the tale of going home early

maaga ako pumasok sa office. syempre, gusto ko maaga din umuwi. i came in 45min earlier, cut short my lunch break by 30min, took dynamo vits to pump me for a grueling monday. ate my breakfast while working, as in rice and ulam ha. hehe. soo construction worker of me. i did my pareto list (Pareto principle: focusng on the top 20% of the causes will fix 80% of the problems) so that i expend effort on where it's most needed. needless to say, i'm all geared up to go home early. target: 5:30pm.

i can stand tons of work except for two things: long meetings (anything beyond 30min) and menial/manual work.

for the most part i feel meetings beyond 30min is a waste of my valuable time. so i always bring my planner/notebook, fake attention and do work while in a meeting. before, i bring my laptop but others get bothered by it or was i too obvious in doing something else then? anyhoo, notebook/planner is more discreet. i attempted in the past to put order in the meeting i attend by asking for an agenda and butting in if people digress. but that show of aggression/assertion earned me the ire of the almighty bosses. so i kept it to myself. later they brought it up to me that i don't speak that much in meetings anymore. so i said, there is nothing to say, there's no agenda, many topics don't concern me. my boss said, if i want order in meetings, i can gather the topics and come up with the agenda. yeah right! your idea, your work! that's how it freakin operates. i did that but people always say they don't have anything new to raise, come meetings, topics just mushroomed as if somebody peed on the carpet. fast forward, i stopped caring. i'm in it for the money and i make sure my ass is covered.

menial work. coming from a web development background, i was appalled to learn that people in the office live by thru excel formulas and macros. wtf?! is this the roaring 90s? geez. i mean, there are far more sophisticated ways to do things. the other side of it is that i know no excel macros. never found the need to do so when i have the web server and visual studio at my fingertips. but as devolution goes, i had to retro-adapt. those excel spreadsheets are connected to another manual hell, portal with excel-looking tables (sharepoint sites) that crawls the pace of snail.

i get bitch fits every time network is slow, because i get suffocated with slow connection. i think i can really have hypertension attack caused not by slow oxygen flow in the brain, but due to slow network bandwidth to my laptop.

we have this tool in the office. it would have been grand if it automated atleast 50% of the work, but it only did 20% i think. so at the end of the day, my fingers crackle due to too much typing/clicks out of agonizing labor.

those two things weaken me. so i would avoid them if i can. for today though, no escape. i had two meetings that started late. grrr! while i plan my day carefully, others don't. not only were they late, meetings went overtime. the big boss doing her usual rants and usual monologue of woes. as if i care or even listening.

no use bitching about the things i can't control so i just let my pareto list lead my day. salvation. :)

brownout happened around 4pm, not perturbed was almost done by then. and was just waiting for updates from other people for my status reports. however dependencies limit my actions and 5:30 became 6pm. not bad still.

i went out of the building with the sun still out. it felt like eye-squinting brightness. i imagine my skin would burn ala-vamp. everything felt surreal. surreal, but happy. honest day's work completed as planned.

hey, i can get used to this. :)

G2G Speed Dating

finally, another speed dating event. yipee! :) fun fun!

i was able to watch a speed dating already, i think last year at QC, organized by sms30event. when i say watch, it's because i was just part of the audience having free cocktails and not a participant in the speed dating.

what's interesting there was that it's a multicultural, multi-industry mix. there's gaby dela merced(F3 racecar driver), chef ginny villar with partner beth angsioco (women's rights activist), female foreigners from the govt embassy as one of the organizers/friends of the organizers i think. venue was in the beautiful Adarna resto along Kalayaan.

most of the speed dating participants then were butch. this time i hope it will be more diverse. a friend of mine is joining. i want to also! not that i'm single, but just to meet & know new people. if not, hope they allow just onlookers. :) see you there! :)

shooting spree

been feeling this way for days. dreary & empty. if i didn't have to go to work, i would have sat beside him and placed my arm on his. misery loves company.

chanced upon this guy on my way to the train.



but then saw this at the Makati underpass en route to my office. that part of the phrase just stared at me and i had to stop.

which is the universal panacea to life - reason or love?

Love Pole - an artistic experience

For those who missed the Love Pole show, I'm sharing the videos I took. Twas one great artistic experience, truly impressive and a first for me.

While I admit that it also inspired a gush of sexual emotions, their version of pole dancing is an elevated form for me based from the mediocre pole shows I've seen. Kudos to PoleCats! :)

Pardon the slightly blurred recording as my phone was lowbatt already when I started recording the show. Enjoy!

My top 3 performances:

1. PoleCats students


2. solo performance by Margaret - most lean (with ripped legs and abs to boot) performer. She's a star!


3. Girl vs Girl (GVG) - bravo!



The rest of the artistic pole dances:










Can't get enough of them?
Catch GirlVSGirl on www.facebook.com/girlvsgirl and www.facebook.com/polecatsmanila. Contact 0917-5356237 or call the Movement Dance Studio (Ortigas 9448075/4744283, and Makati 3926220) for details. They offer dance classes. I'm seriously considering it, maybe after I've toned down a bit. :)

food for thought

fruits are not just juicy, thought provoking too! :) enjoy! :D

Train Crush

I overslept this morning and was rushing to the train. Had to squeeze myself in and just stood the whole time of the ride. And from this, I discovered the joy of the train ride thru this pretty cool grrrl. :)

i'm soo digging the hair, the face with her beautiful profile and svelte figure. sigh. if only the ride would go on. from where she alighted, i figured she's a college student.

to pretty, cool grrl - please don't think i'm stalking you. you just stood out from the crowd and i wasn't able to help myself from staring (thru my phone) and had to capture that whimsical moment.


*click the pic for the full image*

Womyn on pole ;)

we've always been fascinated with womyn and seeing them romance the pole is one imagery sure to ignite us. so for more fire, here's something exciting, something with womyn, and something FREE!!! see you!




------------------
Girl on girl action-on a pole
By Bianca Consunji

Philippine Daily Inquirer
DateFirst Posted 22:05:00 02/16/2010





This unique tandem is getting more people interested in the dance-exercise

ON A DARK, SILENT STAGE, TWO women walk to a silver pole. Faint strains of piped-in music play, and a spotlight snaps on to reveal both of them on the pole—blindfolded.

The audience, initially stunned, breaks into applause and scattered hoots of support.

The music goes on, and Christina Dy and Mirell Macalinao—the faces behind the otherwise tantalizing stage team name of GirlVSGirl (GVG), arguably one of Manila’s most popular pole acts—begin a series of surprising acts on a pole. They clamber up the pole, spin around it, balance on each other, turn upside down: It seems there is nothing they can’t do on that unyielding piece of metal.

But make no mistake; this is no sleazy bar act. In fact, by day, Dy and Macalinao aren’t even professional dancers.

The 33-year-old Dy is an acclaimed visual artist whose charcoal sketches regularly grace the walls of the Silverlens Lab (she is also one of CCP’s 2009 Thirteen Artists awardees). Macalinao, 29, meanwhile, is a bank employee.

But to other people, they’re pole dance rock stars whose performances are a staple at places such as Mag:Net, Saguijo and fitness/beauty events.


Unremarkable start

However, they didn’t grow up dancing on every available pole they saw. In fact, Dy insists her first few sessions as a student were unremarkable.

“Mich Dulce brought me, and I was hooked!” she recalls. “I was the worst student but I was challenged. Pole dancing had a lot of possibilities.”

Dy and Macalinao met at Movement Dance Studio, where they took lessons under Ed Aniel, who is credited with popularizing pole dancing in the Philippines (he currently runs the Pole Dance Academy at the Clara Ramona Studio).

“CD and I became friends because we both enjoyed practicing long hours together at the studio, even beyond class hours,” Macalinao says. “Later on, as I learned more and more new stuff from CD, this inspired me to continue on practicing to improve and keep up. All those hours together led to GVG.”

Dy adds, “Eventually our class got dissolved, so I asked Mirell, ‘OK, what can we do with just the two of us?’”

While they learned the basics from Aniel, they eventually started looking online for more sources of inspiration.

“We learned 99 percent of our tricks from YouTube,” Dy says. “Yes, really!” (So don’t be put off by those videos of people falling from the top of the pole—with practice and supervision, it can be prevented).

Right name

And of course, there was a matter of finding the right name for their new tandem. Dy credits the name to her friend Mihk Vergara, who also came up with the name of the pole group she founded, the Polecats.

“I love the name,” she says. “We were chatting, and I said I wanted a cool name that’s easy to remember. And, voila!”

It goes without saying that two barely dressed, hot women who can perform gymnastic feats on a pole (occasionally blindfolded) get a lot of attention, sometimes unwanted.

“Most people’s reactions are very encouraging. They clap and ‘ooh’ and ‘aah’ at the right moments,” Dy shares. “I’ve gotten a lot of students—and a lot of free drinks!—after they’ve seen us perform.”

But “there are some who are quite rude; some shout ‘MOMOL [make out make out] na lang! Laplapan na lang!’ It’s annoying, but, well, not everyone’s educated enough to appreciate the artistry of it all. We don’t let those stop us from performing.”

Macalinao says, “Some express amazement at the tricks. I let them know that this stuff can be learned by anyone willing to work hard.”

Imperfect moments

Like any co-workers, the two also have their less-than-perfect moments, but make it a point to not let it affect their performance onstage. (It’s difficult to not trust the person with you if you’re holding on to that other person for dear life while clinging to a pole.)

Dy shares, “Usually, Mirell and I talk to each other while performing. I usually say what trick we’re going to do next. Once, Mirell said no. And we were arguing and fighting while performing! Hindi naman halata from the video, thank goodness.”

Of course, the question many potential pole dancers want answered is: Have they suffered from any serious injuries?

“In one trick, with CD balanced on my legs and me holding on to the pole carrying both our weights, I was supposed to slide slowly down,” Macalinao said. “But my hands were so sticky, they wouldn’t budge at all! It was so heavy and I wanted to let go so badly, but I couldn’t because we’d both crash to the floor. I panicked and shouted for CD to get off. Before that time, my fear had always been that my grip would slip and we’d crash. It never occurred to me to worry about getting my grip ‘stuck’ on the pole.”

But other than that, the two agree the risks in pole dancing are exaggerated by YouTube videos of falling dancers.

“We’re still both in one piece!” Dy declares. “We’ve both fallen during performances, but we’re still alive and dancing.”

Even a sprained wrist or two won’t stop the women of GirlVSGirl from dancing.

“Pole dancing makes me strong, it helps me lead a healthy lifestyle,” Dy says. “It allows me to express myself in an altogether different way from drawing. And since I started teaching, it has been a venue to help other women [and men] feel that extraordinary sense of self as well.”

Macalinao adds, “Pole dancing is a challenge. I enjoy working on pole tricks and I love the feeling of finally getting a beautiful pose right. Also, it reassures me to know, from experience, that every day, every hour and every minute of practice always leads to some progress.”

Catch GirlVSGirl on www.facebook.com/girlvsgirl and www.facebook.com/polecatsmanila. Contact 0917-5356237 or call the Movement Dance Studio (Ortigas 9448075/4744283, and Makati 3926220) for details.

E-mail the author at biancaconsunji@yahoo.com.

source: inquirer.net

Beyond VDay

The article below was sent to me by a friend. It tries to explain the science why relationships plateau in time. While it is true that dynamics shift from fucking like rabbits to sometimes nothing, it just underscores that relationship make up is not just love, attraction, sex. We can all have relationships with just one of those three things. I know I dive head on in relationships not even examining if it's love. But to me, relationship is not about any of those three, it is about commitment. Having the three would surely help keep the commitment, but they are not the holy trinity of relationships. This entry may be anti-Vday to some, that's why I'm posting it almost end of VDay so that we can re-assess after all the sweat, fluids, screams, words, emotions, and yes, money (and what have yous) have been released on this specific day.

------------------------------

Sex chemistry 'lasts two years'

Couples should not worry when the first flush of passion dims - scientists have identified the hormone changes which cause the switch from lust to cuddles.

A team from the University of Pisa in Italy found the bodily chemistry which makes people sexually attractive to new partners lasts, at most, two years.

When couples move into a "stable relationship" phase, other hormones take over, Chemistry World reports.

But one psychologist warned the hormone shift is wrongly seen as negative.

Dr Petra Boynton, of the British Psychological Society, said there was a danger people might feel they should take hormone supplements to make them feel the initial rush of lust once more.

'Not ever-lasting'

The Italian researchers tested the levels of the hormones called neutrophins in the blood of volunteers who were rated on a passionate love scale.


It is suggesting that what happens first is the best bit - and that isn't true
Dr Petra Boynton, British Psychological Society

Levels of these chemical messengers were much higher in those who were in the early stages of romance.

Testosterone was also found to increase in love-struck women, but to reduce in men when they are in love.

But in people who had been with their partners for between one and two years these so-called "love molecules" had gone, even though the relationship had survived.

The scientists found that the lust molecule was replaced by the so-called "cuddle hormone" - oxytocin - in couples who had been together for several years.

Oxytocin, is a chemical that induces labour and milk-production in new and pregnant mothers.

Donatella Marazziti, who led the research team, said: "If lovers swear their feelings to be ever-lasting, the hormones tell a different story."

Similar research conducted by Enzo Emanuele at the University of Pavia found that levels of a chemical messenger called nerve growth factor (NGF) increased with romantic intensity.

After one to two years, NGF levels had reduced to normal.

'Real Cupid's arrows'


The researchers said: "Whether more nerve growth is needed in the early stage of romance because of all the new experiences that are engraved into the brain, or whether it has a second, as yet unknown function in the chemistry of love, remains to be explored."

Michael Gross, a bio-chemist and science writer who has studied the latest findings, said: "It shows that different hormones are present in the blood when people are acutely in love while there is no evidence of the same hormones in people who have been in a stable relationship for many years.

"In fact the love molecules can disappear as early as 12 months after a relationship has started to be replaced by another chemical glue that keeps couples together."

He added: "To any romantically inclined chemist, it should be deeply satisfying to be able to prove that chemical messengers communicate romantic feeling between humans."

"It may be the only thing that science can offer as a real-world analogy to Cupid's arrows."

But Dr Boynton said: "This feeds into a 1970s view that when you meet it's all sparky, and then it's a downward trajectory to cuddles - which is seen as a negative.

"It is suggesting that what happens first is the best bit - and that isn't true."

She added: "I'm concerned that, having identified these hormones, there will be some move to suggest replacements to recreate the early passion."

------
Source : BBC news

In sickness and in health

I got sick last week. Had fears. Worried sick (redundant. Haha). Totally unnecessary, not helpful. Was exhausted and weak all over. Okay, it's just a freaking flu, but senseless worry and exaggerated drama made it feel carcinogenic. Overacting aside, supportive social system managed to take me out of that malady-rama.

Doctors have the power to hurt us and break our spirits. But we also have the innate weapon to counter that sans a medical degree. I dare call it faith. That mindset that things will be all right no matter how bad this doctor makes it sound or how awful our mind can magnify it as we grapple for our mortality.

I wonder why when we get sick, though physiological, the first thing it hits is our emotion. Our chests run amuck with anguish and negativity on the whys and how unfair life is of which no drug can ease.

Suddenly, the work we've been prioritizing for years where we mindlessly waste our bodies for doesn't seem that urgent or more important anymore. Wakeup call? More like waking from a bad case of hangover that will stick until ill. Ugh. Not good.

The best doctors I had last week were not in white coats but with true blue affection for me - my family, SO and my select friends. They didn't tire slapping me to logic and out of my over-top feeling of self-pity. Good thing was really week then thus didn't have the energy to slap back. Hehe. My turn will come when they too get sick. Huh! :D

Seriously though, I'm soo happy to finally be well. Well enough to at least write a few stuff. Tee hee. Thanks for all who wished me well. :)

Mor(t)al lessons:

1. Don't get sick when you have no one to pour your nonsense to.
2. Sickness starts with the mind, then the rest will follow.
3. To be weak is normal, to be sick - that's our fault

Let's Drive!

While we're at the lez music topic these days and because V Day is just a few weeks away, let's raise the temperature higher. let's sizzle baby! hehe.

here's a sample of what a lesbian song is - no hesitation, no undertones. it's raw, it's intense!

introducing, gay singer/songriter Melissa Ferrick, with her song Drive.



Video:



**yep, it's kate moss on pole. yeah, ohmyfuckingosh! :D


-----------
DRIVE
by melissa ferrick

If you want this
if you want this
if you want this, you’re gonna have to ask
nicely please
yeah if you want this
you’re gonna have to ask me
you’re gonna have to ask me

Whatever you want
I’ll give it to you
I’ll give it to you slowly
‘till you’re just begging me to hold you
ya whatever you want
whatever you want
but you’re gonna have to ask me

Your mouth waters
stretched out on my bed
your fingers are trembling
and your heart is heavy and red
and your head is bent back
and your back is arched
my hand is under there
holding you up

I’ll hold you up
and drive you all night
I’ll hold you up
and drive you baby ‘till you feel the daylight
I’ll hold you up
and drive you all night
I’ll hold you up
and drive you ‘till you feel the daylight
that’s right
that’s right

In the kitchen
in the shower
and in the back seat of my car
I’ll hold you up
in your office
preferably during business hours
‘cause you know how I like it when there’s people around
and I know how you like it
yeah I know how you like it
I know how you like it when I tease you for hours

Your mouth waters
stretched out on my bed
your fingers are trembling
and your heart is heavy and red
and your head is bent back
and your back is arched
and my hand is under there
holding you up

I’ll hold you up
and drive you all night
I’ll hold you up
and drive you baby ‘till you feel the daylight
I’ll hold you up
and drive you all night
I’ll hold you up
and drive you ‘till you feel the daylight
oh and this has just begun

Yeah this has just begun
because we haven’t even gotten started yet
I haven’t even
I haven’t even tied you up
I haven’t even turned you over
this is where I want to live
right here between your hips
where all the love you hold and hide
it’s where it lives
right here between your hips
this is where I want to live
it’s where all the love you give exists

Your mouth waters
stretched out on my bed
your fingers are trembling
and your heart is heavy and red
your head is bent back
your back is arched
my hand is under there
holding you up

I’ll hold you up
and drive you all night
I’ll hold you up
and drive you baby ‘till you feel the daylight
I’ll hold you up
and drive you all night
I’ll hold you up
and drive you baby ‘’till you feel the daylight
that’s right
yeah
that’s right
that’s right
that’s right
I’ll hold you up
that’s right
that’s right
I’ll drive you all night

I Kissed a Girl - lez version

i keep hearing this song and admittedly likes the catchy tune. however, if we listen to it very carefully, we know that the song is for faux-lesbians. it actually pisses me hear some of its lines (ex. "experimental game") because it downplays the girl-to-girl theme. so 'thought of coming up with the same song and tune with lez customized lyrics. hehe. enjoy!

best to sing with accompaniment (right click here)

----------------------------------------
I Kissed a Girl - lez version

This was always the way I planned
Yeah, my intention
I got so brave, drink in hand
Ditched my discretion
It's sure what, I'm used to
Just want to try you on
I'm curious for you
Caught my attention

I kissed a girl and I like it
The taste of her cherry lipstick
I kissed a girl 'cause I want it
I hope my girlfriend don't mind it
It felt so strong
It felt so right
Don't mean I'm in love tonight
I kissed a girl and I like it.
I love it.

No, I don't even know your name
It doesn't matter.
You're my sentimental flame
Just human nature,
It's not what,
straight girls do
Not how they should behave
My heart gets so obvious
Hard to disobey

I kissed a girl and I like it
The taste of her cherry wet lick
I kissed a girl, want to try it
I hope my girlfriend don't mind it
It felt so strong
It felt so right
Don't mean I'm in love tonight
I kissed a girl and I like it
I love it.

Us girls we are so magical
Soft skin, red lips, so kissable
Hard to resist so touchable
Too good to deny it
Ain't it so real, not innocent

I kissed a girl and I like it
The taste of her naughty wet lick
I kissed a girl, want to try it
I hope my girlfriend don't mind it
It felt so strong
It felt so right
Don't mean I'm in love tonight
I kissed a girl and I like it
I love it.

The good stuff in Golden Globe Awards!

I bet you've never thought this could happen huh? :D Relish!

These actually happened in the recent Golden Globe Awards 2010 when Sandra Bullock bagged the Best Actress for a Drama film. She was so shocked/happy that she suddenly kissed presenter Meryl Streep, to which Meryl gamely obliged.

Haven't seen the film, but I think the pix below are more dramatic! Hehe. :D







See it in action here: Meryl Streep & Sandra Bullock kiss

---
It seems to be a trend now for two hot women to kiss, or insinuate that they can be gay. Either to shock the straights, to check how it feels like, to be cool or to just join the gay fame.

I dunno, by reflex I wouldn't want it, because it's like using gays to show off. But then again it makes being gay common which will make people comfortable with gays in public.

It also helps to educate people that gays are not limited to the obvious kind (ex. butch).

In the age of Lady Gaga, user-friendly and shock value are the hit mix! If they use us, might as well use them too. Huh! Freaking fair deal. So go kiss the next hot womyn you see, just make sure you're as hot to be kissed back. *wink wink*

--
WORD/s OF MOUTH

fyke
When a girl acts like she's lesbian with her friends in a joking way but she's really not lesbian. Also, when a girl makes out with another girl strictly to turn guys on.

fesbian
someone who pretends to be a lesbian to gain attention from guys, or because being a lesbian is the "cool thing to do"

sapphosexual, faux lesbian
a straight woman who indulges in the lesbian lifestyle just because it's trendy

SOURCE: Urban Dictionary

Ang Ladlad - finally good news!

After rejection in the last two elections, and unjust immorality charges, gay group "Ang Ladlad" is now finally accredited as a party list in the Philippines by the Commission on Elections (Comelec) to join the national elections in May 10, 2010. Yey!

The journey my friends has been long and rough, rejection on all fronts, but good things can come to those who fight!

The fight continues as we battle it out in the elections this May. For those one with us, we ask for your support in any way. :)

----
full article here

learn more about Ang Ladlad here

immorality grounds hurled last time here

are you ready for The Runaways?

Behold... Joan Jett (Kristen Stewart) and Cherie Currie (Dakota Fanning) of the renowned The Runaways.

I personally didn't watch the Twilight movies. I think they're overrated. But seeing Kristen here, playing this uber cool rocker lesbian chick Joan, OMG, I'm suddenly a convert and panting like a dog. And imagining Dakota and Kristen's anticipated lip-lock is enough to ignite me on my seat. I love Joan, I love Kristen (now). I can't believe she can be this cool, sexy and gay! The eyeliner is enough for me to love her for all her angst. This is spontaneous babbling. I'll try to write a more coherent review/post once I've recovered from seeing her open her legs this wide (actually, i want it wider. haha).



official trailer:



let's watch this once it's shown in Manila. :)

Senti 2

posting a rejoinder from Kim on my Senti post.This was originally a comment, but it's too good to be left hidden in the comments section. So posting for everyone to enjoy. :)

note: this is with Kim's permission




Napansin na kita noon.
Unang tanong sa sarili, may syota kaya siya?

Pagtingin sa status mo-
In a relationship with ____
Sad.

Asa pa 'kong mababakante ka.
Para ka lang UP Ikot na laging puno sa umaga.

Nakaraan pa ang ilang buwan,
nakita ka muli.
Tinignan ang iyong status-
Single.

Kunot noo.

Ako hindi. =(

Ilang fast forward pa ba ang kailangan
Para ang status nati'y maging magkatugma?

Senti

Napansin na kita noon pa.
Nagpacute ako sa yo, alam mo ba?
kaso hindi mo ko pinansin ha.

Sad.
Fast forward.

Ilang taon na ang nakaraan. 
mula sa kung saan,
bigla kang nagparamdam.

Chineck ko status mo,
ikaw ay may SO.

Hmm...

Syempre, kahit matagal na,
kinilig pa rin ako ng bahagya.
Kaya ayun, pinansin naman kita.

Haha. Hindi na nagpakipot!
Ambilis kong sumagot.

kaya muli akong nagsulat.
Pero hindi lang dahil sa yo ang lahat.
madaming dahilan, maraming pinag-ugatan.

pero isa ka na dun.
naexcite ako, alam mo ba yun?
Siguro naexcite ka din ng ganun.

kasi mula noon nagsulatan na tayo.
May pananabik sa kung anong bago.
Walang malisya to, maniwala kayo. :)

Kilig lang. 
Masaya lang.

Ang sulatan ay naging tawagan.
Nagsulputan ang mga langgam.
At nagsimula akong dagain.

Status ko ay muling sinilip.
In a relationship.
Tae. Badtrip.

New Jersey Gay Marriage Bill Fails To Pass

i'm a tad sad by this. but they already have civil union at least.
i suggest you read the comments on the article in huffington. you will see very interesting arguments. here's a few i was able to chew on:

1. you can’t marry your partner, but you can marry your first cousin in 27 states
see it here

2. the bill is about regulating acceptable (norm) sexual behaviors

3. this is not about love, because truly, we can love anybody we want (just don't marry them). There are no rules limiting who loves whom and how.

4. what is the meaning of marriage in US anyway? Divorce is very common. Do we want to be associated with their definition of marriage?

5. Marriage is about a legal and societal norm.

6. Marriage is between one man and one woman. But bible shows stories of multiple partners. Bible didn't have annulment and divorce, so I think we have long deviated from the bible yet we keep using it as source for argument.

7. 19 different Christian clergymen came forward in support of same-sex marriage in NJ. That's grand for me.

8. A battle is lost; the war goes on. - Leland R. Erickson

=======================

New Jersey Gay Marriage Bill Fails To Pass



| 01/ 7/10 05:00 PM |AP
-----------------------
TRENTON, N.J. — New Jersey's state Senate has defeated a bill to legalize gay marriage, leaving it unlikely the state will have a gay marriage law in the very near future.

The bill needed 21 votes to pass; only 14 senators approved the measure Thursday.

Gay rights advocates had pushed hard to get the bill passed before Jan. 19, when Republican Chris Christie becomes governor. Democratic Gov. Jon Corzine promised to sign the bill if approved by the Legislature but Christie has said he would veto it.

New Jersey offers civil unions that grant the legal rights of marriage to gay couples. Five states – Connecticut, Iowa, Massachusetts, New Hampshire, and Vermont – allow gay marriage.

source: The Huffington Post

Catholic Portugal set to legalize gay marriage

sharing :)

the world is expanding, we are getting more options to live freely with our love.
cheers to Portugal!

--------------------------------
Agence France-Presse
First Posted 21:11:00 01/06/2010

Filed Under: Social Issues, Gender Issues, Religions

LISBON- Catholic Portugal, traditionally one of Europe's most socially conservative countries, is expected to approve the legalization of gay marriage on Friday with a minimum of fuss.

With the governing Socialists and other left-wing parties enjoying a strong majority, the new law is likely to sail through the first reading debate and gain final approval before a visit by Pope Benedict XVI, due in Portugal in May.

In contrast to Spain, where the lead-up to the legalization of gay marriage in 2005 brought hundreds of thousands of demonstrators onto the streets, the bill in Portugal has provoked only muted opposition even from the right.

While normally vocal on the role of marriage and the family in society, the Catholic Church has refused to mobilize on a subject which, according to Lisbon's Cardinal Patriarch Jose Policarpo, is "parliament's responsibility".

"I think the Portuguese people have learnt one of the fundamental tenets of democracy: respect for the rights of the individual," Miguel Vale de Almeida, Portugal's first openly-gay lawmaker who was elected in September, told AFP.

Vale de Almeida, who is the Socialists' pointman on the legislation, said there is now a political majority in favor of gay marriage and that it is "too simplistic to link Catholicism and conservatism."

According to poll conducted late last year by the Eurosondagem institute, while a strong majority (68.4 percent) of Portuguese are opposed to adoptions by same-sex couples, they are more evenly divided when it comes to gay marriage with 49.5 percent against, with 45.5 percent in favor.

On Tuesday, campaigners handed a petition with more than 90,000 signatures to demand a referendum on the subject into parliament.

But having had its fingers burnt by two referendums which preceeded the legalization of abortion in 2007, the government has ruled out consulting with the public as the measure was part of its manifesto in last year's election.

Prime Minister Jose Socrates' Socialists may have lost their majority in the September 27 election, but still command the support of other left-wing parties in parliament who should guarantee that the gay marriage bill is passed.

While opposed to the concept of same-sex "marriages", the centre-right opposition Social Democrat party says it is favor of a civil partnership that would give gays and lesbians the same rights as heterosexual couples minus adoptions.

Deputies are also expected on Friday to vote two other bills submitted by the Green party, the Left Bloc and others which would grant gay and lesbian couples the right to adopt children.

If the gay marriage proposals do pass through parliament, they will the have to go through a parliamentary commission before coming back for the final approval.

According to media reports, both the government and the Catholic Church want the gay marriage issue to be resolved before the visit of the pope, scheduled for May 11-14.

source: inquirer.net

outing

I hate it that I'm hesitating.

I love womyn. It's as natural to me as my period. It gives me joy and makes me happy. Womyn excite me. Well, only the hot, cool, confident, intelligent, fun, out of the box kind. I can burst into a song (uhm, probably just a poem, since I have below average singing voice. Haha) just to express my feelings on womyn. I can readily infuse it in my day to day conversations:

I tasted a dessert that's so divinely delicious and I go, "This food is soo good! Wow! I'm soo happy to be gay. I hope they make this dessert in womyn shape."

So why the hell am I not out? But then, if it's so innate, why the need to be out with it huh? *I'm turning schizo here* I think it's more oppressive to be out, because you feel the need to explain to people your sexuality. Why? Do we owe them anything just because we're gay? To officially give the homophobes the signal to lambast gays? Not a chance!

Other gays may feel the need to be out because they've intentionally hidden/denied their gay selves. I have not actually hidden, just not telling, because I don’t like explaining to people unless it's required. I'll confirm if anybody asks. So far, none has a clue or the guts to ask me yet or maybe it just doesn’t matter anymore, which is a feeling close to equal.

They say to be gay and stressing it is redundant. So I think I don’t need to be defensive and just live. Let it radiate from me and simply let go. That should lift a ton of burden. :)

I don’t need to be out. I'm gay, so I'll live my life and by doing so I'm outing myself.

New Hampshire now 5th state to allow same-sex marriage

Good news for 2010! :-)

--------------------------------
New Hampshire now 5th state to allow same-sex marriage
January 1, 2010 -- Updated 1721 GMT (0121 HKT)




(CNN) -- After 19 years together Linda Murphy and Donna Swartwout tied the knot at 12:01 a.m. Friday, when New Hampshire's law legalizing same-sex marriage took effect.

They were among several couples early Friday who married under a full moon on the steps of the New Hampshire Statehouse in Concord.

At midnight, New Hampshire became the fifth state to allow same-sex couples to marry, joining Connecticut, Vermont, Massachusetts and Iowa.

The couple, who live in Hudson, New Hampshire, said they wanted to be married as soon as they could.

"We were thrilled and proud of New Hampshire ... it was a such a historic moment," Murphy said.

Swartwout said the marriage gives them "words and language that the rest of the world uses."

"When my nephew asks, 'Who's Linda?" I get to say, 'she's my wife,' " she said.

------

See article here: cnn.com

friendly friends

It's hard being gay, much more not being out.
But what's worse than that?
Your closest friends leaving to work overseas.
What's worse than that?
Reaching out for new friends, like starting over again
What's worse than that?
Getting rejected
What's worse than that?
Getting rejected because I intimidate them.

Ouch.
I realized I may not be for everyone. While some people enjoy reading my entries, it's an altogether different story about meeting me. I come with good intentions, but people have varying perceptions.

I had high hopes of what's out there, but that incident zapped me back to reality. Thanks for making me grounded and now, guarded.

To my future friends,
I can be intimidating without knowing it. But I can't mellow just to make you comfortable.
I'm not consciously sweet. I tell things as is, so you may get hurt. I won't apologize for that.
I may seem demanding because I ask questions point blank, but to answer is entirely your choice.
I love the outdoors and will often want to hang out with you, so please make time for me :-)
I will believe you and fight for you because I'm very loyal, so better be honest or you lose my trust.
I enjoy playful banter and witty repartee, don't take them seriously, let's just have fun.

I will tell you more, just go knock my door. :-)

Share tayo :)

Six and a half years na kong nagbablog. Akalain mo yon?! Binandera ko ang buhay ko, mula kalamnan hanggang kaluluwa.

Sabi nila, wag daw todo todo magbigay kasi baka walang matira sa yo. Sa dami ng binahagi ko, hindi minsan ko naramdamang nabawasan ako. Kung may nawala man, yun ay ang mga sintemyento ko sa mga kung anik-anik na olats na parte ng pakikipagsapalaran ko. Kasi gumagaan ang pakiramdam ko every time sumusulat ako. Sa panahon ng "No therapeutic claims", ito na ang pinakamura at mabisang therapy! Sankapa di ba? :)

Ang totoo, mas nadagdagan ako mula nang nagsulat ako. Sa pagdami ng entries ko, dumami kaibigan ko. Nagka-fans pa ko! Naks! Wehehe. Obviously, nadagdagan din yabang ko. Haha!

Nung binalikan ko past entries ko, nagugulat ako. Sinabi ko talaga yon?! Ako talaga gumawa ng tulang yan? Akalain mo, naisip ko yun! Ang galing kasi! *ayan, ang yabang na naman! Haha!*

Kung magkaroon man ng pagkakataon na maisip ko na dumaan lang ang panahon ng ganun na lang na para bang nasayang, balikan ko lang ang past blog entries ko at madali akong maliliwanagan. Mas maliwanag at maputi pa sa naputikang t-shirt na binabad sa Tide Oxy-bleach. Ito ang patotoo - naging makabuluhan ang nakaraan.

Kung gusto nyo ko makilala, madali lang. basta marunong ka magbasa at may access sa internet. Malalaman mo lahat ng kabaliwan at kakornihan ko. Kung pano ako ka-OA magmahal at magreklamo. Kung gano ako katsismosa at kadaldal. Kung sinu-sino ang pinagnasahan ko at mga jinowa ko, pati kung kelan kami nagbreak at iba pang escapades!. Ultimo grammar errors at bloopers ko mabibisto mo! Haha. Madalas kasi type lang ako ng type at tamad na mag-edit.

Nitong papalapit ang Pasko, medyo detached ako. One week na lang, hindi ko pa rin feel ang espiritu ng Pasko. Magtrabaho ka ba naman hanggang Dec. 23 e. Pero nung nagshashopping na ko ng mga regalo sa pamilya ko, unti-unti sumigla ang pakiramdam ko. Plano ko nung una pa lang, magtitipid talaga ako, kaso pag namimili ka na at ito'y nakalaan sa mahal mo sa buhay, lalambot din susi ng pitaka mo e. Dahil ang totoo, mahal para sa mahal. :) Kung si jowa ko nabibilhan ng mga bonggang regalo, pamilya ko pa titipirin ko? Kesehodang pasaway si kapatid o kaya mahirap ispelengin si mother at sobrang higpit ni tatay, aminin na natin, mahal natin sila! :-p Ito pala ang meaning ng Pasko… mahal sa mahal! Haha! :)
Sorry, pero hindi lang para sa mga bata ang Pasko (ahahaha) kundi para sa lahat! Wag kayo madamot!

Super gasgas man sabihin, pero sa pagbibigay ko natagpuan ang sigla ng Pasko.

Salamat sa inyong lahat na nagbasa, nakiramay, nakipagflirt, nagcomment, naglurk , nang-okray, kinilig at nakitsismis. Mas malawak ang mundo sa world wide web. Excited na uli ako magkwento at magbigay ng sarili ko sa inyo. Share tayo! :)

"Ang Ladlad" issue splits Comelec - ouch!

sad, hurtful news for LGBTQ in the Philippines :(
"Ang Ladlad" is an LGBTQ political party which got rejected by the Commission on Elections for two consecutive elections now. The reasons they rejected the party will make you cringe.

--------------------------------
Philippine Daily Inquirer
First Posted 04:51:00 12/18/2009

Filed Under: Eleksyon 2010, Inquirer Politics, Elections, Gender Issues, Religion & Belief

MANILA, Philippines — A petition for party-list accreditation from a gay rights group has become a divisive issue among the election commissioners, forcing Commission on Elections (Comelec) Chair Jose Melo to intervene and cast the final dissenting vote against Ang Ladlad.

The Comelec, meeting en banc on Wednesday to hear Ang Ladlad’s motion for reconsideration, voted to uphold a Second Division ruling last November rejecting Ang Ladlad’s petition to be recognized as a party-list group.

The decision, released Thursday, effectively bars Ang Ladlad, which advocates for gay rights, from joining the 2010 elections as a party-list group.

The commissioners voted along division lines, with the Second Division members reiterating their earlier decision to reject Ang Ladlad and the First Division members voting to overturn that decision.

Tie break
With the en banc evenly split at 3-3, Melo cast the tie-break vote on the side of the Second Division.

Melo defended the Second Division’s ruling that Ang Ladlad advocated immorality and violated the “moral parameters” set by the Bible and the Koran, the Christian and Muslim holy books, respectively.

“They are possibly religion-based, but as a society, the Philippines cannot ignore its more than 500 years of Muslim and Christian upbringing, such that some moral precepts espoused by said religions have seeped into society and these are now publicly accepted moral norms,” the Comelec chair said in his separate opinion.

“Until the time comes when Ladlad is able to justify that having mixed sexual orientations and transgender identities is beneficial to the nation, its application for accreditation under the party-list system will remain just that,” he added.

Original decision
In their original decision, the Second Division, composed of commissioners Nicodemo Ferrer, Lucenito Tagle and Elias Yusoph, quoted passages from the Bible and Koran and said that the lifestyle of the 22,000-strong Ang Ladlad violated morals and faith. It also said the group posed a danger to young Filipinos.

The First Division, made up of Commissioners Rene Sarmiento, Armando Velasco and Gregorio Larrazabal, disagreed and voted to overturn the decision.

The First Division members said there was no legal basis for rejecting the Ang Ladlad petition in the first place, with Sarmiento noting that the group’s petition “contains nothing that is morally reprehensible.”

What immorality?
Larrazabal denounced the Second Division decision, noting that the “resolution’s reliance on biblical and koranic provisions to sustain its finding of immorality blurs the separation between Church and State.”

He said Ang Ladlad’s petition made it clear that the group does not promote immorality.

“On the contrary, it merely attempts to make this commission appreciate the size of the country’s LGBT [lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender] community, its current plight, and the means by which petitioner-movant intends to help correct this situation,” he wrote in his opinion.

The 2009 petition was the second attempt by Ang Ladlad to join the party-list race. The Comelec rejected their first try in 2007 because of their lack of national presence. Kristine L. Alave

SEE U ALL TONIGHT @ Generator Bar!! PARTY 4 A CAUSE

hey ladies, time to par-teh! I'll be going tonight.
If you wana meet up, just email me.
I'm excited to meet new peeps in this exclusive party.




FOR COMPLETE PARTY DETAILS TEXT or CALL :

0916.3860069 / 0918.5021910 / 0922.2886061

Houston (biggest US city) elected openly lez mayor - HOORAY!

by MONICA RHOR, Associated Press Writer Monica Rhor, Associated Press Writer – 51 mins ago


HOUSTON – Houston became the largest U.S. city to elect an openly gay mayor, with voters handing a solid victory to City Controller Annise Parker after a hotly contested runoff.

Parker defeated former city attorney Gene Locke with 53.6 percent of the vote Saturday in a race that had a turnout of only 16.5 percent.

"This election has changed the world for the gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgendered community. Just as it is about transforming the lives of all Houstonians for the better, and that's what my administration will be about," Parker told supporters after Locke conceded defeat.

Parker, 53, has never made a secret or an issue of her sexual orientation. But it became the focus of the race after anti-gay activists and conservative religious groups endorsed Locke and sent out mailers condemning Parker's "homosexual behavior."

Locke, 61, tried to distance himself from the anti-gay attacks while courting conservative voters who could tip the election in his favor. Meanwhile, gay and lesbian political organizations nationwide rallied to support Parker by raising money for her campaign and making calls urging people to vote.

Several other U.S. cities, including Portland, Ore., Providence, R.I., and Cambridge, Mass., have openly gay mayors, but none as large as Houston.

A little more than 152,000 residents turned out to cast ballots in the nation's fourth largest city, which has a population of 2.2 million. Of those voters, 81,743 chose Parker — some 11,000 votes more than Locke received.

Although Locke condemned the anti-gay rhetoric, two of his key supporters contributed money to a conservative political action committee that sent out an anti-gay mailer earlier this month, urging voters not to pick Parker because she was endorsed by the "gay and lesbian political caucus."

Campaign finance reports show Ned Holmes, finance chairman of Locke's campaign, and James Dannenbaum, a member of the campaign's finance committee, each gave $20,000.

Late Saturday, Locke offered his congratulations to Parker and urged the city to move on from the bruising campaign fight.

"Here's what our city needs now: It needs unity. It needs us to come together and heal like we've never healed before, and to move forward under a new administration," he said.

Parker and Locke, both Democrats in the nonpartisan race, advanced to the runoff after garnering more votes than two other candidates on Nov. 3. Parker will succeed Bill White, who is term-limited after serving six years and is seeking the Democratic nomination for governor.

Houston is predominantly Democratic and about 25 percent black and one-third Hispanic. About 60,000 of its residents identify themselves as gay or lesbian.

let me

I will touch you and glide my fingertips to your velvety folds of skin
Raise my moistened fingers and bring them near my mouth
Smell your essence with subtle longing
I'll open my lips just a little bit to extend my tongue
So that through my fingertips flavored with your yearning
We can be introduced,
Like shaking hands for the first time.
I want to know you more and slowly taste all your desires.
I'll do this until just a thin film of your moisture is left on my skin.
Then swallow your fluid so that you become part of me and fuel my fervor
I'll take your tentative hands, bring them to me,
So you'll know me intimately.
I'll guide you to my inner longings
Make you understand the depth of my feelings
I'll flow with no rush, as if to say we have all the time
Let you pass by, even go back and forth if you like
Then when you're done,
I'll lift your hands so that I can kiss it
And be affirmed of how I feel for you.
Make me your lollipop candy,
Experience my sweet intentions and my firm convictions
I'll cup your face, kiss you deeply
Tongue you forcibly and delete your doubts
With each probe, I want you to trust me,
Let me go further
Until you submit.
Because I have long surrendered
To this force we are enslaved of

chaaat up!

it's been around four years since I last chatted via YM. i stopped since i transferred to a job that prohibits it. before, i can't imagine life sans YM, but then after years of not doing it, i unlearned the habit.

recently, i noticed that many people in the office are using YM. one idle moment, i tried to install one and use it. but i lost interest easily. weeks went by and i don't even think about it.

but i got idle again. so there.

----------
Chat 1 - to a friend who's from the South and working now in Manila now.

Firewomyn: How long have you been staying in Manila now?
Southwomyn: It's been two years

Firewomyn: And how is it so far?
Southwomyn: It was hard toadjust at first, but now I'm okay. I learned a lot.

Firewomyn: Can you give me the top three things you learned?
Southwomyn: What is this, a beauty contest?

Firewomyn: Nope, it's a quiz contest
Southwomyn: Hahahaha

Firewomyn: So?
Southwomyn: Your question is tough

Firewomyn: I thought you said you learned a lot?
Southwomyn: …. *still thinking*

Firewomyn: *hay, bummer*

----------
Chat 2 - to someone I thought I know

Firewomyn: Hi! 'Long time.
Overseaswomyn: Hello

Firewomyn: How have you been?
Overseaswomyn: I'm okay.

Firewomyn: Where are you now?
Overseaswomyn: In Jakarta.

Firewomyn: *starts to think* what are you doing there?
Southwomyn: pre-school teacher

Firewomyn: aah, are you X? (name of my friend)
Overseaswomyn: err, no.

Firewomyn: *oh gosh. bummer again*

-------

well, at least it brought me a topic to share :D

Forum for Us

UP Law, UP Center for Women's Studies, Libertas, and Rainbow Rights Project

invite you to a forum on

the State of the Party List System in the light of the decisions on Ang Ladlad and other petitions

Dec. 8, Tuesday 9am
at Malcolm Theater,
UP Law, Diliman, QC.

I know it's short notice, but I hope you can come.

525,600 minutes

"There's only now. There's only here.
Give in to love, or live in fear.
No other path, no other way.
NO DAY BUT TODAY.”



Embrace a new Valentine Experience!
Watch RENT Musical on FEBRUARY 14, 2010 (Sunday, 8PM)

For tickets to the Valentines Night schedule:
Contact Onay (0918.536.2116)
Email rentfeb14@yahoo.com
Visit www.rentfeb14.blogspot.com

Available seats as of December 4, 2009:
Orchestra Center (Php1700): 83 out of 177
Orchestra Side (Php1600): 119 out of 121
Loge Center (Php1400): 53 out of 88
Loge Side (Php1100): 16 out of 20
Balcony (Php 800): 21 out of 66

RESERVE NOW TO GET GOOD SEATS!
Please click on the link below to view the updated seat plan:
http://spreadsheets.google.com/ccc?key=0AtpmvO-z1jG3dHRBX1M5MTkzY1UxNEhUZnRaUUxNY0E&hl=en

For other schedules, visit www.9workstheatrical.com

Pride March today! Dare, Join!

Official TFP Statement For Press Release
Posted by Task Force Pride

LGBT Filipinos Dare, Care and March with Pride in 2009


Once again, the Filipino Lesbian Gay Bisexual and Transgender (LGBT) community along with their friends, families, allies and supporters, will come together in one massive and colorful parade at the 2009 Manila Pride March. On Saturday, December 5, 3pm at Remedios Circle, Malate, right in time for Human Rights week, LGBT Filipinos will come out in full-force not only to show their pride but also to stake their claim on their right to participate fully in civil, political, economic, cultural and social life in the Philippines and beyond.


The theme of this year’s Pride Parade is “We Dare. We Care” to signify the LGBT community’s proactive stance in addressing the human rights problems affecting their sector. “We shall no longer be complacent. We dare to remind the Philippine government and the rest of society that we have an obligation under international human rights law to promote and protect the rights and well-being of all people, including LGBT Filipinos, who are being threatened by the looming economic crisis, natural disasters, armed conflict, religious intolerance and lack of political will of some government officials,” according to Great Ancheta, Head Coordinator of Task Force Pride (TFP) Philippines 2009.


“The LGBT community will march to show their indignation and concern over the lack of human rights protections for LGBT Filipinos as shown in the recent decision of the Commission on Elections (COMELEC) not to accredit Ang Ladlad, a partylist group for LGBT Filipinos, the non-passage of the Anti-Discrimination Bill and the increasing incidence of violence and discrimination committed against them in large-scale because of their sexual orientation and gender identity,” adds Great.


“The 2009 Pride March is the Filipino LGBT community’s expression of solidarity with our brothers and sisters who have braved the streets of Taipei, Hong Kong, Tokyo, London and other parts of the world to fight discrimination, homophobia, lesbophobia, biphobia and transphobia at the national and international levels,” according to Naomi Fontanos also of TFP. Worldwide, pride marches have served as a platform of solidarity, consciousness- raising and empowerment for the LGBT community.


Prominent human rights actors in the Southeast Asian Region have expressed their support for TFP. In its statement, Forum-Asia, an international human rights organization, stated that “the Pride March is an excellent platform for the LGBT groups and individuals to forge further solidarity and network to express themselves on the various ongoing issues that affect the community not only in the Philippines but the rest of the world.”


Dr. Sriprapha Petcharamesree, the Thai representative to the ASEAN Inter-governmental Commission on Human Rights, said in her solidarity message, “the rights of everyone [have] to be guaranteed and the space has to be equally created without which the building of ASEAN Community could not be fully realized.”


The Commission on Human Rights (CHR) of the Philippines also endorsed the 2009 Manila Pride March. According to CHR Chair, Atty. Leila De Lima in their message of solidarity, “We laud TFP Philippines for organizing this annual Pride March, and we recognize the courage of those who choose to participate in it. The Commission on Human Rights of the Philippines stands ready to offer whatever support it can, not only in relation to this event, but also in order to generally advance respect for, and the protection of, the human rights of the LGBT community.”


The Pride March will take place on 5 December 2009, Saturday and will pass by designated streets in historic Malate after the assembly at the Remedios Circle at 3 pm. It will begin with a grand parade, followed by a magnificent program, an extraordinary pageant and culminate in an unforgettable night of partying.


The 2009 Manila Pride March is organized by Task Force Pride (TFP) Philippines, a network of LGBT and LGBT-supportive groups and individuals who seek to promote positive visibility for the LGBT community including Bed Malate, Gay, Transgender and Bisexual Advocates for Youth (GABAY), Lesbian Advocates Philippines (LeAP), Metropolitan Community Church Quezon City (MCCQC), Outragemag.com, Single Guys Online (SGO) PH, and Society of Transsexual Women of the Philippines (STRAP). Founded in 1999, it is the official organizing network of the annual LGBT Pride Parade in Manila.


This year’s Pride March partners and sponsors are EZ Lubricating Jelly, Frenzy Condoms, Absolut, Andrew Christian, Archion Architects, BED, Beverly Hills 6750, Gabriela Women’s Party, Crobar, Gay and Lesbian Activist Network for Gender Equality (GALANG), Sen. Loren Legarda, Great Ancheta, Lookal, O Bar, Pride Exchange, Rainbow Bloggers Philippines, Rainbow Radio Pilipinas, MyFemme Magazine, Silya and The Library.


For more information, please contact any of the following members of the TFP 2009 Executive Committee: Great Ancheta (0920.926.4322), Naomi Fontanos (0920.269.7607).
Email: tfpexecom-owner@yahoogroups.com, Website: taskforcepride.blogspot.com.

i

so what if i love you? nothing else matters. i don't care if you're unstable, an atheist, closet or attached. i love you and only you. there's no question or condition. not even if you don't reciprocate. i love you in the simplest and most selfish form. just affirming it and feeling it is happiness already. i feel powerful with this love. because no external force can destroy this love. it starts from me and if in any case, will end from me. i love you and no one can take that from me. i love you and i don't care.

dreamer

I had a dream.
I was about to get married that day.
But due to an unknown reason, I wasn't able to go to my wedding.
Another girl played proxy at the church.

Next scene, afternoon after the wedding.
The person I married thru a proxy was sitting and sad.
I felt the sadness too.
The person I married is about to leave that night to work overseas.
Sob.
We hugged.
Tight.
I felt warmth from my inner being radiate slowly
Outward, up to my fingertips.
We hugged.
Tighter.
As if quelling the impending gloom.
The feeling was so intense.
Synonymous to deep feeling
I have long forgotten.
I stepped back an inch.
To look at the this person who's about to go
And leave me broken.
Gulp!
I married a man.
OMG!

End of the dream.

-----------------------
You might be thinking that it's not a dream, but a nightmare.
I don't know what to make of it. Even after waking out of the dream, I can still feel the sensations and all the emotions they stood for - love , commitment, sacrifice, separation. But he's a man for goodness' sake! In my dream, I did not care. Now fully awake, I'm concerned. Does this make me bi? I'm not really a fan of labels, but as Tim Gunn always say in Project Runway, "It worries me." I think part of the explanation is my "dream husband" was a character in a Filipino lgbt film I watched a few months ago, In My Life. It's the story of three people - the mom, mark (son of mom) and noel (mark's partner). Mom went to the US to live with Mark, but can't accept his being gay much more his partner Noel. That's it in a gist. Now back to my predicament. Could it be that I'm also attracted to males? Male gays? In pursuit of enlightenment, I discovered more reasons why I'm not really a fan of labels. See the list below:


Androgenosexual: Attraction to androgyny

Androsexual: Attraction to males without reference to that person's own gender

Bicurious: "Someone who think they might be bi but haven't explored them selves enough to be sure"

Gray-A asexuality: Generally asexual, but with occasional sexual attraction. Demisexual is a subgroup of this.

Gynosexual: Attraction to females without reference to that person's own gender

Heteroflexible: Mainly heterosexual, but can be attracted to those of the same gender sometimes

Homoflexible: Mainly homosexual, but can be attracted to those of the opposite gender sometimes

Pansexual: Attracted to people regardless of sex/gender, and so including intersexed people and such.

Polyamory: people who like to engage in more than one relationship at a time.

Polysexuality: refers to people who are attracted to more than one gender or sex but do not wish to identify as bisexual because it implies that there are only two binary genders or sexes.

Pomosexual: or undefined sexual orientation, is a neologism used to describe a person who shuns sexual orientation labels (such as heterosexual and homosexual), and in turn chooses not to label oneself with a sexual orientation

Queer: Any sexuality other than heterosexual

Quite confusing huh? Maybe I'm a combination of homoflexible and pomosexual. My question now is, how come someone who shuns labels has a label? Haha. Go figure.

--------
picture my "dream husband", the one in the middle.

taste of discrimination

On my way home I had the unfortunate coincidence to see a high school classmate. I haven't seen this female classmate in years. I thought my luck would never end until that day I chanced upon her in the train.

Here's an excerpt of that unbelievable encounter:

Classmate: kamusta ka na?
Firewomyn: I'm okay
Classmate: may asawa ka na?
Firewomyn: wala
Classmate: e boyfriend
Firewomyn: uhmmm…
Classmate: foreigner ba?
Firewomyn: wala akong boyfriend. Girlfriend meron.
Classmate: ha?! Ano ka ba naman, ba't hindi pa sa normal
Firewomyn: normal naman kami. And if you must know (you idiotic piece of shit!) gay marriage is legal in seven countries. Would you dare call them not normal? (you ignorant moron!)
Classmate: wala bang nanliligaw sa 'yo?
Firewomyn: madami (I'm sure sa 'yo wala). Lack of choice is not the issue. We have a steady long relationship.
Classmate: okay lang yun. Pwede pa naman kayong maghiwalay
Firewomyn: (my inner self just slapped her to pieces right there and then). Sino may sabi sa 'yong gusto ko makipaghiwalay?

*translated version*
Classmate: how have you been?
Firewomyn: I'm okay
Classmate: are you married?
Firewomyn: nope
Classmate: you have a boyfriend?
Firewomyn: uhmmm…
Classmate: is he a foreigner?
Firewomyn: I don't have a boyfriend, but I have a girlfriend.
Classmate: What?! Why do you have to do that, can't you be with someone normal?
Firewomyn: we're actually normal dear. And if you must know (you idiotic piece of shit!) gay marriage is legal in seven countries. Would you dare call them not normal? (you ignorant moron!)
Classmate: don't you have suitors?
Firewomyn: I have several (I'm sure you don’t have any). Lack of choice is not the issue. We have a steady long relationship.
Classmate: but you can still break up.
Firewomyn: (my inner self just slapped her to pieces right there and then). Who told you I want to end it?


I've been living freely for a long time now even though I'm not out in my family. I've always been comfortable of myself and so are my friends and a lot of colleagues. Never have I imagined I'd meet a bigot face to face. My gawd! It's so freakin unbelievable! Good thing we're not friends. Gf was fuming when I told her of what happened. How dare her! My friends were laughing about it. That such a person exists in this day and age. Definitely not from UP (University of the Philippines - #1 school in the Philippines). This may pale in comparison to the discrimination US must be facing now, just like what happened in Maine.

truly you cannot make a closed mind understand, the same way you can't shame the shameless.
Before I forget, gotta to delete that classmate in my FB.

Wanted: All!

I want to watch (500) days of summer, but gf can't yet because she has to baby sit with her older sister.

I'm not apologetic for the fact that I don't dig this. Why a kid and two college students need two adult baby sitters is beyond me. I've always been independent and my family's mostly independent except for money.

Another concern is why am I upset? If I want to watch a movie so bad, why can't I just watch it alone? I used to do things single-handed, but the couple status made it convenient to do things together. And had to consider the other on things, ideally because you'd want to share things with the other.

Which presupposes the other, the want to watch the movie or the want to share the watching of the movie?

I'm not really idealistic, so I'd say the personal want came first and because you know it will be personally good, then you'd want to share it with your gf. The couple thing blurs the line between the self and the couple.

Or maybe, it is not watching the movie that is what I really want but to be with gf which predisposes the desire to watch the movie.

Now I think I'm upset because I want it all - watch a movie I like with the person I like. Never mind which is the primary want, I just want it to happen as complete as I want it.

And don’t give me that crap that we can't have it all. Whoever said we can't have it all? I think we all deserve the best, the perfect things. And so what if we're imperfect? I still want the best, everything. We all deserve that. The one who said we can’t have it all probably didn’t get what s/he wants that's why s/he's limiting everybody else on what we can have or be. Well, not me.

helloween!

I'm sneaking up some personal time (to blog) amid the flurry of family activities for the all souls day.

This is the second day where I slept more than seven hours. I usually sleep 6-7hrs only on weekdays because I have long commuting hours. Yesterday, I woke up very late in the hope to catch up on sleep. However, by the time I woke up, I have this pounding headache. All the things I would love to do with my free time, like finishing up on The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand, going online, watching 500 Days of Summer, window shopping, I couldn’t do, not without strain. My head hurts more when I do a lot of physical movement or when I strain my eyes. So I just did something out of character and had a chit chat with the family. It was mild and not as painful as I imagined so long as we stick to the trivial stuff like showbiz, neighborhood gossip and what to cook for dinner.

Late afternoon, gf called to ask me out. We were supposed to catch a movie and try some gastronomic adventure but then we saw in a tv ad that our good friend Professional Heckler is a contestant on that night's Who Wants to be a Millionaire show. Wow! We won't miss that for the world even if Professional Heckler told us not to watch. Hehe.

We already know the outcome because he shared to us his experience of it weeks ago, but nothing beats seeing it live. :-) Unfortunately, his exposure was just 30min (with commercials), which means, we can still go out. Yey! We ditched the movie and just bought shoes and ate at Café Bola in Araneta Center. Gf had a surprise for me and handed me this enchanting gift.



I kissed her right there and then :-) We had it turned on while we eat our very healthy dinner of salad, pasta and fruit drinks.








It was a mellow date. Light, easy, sweet and right. The only thing to make it perfect was going home together. But we had to part ways as we go to each other's homes. We just texted each other to sleep. :-)

sizzling!

ugh!

I just realized i shouldn't be contented.
Because it can lead to complacency and stagnation.
When you've been so used to seeing, eating crap,
crap becomes acceptable, tolerable.
The years will just speed by.
And when we're too old to change things, we ponder,
how did we end up being exactly where we were years ago?
Fat, old, good for nothing.
The startling realization will make you puke,
because it was by eating the same crap
one day at a time.

exsqueeze me

found a few of my old drafts -

After our major fight, when I learned to take after myself, I started going out with friends, and making new friends. This is good, I said to my self. I'm seeing other people other than her. I'm establishing relationships again. And I am actually having fun with friends, and my self. :) it's been a long while since I felt this… this feeling of community.

I get to hear other people's stories.

I used to be a people person. I forgot when I stopped being one. Last I checked, I'm a work person, who's good at delivering results and completing projects. The long and short of it, I'm a workaholic. I've been yakking abt how unhappy I am with my work and that it severed my social life. But the truth is, I thrive at work. And I often choose work over people. I got bored with people. They don't excite me. I don't blend with them. They are complicated. I don't dig them or I don't want to … get involved.

But then suddenly your world crushes. And the only 'people' in your world don’t want to see you anymore and don’t want to be with you.

And then you look for people. Because dammit, misery loves company.

And I don’t have people.

Because I'm not a people person anymore :( I've turned workaholic.

But my misery doesn’t want work as company (pun not intended).

It wants people as company.

Misery wants or needs the complex stuff.

And being broken, shattered and devastated me, I looked for people.

I need company. Not the work company which I thought was all I'll need, but the company that bores me, that doesn’t excite me, company that's complicated.

I think non-workaholic (normal) people call it friends.

talking tongues

if it won't rain tonight, i'll go to this par-teh! :)

Today is a good day to die

today is a good day to die.
have slept well,
kissed my partner sweet dreams
and said I love you to my family.

today is a good day to die.
have completed my work tasks.
submitted my reports
and said good night to my team.

today is a good day to die.
have buried the hatchet
kept memories for posterity
and said goodbye to my past.

today is a good day to die.
have made amends
dismissed my worries
and left everything to God.

today is saturday, my last.
i have enjoyed the wild ride
cried, laughed, cursed, loved.
thank you all for giving me a blast.