9.10.2010

Awful. Headache.

I have awful headache that i feel like vomiting. Household was noisy. Told them to quiet down or just get out of the house because my head's exploding. Tatay arrived, drunk. He suddenly went amuck and threw the house stuff, anything his hands can get onto. Remnants are broken furniture/appliances, shards of glass, shaken emotions and shattered peace. I think I'm gay bec I hate my father so much, I hate everything that he represents.

All I wanted was some peace and quiet. By the time he was done, everything's finally quiet, but the turmoil inside continued.


A friend asked, "How old is your father?". I said, "Old enough to die.". I know it's mean, but that was the first thought that entered my mind as answer to her question.

Another friend said, "Iikot din ang mundo.". I retorted, "Ang tagal naman umikot.".

I said to myself, "I've been raised with household violence, how come I still am not used to it?".

Somebody inquired, "Did you talk to him, asked why?". I explained with exasperation, "There's no use talking to a man who is uneducated and unreasonable. Strategy has always been avoid than be hurt with his hurling.".

The first piece of advice I got, "Sleep off the headache.". I did the moment my nose cleared and my chest loosened up.  Woke up 3am and it's gone. The other "headache", unfortunately, is still in the house, sleeping, dead to the world. *pun intended*

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

parang sa pelikula lng.. tsk tsk :( God bless po. i'm actually lost for words... -w1cked

firewomyn said...

@w1cked - films are based on real lives with a touch of imagination.:)

Anonymous said...

you're entitled to get angry, pour it out. :) it won't make you a villain if you hate your father for what he did. you're just reacting to a stimulus.. -w1cked

Anonymous said...

"I think I'm gay bec I hate my father so much, I hate everything that he represents."

Minsan ganito din ang iniisip ko. Most of my lesbian friends have issues with their dads. Parang gusto ko tuloy gawan ng scientific investigation to substantiate Adler's proposition that the development of a lesbian lifestyle is based on the resentment of men rather than affirmation of women.

-PaperClip

borderlineunfriendly said...

First off, I am opinionated, okay?

Second, ito ang opinion ko sa domestic violence: no one should get used to it. It is not something to get used to. In fact, it shouldn't be tolerated.

Third, your father have some issues, he is a product of his environment (thus his being "uneducated", being "unreasonable") but it is no excuse; there is no excuse for creating an environment of fear.

Fourth, get out of that situation, the soonest that you can and are able.

G said...

*hugs*

firewomyn said...

@w1cked - thanks for understanding :)

@PaperClip - first off, welcome to my mad world, it's the first time i saw your nick comment. Moving on, am not familiar w/ Adler's proposition. I think it is not one reason, but a multitude of factors and it's a case to case thing that it's hard to generalize. Thanks for the info, I might check it out further. Btw, my gf has a wonderf dad whom she loves so much. So it's un-Adler for her case. :)

@BorderlineUnfriendly - you are so right! Thanks for the perspective w/c is at times to achiee of you're in the situation. I plan to leave the soonest that I can financially can. Hopefully sometime next year. :)

@G - thanks *hugs back*