Train Crush6

As usual, I slept in my train ride, not having enough sleep for weeks. Two stations away to my stop, I suddenly woke up, like some form of body clock. The first thing I saw when I opened my eyes, is a black neck tie. Having just woken up, I got disoriented. Last thing I remember was I'm seated on the women's side of the train. What the?! Where am I?! Lifting my gaze higher to the face where the neck tie was attached to, was a comforting assurance that I'm still in the women's side (and they didn't go coed while I was drowsing). Hehe.

This made me smile. Some Japanese/Korean/Chinese school girl in neck tie. Just neat. =) Would have been more awesome if there's also a skimpy skirt, like the ones fashioned in Anime (c'mon, admit it, we all drool at Anime school girls, what with those micro-mini skirts they guise as school skirts?! :D) but nice still. My bonus is that there's a peep of black bra underneath the shirt. The tease is enough to make me fully awake (imagining school girl erotica, getting whipped by a black neck tie, or tied to the bed by it or even blindfolded by it, whew! possibilites are endless!) in time for my stop. I hurriedly took her pic and left, wishing to some Japanese/Korean/Chinese deity that she'd be in the same stop too. I looked back and didn't see her in the throng of ugliness. maybe next time.


note: with all due respect to the cute school girl below, just want to be clear, the object of my fantasies is the neck tie (well, plus the underwear, and the skirt too), not the girl. i just used the incident as springboard to my imagination. hope she's not discomforted by this.

trainsfixed

what is it with trains and women going bonkers? i mean the moment the doors open, the mad rush of people squeezing themselves in like it's Noah's ark to salvation. it truly feels that, do or die stance. all women, regardless of outfit, of age, of built, of educational attainment, of height, all wrestle their right to be inside the train. no matter in what condition, be it contorted, disfigured, deformed, harassed, nabbed, just to be able to make it inside the train before the door closes. never mind if portion of their body or clothing is hanging outside the train (hair, arm, bag, etc) because only part of them got in. this is incredulous bordering funny. laugh or die. seriously.

i've witnessed it all. women's survival instinct in action, at its finest. of course the winners are those who are able to sit amid the stampede.

women garbed in work attires, in split second, transform to merciless amazons when a boarding train comes near. it's automatic craziness. hey, i like that imagery, a tribe of amazon women, mud-face painted, wearing flimsy jungle stuff that barely covers their well-toned, sweat-oiled bodies, armed with spears, sticks, knives and warfare skills, all in anticipation of the train. and when the train comes, all making sugod to the door that slowly opens, with eyes that shout "Attaaaaccckkkk!!!!!".

okay. i got carried away. haha. am your modern day amasona, and i proudly belong to that tribe. in fairness, never pa ko nadapa and i mostly am able to sit. hehe. so yeah, am your modern day mayabang na amasona. lol.

Bus crush?

i rarely ride the bus because i get dizzy with the frequent and sudden stops in bus rides. not to mention the risk of holdups and sitting beside snatchers.

but on this fateful hot afternoon day, when no cab is in sight and am running late for my dental appointment, i rode the bus. the ordinary bus ride turned extraordinary when a hot girl sat beside me.

muntik na kong mabulag sa pagkasilaw sa maputi at makinis na legs na yan. i thank heaven for the invention of indecently short shorts. pure genius! ansarap padaanan ng daliri, ng palad, at err, ng dila. hahaha! one to two inches further and abot na siguro ang langit. hay, ang init tuloy kahit aircon naman ang bus!

sana ako na lang ang naka-rolyong bond paper na nakaipit sa legs nya. haaayyyy. ineeeet!

Lesbook!

dropped by to a mall on my way home. passed by a book store, scanned the book displayed outside. harry potter, twilight, a cook book, a knitting book, astrology, it's in her kiss, sports book. wait, did i see it right? went back and looked again. "it's in her kiss" with two young women as cover. hmmm... took a pic and googled it. i also checked wiki on lesbian writers and to my surprise, there's 277 in the list! wow! i will research further on this and post some more.

for now, let me just say that it's in her kiss that i


- have felt the animal kingdom (butterflies and more),
- have gone illegal (fireworks, explosions galore),
- defied gravity (floated on air)
- got feverish (believe me, it's smokin' hot!)
- transformed (from solid to liquid because i melted. cheesy! wehehe)
- believed magic (no tricks involved)

- and it's in her kiss that i got horny. lol!

good night to all! :)

===


Publisher Comments:
This fast-paced, outrageous new novel takes a look behind the scenes of a lesbian TV network, where there's more drama, comedy, and romance than prime time ever delivers.

Synopsis:
C.J. Jansen, who works at a fledgling lesbian cable network run by her ex-lover, Debbe Lee, is attracted to Maria Hernandez, her top writer, and when Debbie takes credit for their work, C.J. and Maria conspire to take over the network.

more details here: Description

====

Train Crush4 & 5

because am catching up on blog posts (my apologies for that), i'm posting two train crushes! yey! :D

Train Crush #4 - mrt sighting
this is bringing sexy back ;) so puti and kinis (fair and smooth-looking) the legs. i like the fact that she's not too feminine, more like a sporty kind of cool gal. her cap and bag are of the same color, well coordinated. i've seen her face when she alighted and i have my memory as proof - totally cuteness! did i already tell you that cuteness is next to hotness? :D hihihi.


^^si ateng naka-checkered sumisilip.


^^si ateng naka-red naman naka-pose, parang gusto masama sa train crush list ko ah. hehe.


^^from nape to legs, yummy all over. kilig!


Train Crush #5 - Carla Abellana semblance
from sporty, we go to femmy! =) the afternoon heat was unbelievable at the time i was in the train. i was sweating all over and an ugly sight of haggardness. but this womyn in pink, was the embodiment of freshness. it was like pink roses suddenly bloomed and pink wind brushed my eyes. sigh. =) i felt that she noticed my shoots, so had to stop as i don't want to get her pink ire. hehe.




^^obviously, she's the only thing good in that side of the train. just look at the ordinary people surrounding her and you'll know what i mean.

pendulum

You might now be convinced that this womyn is nuts. Three posts ago I was tired, the next post happy, then last post, sad. This post will remove all doubts left, because now, I'm feeling a tad better as if Tuesday didn’t even exist. Living the life a-la goldfish with semi-extended memory. Hehe.

Was really depressed that day. Maybe I'm just exhausted, frustrated, hurt. I took a cold bath, maybe that numbed my senses. Slept and woke up early for work (yep, my laundered outfit dried in time thanks to the incredibly hot weather and the electric fan). Lack of sleep is another sure way to dull the senses and go robotic. So am now kinda running on auto-pilot.

I planted my earphones and sprayed my ears with music to sustain me for the day. But it did more than that. It peeled my metal coat for the day and revealed emotion. Music always has that effect on me. I listened to John Mayer's "Daughters" and the emotion dared to throb. I feel stripped and vulnerable. Did I just remember that I wasn’t much loved as a child? Maybe… but I'll forget that soon, after a cold shower and another round of sleep deprivation. :)





Daughters
by John Mayer

I know a girl
She puts the color inside of my world
But she's just like a maze
Where all of the walls are continually changed
And I've done all I can
To stand on her steps with my heart in my hands
Now I'm starting to see
Maybe it's got nothing to do with me

Fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers, be good to your daughters too

Oh, you see that skin?
It's the same she's been standing in
Since the day she saw him walking away
Now she's left
Cleaning up the mess he made

So fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers, be good to your daughters too

Boys, you can break
You'll find out how much they can take
Boys will be strong
And boys soldier on
But boys would be gone without the warmth from
A woman's good, good heart

On behalf of every man
Looking out for every girl
You are the guide and the weight of her world

So fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers, be good to your daughters too [x3]

totoo ba to?

hindi ko maramdaman. =(
ang hirap maging mahirap! badtrip. pagod ka na nga sa trabaho, pag-uwi mo, magtatrabaho pa uli, tapos hihingan ka ng pera. sinabi mong bukas na lang, kaso kailangan na daw at may babayaran. kaya kahit gabing gabi na, magbibihis ka uli para lumabas at magwithdraw ng perang yan.

habang sila, prenteng nanonood ng paborito nilang palabas sa tv at ang major concern ay kung ano mangyayari sa susunod na eksena ng pinapanood nila.

hindi ba ang sarap maghuramentado?

saan ba nakakabili ng pasensya? papakyawin ko na kasi kailangan ko ng marami nito. bibili na rin ako ng hiya, siguro mga sampung kilo. ipapamudmod ko sa mga tao sa bahay, baka kahit konti makaramdam sila nito.

at sana tamaan ng virus ng kasipagan ang mga kapatid ko para balang araw naman ay maisipan nilang kailangan din nilang kumilos at hindi puro asa.

sana Lord patigasin nyo pa braso ko kasi maglalaba pa ko ng susuotin ko bukas. at palakasin nyo po ang dibdib ko, kasi masamang masama ang loob ko ngayon. =(

something happyned

The other day, I was feeling utterly happy. I realized that I used to be scared of saying I'm happy. I often question myself for being brash enough to declare that I'm happy. It scared me. Parang may kokontra once I say it out. Here’s how I go schizo about it.

My happy self: I'm happy.
My doubtful self: Are you sure?

My happy self: I feel it.
My doubtful self: For now.

My happy self: Well yeah. I am happy now.
My doubtful self: Tell that to me again tomorrow or in a few hours.

My happy self: Should I stop feeling happy now because I'll be unhappy later?
My doubtful self: I'm just saying. Entirely up to you.

My happy self: I know. And it made me happy pause. :|
My doubtful self: See.

My happy self: But I truly am happy now. *smile slowly showing*
My doubtful self: Why?

My happy self: I don't know. I can't help it. I just feel it. *all smiles*
My doubtful self: Good for you then.

Weird huh? For that moment (twas morning on my way to work), I just relished with the frenzy that just sprung from nowhere. I also felt in love. Not particularly with someone, but with life. I love what I'm feeling, I'm inlove (with God knows what, but I don't care). I almost burst into a song/dance number then. It was hard to contain. Crazy me. It's like I can kiss everybody then (well not everybody, maybe just all the women of Makati. Hehe), hug someone tight and just stay that way till all the intensity and swirl in me wanes.

I said I'll document that moment in my life so that when I become sad or reflect back, I have proof that I once was happy and knows how it is to be happy.

wedding

I said I'll write tom, but I just want to spill now.

---

Just got home from a cousin's wedding. Everybody's asking when will I go next? As if it's some queue everyone has to pass thru. They had an AVP of the couple's history. And in my mind, my own history's playing, my childhood, till gf and I met and our happy "hidden" pictures. My happiness for the couple slowly got replaced by sadness as the reality of my not having my own wedding becomes clear. I'm picturing my homophobic clan on one side in the reception venue and my gay friends on the other, with my gay-friendly lot in between. I would most def wear a gown, my gf, am not sure yet. I'll mix it with purple. We'd look gorgeous. The mood will be festive, it will be fun, everybody will be game. Everyone will for once be open and accepting. We'll have wine and dancing and singing too.

This is the literal "dream" wedding. I said I was sad because my dream's chance is bleak for now. God I want to get married. If I can, I would in a heartbeat. But painfully I can't, not just yet. I look at my mom, my sisters and how they don’t have an inkling of my heart's longing, well at least not the way they're envisioning it for me. I can always reason, it's my life, my wedding. But I want my family to be there, happy for me, happy and at peace with my decision. Which they can't be as long as they wear their homophobia as second skin.


I'm tired. Family affairs are always tiresome, haggard even. More so if you're in a constant grind to try to wed love for family and love for who you are, personal freedom and family peace.I'm tired, but I'll continue trying.

voted!

was lucky because it was a breeze. line was short and efficient, we have our list, ballot was accepted on first try. now will monitor. :)

just to value how important this right is, read below the struggle of Filipinas in the right to suffrage.

Here is our herstory on voting:

Jan. 15, 1907
Our first election law was Act No. 1582 which took effect on Jan. 15, 1907. At that time, the right of suffrage was limited to male citizens 23 years of age or over with legal residence in the Philippines. Women were not allowed to vote for they were regarded as mere extension of the personality of their husbands or fathers, and that they were not fit to participate in the affairs of the government. (Chief Justice Reynato S. Puno, in his Separate Opinion in Macalintal v. Comelec, July 10, 2003).

Even our 1935 Constitution limited the right of suffrage to male citizens.

April 30, 1937
However, recognizing the strong call and clamor made by women’s groups at that time for equality between men and women in the exercise of the right of suffrage, the framers of the Constitution decided to leave the issue of women suffrage for the women to decide. Hence, a provision was included in the 1935 Constitution to extend the right of suffrage to Filipino women on condition that “not less than 300,000 women possessing the necessary qualifications shall vote affirmatively” in a plebiscite on the question of women suffrage.

Firm resolve
Inspired by and confident of the “unalterable righteousness” of their cause, these women of the ’30s made bold their commitment and showed their firm resolve to obtain the required number of votes that would pave the way for their participation in government affairs. They strongly argued that “women suffer penalties and are summoned before the courts of law” and are made “to pay taxes” under the laws which “they had no voice in making.” In unison, they made clear their point that “Taxation without representation is tyranny.”

Women Suffrage Day
And so on April 30, 1937, the date set for the said plebiscite, a total of 447,725 women cast their votes in favor of woman suffrage. And since then and up to the present, the dynamism and heroism of these 447,725 women have paved the way for Filipino women’s right to participate in public and political affairs and made known the existence of Women Power.

March 29, 1984
Former President Ferdinand E. Marcos issued Proclamation No. 2346 declaring April 30 of every year as “Woman Suffrage Day” to enable the Filipino women to “renew their advocacy and support for clean, honest and free elections and pursue with greater zeal their efforts towards this direction.”

source: Inquirer.net

- - - - - - - - - -

thanks to the

447,725 Filipinas of 1937!

i owe them the smudge on my index finger now.
sniff. sniff. =)

mom-blings

I already told you before that I live in a non-opulent neighborhood. Barefoot, half naked kids with snot on their face brim the streets, while the adults are playing bingo, tong-its, gossiping if not getting drunk, sniffing shabu or in a brawl exposing each clan's darkest secrets. I've seen my then playmates or used to be middle class neighbors (whom we look up to then as wow!) waste their life away. I'm so sick and tired of this scene that I just look ahead when I walk my way home. How do you break the cycle of poverty, at least in our forsaken community?

As I was taking a bath earlier, overhearing a mom spanking her child in between cursing the poor kid, an idea bubbled in my head. We've always said begin with the child while they're young. But then nobody closer to the child has more influence and power to the kid than the mother. What if we begin educating these ill-prepared mothers on how a mother should be? You know, like be caring, patient and simply be loving. No one would benefit the most than their children.

What if I can coach the mothers that it is not right to curse to their kid nor hurt them as a form of discipline? I'm a living testament to this because that's the way I've been "disciplined/raised".

That if they do well with their kids, they have far better chance of surviving from their quagmire. That whatever frustration they have with their good for nothing spouses, they can never go wrong if they protect and support their children.

I have no grand plans of running for local office, but I do want to reach out to the largely marginalized sectors of our community, the children (the very young ones) and the mothers. I'd like to talk to them and understand their pain. Our houses are divided by walls of indifference and callousness. I hear the muffled cries, the beatings and the acts of oppression. I'm amazed that I can still sleep amid that "noise".

I do help select kids in my neighborhood, those who really sweat it out and who inspire me with their will to survive. Here are two. :)

Boy1 was on his last year on college (degree on architecture) at a public school, Technological Institute of the Philippines (TIP). He has I think 7 siblings and he self supports himself. He walks his way to school (that's like the whole stretch from SM North to Megamall, if my estimate is correct). He doesn't eat in school and takes part time jobs. I gave him tuition for his summer class last year and also gave some financial support. He just graduated this year. Yey! :) I'm now inquiring on the cost of his board review because I think he has better employment chance if he's a licensed architect already. His older brother by the way, I'm proud to say, graduated from UP. A smart kid whom I coached in entering UP. He now works for Dept. of Education and will fly to Sweden next week for a two-week summit. Hoot! Hoot! :) I'm trying to teach that kid about finance management now.

A very sweet girl is our tenant (their family). She is a second child on a brood of four. She's already 10yrs old but only grade2 because she had to stop. She's in the top ten of her class, dutifully wakes up early to sweep the street front of their rented house, takes care of her younger brother and sister. She doesn’t go out to play as her playtime is used on making rags as extra income to the family. She's always polite, greets me good morning whenever she sees me, smiles a lot as if there's nothing wrong in her situation. Such a sunny, bright young girl. Last year, she was saving up to be able to attend their school's Christmas Party which costs P200 for each child. It's the contribution for the food, games, etc. She was only able to save P100. Thus I learned too late from my mom that she didn’t attend the party because of that. It broke my heart. Had I known sooner, I could have easily helped her. So on Christmas, bought her shoes and also her younger brother. This June, I'm planning surprise her and support her school needs this year. She's going to a nearby public school so it won't be that costly. I adore that young, optimistic girl.

Now, if only I can get to the mothers. Kids are more open and easy to be with. Mothers, with their jaded stance, cynical mood and killer instinct, I have apprehensions. But I will try, one mother at a time. Good luck to me! :) Happy Mother's Day! :)

MOMbo-jumbo

i needed to get a hold of any person in our house so i can get my havaianas size (for a GC i won, need the size asap because they're ordering it already).

i changed the name of my sisters for secrecy :)
called house, mom answered.

-----------
me: ma, is apple there?
mom: nope, she went to the gym.
me: what about cherry?
mom: went with apple to the gym.
me: who else is in there? need to ask something urgent.
mom: peach and rowan.
me: ok, can i speak to peach please.
mom: she's sleeping

*in my mind: whaat?! you could have told me that at the start. geeez*

me: ohkaay. *me in slowmo* can i just speak to rowan then?
mom: surely. hold on.
-----------

hayayay! families. moms. sometimes i wonder, did i really come from that woman? who sometimes make my life so easy and oftentimes insane?
but knowing how crazy i can get, is an instant reminder that i come from the same nut. pun was intended. hehe.

so cheers to my crazy mom who gave birth to a crazier me! :)
happy mommy day to all! :)




word of mouth


MOMSHELL
- new term for the growing post-natal herd of "hot mamas".

a test of car-acter

i learned earlier that a distant friend just got a car. gf was blabbering about it. and i instantly got pissed. honestly, i got upset. the sinking feeling of underachievement suddenly seized me. how come even though i'm way smarter than many and really hardworking, don't i get the big break? i mean why does it feel that i always have to struggle my way to get things? i've been working for years and i haven't really acquired really valuable possessions. and then i go look at my surroundings and my sinking feeling drags me to the pit. who am i kidding? i live in the slums, barely afloat in poverty. i work my butt off to support the family. i skimp at every opportunity. sometimes too much that i feel cheap.

i know it's wrong to be "inggitera" (envious), but i won't deny that i'm feeling wrong now. like everything is wrong in my life. if i have not been this "mahirap" (i won't be politically correct now and mince words), i would have long married my gf already and settled her in a nice home. but i have nothing to offer but my love. one that's not enough yet to build her a house for us that has a garage for our own car. i do however have built a home for us in my heart and in my dreams. for now that should do.

so this makes me materialistic i guess. i'm no different from the common many who value the good stuff. if you've slaved for money for years, you would also ache for comfort. for now, i only have a comfort room to be content with. at least i have something.

on a good note, i don't have any debt, not a single centavo of iou. if i live in america, that would be truly remarkable. hehe. but since i live in third world, that would be unbelievable. haha.

to survive this deadly sin of envy, i just take comfort in the thought that the car in issue must have been loaned or was acquired thru debt. one that has to be slaved for in years to be fully paid. that should make the playing field fair. hehe.

thermodynamics

ohmyfreakingawd. it's been raining in global warming summer. it's official. we're all hot... and wet! yayayay!

i know it defies the laws of thermodynamics, but i just want sweat oiled naked skin making friction with mine at this very moment. with the heat surrounding me and the inferno you build in me, it won't be long before i experience instantaneous combustion. well, entirely not my fault. blame the moody weather who can't make up its mind if it wants to be summer all the way or do a premature rainy season. blah!

i'm just sitting in front of the machine, headphones locked, legs apart, little bit breathless. maybe i'm delusional. but i'm seeing you a few feet away from me, naked, naked thirsty, crawling, ever so slowly, towards me, while i'm legs apart, half slouching. now i'm thirsty too. soo thristy i'm starting to salivate. more breathless than earlier.

would you want to drink the fire springing from me now? sip me dry if you please and devour whatever is left of me i beg you. because if you won't, i'll fuck the daylights out of you, like a crazed animal that knows no need than now.

Love in the time of election

Choosing a candidate is like choosing somebody to love. You read it right, it’s a "choice". I personally believe that love is a conscious effort. There must be something in that person that you like in the first place before you fell in love to him/her. That "like" has its standards, personal guidelines. Not random. Even if your standard is based on the desires of the society, adherence to it is still personal.

My love won't be specific about the party a person keeps. But if she doesn’t stand out from her party or if she and her party contradicts my standards/beliefs, then the love or like I have for her would not grow roots.

It's not really a big deal to me what she's accomplished in the past, but it would be an interesting conversation piece. I would want to know though her current thoughts, concerns, her plans and dreams. "Do you like me?" That kind of current thought. "Do you see a future with me?" That kind of plan/dream. =)

I won't need a survey to know if she's the one. I just need to count the beats per second of my heart at every sight or thought of her to confirm the clamor within me.

I'm an independent womyn and no amount of campaigning by whoever, not even by my closest friends or family would make me like/love her more than what I already do.

In the end, I don’t need a servant, either for a government post or for somebody to love. I need someone who will lead me to an honest, inspiring, fair, passionate and progressive relationship where I'll have an active participation in it.

I already made my choice. Have you? :)


= = = = = = =
I will vote for Ang Ladlad Partylist on May 10.

We've been rejected twice in Comelec and discriminated for the most part of our lives. May 10 is an opportunity for LGBT (lesbians, gays, bisexuals, transexuals/transgenders) to finally have legal representation in the government. Let's go OUT and VOTE for OUR partylist, "ANG LADLAD".

Today, columnist Manuel L. Quezon III featured in Philippine Daily Inquirer that "Ang Ladlad" Party-list is one of his choices in the coming election. Read it here: The daring dozen





SPREAD THE LOVE FOR "ANG LADLAD"!

Check the Ang Ladlad website for widgets/videos/jingles to share.

http://www.angladlad.com

Mocha for breakfast

this will be real quick as i need to have breakfast already. chanced upon mocha uson's blog. remember her? the womyn with a girl group of the same name whose lip locking with her group mates hit the tabloids? the photos were during their private party but somehow went public. she denied they're lesbians. but later on adhered to the bisexual kind. however, i've never seen her linked to any men and her photoblog in Maxim (which is no longer in circulation sad to say) has various images of her kissing lotsa women! she also said she can kiss a woman anytime, but not as quick with guys.

Krista Ranillo, Jaycee Parker, Maui Taylor, Katya Santos, Precious Adona, Andrea del Rosario and Aiza Marquez. Can't this girl be any luckier???






sunday's usually dull and boring. now it's not if you get mocha early ;)

Mocha Uson's blog

for the ultimate blood rush! ofcourse, save the best for last. :D



ano ba ang pinagkakaguluhan nila dun sa baba ni mocha? wehehe. gusto ko rin makigulo at makisiksik! hahahaha

consummatum est part2

where was i? oh, after shower. work robbed the time out of me, thus writing only now. well, moving on...

---
after our shower, we changed to new clothes and fresh perspective. we took on new clothes only to take them all off in seconds! haha. the moment we hit the bed and embraced, it was automatic.

we stared at each other's eyes. just seeing the love and passion, nothing else.

she cupped my face and kissed all my worries away. she took off the shirt of my sentiments. she pulled down the pants of my recent struggles. unclasped the bra of my defenses, until finally slowly tugging down the underwear of my tampo. removing the last shred of doubt.

for every exposed skin, she whispered her heated feelings, my skin steaming in reply. i arched to raise an issue and she thrust deeper to prove her point.

all the burning questions i had were answered with equal intensity in her nipping, sucking and humping.

we bent backwards, turned over, to discuss and expose all angles of our concerns.

we moaned in agreement and screamed on the major stuff.

she opened her mind real wide. my tongue probed farther just to understand her more.

she writhed with my inquisitions, while i drowned in her moist emotions.

we exchanged our ideas thru our fluids.

all nigh long. we talked. mind, body and spirit. all nigh long.

it was soo good, lumampas pa ko sa langit and went intergalactic. hehe.

consummatum est

how long did it take?
4 blog posts,
12 tutut post comments
1 rain dance,
numerous dry days,
countless self-tutut.

consummatum est. naganap na! sa wakas! fuck! ang sawaaap! totoo! try nyo rin! wehehehe.

flashback:
she said early this week that she wanted to go to the beach. i was instantly expectant of course! this may be it! my velvet folds down there just clapped with glee. haha! but to avoid great disappointments from my great expectations, i didn't really count on it that much yet. days later, she followed it up with me. i have been puyat the whole week and as tutut wanting as i am, i was hoping for some weekend rest. told her we'll just discuss it on tutut eve, err i mean beach eve.syempre, magpakipot naman kahit konti lang. pampa-excite ba. hehe.

late night, we were tap dancing if tuloy or not ang outing. she graciously said okay lang wag na matuloy if am not feeling well. in panic i assured her that i'm feeling better na. haha. bigla talagang gumaling e. hihi. however, as we were further talking about it (shucks! mukhang tuloy na!) she was all along thinking of a day tour only, while i was fantasizing an overnight stay with overnight tutut! no shit! parang biglang magkakasakit ako uli sa sama ng loob. sigh. just told her na lang to have provision for overnight in case we have any change in plans, in case matuloy pa (back to pakipot mode).

i slept my great disappointment away. 10pm and am already out. the next day, i woke up early morning and texted gf good morning. around 6am, she asked me if tuloy. sleep gave me the strength and clarity. this is not the time para maging ambivalent. in short, tigilan na ang walang epektong pagpapakipot! i replied yes to her and instructed her to pack for overnight.

i asked my sister for instructions because they've been to that beach already. at the bus stop, we waited for several minutes but our bus never came. impatience took over and i asked the bangketa girl where's the bus we need. matagal na daw lumipat ng terminal. pucha naman o! fine, we took the bus to reach the "correct" terminal. finally found our bus and yey! off we go. this is it!!! all smiles.

the ride was long. long enough to discreetly make out. haha! summer na summer sa sobrang init! whew! malapit na sanang marating ang unang langit, kaso we were already wearing our swimsuits, so syet! hindi mabuksan ang pinto ng langit! haaayyy!

after hours of knocking at heaven's first door, we finally reached the beach!!! yahoo! we had to take a PhP300 trike ride to the not soo popular beach (as I was told by my sister). we took many shots of the sights while in transit, full with excitement.

shades and surf shorts, carrying our bags and our wide smiles, we're ready to greet the beach and the possibilities that lie ahead. one, two, three, yep, the possibilities ended in 3 seconds. the not so popular beach as it turned out was brimming with people and masa scene. guys showering outside in their underwear, women, old and young in sando, shorts, t-shirts, loosely gartered bathing suits, coin-based videoke bar, yucky looking men drinking red horse, tanduay, ugh, i can't take this anymore. this is as public as it can get.

the information booth was manned by a child in her panties, eating ice candy. is this some sick joke? we looked for the caretaker, demanding for an overnight stay room. the guy said out of stock or something like that. no freakin room available. naknampucha talaga! tutut na naging bato pa! grrrrr!

we were devastated, we tried bribery, threat, pleading, even seduction! still nada. the caretaker turned out to be gay! how defeating can it get huh?

we temporarily rented a cottage to rest. we were sandwiched between guys doing lousy videoke and another set of drunk, smelly guys. there's trash everywhere. out of shock, gf and i were silent and don't know what to do. bad mood totally. pissed is an understatement.

after a few minutes of pag-aalburuto/moping, i decided to do the most obvious recourse. i called my sister and blamed her to eternity! for not warning us about the beach, for the wrong travel instructions, for the candy she snatched from me when we were kids, for everything! somebody has to be blamed just to diffuse the fume. hayy.

we called our trike driver to pick us up again. yes, another PhP300 down the drain, but out of hell. we asked him for other beach suggestions because the adjoining resorts were unreasonably costly. the dependable driver after another almost an hour of touring the countryside, took us to a decent place with decent rates. by the time we reached that level of decency it's 7pm already! whole day almost wasted. we're just tired.

whattaloongday. we took our shower to wash off the day's frustration, issues and deception. and 8pm began the loong night of making up and a new level of indecency. haha.

to be continued...

the color of tutut

was thinking of what to wear for a future job interview, when this entered my mind. certain outfit colors have varying effects. and some even profess that choosing the color to wear in a job interview is as important as answering the question, "why should we hire you?". so here are stuff i came up with, some colorful meanings or meaningful colors, oh whichever! =)

Black - is polarizing. People perceive it as either intensely good or intensely bad.
Red - is intensely passionate or intensely mad/angry.
Yellow - intensely pro-Noynoy or intensely pro-Kris. hehe.

And then there's Green, which isn't exactly my favorite color and haven't even thought of as anywhere near strategic. But then...

Green - is the color

> of money (fortune)
> of luck (remember the four-leaf clover?)
> of an on track project (we call it project health colors, yellow means at risk, red means delayed)
> and of course, it is the color of desire, thus the expression - green minded.

I'm surprising even myself, because I used to think it's red for desire. Anyhoo, if green is the color of horny, then its heroic embodiment must be Green Hornet! Haha. It's even redundant and hyperbolic - it's green and has horns for crying out loud! Green Hornet, the champion for lost libido! The hero to make you grin from bleep! bleep! thoughts. Hehe. I'm soo going nuts. Hmm... nuts...yum... I'll stop now.

Green in traffic means Go! To me that translates to "if you're horny, then GO forth and fornicate!" (since lezzies can't really biologically multiply).

What are you waiting for? GO!!! =)

to tutut or not to tutut

somebody suggested that i just discuss this tutut concern with gf. that's the most logical thing to do. i could actually, but i won't. i want her to want this also, not because i sort of hinted or want it but because she wants it as much or as bad. there is pride and greater joy in being wanted without even lifting a finger (pun not intended).

i'm trying to be zen about this hullabaloo. mediation and well, yeah, masturbation keeps me sane these days. i pray that this won't be a crusade (gawd! i don't want to be celibate that long), but a short campaign that will be won over very, very soon.

thanks for all your support guys! =)

if this tutut could talk2

i am truly experiencing the el niño phenomenon (popularly known as the lesbian bed death). so more tutut thoughts for release. hay, can't wait for rainy season. :)

###
you are undersexed if your version of the song I Kissed a Girl is,
"I Kissed a Twat and I (fuckin) like it".
altogether now.... :D

###
how does an undersexed angry lez curse to her gf?
"fuck me! fuck you!"

###
me to gf: can you buy me flowers tonight
gf: what for?
me: will set up a funeral
gf: what??
me: i think my sex life just died!

note: this idea came from a friend


###
what did the exasperated under-sexed lez tell her gf who doesn't give her any bang?
"i will just take matters into my own hands!"

###
one womyn kissing me down there
one womyn kissing my bosom
one womyn giving me the french.

ultimate funtasy: foursome!

###

tutut talk

truly a dry season. here's some tutut thoughts my mind's trying to compensate with. enjoy! :)

###
I haven't had tutut in months with gf.
So long that I think we're now in a platonic relationship!

###

I haven't had tutut in months with gf.
So long that I'm feeling virginal already. Ouch!

###

I haven't had tutut in months with gf.
Dear God, I hope I'm not transforming to be straight. Yikes!
Or maybe she's the one who's now straight?! Double yikes!

###

Why is having a tutut partner better than a tutut toy?
Because you can have orgasm even while your hands are behind your neck!

###

What do you you do to the gf who's not giving you enough sex?

answer: remove the "S" in sex and make her your "Ex".

###

note: tutut means sex

do you?

more than the revelation that anna paquin is bi, the issues raised in the avp struck a chord to me. it does hurt to not be out. let's support this campaign on twitter, facebook, blogs and website. see details at the bottom.

Equality. Get Informed. Get Involved. Give a Damn!

Short version #1



Short version #2



Join us at http://www.WEGIVEADAMN.org to learn more!

Follow on Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/wegiveadamn

Favorite on Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/wegiveadamn

Cyndi Lauper, Anna Paquin, Elton John, Jason Mraz, Cynthia Nixon, Judith Light, Kim Kardashian, Sharon Osbourne, Kelly Osbourne and Kevin Alejandro all give a damn about equality!

Train Crush3 - to dyke for

i know holy week is over. but let me begin this week with my own man-dy dandy monday =)

what's different this time? i was prettily sitting inside the train when this interesting dyke stood near me. near enough for me to study her. my interest was not automatic though as i'm more into femme. so it was a battle of wills, i had to stare at her a longer time before finally deciding to give her a shot or shots for that matter. :)

instead of a celphone, she was holding a psp case. my mind 's torn as to what's inside that case. is it her masculine-looking vanity/kikay kit or it's her gadget kit? hehe.

i can only theoretically lurk on what's crossing behind that dark-rimmed glasses of hers. i think that's her magic so to speak, she is dark, mysterious, or maybe both. now that's doubly interesting. ;)

equality is next to holiness

Two flicks to see this week. i know holy week is about abstinence. and watching the two on my end is far from sacrifice. but i feel the divine presence given the timing of the screening of these two lgbt flicks. because i can feel abstinence from prejudice from mass media this holy week. equality is next to holiness =)

1. Butch - GMA 7's SRO Cinema -
excellently played by sunshine dizon. this will be shown on thursday,around 9-10pm. the story i think is about a butch raising a child as her own, after the child was abandoned by the biological mother. years later, the bio mom will claim the child and the butch mom will fight for her right as mother to the child. this surely will be intense. sunshine won a best actress award for her portrayal here sometime 2008 or 2009 i think. i failed to watch it then. so i'm blessed to see its replay this week! =) let's support this one as lesbian films/tv shows in philippine cinema comes as rare as unicorn sightings.


this is her second time to play a butch role. first one was in the film Sabel, opposite judy ann santos, where sunshine played the role of butch doctor from baguio and who saves Sabel.

she is the only contemporary female actress i know who can effectively play the butch role. who is believable. i secretly wished she truly is gay, but alas! she just got married recently, to a guy. ohwell. hope she continues to be gay-friendly.




2. I Love You Phillip Morris - see link here in my old post of it for the film details. this is now showing in SM cinemas. will try to catch it tomorrow as i've been waiting for this since last year.

Let Us

i continue to have doubts once in a while, the skeptic that i am. not the one to adhere to the notion of forever. the one who's impulsive, impatient, falls in easily and falls out as fast. highly analytical yet very temperamental. always with great expectations (if i may borrow from charles dickens). and so in spite of myself, you remain to be my biggest irony. come and ...


Let's Just Fall In Love Again
Let's pretend baby
That you've just met me
And I've never seen you before
I'll tell all my friends
That I think you're staring
And you say the same to yours

And oh, we'll dance around it all night
And then I'll follow you outside
And try to open up my mouth
And nothing comes out right

And I wanna fall in love with you again
I don't have to try
It's so easy
Who needs to pretend?
But because it's so funny
Let's just think about it, honey
Let's just fall in love again

I'll call you in three days
Not too soon, not too late
And I'll ask your roommate if you're home
You call me on Thursday
And we'll hang out all day
Then fall asleep on the phone

And oh, I'll hold your hand when we drive
And we'll lose track of all the time
And we'll tell everyone
That we ain't never felt so alive

And I wanna fall in love with you again
I don't have to try
It's so easy
Who needs to pretend?
But because it's so funny
Let's just think about it, honey
Let's just fall in love again

We'll fall disgustingly fast
And we'll stop hanging out with friends
And they'll be so offended

And I wanna fall in love with you again
I don't have to try
It's so easy
Who needs to pretend?
But because it's so funny
Let's just think about it, honey
Let's just fall in love again
Let's just fall in love again

Constance McMillen - lesbian teen with a stance!

not sure if you've been abreast with how proms are done these days. well, not to my surprise, but largely to my dismay, not much has changed, until Constance took a stand.

she requested if she can wear a tuxedo and bring her gf as date. to which the school of Mississippi said NO. We say foul!

so American Civil Liberties Union was kind enough to sue the school (Itawamba County school) and required them to allow Constance her right.

the school not to be outsmart just like that, decided to cancel the prom altogether. Boo!

the teenagers partly blamed poor Constance of what happened.

the court proceeding is ongoing. see the update here: Judge hears lesbian teen's suit to force prom

---

"All I wanted was the same chance to enjoy my prom night like any other student," McMillen said in a statement last week. "But my school would rather hurt all the students than treat everyone fairly. This isn't just about me and my rights anymore - now I'm fighting for the right of all the students at my school to have our prom."

---

let's Support Constance, be a fan of her facebook page

celesbians are all out in their support too!

Wanda Sykes invited Constance and her girlfriend to attend the GLAAD awards.
Chef Cat Cora (herself a Mississippi native) issued a statement and offered to make an appearance at prom.
Ellen DeGeneres guested Constance on her show and donated $30k for her scholarship.

boss from hell vs firewomyn

it's monday! how best to start the week but thru my regular dose of abuse from no other than boss from hell. :)

what was i thinking actually having a fantasy on big boss and her big boobs from my day one of work?? i mean seriously, how can i not see beyond that bosom. that the body to which those wonderful breasts are attached to is from the devil. nope, not the classy type who wears brands the likes of prada. it's the devil with cheap taste. ugh.

for today, i must have done something interesting because her voice was a notch higher when she directed to me her profanities and words meant to belittle me.

"you should change your title from project manager to project leader instead!" looking all mad and smug.

err was that a compliment laced with insult? or a downright insult? because she's boss from hell, it sure was meant to be an insult.

but since she's not as articulate as i am, and not a graduate of UP, she actually made the insult mean the opposite without her realizing it.

c'mon, aren't leaders socially/politically above managers? puh-lease. can't that particular boss from hell do better than that? hay, such a waste of my time.

i don't know what got into me today, but instead of my usual acquiescent self, i found the voice to rebut and fight her every argument tooth and nail. of course all delivered with calculated poise. the rest of the meeting attendees surely hate me now for dragging the meeting longer than necessary. but i won't let that boss from hell stomp on me like that.

after that heated debate (felt like that) in her office room, i'm twisted whether to report to my supervisor that i felt violated by her downward/far from constructive demeanor against me. no one that i know of actually went against the boss almighty.

if i report her, my supervisor might not even escalate and just tell me i'm being sensitive.

if i report her, my supervisor will tell big boss from hell, and i will get hell's fury most definitely!

if i report her, boss from hell will be forced to talk to me and i will be forced to fake listening to her. and we will be forced to fake a truce. the feeling of disgust is obviously mutual.

if i report her, i will from then on have a bull's eye target on my back for the next sack. one mistake and boom! i'm out!

gosh, can't she just die tomorrow so i won't need to report her? can't it be easy for me for once please?

i take comfort in the fact that we're of opposing teams and if she's from hell, then i must have heaven on my side. hah! beat that!

experience extraordinaire

a week ago before my birthday, i had this epiphany. i would celebrate my birthday somewhere in between art and nature.

on tuesday, my birthday, after the train ride (from Train of Thoughts), it lead me to Harbour Square. A place in between CCP and Manila Bay. So what's in between art and nature? People. Can also be commercialism. =)

Donned in my black sleeveless shirt, worn out low-waist faded gray canvas pants (been with me for like 4-6yrs already) with rips to booth, purple nails and slippers, i settled at a resto with empty chairs and table outside.

this is what i want to have on my birthday, peace and quiet, alone to enjoy my fave book of the moment, with a taste of something sweet and what-not, with sunlight and subtle breeze and multi-cultural sight of people.

i felt alive, inspired. i felt totally happy birthday. cheers to my day! =)

Train of Thoughts

Thoughts that trailed off as I make "tunganga" during my afternoon train ride en route to somewhere.



The single-minded sunlight
crashing thru the window train,
unstoppable,
imprinting my skin.
No barrier hindered
the rays from meeting me.
It is as if its only mission
is to just see me
and touch me
and never leave me.
My pores, in open embrace,
they accepted it.
Never minding that
they've been waiting
long before the other realized
it needs to be here.

Gay Marriage now Legal in D.C.

D.C. Joins Five States in Legalizing Gay Marriage
by Mike Krumboltz

Gay marriage continues to be a hot-button issue for many Americans. Whenever it's legalized (or banned) anywhere in the world, searches immediately soar. In Washington, D.C., gay marriage was recently legalized, sparking tremendous Web interest.

A lesbian couple who had been together for 12 years became the first same-sex couple to be married in the nation's capital. With the couple's union, Washington, D.C. joined New Hampshire, Vermont, Iowa, Massachusetts, and Connecticut, as the only places in the United States that allow people of the same sex to legally marry.

Of course, gay marriage is a specific definition. When things are broadened to include domestic partnerships or civil unions, the list of states grows substantially. According to About.com, California, Hawaii, Maine, Washington state, Nevada, Oregon, and New Jersey allow same-sex couples to "obtain some legal recognition for their relationships."

Interestingly, according to NJ.com, the upcoming United States census will allow same-sex couples in New Jersey to "identify themselves as married." This is significant in that the census is an official government document. The census will allow "same-sex couples [to] label themselves as husband or wife even if their relationships are not recognized by law."

While laws regarding gay marriage vary by state in the United States, other countries have clearer definitions. For example, in Europe, several countries have clear legal-marriage laws. According to an article from the BBC, the Netherlands, Belgium, Spain, Norway, and Sweden all have legalized gay marriage. Additionally, Portugal, a primarily Catholic country, is expected to legalize gay marriage in the near future. Other countries that have done the same include Canada and South Africa.

As for where gay marriage is banned, the list is a bit longer, at least in the United States. The laws are complicated and can vary between statute bans and constitutional bans. States that have constitutional bans include, but are not limited to, Florida, Ohio, Texas, Utah, Michigan, Virginia, Mississippi, and Georgia. User-edited site Wikipedia offers up a complete list.

After Washington, D.C., legalized same-sex marriage, Web searches on "gay marriage states" and "where is gay marriage legal" both soared. Also gaining traction in the Search box: "differences between gay marriage and civil unions."

source: Y! Buzz

Related articles:
Same-sex couples in D.C. say 'I do'

D.C. same-sex marriage law takes effect this week

State By State: The Legal Battle Over Gay Marriage

Sweden allows same-sex marriage

Same-sex marriage law backed in Portugal's parliament

Same-sex marriage status in the United States by state

disheartened

sabi nila, life is not to be taken too seriously. if you can't fix its entirety, find humor in it at least.

maybe if we sum up all the little joys they'd amount to happiness.

i'm never good in math, and patience (with visions, long term), so i won't worry about them that much and just savor each joyous moment as they hit me.

in between, sadness, disappointments will try to knock off the small joy prettily perched on my heart.

heart will try to hold on to the joy, but sometimes (or was it often?), fatigue will pull me down and make me loosen my grip to joy.

and she'll have no choice but to fly away leaving sadness & disappointment clawed to my heart, sometimes too deep that i would hurt and may even bleed.

nothing is permanent.

sadness & disappointment will get bored and shoo away in search probably of their next victim.

joy that had to fly away is just hovering above and i was just not looking up because i'm feeling way down and heavy.

joy will fly back and visit me again, specially when heart is empty.

she'll tentatively hop on my heart and ask me "how are you?"

heart would tighten with pain and then cry, howl, letting it out, all to mean that nothing is okay.

joy will face me, cup my heart and hug it.

will whisper "hush now baby, i'm here".

and i will be alright. :)

Train Crush2

there's beauty in the train madness this morning. :)

she stood out literally because she's very tall. and how can anyone miss that pretty snobbish (very well entitled to it) womyn? she's beautiful, what more if she smiled right? :)

hay, another sweet ride, even though i just stood the whole time.