry, i'm just bein a wise-ass) -w1cked

firewomyn said...

@w1cked - ganun talaga ang buhay pinay, daming rituals & obligations. abt his death, i think for cancer cases, ganun mostly bec of weakened immunity from chemo. nilibing na sya kanina. i don't smoke and i also avoid passive smoking. kaw ba?

Anonymous said...

on the contrary, it is a chinese funeral wake..hm mas madameng rituals :p

ot: double bladed nga yang chemotx. and consider the fact that he has a lung cancer, just imagine how will his lung cope under that infection (pneumonia) when a part of it is already compromised. ;)

btw, same here...a non-smoker. :) -w1cked

firewomyn said...

@w1cked - true ka dyan! andami nila rituals. hehe. chemo is double-edged. it kills both good and bad cells.

anyhoo, am happy you don't smoke. we have to be healthy for our partners too! so that even though we won't be together forever, we can be together longer. :)