7.31.2010

Milk and Boobs



i dunno how we started with my mom's bday and ended up with boobs. but the playful banter is fun for me. so hope you have fun too :)

-----
Fw: btw, mom's bday now

Df: oh happy bday to mudra

Fw: salamas!

Df: i should thank her for carrying you for 9 mos
     and breast feeding you
     and so you became so witty and articulate

Fw: nah, i was bottle fed

Df: oh thanks to genes and formula milk na lang pala

Fw: all bec of animal milk. lol

Df: you're a cow... moomoo

Fw: by the way, 'just remembered

Df: yeah?

Fw: abt you being  gorgeous, forgot to add, boobs mo pa lang gorgeous na e

Df: manyakis comment LOL

Fw: nah, honest comment
      pag honest ba manyakis na?

Df: hindi. Lol

Fw: so why are you saying that?

Df: it was a joke
     and it's a booby comment. lol

Fw: so what?
       i like your boobs

Df: why, thank you *bows*

Fw: you're welcome :)

Black Heels (to the tune of Blue Jeans)



Been listening to this cover song of Blue Jeans by Rocksteddy from my phone. The song very well captures the student life. But many of the collegiate struggle also resonates that of the working class. I soo can relate to the song. From the profound desire to have a theme song as a Makati girl (and out of boredom yesterday), i revised the lyrics of Blue Jeans to fit that of a working class. :) 'Hope you like it. Musical accompaniment at the bottom.

Black Heels (Makati girl version) 
To the tune of Blue Jeans by Rocksteddy 
(original by Apo Hiking Society).
---

Nandirito kami ngayon
Nagsusumikap sa araw-araw
Kayod nang kayod hanggang sa mapagod
Maagapan ang natatanaw
Paminsan-minsan ay naglalaro
Pag-ibig lang ang ‘di ginagawang biro
Kung sa tuksuhan lang, hindi pahuhuli
Kinabukasan ay tinatabi

INTERLUDE
Paminsan-minsan ay dinudugo
Sakit sa puso ay hindi maitago
Ngunit tuloy pa rin, hindi pinapansin
Ang kabuhayan ay intindihin
 
INTERLUDE
I

(Black heels)
Alam mo ba ano ang ibig sabihin ng ating pagsisikap sa trabaho?
(Black heels)
 
Ba’t ‘di na lang iwanan ang opisina at sama-sama tayong magwala?
Ngunit ang kalusugan daw ay kayamanan
‘Wag daw basta’t itapon at pababayaan
Kaya magworkout tayo habang may panahon at
Magsikap at mag-ipon tayo ng karanasan

II
(Black heels)

Sige, sige, sige kayod sa opisina at balang araw makikita n’yo

(Black heels)

Pagkatapos ng iyong pagsisikap, ‘di ka rin mai-increasan sa  trabaho
Ang mga bossing na nagmamarunong sa buhay
Huwag sana silang makialam sa ‘king buhay
Anong maabutan pagkauwi ng bahay.
Huwag nang isipin at baka mabadtrip ka pa


CHORUS 


Kay tagal-tagal ko nang nakablack heels
Tignan mo, kalyo na’ng aking paa, yeah!
Kung akala mo ako ay asenso na
Hindi pa rin
Kay tagal-tagal ko nang nakablack heels
Tignan mo, kalyo na’ng aking paa, yeah!
Kung akala mo ako ay asenso na
Hindi pa rin
 
[Repeat II]

(Black heels) [4x]

[Repeat I]

(Black heels) Ahh… [4x]


Maulan




















Muni-muni habang inaantay si gf para samahan syang magpagupit. Maulan, tuloy tuloy ang patak ng kamalayan at buhos ng damdamin, binabasa ang aking pagkatao.

-----
Ngayon ko lang naisip na siguro kung may straight na nagbabasa ng mga kwento dito, mashashock siguro silang malaman na pareho lang halos tayo sa kanila. Parehong nabubwisit sa traffic, nakikipagsiksikan sa pagcommute,   nahihirapan sa trabaho, kinakapos sa pera (kaya laging nakaabang sa sahod. Hehe), nananakawan pa, may isyu sa pamilya (read: dysfunctional), umiibig ng malalim (minsan kahit sa mali), nabibigo, naglalasing hanggang masuka, niloloko, nagpapaloko, nanloloko, naghahanap ng jowa, nakikipaglandian, winawarla ni jowa, gumigimik, nagpaparty, laging horny, tambay ng coffee shop, naiinsecure, naiinggit, nangangarap na magworkout/gym/sports (puro balak na hindi matuloy-tuloy. Haha), naghahanap ng kaibigan/kausap/kainuman/mauutangan, nagkakasakit, sumusugod sa baha, lumalaban kahit pagod na, nadadapa ng paulit-ulit pero paulit-ulit ma bumabangon, umiiyak ng sobra tapos tatawa, nakikipagsapalaran sa mundong hindi patas, nabubuhay para sa ikagiginhawa ng pamilya, umaasam ng pang-unawa, nangangarap ng pagbabago.

Tingnan natin ang tao sa paligid - mga tambay, boss, katrabaho (kupal man o hindi), kaklase (epal man o dedma),  kaibigan, sige na, pati kaaway, kapitbahay, magulang (na mahirap ispelengin),  kapatid (kahit pasaway), mga bata, matanda (na minsan mga walang pinagkatandaan).

Tayong lahat ay mga taong may mga magkakatulad na pangkaraniwang suliranin at karanasan. Mga tao. Mahalaga pa ba kung babae o lalaki?

Sana mas iangat pa natin ang ating pananaw sa buhay. Tigilan na ang feminism, manism (ano ba tawag pag sa lalaki?). Lahat tayo ay tao. Bago ang lahat, humanism muna.

7.30.2010

Sahod

This is a fun, insightful repartee with a dearie friend. I thought of posting it because of her smart analogy of payday w/ love which coincides with today's payday. Yey! :) Background is, she fell for a girl who's already in a relationship (pero nagkakalabuan na daw).

---
Df: How's the busog sa pagmamahal?

Fw:  Eto, malnourish sa pera. Hehe. Kaw? Inlababo pa rin sa kanya?

Df:  Ok lng. Ang pera ay dumadating. Tuwing akinse at katapusan. Sana ganun din ang love. Haha. Oo inlab. Ala nang sabit. Dating exclusively.

Fw:  Nice. Sya pa rin ba yan? Sans her sabit?

Df:  Yep. Same girl.

Fw:  Naks! Ikaw ang nagwagi. Congrats! Pag may tyaga, may jowa. Hehe.

Df:  Haha. Nah. They're not working out na talaga before i came into the picture. Am technically still single though.

Fw:  Emotionally, physically & sexually attached but technically single. Right. :)

Df:  Yeah. How convenient is that? Haha.

Fw:   Grabe, the dichotomy of singlehood. Enjoy! So bakit hindi mo pa sya sinasagot?

Df:  I haven't asked her pa. Am not ready yet. Or maybe am scared.

Fw: For real?

Df: Yeah. Funny or absurd?

Fw:  Interesting. Makes sense actually. She just got off from a relationship, you just got off from being a 3rd party. So I think ok to chill for now.

Df: Yeah. I thought so too. But i get restless from time to time. You know, human nature. I get too love drunk at times that i just wana ask her to make it official. Haha.

Fw: Give it time. Ganyan din ako ka-kati noon. 2wks pa lang kakabreak, new gf agad. Build & strengthen the foundation. *naks! Hanep sa payo. Hehe*

Df: Oo nga. Baka nga iba na yung dynamics kasi single na talaga sya now. We've been goin out exclusively for months now.

Fw:  Basta payong kapatid na tomboy, don't rush. Savor that stage. If you feel the need to call her your gf, use a different term (like sweet, etc) so that it's still not official. Mahirap masaktan & maginvest ng emotion. Kaya, magpakasiguro ka na. :)

Df: Haha. Salamat sa payong kaibigang  tomboy. Oo nga ate. Lol. Well andun na kami sa stage na may term of endearment na kami for each other.

Fw: Kung madali ka naman  makarecover sa pain, then go & commit. Iba iba rin naman tomboy. Assess mo ano talaga gusto mo sa relationship and sa partner para you can determine if you're ready. *yikes! Ang seryoso ko! :D*

Df: And am not getting any younger. Am kinda tired flirting and sleeping around. *is this a good problem or what?! Hehe*

Fw:  Ano ba ang makukuha mo sa committed relationship na hindi mo nakukuha sa setup nyo now? Tired maybe, but you're still young. If you're ready then take the plunge :)

Df: Demands and expectations. The us and the we. Haha!

Fw:  Hehe. Asus! Kaya mo yan! :)

---
It's not that I don't like the girl, it's just that I think dearie friend deserves someone better, hotter, less messy setup. Ok, I admit, I don't like the girl. Hehe. What I hope for my dearie friend is to commit because her whole being wants it, not just because she's feeling territorial or antsy. I know this is a contradiction from someone who's been blindly impulsive. I guess I just want my dearie friend to have it better than mine. :) Because i've  approached my sexuality blitzkrieg style, I had a lot of "oops" & bummer experiences that I hope she can  leapfrog them. Good luck to her leapfrogging though, because I'm taller than her (ergo I have longer limbs). Hehe. *peace dearie friend!* But she has fuller breasts though. I've been openly envious of her abt it. Hehe.

Anyhoo, dearie friend is very smart and just needs a smarter friend (that's me! Lol!) to put some sense to her sometimes. I recant, love, sex, relationship are not about being cerebral, so all that smarter friend can do is to provide other perspective. *i won't recant saying am the smarter friend. Hehe* I sorely miss talking to  dearie friend. =)  

Note: we have a funny prequel to this conversation. Will post it soon.

7.29.2010

Dissecting Cats

I love the artsy-fastsy world. I dunno what the hell am doing in IT. If I were to compartmentalize, IT is professional, arts (writing, films, plays, photography, etc) is personal. It seems simple. Personal makes me alive. Professional makes me survive. Why can't I make personal my profession? Am not that good in it to turn it into a profession that earns as high. Apart from MWSS, IT i think pays the most. Now, can I make professional personal? it's like saying money can buy happiness. You get the drift.  Maybe I can like it, but not love it.

Now, something personal (read: emo). I want to watch Cats musical. I secretly planned to buy tickets for me & gf and then surprise her with it. Just the thought excites me already. Then gf, out of the blue told me that her friends invited her to Cats. That their whole barkada's planning to watch MY Cats! Did a brick just fell on my head? Twas definitely an OUCH moment :( Instantly, walls rose from my feet and my defense was on its all time high. Sarcasm became my lipstick and i muttered in stoic stance, "Okaaaay... I guess maghahanap na lang ako ng kasama kong manood ng Cats." Sabay sabi nya, "Gusto mo ba manood?!" acting surprised. Dammit! Ofcourse I do! It's lea Salonga for crying out loud! And it's mighty Cats! Aargh.

Apparently, subtlety isn't one of her strong points. Her barkada (who don't know me) must have sensed their competition, for they already bought their tickets the other day. Fuck! Fine! I will find me the hottest chick to bring to Cats. Huh!

Gf said that she can just watch it again to accompany me. But she's missing the point. I don't need a chaperone. What I want is to spend our firsts together. What I want is for us to watch it the same time and be silly discussing it after as if we weren't together when we watched it.

Am saving on memories that we can withdraw when we're all wrinkled and gray. Remembering, laughing of our adventures, dates till our joints ache with arthritis. Is that too much to ask?

Sooo, anyone wants to watch Cats with me? =)

7.27.2010

Accident

Yesterday, for lack of available options, I took an ordinary bus to work (after my train ride). Not that am running late, I just hate waiting.

When i reached the office, I texted gf and she said we almost arrived to the ofc same time, she was wondering why we didn't see each other at Ayala then. Maybe next time i guess.

Work went well for a Monday. So well that I felt sinful enough to violate my zero-caffeine diet. Using the free drink stub gf gave me weeks ago, I decided to have a classic hot choco drink in the afternoon. I reasoned that at least i didn't pay for the drink.

So what's the cost of sin? No sin ever runs free. Retribution sooner or later catches up. The only thing free with sin is the free will to do it.

Gf and I had dinner before going home & discussed SONA, Ronald Singson, her badminton game & my bank errands the next day. In short, we won't see each other Tuesday. Sad.

When i reached the train platform, i was surprised to chance upon a spacious train, not so many people on rush hour? Odd. Maybe a skipping train, i surmised. I settled further inside the train, the spot that adjoins the two train coaches.

While standing, i was texting a friend about her PC woes & my technical suggestions. As we were SMS-ing, I realized that I am happy even though my life's been full of challenges. I even joked to my friend that maybe because I am masochistic. Hehe.

Right after I placed my phone back in my bag, two stations away from my stop, smile still on my face, the doorway (the spot where I flirted with a girl last week), suddenly blasted! KABOOM!!! Spurts of small fire balls with electrocuted sound forcefully puked from the door. I froze for a millisecond marvelling at the seeming fireworks display. People screamed and I got zapped back to the urgency of the moment (ala-kick in Inception terms. Hehe) and ran for safety at the far end of the train.

My biggest worry, what if there's another explosion?! I dunno anymore where I can safely go while trapped inside the train.

The guard, typical of police late reaction in movies, moved to action after people have already scrammed at both sides' end of the train. Imagine the parting of the Red Sea.

I immediately called gf and narrated the unbelievable happening. I looked at the window assessing the height we are in in case I need to jump. The train alarmingly remained locked. We can't go out. Driver & guard walking to and fro, not saying anything. After a few minutes that felt like an eternity, the guard announced that the problem has been fixed. Not bothering to explain what caused it. My best guess is he doesn't have a clue. The driver murmured something unintelligible to his microphone which ofcourse, no one understood. They didn't exert that much effort to apprise us of what happened much more assure us that it's really really safe.

Despite things being doubtfully ok, the train remained unmoving. The few minutes stretched to more minutes of being trapped, life literally on a standstill. My  life didn't flash before me as I thought one would experience on close death encounters. I just paused. Neither thinking forward nor backward. For someone who abhors waiting, I did nothing but that.

And then without adieu, train went back to life. I felt like clapping & cheering, but people around me were so serious. Probably because am at the senior citizens' side of the train. Hehe.

As we were moving, something hit me hard. Train on my way home is often jampacked and what I normally do is squeeze myself in, barely making it inside. So am usually plastered on the doorside of the train whenever I go  home. This rare night, the train was oddly less crowded that i was able to position myself in the middle side of the train cabin. OMG! Blast was at the doorside! I suddenly slumped to my seat, my energy (or what's left of it) quickly evaporating. Chill replaced my bloodflow. The image that entered my mind was scary. I quietly muttered my prayer of thanks to the omnipresent.    

So what's at the end of the tunnel? A connecting tunnel. Hehe.

I went out of the train armed with my second shot at life (my connecting tunnel hehe) to be greeted by a rowdy rain, submerging the street with its downpour. Wow! Such intensity and movement! So opposite of where I've just been. I looked down at my open-toed sandals and hesitated. I looked up to see the train where my life was earlier tested. It's my second life, no room for hesitation! And just like that, I went headstrong thru the heavy lashes of the rain, the bacteria-infested puddle and went after my jeepney ride.

Note: to all who texted/called/messaged/prayed for me - Ellen de generes, Portia de rossi, Wanda sykes, mocha uson, lizzy d' lezzy, Shane, Bette Porter, lin, EphemeralBliss, old flame, w1cked, twistedhalo, lurker - THANK YOU!!! =)
       

7.26.2010

Looking back

To some girl in the train. I actually took her pic. But after my fb pix scare, am apprehensive of posting people's pix. Here goes...

-----
Bakit ka ba tingin ng tingin? E kung patulan kaya kita? Kaya mo ba? Pwes, dahil ayaw mong tumigil ng kakasimpleng tingin, tititigan kita. O di nashock ka! May itsura ka naman. Kaso tinimbang ka ngunit kulang. Hehe.  Kung nakipagsabayan ka siguro ng tingin sa kin baka nakuha mo attention ko. Hehehe. Pag ganitong estrus ako, kung anu-anong kademonyohan ang pumapasok sa isip ko. Siguro curious ka. Ok lang, let me satisfy your curiosity. Wehehe. *So tumayo ako directly at her back close enough for her to feel my presence* O di hindi ka tuloy makalingon. Haha. Naconscious ka siguro kasi hindi ka na gumalaw. Pero dahil we're standing at the door side, we can see each other's reflection. Again, you didn't stare back. Too bad. Kung single ako, at mas hotness at daring ka pa, baka mas dumikit pa ko sa yo. At kung maaga pa, baka sinabayan kita sa pag-uwi. At lalong hindi tayo nakauwi. Lol.     

Haynako. Horny na naman ako. Asan na ba si gf.  

7.25.2010

dahil maulan ;)

7.21.2010

sequel

If edward norton had an incredible hulk moment, firewomyn had a freak out/Xena moment yesterday. while i still have hangover for the blast of a party i had last saturday, i discovered to my horror that our faces and our da moves at the dance floor were plastered all over facebook like some freebie giveaway to the world wide web!

fuuuuuccckkkerrrr!!!! kung lalaki siguro ako umakyat na ang balls ko sa leeg ko. Putanginaaa!!! who gave them the right to take our pictures? exclusive party nga e! i thought parang super secret society sya. not only did they take our pictures without permission, they even posted it in fb with public access! OMG! Hindi ako makahinga. as in panic/anxiety/allergy attack level! damay pati friends ko and si jowa na pinilit ko lang sumama. waaaahhhh! !!

i was in the office. Hindi ko alam kung ano uunahin ko, magwala o mag-meeting. i texted the organizers. even though am raging mad, i forced myself to be nice to them because I asked them to delete our pictures. baka dedmahin ako pag nabadtrip sa 'kin. so pikitmata at lunok-pride akong nakisuyo. mga tangina nyong mga paksyet kayo!!! naayos naman agad. Whew! pero fucker pa rin sila for the hell i went thru! Sana sinabi nila agad na may picturan, di sana nagdala kami ng maskara! Hindi kami prepared! @#$%^&*! sila!

7.20.2010

Promised kwento

It was late night, it was raining, we didn’t have water at home, but my hormones are tingling and my excitement unstoppable. So sugod pa rin ako sa party! Hehe. There's a new friend, an old friend (with her new gf), an old flame (a close friend whom I haven't seen for so long) and eternal flame (hehe, syempre si gf yan!).

Party started 11ish, place got brimming 12ish. We came in 10ish. Dang! OA sa aga! Halatang atat :D I was so excited to see so many female gays in one venue! When before I ogle at sporadic train/bus/street crushes, here I had a feast! =)

Place was dark with splashes of green laser light. There's a pole waiting for writhing, drunken women. And we're seated at the farthest, darkest corner. Music was upbeat and loud. Me and the gang were shouting at each other as form of kwentuhan. I think we had ear damage after because we were still shouting even after we left. Haha.

I haven't had alcohol in a loong while. I had 2 red vodka cruisers , 2 (free) tequila shots from 2 promo lassies (how can I say no when they're baring their soul with cleavage and abs to me??) and one glass of margarita .

I had enough alcohol in my blood to brave the crowd and dance the night-to-dawn away. Hehe. Music was infectious (or was I just drunk?!)! It tricked our bodies into thinking we can gyrate ala-Shakira! Wahaha. Adrenaline was spilling all over. We were dancing, jumping, shouting, laughing, hugging, kissing, staring, head banging -- in short nabaliw kami! Lol! I was soo happy I kept kissing and hugging gf (again!). I don’t think it constitutes pda this time since it was so dark. Not that gf was complaining at that time, because she also kept kissing and hugging back. Woot! Woot!

Along the way of drinking and getting wild (with gf), an old flame from way back texted me. She was going to the party also. Flashback- I met her when I was just understanding my newfound sexuality. We were very close then, until we drifted apart when I had a gf. We haven't seen each other since then, but recently reconnected online. I didn't know they were in the party already until gf told me that someone kept staring at me. I looked, and ohmygosh, old flame and her gang were seated beside our table! When I went to the restroom, she texted me if she can talk to me and followed me to the restroom. Unfortunately for her, I was back to gf's arms by the time I saw her sms. This feels like L Word. Haha. While her date was hitting the pole (her date was hot!), I introduced her to my gf and my friends. As if on cue, music went wild again and all of us started jumping once more, intoxicated, enslaved by the lead of the beat.

We left when our feet could barely walk from hitting the dance floor. We were so tipsy, we got lost in search for Starbucks. Haha. Hot drinks sobered us up and we were back to kwentuhan, catching up on each other's lives and of course more importantly, gossiping on others' lives. Lol.

ps: this kwento has a sequel.

7.18.2010

Exclusive Party

preview to the party Saturday. kwento to follow. =)


























**photo courtesy of notsobusy26

7.16.2010

X3mly Unwatchable - watch tayo! :)

Showing This Month:

"X3mly Unwatchable!!!"

 --------------------------------

Watch the unwatchable. ..

the unthinkable. ..

the unfathomable. ..

July 17, Saturday, 1pm onwards

Free Admission

 

 The Doom Generation (1995)

Directed by Gregg Araki
Produced by Andrea Spelling and Gregg Araki
Distributed by Trimark Pictures
Starring James Duval, Rose McGowan and Johnathon Schaech Running time 85 minutes

Billed as "a heterosexual movie by Gregg Araki," The Doom Generation is the director's self-styled bad-taste teen film. Amy Blue (Rose McGowan)is an obnoxious teenage speed freak and her boyfriend Jordan White(James Duval) is a passive, slow-witted poseur who won't have sex with her because he's terrified of AIDS (even though they both claim to bevirgins). One day, they run across Xavier Red (Johnathon Schaech), a charming but enigmatic drifter who has a bad habit of killing people.Joining the young couple on a seemingly endless road trip, Xavier (or"X,"as the verbally challenged Jordan insists on calling him), proves a threatening and repulsive yet strangely alluring companion whose very presence raises issues of loyalty and sexual identity. The Doom Generation is dotted with a variety of eccentric cameo appearances, including comic Margaret Cho, actress Parker Posey, musician Perry Farrell, "Hollywood Madame" Heidi Fleiss, and onetime Brady Bunch star Christopher Knight. This is the middle installment in Araki's "teen apocalypse trilogy," which also includes 1993's Totally F***ed Up and1997's Nowhere.

Nominated - 1996 Independent Spirit Awards Best Debut Performance (Rose McGowan)


 The Isle (South Korea, 2000)



Directed by Kim Ki-duk
Produced by Lee Eun
Starring Seo Jeong and Kim Yu-seok
Distributed by CJ Entertainment
Running time 90 minutes
Language Korean (with English subtitles)

Recalling both the erotic tension and the surrealist imagery of Woman of the Dunes, Kim Ki-duk's film is set near a remote lake where men come far and wide to fish on anchored rafts. Running a little bait-and- tackle shop is the earthy -- almost feral -- young lassHee-jin (Seoh Jung), who sometimes sells herself for a price to horny fishermen. On one raft is the morose youth Hyun-shik (Kim Yu-seok), who Hee-jin has quietly taken a shine to after saving him from a suicide attempt. His ham-fisted advances are rejected, but after a second try at suicide, in which he puts fishing hooks in his mouth, she nurses him back to health. Soon, a freakily-intense relationship builds between the two in which the jealous Hee-jin starts to brutally dispatch with any competition. This film was screened at the 2000 Cannes Film Festival.

Awards
2001 Brussels International Festival of Fantasy Film - Won Golden Raven (Ki-duk Kim);
2001 Cinemanila International Film Festival - Won Best Actress (Jung Suh)
2001 Fantasporto - Won International Fantasy Film Award; Best Actress(Jung Suh, International Fantasy Film Special Jury Award
(Ki-duk Kim), Nominated International Fantasy Film Award Best Film (Ki-duk Kim);
2000 Venice Film Festival - Won Netpac Award - Special Mention (Ki-duk Kim), Nominated Golden Lion (Ki-duk Kim)


Anatomy of Hell (Anatomie de l'enfer) (France, 2004)



Written and Directed by Catherine Breillat
Produced by Jean-Francois Lepetit
Starring Amira Casar and Rocco Siffredi
Distributed by Tartan USA
Running time 77 minutes
Language French (with English subtitles)

A lonely and dejected woman (Amira Casar) learns that only when all inhibitions are cast aside will she be able to truly understand the truth about how men see women in this erotically charged exploration of sexuality from controversial director Catherine Breillat. Teetering on the edge of overwhelming ennui, the woman pays a man (Rocco Siffredi) to join her for a daring, four-day exploration of sexuality in which both reject all convention and smash all boundaries while locked away from society in an isolated estate. Only when the man and woman confront the most unspeakable aspects of their sexuality will they have a pure understanding of how the sexes view one another.

Official Selection - 2004 Toronto International Film Festival
-----------------------------------

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7.14.2010

an episode with Bones

am going to sleep soundly and happy tonight. because for all the catastrophe that happened to me today and the rest of Luzon, something great happened just now. i know am not supposed to make puyat tonight so i can make up for my sleep deprivation, but my latest addiction, Bones (the series) had me watch just one more episode. and this turned out to be the most meaningful episode yet to me. it's about your one great mad love which you left behind for saner/more normal stuff only to realize so much later that amid all the experiences of  living the usual life, you still want that mad love back, and the life experiences you've had post-mad love are there not to dissuade you from it, but on the contrary, to make you understand that mad love is what your heart really longs for and the years only made you mature enough to  accept that. i can sleep now, peacefully because i just learned that the world is big enough and my heart strong enough for my great, mad love. good night! =)


ps. the episode (The Skull in the Sculpture) touched on the topic of love in the form of two women, with the murder of a male artist as backdrop ;) 

7.13.2010

Usapang PDA

Maybe it's cinemalaya, the artistic freedom atmosphere, or simple self expression, for last weekend, I can't get enough of gf and just hugged her, kissed her, pinched her, squeezed her, siksik to her - in public. I was very happy of the filmfest, being with her and seeing friends that I can't help touching her. As we were walking harbour square, I asked from nowhere, "ok ka lang ba sa PDA?". To my disbelief, she replied, "naiilang ako." UH-OH. Biglang alis ng pagkakapulupot ko sa kanya. Of course, I can't let it go just like that, so I prodded further.  

Fw: so ayaw mo *defensive mode*
gf: ang sabi ko lang, naiilang, hindi ayaw.
Fw: naiilang, discomfort, in short, ayaw. *argumentative mode*
gf: Hindi naman ayaw, hindi lang sanay, kumportable.
Fw: I see. Sige, I'll stop. *passive-aggressive mode, removing my hand from hers*

For the life of me, why would you feel discomfort with your gf touching you?! I mean isn't that what couples do?! Obviously, she's from southern Venus and am from northern Venus, thus the disconnect. Am not out, but am seldom repressed. And if I love you, desire you, my actions would reflect that like in the form of PDA. Something involuntary on my end. May gf ka nga hindi mo naman mahawakan basta basta. Tae naman o. Mahirap magpigil pag gigil na gigil. Nagrereklamo ang kaloon-looban ko.  She's not out to her friends, but she's boyish-looking, so what else is there to out?! I know, am being unreasonably selfish and narrow-minded. Inis lang ako. She's just a private person and has a great amount of self control which as you can see, I lack. Hehe. Babawian ko na lang sya sa dilim. Bwehehehe.

7.12.2010

Headache part3 - closure

With the bulk of work and tampo I have, I am already definite that I'll be on overtime Friday. So i readily texted gf that I'll be coming home late and can't determine what time I can leave the ofc. 5pm she asked what time I think I'll be done. Since I in part want to avoid her pa, told her I really dunno. She said she'll wait. 6:30pm, am still nowhere near to being done. She texted again asking if I'll soon finish. Told her again that I dunno and coaxed her to just go home already. Internally, it would further sadden me if she'll leave sans me but I don't want to demand from her. She said she'll just wait another 30min and I just SMS her then if am done or will still work some more.I calculated, she'll be waiting for a good two hours by then. I think that's making bawi big time already. I got inspired and hurriedly did my work. 7pm am close to finishing and texted her my progress to the finish line every 10min. 7:20pm, am officially leaving the ofc with some work to be continued at home. I rushed to the ground floor to meet her. She was as usual occupied with the wifi connection, downloading & whathaveyous. I looked at her from afar and noticed that she's wearing my shirt. Well, twas her shirt originally which I arbor'd from her, making it my shirt now. Hehe.

I approached her, "hey, why are you wearing my shirt?" she looked up and smiled ohsosweetly. and all the tampo of the universe melted just like that. =)

7.10.2010

CINEMALAYA na uli! =)

kalimutan na ang alitan! tayo nang magkitaan sa isang makabuluhang serye ng panoorin! obviously, am a film buff. buhay na naman ang dugo ko! yesss! last year, watched cinemalaya thru a vip card, so was able to watch as many my schedule will allow. even bought a shirt! am such a fan! yegads!

but this year, sad to say, wala na akong vip access dahil nag-iba na ng work ang frienditas ko. so tayo nang pumila at magwaldas (mura lang naman sya) at itaguyod ang local, innovative independent films!

will watch PINK HALO-HALO later at 3:30pm. then if no headache, SI TECHIE, SI TEKNOBOY AT SI JUANA B. at 6:15pm, at pag kaya pa ng mata ko, short films - HARANG, HAY PINHOD OH YA SCOOTER, LOLA, "P" & WAG KANG TITINGIN ng 9pm.

schedule here
featured films here (check the top right Featured Films)
synopsis here (just click the film titles at the left)
tv commercial here (fun-nee! portions of the award-winning flicks mixed with the award-giving bodies). world class!

7.09.2010

Headache parts1 & 2

I have a nasty headache since yesterday. Took meds, but pain goes back once the medication wears off. I asked Gf if we can have lunch in our building today so that I don’t need to walk that far, as too much movement makes me dizzy and brings back the headache. Gf reasoned that it's too far for her and she might be late back to work. Ouch!

Now it's not only my head that aches, but my heart too. =( I'm in pain, am sick and yet gf can't make a concession to walk farther than usual. Sigh.

I can't remember who suggested this, but she said we'll just see each other after office. I muttered with grave  disappointment, "okay". We didn’t see each other yesterday because of my sakit-sakitan. Today, still sick, I thought she'd be excited to see me or even take care of me because of my ill condition. But I was soo wrong. And it hurts more than anything to assume that your partner will take care of you but won't when you need her.

It hurts, and it's sad. I must as well  avoid getting sick and try my best  to not need anybody, even her. The disappointment is more killing than the pain from the sickness. I wana go home. =(

Headache part 2

Magaling na gamot pala ang heartache sa headache. Tingnan mo, nakalimutan ko na ang headache ko sa sobrang sakit ng puso ko. Kahit anong gusto kong pekein ang sigla, hindi ko talaga kayang itago. Ayokong makita ang text nya. Matagal muna bago ko gustong basahin. At pag nagreply naman ako, Yes or No lang. What else can I say to her without getting hurt? Ayoko syang makita. Buti na lang madami talaga akong work because of my absence yesterday, kaya for the first time, I'm looking forward to overtime.

Eto na naman ako nagpapakagaga sa isang babae. Kaya sa lahat ng gusto nang magcommit, pag-isipan nyo munang mabuti. Relationships are uber-rated and effort-intensive.

7.08.2010

the job interview

I haven't done job interviews in a while. Been with the same company for years. I'm what you can call a passive job hunter. Am not really actively seeking another job, but if a headhunter or a recruiter approaches me of a potential job, I'd entertain it.

The advent of LinkedIn made things easier. Sorry Jobsdb and Jobstreet, but LinkedIn is the new Facebook! :D  As Fortune magazine succinctly puts it, "If you don't have a profile on LinkedIn, you're nowhere."

LinkedIn is just publishing your professional credentials online. You can link your blog, shoutout (ala-FB), connect to your colleagues (past and present), have career recommendations from your bosses/peers, post books you've read/reading and recommend them thru mini-reviews, join a multitude of career fora and groups, etc. In a nutshell it's a professional network.

The good stuff happens when headhunters/recruiters search for candidates and contact you. What's revolutionary for me with it is that, you just sit, wait and go on with your life. Unlike before where you search for job postings, and submit your CV. Its target market are the ones like me who's not that desperate yet to search for jobs, but open to opportunities.  

With LinkedIn, I get direct interaction with the recuiters/headhunters. They contact you then send details of the opportunity, hoping to find a match and then schedule interviews.

My job interview earlier was a product of the above swift process. I met the headhunter in a coffee shop, he asked about my work, including my desired compensation. He told me about the opening, introduced (more like hard sell. hehe) the company. When I confirmed my interest, he scheduled me for the interview that was supposed to be marathon type. Yes, marathon is such a fad these days that even company processes as recruitment are fashioned the same way.

Marathon means, all the interviews will happen in one day, thus I had to take a leave from work.

Gf told me to power dress, headhunter told me to come in early. I did both and even reviewed on my technical stuff.

After waiting at the reception area for 30 nerve-wracking minutes, the HR officer came, only to have me answer a psychological test. Whatthe?!  Ohwell, I'd also like to know how my psyche measures up. I was done with the test in 5min. The HR officer re-appeared after another 20minutes. Geez! Now I know why they call it marathon. They pace things to actually complete in one day. At the rate they're going (which is below slow), I may actually be done night time. The HR officer, who looks stern pretty and a new graduate, interviewed me. Now I know this is going to be a breeze. Hehe. After we talked, she said they'll just contact me again for the next steps. WTF just happened? I complained about the disconnect, told her about the marathon thingy. Only then did she explain that the VP and Sr PM  had an emergency and flew out of the country. Neat! J-u-s-t g-r-e-a-t-. They demand me to go on a whole day leave from work, power dress, only to be interviewed by an intern-looking HR officer?! I felt insulted.

To make things worse, as the intern was escorting me back to the reception area, I saw an ex-officemate from my current work!  Who as it turned out, works there already. Of all the place! Aaargh! I had to do damage control and did something unnatural from me - I made chika to her (we didn't talk in our ofc then).

I doubt if she'll keep her mouth shut, but at least I tried. I texted the recruiter and complained about the non-marathon interview. He called, apologetic and explained the same thing the intern-looking HR officer told me. To make amends, the next interview (because I passed the HR interview *yahoo!*) can be done thru phone. Fine. Fair enough. I passed. Yey! =)


thanks for all those who wished me luck! :)

sakit-sakitan














Wednesday
Aaaarghhhh! @#$%^&* Galit ako sa big boss #1 kong walang awa. Dami daming pinapagawa kala mo wala nang bukas. Tapos, kahit anong organize ko ng schedule ko, pag may sinabi sya, kait hindi masyado urgent, dapat unahin! Kaya naman thanks to her, tumatambak na labada ang work backlog ko. Kala mo trabaho lang ang buhay ko. Sana maisip nya na normal akong tao, na may personal life at love life (naks!) na dapat alagaan at bigyan din ng oras. Hindi sa lahat ng pagkakataon ay maiintindihan ni jowa kung bakit mas madalas nauuna ang trabaho kesa relasyon namin.

Thursday
Dahil dyan, may sakit-sakitan ako today. Hehe. Filed for sick leave because am a little sick (nasty headache) and also because I have job interview later. :) I used to feel guilty about being absent for work to seek other employment. But since am treated like crap, I feel it's my moral obligation to myself to give it the best employment condition available. So I think it's just fair. Wish me luck! =)

7.06.2010

Serendipity





















Kaya pala naisipan ko maglipstick sa bus kanina, masasalubong ko pala si gf sa makati underpass stairs. Hehe. Pababa ako, paakyat sya. Pinagtagpo talaga kami ng tadhana. Hay ang romantic naman ng eksena namin. . :) *Tuesday mush*

When I reached the ofc, she sent me an SMS, "angat na angat ka sa crowd, kita agad kita." Awww. Tamo tong babaeng to, syota na nga nya ko binobola pa ko. At syempre, bentang benta naman sa kin ang pambobola ni gf. Hihihi.

We didn't see each other yesterday because i had lunch errands and I worked overtime. So when she said she'll go ahead, my SMS to her was, "it's ok because I'll have more reason to miss you." hehehe. Pakornihan talaga labanan pag inlababo. Haha.

7.04.2010

odd chance

i just attended a funeral with my family to a neighbor. i haven't gone to  funeral in a loong while. last time i saw this guy was in a christening two years ago where we were both godparents so he's my kumpare.  last time he talked to me was when he asked for my phone number at the reception then (which i didn't give). he's married. and i'm already gay then.

he's been dead days ago. whenever i go home and pass by their house, it feels odd to see the big tarp bearing the same face i last saw couple of  years ago. i learned from his mom that he was diagnosed with cancer two years ago. gulp. he's been treated with chemo, herbal stuff, surgery and managed to stretch his six months to two years more of life. his cancer also managed to transport from the lungs to his brain. pneumonia ultimately killed him.

it's odd to me that he got lung cancer at stage three when he's an occasional smoker only (at least that's what the mom told us). maybe due to passive smoking?

it's odd that i feel some kind of loss when i avoided him for years. i guess knowing there's no more chance left to see him made me miss him?

with all of these odd stuff happening, a crazy thought managed to pop from my head. what if we treat living as our second one already? like we were dead to begin with and just had our second chance to life. would we live fuller with less regret, taking nothing and no one for granted?

Eiga Sai 2010! :)

Shiawase desu! (幸せです - I am happy)


FREE film festival of contemporary  and animated japanese films (with subtitles of course)! Yey!

Eiga Sai (which literally means ‘film festival) is an annual film festival that features contemporary and animated films to showcases the Japanese arts & culture. Goal is for Filipinos to understand and appreciate their unique culture.

it is ongoing in Shangri-La Plaza, to be shown next in Gaisano South City Mall, Davao, Ayala Center Cinema 4, Cebu, and last in UP Film Insitute. see schedule at the bottom.


just a tip, you know how free stuff works, the line and waiting can be long. so be there early to get tickets, buy food, then line up. eat, kwento, bring cards/board games to entertain yourselves while waiting in line. am sure you're creative enough to make the waiting fun :) 

Will watch next weekend. 'Hope to see you there!  =)

























Complete EIGA SAI 2010 Screening Schedule - click here

The full Eiga Sai flyer (with synopses of the films)- click here


A Guide to Eiga Sai 2010 (themes, sequence, etc) - click here
 

Exclusice Party

7.03.2010

shirt tale

my latest shirt. am soo happy with it, i wanted to share it. =)
i love shirts. i own a lot of unique/interesting design shirts. i once planned to have a shirt biz. i already have the content, but couldn't find a good designer to translate my content to design. so am still stuck to buying shirts. i only purchase below P500 shirts. this one is less P300. i got lucky with it. :)

i'm not particular with brand, anything that looks nice on me, interesting for me, with good quality material and of course affordable, fits the bill. hehe.

sana dinugtungan pa ang shirt statement ng "na mahilig sa pilipina." haha. wishing! good night! :)

7.02.2010

Parteh!




















When:
Saturday, July 3, 2010 at 9:00pm

Location:
Tomato Bomb!

No 63-B, XAVIERVILLE AVENUE, Loyola Heights



 An Androgynous Drag King and Queen Event.

Come dressed in drag or your best androgynous look and get a chance to win fabulous prizes!

Tickets at P150 ~ will entitle the holder to get a chance to join the contest, raffles and games.


Whether you're Gay, Lesbian, Trans-gender, Bisexual or Straight just come in and enjoy the party and celebrate diversity on this epic night!

With Cl♀set's LGBT merchandise available for grabs!

Performances by the ESCAPE THE C and Dance Pinoy!!
Together with the STORM TROOPER, SZPHELL and Lady Melon!
Introducing the Pinoy HipHoppaz Org.

More surprises at the Party! See you there!

Located at Tomato Bomb the event starts at 9pm on July 3!

Links:
Cl♀set FB Pagehttp://www.facebook.com/closetonline

Doing the right thing

No wonder Google is the company most people would want to work for! =) Hooray to Google! :)

--------

Google Will Cover LGBT Partner Health Benefits

In something of a groundbreaking move, Google is giving its employees in same-sex relationships extra cash to cover their partners’ health benefits.Currently, when receiving partner health care coverage, same-sex domestic partners are subject to an extra tax that straight, married couples don’t have to pay. Google is taking the burden of paying this tax on itself by compensating partnered LGBT employees for the amount of the tax, which comes to a bit more than $1,000 each year.

This benefit will also cover any dependents of the partner in the same-sex couple. This is a smart move for Google, and here’s why.

This company has to share the local pool of talent with a huge number of technology companies in Silicon Valley, from well-established tech giants like Microsoft to startups who’d like nothing better than to nab a Google engineer as their CTO. By offering this benefit, Google is making a direct bid for LGBT talent. In the Bay Area, this is undoubtedly wise.

Google is well known for its employee benefits. The company is famous for its free gourmet lunches, dinners and snacks for employees. And there are on-campus doctors, masseuses and fitness instructors, too.

When it comes to starting a family, Google is also good to its staff. The company gives Googlers a 5-month parental leave option for new moms and seven weeks of paid leave for non-primary caregivers. These leave parameters also apply to parents who adopt — and Google will help out with adoption fees to the tune of $5,000. You can expense up to $500 of take-out or delivery food while you’re at home with your new little one, and when you’re back at work, Google can help out with emergency childcare up to five days a year. These benefits apply to all parents, regardless of gender or marital status.

Laszlo Bock is Google’s vice president for people operations, known in other circles as “human resources.” He told The New York Times today that the company had considered the tax on same-sex couples along with other issues, such as including domestic partners in its family leave policy.
We said, ‘You’re right, that doesn’t seem fair, so we looked into it,” he said. “From that initial suggestion, we said, let’s take a look at all the benefits we offer and see if we are being truly fair across the board

“It will cost some money, but it was more about doing the right thing.”

 source: http://mashable.com/2010/07/01/google-lgbt-health/


 

Ka-Lola-han

Two weeks na kong pinitpit na luya at bawang sa lrt. Nakakapasok ako sa loob ala-mosh pit pero patayo. Kung meron mang train crush sa loob ng siksikan, hindi ko na makita kasi ni leeg hindi ko magalaw without accidentally kissing someone. So after two weeks, at a few harrassments, nakaupo din ako sa wakas! Yes! Finally! Nakatsamba din!

Prente na kong nakaupo nang ang second batch ng nakapasok sa tren ay tumambad sa akin. Ohmother! I groaned. A Lola got jostled near my seat. Ansarap na ng upo ko e. Putakte naman o! Hay, bakit ba ko pinanganak na gentlewomyn? Ninamnam pa ng pwet at likod ko ang a few seconds na pagkakaupo. Tumayo at inoffer ang coveted seat ko. Kaso mo, si Lola, makipot pa sa iskinita sa Tondo sa pagpapakipot! Wag na daw. Aba! mapride si Lola! Syempre nakipagpilitan pa ko ng onti. Pati kasama nya sinasabihan na rin sya. Kaso si Lola pa rin ang nasunod as always. So balik ako sa prenteng upo at madali naman ako kausap. Hehe. Magiliw ko na Lang na biniro si Lola, "naks! Kaya pa ni Lola! Malakas pa! Astig! :)". Naki-oo na rin ang kasama nya. Bumaba sila sa Carriedo, malamang magsisimba sa Quiapo or titingin ng class-A swarovski accessories or bibili ng mga pirated dvds. Hehe. Ingat po kayo! :)





















Personal note: wala na kong lolo at Lola on both my parents' sides. Mga maaagang lumarga para magballroom sa langit. Kaya madalas, nakiki-Lola ako sa iba. Kung papipiliin ako, mas malapit ang puso ko sa mga lola/lolo kaysa sa bata. Mas gusto ko sila alagaan. Hindi ako madidiring yakapin sila at matiyaga akong makikinig sa kwento nilang paulit-ulit. Alam ko signs ito ng Lola deprivation. Nakakalungkot lang. Kasi magulang ng tatay ko, bata pa sya ng mamatay, tatay naman ng mama ko, baby pa sya ng mamatay, tapos ang Lola ko kay mama, tsinugi ng sakit sa sobrang sipag. Kaya bata pa lang ako, ulila na sa lolo at lola. Pag yumaman na ko, tutulong ako sa nga homes for the aged para maging mas maayos ang kalagayan nila. Kung kinakailangan ng production number to entertain them, iaachieve ko yan! Hehe. This means, kailangan ko nang yumaman! Now na! =)  

7.01.2010

grrl interrupted




















big boss #1 is in the office, but doesn't seem to know i exist. big boss #2 was absent today, big boss #3 is out as well (yes, i have 3 big bosses, so matrix of an organization). i jokingly emailed gf that fresh from the inauguration fever, i am today's commander in chief at our team. hehe.i said to myself, finally some peace and quiet with no almighty breathing at my neck.

was meaning to blog something different tonight. but my boss #2 had me babysit her project today on top of my two other projects plus a training i need to conduct same day. she's online, so she kept firing orders at me via IM. as if that's not enough load for the day, she also requested that i send a mega-report consolidating all the projects metrics and updates (with dependencies on other teams).

wtf is she thinking? i know i'm good, but i'm not superwomyn good! PLUS, am only getting paid half from what she's getting, so why is she making me do her effin job and also bent on making a slave out of me?? aargh!

anyhoo, because am pissed, i objected about the report because it doesn't make sense to me. analysis-wise, it's not time-based, thus in my mind, they can't do multi-dimensional data analysis from it. i didn't get any email reply anymore.

on my way home, she sent an sms saying she can call me to explain what she needs. fucker! the hell she will. i dedma'd the sms and ranted about it to gf. gf was sensitive enough to treat me for dinner and gave me my fave strawberry milk shake. =)

after resting a bit at home (this time i did not hugas the pinggan), against my will, i did the freakin-doesn't make sense-report. i actually just finished. hay. and i don't feel good being a sell out for doing something against my better judgment. the corporate world does have a knack for obliterating one's ideals somehow.

minutes later, she replied saying it's a good report. duh?! i think she's saying it's good because she got what she wanted. but i earnestly think her boss, big boss #0 in US will just dismiss it because it doesn't answer what i think he needs.

i hate them because they're inconsiderate. they say good work is paid with -- more work! yikes! and she'll still be out till tomorrow. i'm deep in the pit. haay. so the life of a lowly office slave continues tomorrow.  hayy uli.