9.12.2010

Deprived

Sometimes I wish my life is that of another, specially those who have what i wanted but eluded me. Am envious like that. I have for the longest time believed that I've been deprived.  Growing up in the slums, constantly  financially challenged, problematic family, never been out of the country, can't take post-grad, late bloomer gay, the list goes on. 

But after considering all that I've been exposed to, i think deprivation roots from feeling entitled. Feeling entitled for me is a lazy way of approaching life. That you're supposed to have the things you wanted to begin with, thus the feeling of deprivation. I think life to begin with is the opposite of entitlement. We're born with nothing but our bodies. We desire/need things, seek for them (the speed that which they're achieved varies though), get them (hard earned or with little effort, but never effortless) or don't get them (for whatever reason). 

So instead of blaming my parents or fate for that matter on why I don't have the things I want to have, I think I'll do a paradigm shift and just work on getting what I want, not belaboring on why it wasn't provided to me in the first place. It will remove the resentment in me which I've nurtured for a very long time.   

The bigger sin to myself is not thinking that I've been deprived, but shortchanging myself, because I did not explore the opportunities that's out there.

Now that am a ton lighter because of the removed deprivation issue and the resentment that went with it, I will now stop 'wishing' and just focus on getting the life that I've always wanted. Cheers! =) 

ps: don't be surprised if I just grab you one day :)        

7 comments:

borderlineunfriendly said...

Atta go girl! :)

firewomyn said...

@BorderlineUnfriendly - thanks missy :)

Anonymous said...

you're on the right track now.. God bless! -w1cked

scout said...

coming from the same background, i agree. our limits are often those we impose on ourselves. time to smash the imaginary glass ceiling and turn our dreams into reality. :)

Anonymous said...

that's the fiery attitude!

-p1nay

... said...

i used to blame my dad for almost everything bollocks in my life. :p we don't talk much even today but it does feel lighter now that i've chosen to drop all the arguments and let him be and just work hard.

* * *

on another note, late bloomer gay cracked me up a bit. i came out 6 months before graduating college. :p

firewomyn said...

@w1cked - i very well hope so :)

@scout - i like that verb, smash! powerful! :) thanks friend :)

@p1nay - yeah, kinda missed that part of me. thanks for the support :) *hugs*

@... - come to think of it, yeah, being late bloomer feels kinda deprived. so i have a LOT of catching up to do! lol! lucky you for being out! :) cheers!